Uranus

Everyone's favourite butt joke.

The 31st millennium has not been kind to Uranus. Seriously, what the fuck happened to Uranus!?

"I'm sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all." "Oh. What's it called now?" "Urectum!"

– Professor Farnsworth and Philip J Fry

"Haha, he/she/they/you said Uranus!"

– Every teenager in the world at some point

Uranus is an ice giant in the Sol system and the target of approximately ten million butthole jokes ever since it was named.

It is notable for its extreme axial tilt of 96 degrees. This means that its polar region is close to being in line with the plain of the ecliptic.

Overview and History

Okay, look, there are gonna be some easy jokes in here, just go with it.

Uranus was observed by several astronomers throughout history, possibly including the ancient Greek Hipparchos, who might have included it in his star catalogue. In 1690, it was classified as a probable star by the first English Astronomer Royal, John Flamsteed. In 1781, Sir William Herschel began intensively studying Uranus. At first, he believed it was a comet, but ultimately concluded that it had to be a planet, which several other astronomers had already realized. He was formally credited as the planet's discoverer, and thereupon ensued a long argument over what the new planet should be named. Herschel wanted to call it George's Planet in honor of King George III, on the logic that the ancients had named the other planets after their heroes and divinities, so they might as well name this one after a modern-day hero. Precisely nobody outside Britain liked this idea, and a variety of other names were proposed, including Herschel, Neptune, and Neptune Great Britain. German astronomer Johann Bode had first suggested Uranus in 1782 because he thought it was appropriate that, just as Saturn/Cronus was the father of Jupiter/Zeus in Greco-Roman mythology, the new planet should be named for Saturn's father Uranus/Ouranos. Bode apparently hadn't been paying attention when he learned his mythology, because "Uranus" was actually the Latinized form of "Ouranos", and the actual name of the Roman equivalent to Ouranos was Caelus. Uranus ultimately won the argument and became the common name. Most astronomers pronounce it "your-a-nuss" to try and dodge the jokes, but basically every other English-speaker on Earth goes with the "standard" pronunciation of "your-anus", because duh. Although some folks would just call it by the Greek phonetic of "ooo-rah-nous", which sounds way better and badass. The planet has much less embarrassing names in several other languages, including Tengeriin Van (Mongolian, meaning "King of the Sky"), Dao Maritayu (Thai, meaning approximately "Star of Death"), and Hele'ekala (Hawaiian, loanword for Herschel).

Uranus is the seventh planet from the sun. Like its neighbor and near-twin Neptune, it is classified as an ice giant due to most of its atmosphere being made up of volatile compounds like water and ammonia that are considered "ices" in planetary science. It is notable for having a rotational axis that is tilted so far sideways so that its poles are where the equator should be (presumed to be because another planet hit it REALLY fucking hard). When Voyager 2 did its flyby in 1989, it sent back images that showed a blank white ball of nothing, unlike the much prettier planets such as Saturn and Jupiter.

Warhammer 40,000

Humanity settled Uranus during the great expansionist period of the Age of Terra. Though the planet itself was not habitable, the early colonists, known as the Azurites, built a bunch of orbital stations, weapons platforms, and the Elysian Gate, a Warp gate that allowed ships to bypass the system's Mandeville points. The Azurites were peacefully incorporated into the Imperium when it turned up on their doorstep, but shortly thereafter their primary orbital station was invaded by a bunch of pirates in what would come to be called the Unheard War. The Azurites requested aid from the Imperium, who sent an assault force of fifty Imperial Fists. The Fists easily beat the shit out of the pirates and sent them running for it in only twenty minutes, only for the pirate ships to fire three boarding torpedoes at the orbital stations as they retreated. These torpedoes each contained a psyker infected with a psychic plague known as the Screaming that spread via sound and caused its victims to mutate horribly and, well, die screaming. Two of the torpedoes were destroyed, but the third successfully made contact, unleashing the plague on the unfortunate Azurites. The Fists dealt with this in a manner equal parts badass and sad: they all deafened themselves so they couldn't be infected, killed their way through the hordes of mutated Azurites, and triggered the station's self-destruct to keep the plague from spreading. The Emperor ordered the Bell of Lost Souls to be tolled for the first time in honor of their bravery and sacrifice.

Uranus and its moons were resettled and turned into mining colonies that produced valuable minerals and elements for the Imperial war machine. Along with the Elysian Gate, this made Uranus a key strategic point for the Imperium. Upon the outbreak of the Horus Heresy, it was made the center of the Second Sphere of Sol's defenses under the command of Captain Halbrecht of the Imperial Fists. During the Solar War, Perturabo and the Iron Warriors laid siege to the planet and its moons and orbital stations with the aim of securing the Elysian Gate. Perty successfully captured Uranus, only for it to be reclaimed by the Imperium after the traitors were defeated and chased out of the system. At the beginning of the Indomitus Crusade, Crusade Fleet Quintus was mustering around Uranus when the battleship Embrace of Fire abruptly exploded while firing up its Warp drives. This incident, apparently a case of sabotage, triggered a chain reaction that devastated the fleet and sent debris raining down on Uranus and its moons, causing heavy damage.

Notable Locations

• Ariel - Moon used as mining station.
• Umbriel - Moon used as heavily fortified station during the Horus Heresy.
• Oberon - Moon used as heavily fortified station during the Horus Heresy.
• Cordelia - Home to a large habitat. Used as heavily fortified station during the Horus Heresy.
• Elysian Gate - One of the two stable Warp gates of the Sol System, built during the Dark Age of Technology. The gate allows one to bypass the System's Mandeville Points, making it strategically vital.
• Eyes of the Old God - Vast grid of orbital defense stations and gun-platforms that guard the entrance to the Elysian Gate.
• Tau-16-1 - Mechanicum outpost.
• Cadum Station - Orbital station.