FATAL

From 2d4chan
Revision as of 20:29, 1 February 2014 by 1d4chan>Ilniaj (→‎Mechanics)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
This article or section is about something involving/related to /d/.
Expect PROMOTIONS and possible mental scarring. Also rape.
This article is about something that is considered by the overpowering majority of /tg/ to be fail.
Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it.

Were you looking for F.A.T.A.L. the card game? Please tell me you were looking for the card game.

Sanitised Version Cover.

Fantasy Adventure to Adult Lechery is, in theory, an RPG that lets neckbeards live out their rape fantasies. The gaming community has more or less unanimously come to the conclusion that FATAL (aka "The Date Rape RPG...without the dating") is simply the worst RPG ever conceived. There is one documented occurence of a game played. The rulebook (written by one Byron Hall and a few of his friends, who go by nicknames such as "Torturon", "Burnout", and "Satan") is as terribly written as it is obsessed with bizarre sexual perversions that make /d/ seem prudish by comparison. It is filled with enough pointless random charts and obtuse rules to deter even a veteran /d/M who has played Rolemaster for years. Quadratic equations are a requirement of most game mechanics. The Anal circumference table meme originates with FATAL.

The game was apparently revised and given a new name for the acronym. From Another Time; Another Land makes minor changes to the text (read: removes the magical armor that turns the wearer into an ethnic stereotype) but is still an abortion of gaming.

The FATAL Games website is now thankfully defunct. The current page is some kind of flash portal.

Mechanics

...Are you sure? Are you absolutely sure?

...Okay.

The GM is called the "Aedile" (ee-dial), because that's an actual Latin word for 'master of the colluseum games', or 'game-master' for short. What is it with authors of explicitly smutty rpg materials like this and "The Book of Erotic Fantasy" that they have to be pretentious dicks about it? (Answer: Because in the original version he was... wait for it... the MaimMaster. You may now groan.)

The intro says you only need to know a little algebra, "and even that is relatively rare." It also says you only need two d10. Both of these facts are filthy lies. Ability scores are derived from averaging 'sub-abilities' rolled as 4d100/4-1 and modified by one of three different types of percentages, and conditions during the game may change your sub-abilities which means you need to recalculate your ability scores on-the-fly. Ability score checks are 3d10, so no you need more than two dice.

And you need more that "a little algebra" because you solve quadratic formulas to find out whether or not your rape slave is pregnant.

The character sheet is eleven pages long. There are 20 sub-abilities (including "Enunciation" and "Spatial Intelligence"), which determine 5 ability scores. The ethics system has "ethic points" which are different from "moral points", four different "temperament" scores based on bodily humours, a primary and secondary temperament in addition to that, and a disposition that is different from that too. On the second page of the character sheet are the following essential measurements: manhood length, manhood circumference, anal circumference potential, vaginal circumference potential, vaginal depth potential, areola diameter, nipple length, cup size, tongue size, hymen resistance, areola hue, foot size, fist circumference, head circumference, handedness. These measurements are essential because during combat you can roll "rape" as a combat result and accidentally start raping your opponent, and how many hitpoints they lose depends on the mismatch between your circumference and theirs. In case you missed some of that: it is possible to accidentally rape an opponent to death during normal combat. THEN you have to roll for other things like your height and weight (and then calculate your BMI based on those), most and least attractive features, hair color, skin color, visual acuity, age (which also acts as a modifier for all those abilities and sub-abilities), a check to see if your Intelligence score is low enough to qualify for "Retard Strength" bonuses, birthday, social class, birthplace, number of siblings, and marital status.

In other words, just about everything that any other game system would allow the player to choose for themselves.

Among the four-hundred and eighteen skills each character must keep track of are "Basketweaving" (Hand-Eye, Common Sense), "Clockmaking" (Spatial), "Delousing" (Hand-Eye), "Glovemaking" (Spatial), "Massage" (Kinetic Charisma, Hand-Eye), "Spitting" (Enunciation), and even "Urinating". Yes, pissing is a skill.

A character's body has seventeen hit-locations, each with independent hit-point totals, each with their own armour equipment slots, and each of the seventeen pieces of armour have four different types of damage resistance (brawling, hacking, pounding and stabbing).

Magical items range from the mostly useless to the suicidally dangerous to the completely insane. Here's a list of notable ones.

  • Philter of (race name) Lust: Drink this and every being of the race listed within 100 feet will try to fuck you.
  • Cloak of Self-Craving: The wearer will try to perform oral sex on themselves, possibly breaking his/her neck in the process.
  • Chastity Belt of Cursed Impregnation: The wearer is knocked up. The difference between this and the uncursed version is that the cursed version always makes the unborn child a girl. Really.
  • Jar of Jacking Off: "Whenever a male opens this jar, they must pass a Drive sub-ability check at TH 80 or be compelled to force their fuckstick into the jar. Once inside, the jar will inexplicably grip it firmly and jerk it to completion, even against the will of the opener. Upon completion, the cummer must roll percentile dice. If the results are 01-10, then the jar becomes pregnant. If the jar is pregnant, it will not allow itself to be opened, but will care for the fetus within, which will be heard screaming by others within 1d100 feet day and night. After 9 months of fetal torture, the child will be born and the jar will break. If the jar is broken during its pregnancy, then the dying and twitching fetus will explode after 1d6 rounds of twitching. The explosion will cause 1d4 Life Points of sonic damage to all within 1d4 miles. Baby parts are inexplicably everywhere. When born, the baby will be Unethical Immoral (translation: Chaotic Evil), will serve the father loyally, will obsessively collect jars, and seem to be male but have no penis, but oversized testicles, which can never ejaculate. Therefore, this child will be forever frustrated. Any child of a jar will insist that others call them “Chucky."
  • Seed of Hate: Planting this seed in front of a druid's house causes a tree to grow that makes everything hate the druid in question. The only way to kill a tree that resulted from this seed is for the druid to start having anal sex with random animals until he sows a "seed of love". This may cause him to develop a bestiality fetish.
  • Mirror of Many: A ripoff of the mirror from Evil Dead.
  • Ring of the Lords: It's the fucking One Ring.
  • Cursed Dildo of Impregnation: The user is impregnated with another dildo, which is likely to kill her.
  • (weapon) of Ravishing: The user will occasionally try to rape random women with the weapon, which will somehow impregnate them with another rapist-weapon (that kills them upon giving "birth" to it).
  • Armor of Jewy Jewbacca: "Whosoever dons this armor will acquire a nose twice the size and a manhood half the size. Further, the wearer will become extremely greedy and fight to the death for one silver piece. Finally, the wearer acquires 2 inches of hair all over their body, resulting in halving their Facial Charisma and Bodily Attractiveness. While hairy, the wearer must bathe every 1d6 hours or smell foul." There are three other armors just like this which turn the wearer into an ethnic stereotype with no benefits whatsoever. According to Byron, this was supposed to be "controversial humor". So funny I forgot to laugh.
  • (weapon) of Torturon: The wielder becomes obsessed with removing his victim's eyes and shoving them into his nose (the victim's nose, not the wielder's) and also takes up sunbathing naked on top of cottages. Okay, that's oddly specific and rather disturbing...

The magic system is split into ceremonial magic (which is situational at best and often utterly useless for doing anything you might actually need) and chaos magic (which requires you to perform a ritual that requires a roll on a large-ass syllable chart in case it requires a chant to perform, some random ingredients you might not even be able to acquire, and can take days to perform the required ritual). An example of a few spells follows; italicized spell names are ceremonial magic, and everything else is chaos magic:

  • Against Every Wild Animal, Aquatic Creature, and Robbers: Keeps wild animals, aquatic creatures, and robbers away from you. Everything else that can kill you can still do so.
  • Call God: Summons a god. The rulebook specifically states that whatever god in question will not be happy about being summoned and will probably kill the caster.
  • Eternal Spell for Binding a Lover: Smear the listed ingredients on the head of your dick, and when you fuck someone with it they'll beg you to stick it in them at least once a day. (Numerous other "love spells" with similar effects are also present.)
  • Fatal: Kills everything in the world, including the user. If only every game started with this spell being cast.
  • Force Fart: Forces the target to fart, obviously.
  • Have Her Cadaver: Cast this on a dead woman and she'll look, sound, smell, taste, and feel just like she was alive but unconscious. The spell description explicitly states that it is meant to aid necrophilia. Draw your own conclusions.
  • Oroanal: The victim's mouth now doubles as his anus (or vice versa). Did we mention that the effects of this spell are permanent?
  • Perpetual Orgasm:...take a fucking guess. The rulebook mentions that not only does this kill the target, but also that they continue to have an orgasm even after they die.
  • Test of Pregnancy: Self-explanatory.
  • Wish: Like the DnD version, but the GM is encouraged to be as literal and unhelpful about it as possible. A character wishes for a lot of gold? He gets several thousand pounds of gold bars. Dropped on top of him.

And then there are the miscast tables, which have a variety of notably bizarre effects, including:

  • The next shit you take coming to life and trying to kill you.
  • Fruit growing out of the caster's penis/vagina, which can be consumed for stat bonuses.
  • Gay ogres popping out of nowhere and trying to have buttsex with everyone nearby.
  • A "scratch and sniff" vagina appears on the caster's head.
  • An eyeball appears on the caster's penis, and can somehow act as a lie detector.
  • The target's skin turns black. "Aedile may decide appropriate penalties."
  • A gerbil falls out of the target's asshole.
  • The nearest woman is convinced that her name is "Cuntrina", and insists that everyone nearby refers to her as such.
  • A disembodied penis with wings appears and tries to rape everything nearby.

And many, many more.

Classes are no less peculiar- they range from the standard fare of Warriors, Mages, and the like to things which no sane person would play (such as Delousers, Inkmakers, and of course Whores). Every class earns AP (the equivalent of experience points) in different ways, and in some cases it is earned so slowly that a character can die of old age before they even reach level 2.

External Links

Gallery

  • A completely original and not at all derivative set of alignments

    A completely original and not at all derivative set of alignments

Retrieved from "http://23.235.193.55/mediawiki/index.php?title=FATAL&oldid=232694"