Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka
Ghazghull Mag Uruk Thraka is the Warlord of one of the largest Ork WAAAGH's in existence. AND E IS DA BIGGEST AND DA BEST BOSS OOO SMASHES ALL DA UMIES, AND ANYFING ELSE WOT WANTZ TA 'AVE A GO
Being from the overtly political days of Rogue Trader, he's also very obviously named after then-prime minister Margaret "Fuck Yo Unions" Thatcher. Take this as you will.
Overview
Ghazy started out as an Ork of very little standing or prestige in the Goff's Klan on the planet of Uruk, where he also got his name 'Uruk', Yeah, we thought it was a LoTR reference too (why can't it be both?). Anyway, this meant that he was at least slightly tougher than the regular git, but hey, who's counting?
Anyway, an unknown group of Spess Mehreens were forced to attack the Orks in Uruk. Oh, poor Ghazghkull fought, but a bolter round tore into his skull, destroying over 30% of his skull and pulping most of his brain. Rough, considering that like most Orks, he had little there to begin with. After the Spess Mehreens systematically left Uruk, Ghazghkull was found by a particularly... creative Painboy known as Mad Dok Grotsnik, who rebuilt the small Ork's head with adamantium for shits and giggles. (They don't call him Mad Dok for nothing.)
Apparently metal plates unleash psyker potential within Orks, because Ghazghkull had some visions from Gork and Mork, convincing him he was blessed. So yeah, Orks can be religious too. So, after this, he became delusional- sorry, I meant DESTINED FER GRAET FINGZZZ and rose to become Warboss of his tribe after a short period of 6 years. Guess he needed to check in with his Ork Minister. Anyway, here's where the lulzy shit starts going down. A year or two later, Uruk's sun began to die, killing boyz with radiation from severe solar flares. However, conveniently enough, a massive Space Hulk appeared and provided Ol' Ghazzy a chance to be someone for a change. (Apparently the dick had something to do with this, as otherwise the WAAAAGH!! would have headed straight for Ulthwé instead and we all know how much the Eldar would prefer that other people fight their battles for them.) He decided to get all them boys on Uruk together and made for that Space Hulk. It failed to start up several times. In the warp of all places. Which also meant they got to whack some daemons while they waited.
The daemons may not have found these incidents as amusing as the Orks did.
"Travellin' through space is boring. Well, boring unless da hulk yer on is full of dem gene-sneakers, or a base fer da chaos lads wiv da spikes, or already has Boyz on it. Or if humie lootas come callin', that's always good fer a bit a sport. Or unless yer have a mutiny or two to pass da time, or unless strange fings start happenin', which dey usually do when yer out in da warp. One time we had some bloody great ugly fing come straight out of Weird Lugwort's 'ed! It butchered half da lads, that was pretty entertainin'. Come ter fink of it, space is a pretty good larf. And that's before yer find yerself a nice world ta crush!"
~ Bigmaw, Orks on Space Flight
Anyway, they finally managed to reach Armageddon, kicking off those massive wars we all know and love. They were all great failures, especially considering how consistently Ghazghkull would get fucked over by Yarrick during the Second Armageddon War. Then the SPESSSH MEHREEENZ arrived and it all went about as well as you would expect things to go for the Orks when the Badass Catholic Space Nazi Warriors of the Imperium decide to get their act together. Then the Third War for Armageddon started and Ghazgkhull got his ass kicked by an old man with an oversized and silly looking looted Power Klaw. What the fuck? He ends up fucking up the entire planet, and withdraws simply because he got bored. Sometime between all of this, Yarrick swore to avenge the dead of Armageddon and kill Ghazgkhull. A rather strange thing to hear from a Commissar, but ol' Yarrick is hardly a conventional specimen.
Ghazgkhull developed an... equally unhealthy relationship with Yarrick, regarding him as 'the bestest 'umie evar'
And that's all there was to him for about twenty years, till 7th edition. It just seemed falling on his ass twice wasn't enough for da big boss no mores, so the Games Workshop team *gasp* advanced the storyline.
Well, just Ghazghkull's storyline.
See, Ghaz left Armageddon to go find something he wasn't quite sure of. Then, he had this revelation from Gork and Mork, telling him he was to create a galaxy-wide Waaagh! Ghaz had a space battle with Yarrick and Helbrecht, but got away after Gork and Mork themselves spoke through his Weirdboyz to announce to all the Orks present that Ghazgkhull was indeed the Prophet of the Waaagh, leaving his humie boyfriend in the dust. Ghazghkull, now determined to unite the orks under the Great Waaagh, went around the galaxy, thumping heads and getting orks in line. Then he went to Octarius and intervened, killing all the tyranids on Octarius and, essentially, driving over Hive Fleet Leviathan's testicles in a battlewagon. He let the empire of Octarius and its overfiend know he was the prophet of the ork gods and would bring an eternal Waaagh to the galaxy. Now endless orks flock to Octarius to join the fight against the remaining tyranids, turning the whole area into an endless war of attrition against the tyranids just as Armageddon is against the Imperials. Get that? With pretty much every major ork concentration between Armageddon and Octarius is united under Ghazghkull, he is on his way to uniting the ork race. Oh yeah, and he can psychically sense big concentrations of orks so he knows where to go.
Nowadays, unfortunately, he doesn't get ta have a proppa scrap like he used to. Oh, sure, it'd be nice, but organizing all the orks together into one titanic WAAAAGH! isn't going to happen on its own. There's authority to delegate, multiple fronts to manage, the occasional orky bit of improvisation... It's a good thing he's actually turning out to be a genuinely genius strategist and tactician or it'd all fall apart on him. But, when he does take to the field, he's still the most dangerous ork around.
Some consider Ghazghkhull to be the Warhammer 40K to Warhammer Fantasy's Grimgor Ironhide. But he's not nearly as Mary Sue-ish. Possibly.
It is worth noting that Yarrik, Ghaz and Old One Eye are all essensially takes on the same old fishing story about the one that got away.
Tabletop
Ghazghkull used to be the Ork HQ. He was the only Ork character with Eternal Warrior, and he had 2+ armor and a 5++ in the form of Cybork body. With Fleet and Fearless in 5th edition, this guy was bad fucking news. In addition to that, if you called a WAAAGH using him it would last TWO TURNS and he would have a 2++ for the duration of that. And anything in his unit that had Slow and Purposeful, including him, could run during the WAAAGH. Though it was admittedly cheesy, especially for Orks, it fit the fluff and it was so awesome no one really cared since he costed as much as a Land Raider
Then 7th Edition happened.
Among the list of gut punches and groin kicks include:
- Cybork body became a pathetic 6+ FNP. And he lost an extra attack.
- His WAAAGH only lasts one turn now. And is changed from auto-running 6" for the whole damn army to just allowing him and the squad to run and charge (which can still find some use but not nearly as good as it used to be).
- Moved to Lord of War slot.
- Expensive price kept the same despite the nerfs.
This is practically the equivalent of taking This Guy and punching him in the face, clipping off one of his testicles, and throwing him in jail for something he didn't do and didn't deserve.
Don't get me wrong, he's still no slouch. He can tank and kill most HQs in the game and is still the most powerful Ork character. Sadly, enough focused fire can take him out, and even Abbadon or a well-equipped Hive Tyrant can take him out one-on-one. The sad part is despite the nerfs to his WAAAGH, he'd still be good if he were just an HQ. Now as a Lord of War, he's thrown into the unfair category of Titans, Super-Heavy tanks, and Gargantuan Daemons. As flattering as that sounds, he is horribly underpowered as a Lord of War. He can't be redeemed as long as a generic warboss with da lucky stick is better and 2 times cheaper. And that very lukky stikk is taken from a cold dead grasp of legendary Makari who used to hang out with Ghaz...
Awesome Quotes
"I'm da hand of Gork and Mork, dey sent me to rouse up da boyz to crush and kill ‘cos da boyz forgot what dere ‘ere for.
I woz one of da boyz till da godz smashed me in da ‘ead an’ I ‘membered dat Orks is meant to conquer and make slaves of everyfing they don’t kill.
I’m da profit of da Waaagh an’ whole worlds burn in my boot prints. On Armour-Geddem, I led da boyz through da fire deserts and smashed da humies’ metal cities to scrap. I fought Yarik, old one-eye at Tarturus, an’ he fought good but we smashed iz city too.
I’m death to anyfing dat walks or crawls, where I go nothin’ stands in my way. We crushed da stunties on Golgotha, an’ we caught old one-eye when da speed freeks blew da humies’ big tanks ta bits. I let ‘im go ‘cause good enemies iz ‘ard to find, an Orks need enemies ta fight like they need meat ta eat an’ grog ta drink.
I iz more cunnin’ than a grot an’ more killy than a dread, da boyz dat follow me can’t be beat. On Pissenah we jumped da marine-boyz an’ our bosspoles was covered in da helmets we took from da dead ‘uns. We burned dere port an’ killed dere bosses an’ left nothin’ but ruins behind. I’m Warlord Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka an’ I speak wiv da word of da gods. We iz gonna stomp da ‘ooniverse flat an’ kill anyfing that fights back. We iz gonna do this coz’ we’re Orks an’ we was made ta fight an’ win!"
All were found scrawled on the side of an Imperial Titan in legible Gothic. We suspected his good buddy "Clever" Nazdreg helped him with that. However the next quote comes from the memories of Yarrick himself as Ghazghkull (Chains of Golgotha book) releases him... HE SPEAKS IN FUCKING HIGH GOTHIC!
"A great fight! My best enemy. Go to Armageddon, make ready for the greatest fight!"
See Also
- Orks
- Makari, Ghazghkull's late banna-wava.
- Yarrick, Ghazzy's favorite humie
- Octarius War, shitstorm Ghazzy is on his way towards