Ultramarines

This page is in need of cleanup. Srsly. It's a fucking mess.

>

Ultramarines
Battle Cry	"Courage and Honour!" and "We March for Macragge!"
Number	XIII
Founding	First Founding
Successors of	N/A
Successor Chapters	Too many
Chapter Master	Marneus Calgar
Primarch	Roboute Guilliman
Homeworld	Macragge
Strength	Exactly 1000 Marines
Specialty	Being Generic/General, Mary Sues, wanking the Codex Astartes
Allegiance	Imperium
Colours	Blue, white & gold

Fig.1.1: A Smurf.

"The arrogance of success is to think that what you did yesterday will be sufficient for tomorrow." -William Pollard

"Our presence remakes the past" -the Banner of Macragge

The Ultramarines are a chapter of Space Marines, probably the most famous and well-known (both within the Warhammer 40,000 universe and without). Games Workshop considers the Ultramarines their chapter of choice, and the Ultramarines represent the standard upon which most other Space Marine chapters are based. Why Games Workshop would want a Space Marine chapter whose symbol is a toilet seat is beyond us. Despite what canon has been trying to imply lately (see the intro to the CGI failmovie), the Ultramarines are not named so because they are 'ultra', as in, superior, 'marines. Nope, they're called that because their (*cough*Homesector is ULTRAMAR) armour is ultramarine, which is a shade of blue. They have an easily recognizable blue-with-gold-trim colour scheme - the blue colouration, coupled with the small size of the minis, has lead them to be nicknamed "Smurfs" by some. A squad of Ultramarines are the protagonists of the recently released 40k-based movie (coincidentally titled "Ultramarines").

Cockmongler and Happy Negro, the typical Ultramarines .

The Primarch of the Ultramarines is Roboute Guilliman, and it was he who wrote the (in?)famous Codex Astartes after the events of the Horus Heresy, prescribing each Space Marine chapter to a mere thousand warriors to ensure that no one man would ever command the loyalty of an entire Space Marine legion again, and to water down all the Space Marine legions so that they'd not be able to combat threats effectively, complain to the High Lords about not having enough forces, and getting to sit back and watch TV/write slashfics while the Imperial Guard do all the work. At least, that was the plan, but Roboute Guilliman himself never got to see it come to light, as he was mortally wounded by a poisonous attack from his bro, the Traitor Primarch Fulgrim, and he has been kept in stasis by the Ultramarines for thousands of years, where many claim that his wound is slowly healing (which is stupid, but whatever). Robot Girlyman is proclaimed time and time again to be the most amazingest person ever, with Marneus Calgar a close second - but only because he's the most like Robot Girlyman in the entire universe. Basically the Ultramarines are a fanclub of their Primarch, in ways so low that even the Blood Angels with their emo angst over Sanguinius cannot compare. They sit around in their sparkly amazing clubhouse and talk about how awesome he is, and, by proximity, how awesome they are.

Many, but not all, of the other Space Marine legions adopted the Codex and split up into multitudes of smaller chapters, and most Space Marine chapters today follow the practices found within it. The rest of the Chapters realise how completely stupid it is to purposely limit themselves, and they're all "screw you!". Marneus Calgar doesn't like this, and the only reason he hasn't gone to war with the Black Templars or Space Wolves or others like them, is because they're scary, and it might take a bit of effort. When it's a random struggling Chapter whose numbers are in double digits (or maybe even... *gasp* triple), then sure, subjugating them is done in a quick and efficient manner (citation needed). They're basically nerds who think that Kirk is best pony, so they're beating up all the Picard fans that are a lot smaller (Not to say that Kirk isn't awesome). (Perhaps a redshirt is a more suitable metaphor for the Codex/Robot Girlyman). Because they inhabit their own Fantastic McWonderland (Ultramar), thus having a constant supply of Aspirants, plus their gene-seed remains as pure as snowflakes, theirs is the variety most commonly used to found new Space Marine chapters.

Because they are the poster-boys for Space Marines, they are perhaps the most famous Chapter in the general 40k fandom, but are widely hated by many denizens of /tg/. This may initially have been due to their popularity - the Space Marines in general suffer something of a backlash from fa/tg/uys because of their overwhelming popularity with the annoying young children that infest the hobby, and the Ultramarines are the most popular of them all - but of recent editions the blatant favouritism displayed by certain Games Workshop writers towards the Chapter have earned them considerable ire, especially from fans of other Space Marine chapters that get slagged off in the process. This is mainly the fault of Matthew Ward, responsible for the latest Ultramarines codex, which is full of ridiculous fanboyism and claims that every chapter strives to be like the Ultramarines and that the ones who don't are clearly aberrants who are dying out (this certainly comes as news to chapters like the Black Templars, Raven Guard, Iron Hands, and Space Wolves, who were doing perfectly fine the last time they checked).

Unfortunately for the Ultramarines, some aspects of their history from earlier editions are fairly well entrenched and can't really be changed now. This includes Roboute Guilliman falling hook, line and sinker for a diversionary trick that took him and the Ultramarines to the opposite side of the galaxy when Horus decided to launch his rebellion at Terra, and the entire Ultramarines 1st Company being wiped out by Tyranids during a holding action during the Battle of Macragge - behold the beginnings of their long history of doing nothing. Had Matt Ward been responsible for writing these parts of history, they'd probably have seen right through the clumsy deceptions of the traitor legions and Roboute Guilliman himself would have shown up to save the Emperor after Horus mortally wounded him, and had a Terminator squad an Ultramarines Neophyte single-handedly hold off the entirety of the Tyranid siege on Macragge, armed only with a wet power fish.

Ironically despite the views of portraying The Ultramarines as being invincible, Matt Ward wrote them losing to Necrons during the Fall of Damnos, the "Calgar killing the Avatar" battle is portrayed as being hard fought (the entire chapter was needed) and would have lost if Calgar wasn't there.

In Bygone Days

Ultramarines, from the days of Awesome.

This grizzled Neckbeard recalls a time when they weren't retarded or hated.

Before the time of stupid - before the thrice-cursed Matt Ward.

There was an actual fanbase for this chapter once, one that once held deep reverence for the Ultramarines - not because of idiotic Matt Ward fluff, but because they were honest-to-goodness "Joe Everyman" of Space Marines. Many players who stuck with Marines got their start with the Ultramarines, and there was ample fluff of the chapter taking its lumps and fighting on, like men - Macragge, Black Reach, and more. Hell, even Winter Assault harkened back to these simpler times, back when the Ultramarines were worthy of respect and whilst /tg/ simply disliked them before, it was mostly because of the population of newblets that arrived, and not because the fluff was retarded and portrayed them as SECOND TO TEH EMPRAH. Armies like Matt Hudson's were examples of what an actually good Ultramarines group with deep fluff centered around every victory and loss could be like. Players reminisced over the Ultras because they were, for many, their starting army for 40K.

The Ultramarine's central concepts were that of a well drilled, immaculate army of warrior-monks who executed their duty with professionalism and competence. "By the book, no mistakes," was the Ultramarine way. In part this came because of their extensive study and practice of the Codex Astartes, which covered a very broad range of battlefield situations and doctrine to live by. Thanks to each and every one of them training and living by it, their companies operated like a smoothly functioning combat machine with every unit functionally interlocking with every other. However, as much as this by-the-book discipline was their strength, it was also their weakness, since the few situations that the Codex Astartes did not prepare them for tended to catch them flat-footed, lacking the flexibility to properly respond. The initial Tyranid invasion was one such situation, and new doctrines had to be written for dealing with them. Putting it differently, they had weaknesses to balance out their strengths, and actual character development, something this faggot gets the vapors over.

The Ultramarines also feature in a novel series written by Graham McNeil, which actually shows that the Ultras are not wholly perfect (indeed, Uriel Ventris, the main character, makes a cataclysmic mistake after taking captaincy) but were still decent human beings who actually respected and cared about the common people of the Imperium. To McNeill's credit, he showed amazing awareness of how bad the recent fluff with the Ultramarines was, and tried to change that in Chapter's Due by having them seek help from other people. You can imagine how Ward felt about that.

There was a time where the Ultramarines were frankly more human, showing both the strengths and weaknesses of humanity all the stronger. They lost members to Chaos, and groups of their forces undertook penitence crusades. There was battles they lost, such as against the Necrons. They held Macragge against Hive Fleet Behemoth, but with a staggering toll in lives from which it took them centuries to build back up to full combat readiness. They defeated the Alpha Legion, but fell prey to the trap set by said legion and paid the price for Guilliman's hubris, something that Guilliman himself felt immense guilt for. They were fallible before Matt Ward got involved, and they were more characterful for it, as it made their victories that much more inspiring.

The Ultramarines players that actually existed before Matt Ward were rarely given much more than mild indifference from /tg/ in the past. There is thus no one who hates their fluff in the new edition more than those who were long-term fans and players of the Ultramarines. Matt Ward's fluff was so bad, in fact, that it caused players to abandon the Ultras in favor of other Marine chapters, such as the Imperial Fists, Salamanders, and Raven Guard (the latter of which Matt Ward seems to have a personal vendetta against). Other players were so alienated that they either turned to Chaos or stopped playing Marines entirely.

Thus is the hatred brought about by the hubris of one man.

However if you take off your rose color glasses you would noticed 90% of the things Matt Ward wrote were already IN the older codex, like the fact younger chapters look up to the Ultramarines are what it means to be a Space Marine. Matt Ward simply made it more open. That said as a result Games-Workshop has been making the Ultramarines less generic namely bring back there Greeko-Roman theme.

(On the plus side, Sixth edition has arrived. New Codex by a different writer? We can dream. Or we can have nightmares.) Unlikely but they will most likely give Ward an editor this time around. It's Robin Cruddance. Brace yourselves...

Quotes to Rage By

This article or section involves Matthew Ward, Spiritual Liege, who is universally-reviled on /tg/. Because this article or section covers Ward's copious amounts of derp and rage, fans of the 40K series are advised that if they proceed onward, they will see fluff and crunch violation of a level rarely seen.

One of the Ultramarines few shining moments of Awesome, an extraordinary rarity since the beginning of the Ward Era.

"Chapters [not descended from Guilliman's geneseed] are disciples who owe their genetic inheritance to another Primarch, but follow the Codex Astartes as keenly as their divergent heritage allows. While primarily composed of successor Chapters, this group also includes several Chapters of the First Founding - notably the Imperial Fists, White Scars and the Raven Guard. These chapters can never be Ultramarines, for their gene-seed is not that of Roboute Guilliman. Nevertheless, they will ever aspire to the standards and teachings of the great Primarch.

[Chapters who do not emulate the Ultramarines] are aberrants; chapters who, through quirk of gene-seed, mutation or stubbornness, eschew the Codex Astartes in favor of other structural and combat doctrines. Some, such as the Blood Angels and their successors, strive to be worthy of Guilliman's legacy, but their recalcitrant gene-seed drives them ever further from it. Others, such as the Space Wolves and the Black Templars, remain stubbornly independent, looking to their own founder's ways of war and caring little of how they fare in the eyes of others. These aberrant Chapters were always few in number and their presence diminishes with each passing decade, for their gene-seed is no longer the source of fresh Chapters." - Matt Ward, Ultramarines player, codex writer (unfortunately), Codex: Space Marines, 5th Edition, p/ 25.

"The Ultramarines are undoubtedly the best Space Marines ever. Yes, really! Thanks to the heritage of Guilliman and their myriad heroic deeds, the Ultramarines are the exemplars of the Space Marines. With a few fringe exceptions who have severe mutations (Blood Angels) or stolid stubbornness (Space Wolves and Dark Angels) all Space Marine Chapters want to be like the Ultramarines and recognize Marneus Calgar as their spiritual liege." - Matt Ward, Ultramarines player, codex writer, in the White Dwarf interview celebrating the release of Codex: Space Marines.

"But your teachings…" "Are yet flawed," said Guilliman. "No one, not even one such as I, can anticipate every possible outcome of battle. My words are not some holy writ that must be obeyed. There must always be room for personal initiative on the battlefield. You and I both know how one spark of heroism can turn the tide of battle. That knowledge and personal experience can only be earned in blood, and the leader in the field must always be the ultimate arbiter of what course of action should be followed." - Roboute Guilliman, making a point that his successors would quickly forget about.

History of the Ultramarines

The Ultramarines have some of the most boring 1st founding histories for any Astartes Chapter in the Imperial history.

Circa M29: The Unification Wars. The Emperor of Mankind unites Terra, and sets off to conquer the stars in a series of violent and bloody battles. The Ultramarines’ Primarch, Roboute Guilliman (Nicknamed Rowboat Girlyman for being an utter twat during the Heresy), is conveniently located on the other side of the galaxy when this occurs.

969.M30: The Sacking of Monarchia. As part of the rebuke of Lorgar and the Word Bearers for spreading the Cult of the Lectitio Divinatus, the Emperor of Mankind orders the Ultramarines to destroy the city of Monarchia, which had exemplified the Word Bearers accomplishments. Following the sacking of the city, the Emperor orders Lorgar and the Word Bearers to kneel before Himself, Malcador the Sigilite, and Roboute Guilliman as they re-pledge themselves to the Great Crusade (Although to his credit, Guilliman did voice out to his officers that this action would have terrible consequences later on.). His faith in the Emperor's divinity shattered, Lorgar is corrupted by First Captain Kor Phaeron and First Chaplain Erebus into worshipping the Chaos Gods. Meaning that the Ultramarines are partly responsible for...

012.M31-014.M31: The Horus Heresy. Nine of the twenty Space Marine legions, fully half of the Adeptus Mechanicus and numerous Imperial Guard regiments betray the Emperor of Mankind and turn to Chaos. Under the leadership of Warmaster Horus of the Sons of Horus, the traitors turn on their fellow Legions, causing serious losses. The Salamanders, Iron Hands, and Raven Guard are nearly destroyed during the Drop Site Massacre of Isstvan V (including the death of Primarch Ferrus Manus and the disappearance of Primarch Vulkan), the Dark Angels lose their homeworld (and possibly their Primarch Lion El'Jonson) to renegade elements within their home planet A COMPLETELY RANDOM ACCIDENT AND NOT HERESY, while the Space Wolves are bogged down in a protracted battle with the Thousand Sons. Only the Blood Angels, Imperial Fists, and White Scars are able to return before the traitors lay Siege to Holy Terra, where they take serious losses (including the death of Primarch Sanguinius). The Emperor defeats Horus, causing the traitors to scatter, but is crippled and forced to ascend the Golden Throne. The Ultramarines are conveniently located on the other side of the galaxy when this occurs, as they are being trolled by the Word Bearers (who were still butthurt about Guilliman's role in the castigation of Lorgar) and World Eaters (and later by the Alpha Legion). Guilliman almost manages to kill Lorgar, but is attacked by Angron; during the fight, he accidentally enrages Angron further, giving Lorgar the opening to transform Angron into a Daemon Prince and conjure up a warpstorm massive enough to cut off Ultramar from the rest of the Imperium. (This might qualify as one of their better moments inasmuch as they nearly accomplished something then.) By the Siege of Terra, Guilliman acts on the assumption that the Emperor will lose and begins planning to turn Ultramar into a new Imperium (to carry on the Emperor's legacy, of course). After the Heresy, Rowboat Girlyman formed the High Lords of Terra and created the Codex Astartes as we know it today, including the separation of the 10,000 strong legions into 1,000 strong chapters. Note that the Ultramarines didn't participate in the defense of Terra, and when they arrived they were too fucking late. The war was already won, yet their primarch still was the first to create the new rules.

~M31: Scouring of Tsagualsa, the Imperuim send the Ultramarines chapter and all its successors chapters (at this time just 2nd founders) to attack the Night Lords base. While they could have just overwhelm them with number there discipline allows the Ultramarines to shake off any terror tactic the Night Lords can come up with and break the Traitor Legion utterly while only takeing minor losses themselves

537.M8 9th Black Crusade, save the Lamenters, that's nice of them.

742.M41 Damocles Crusade is launched against the Tau Empire, progress slows at Dal'yth Prime, Imperial forces would have won if not for...

745.M41: First Tyrannic War. Hive Fleet Behemoth attacks the Ultramarines' homeworld, Macragge. Most of the chapter is eaten by Nids and lose their entire 1st company, the Chapter's company of hardened veterans and Terminators. The second fight they get and they still blew it, lulz.

888.M41 Battle of Orar's Sepulchre. This is the "Calgar kills the Avatar" battle. For the most part it was a hard fought battle needing the entire chapter, something that hasn't happen since the First Tyannic War. And the Avatar was kicking there ass until Calgar jumped it.

921.M41The Darkhold Ambush Calgar's ship gets jumped by Night Lords and lands on a Feudal World, Calgar and his honor guard reenact Seven Samurai.

941-942.M41: Second War for Armageddon Marneus Calgar's first action is to acknowledge Dante as overall commander of the Space Marines on Armageddon, charge with save guarding the World's Hives.

971.M41 Team Ultramarine's 2nd up with Imperial Fist 3rd and Blood Angels 3rd to beat the crap out of Iron Warriors.

974.M41 The Damnos Incident, Also know as the Fall of Damnos. The 2nd Company is sent to defend the ice world form the reawakening Necron forces, while they were able to save the last city of Kellenport, it cost over half the company and Cato Sicarius is wounded fighting the Necron's leader. The Necrons were only just beginning to fight, What's leave of the 2nd's forces cover the World's population evacuation in turn Venerable Dreadnought Agrippan covers the Ultramarines giving his life. This is the second best know Necron-Imperuim battle next to sanctuary 101, resulting in mass Moral loss across the Imperuim over the few foe, not only can they show up anywhere (even chaos and Tyranids can give some warning) not even the Space Marines can beat them. Damnos in turn because a major Tomb World in the sector.

999.M41 The Return to Damnos, you though the Ultramarines were Mary sues under Ward? You haven't SEEN Phil Kelly take a crack at them.

As an additional note of interest, there stands reasonable evidence that the Ultramarines are partially responsible for unleashing a shard of the Nightbringer on the galaxy in the current age. On the planet Pavonis, it was brought to the attention of Uriel Ventris, of the 4th company of the Ultramarines, that a group of revolutionaries were digging their way straight to the Nightbringer's sarcophagus while the Dark Eldar rounded up the keys to unlock the thing. Uriel was given a choice: he could either exterminatus the planet, burying the Nightbringer, revolutionaries, and Dark Eldar all at once in a single fell swoop, or he could boost his own ego try to spare the civilian population by making a balls-first attack on the excavation site with nothing but chainswords and bolters. Unfortunately for the Ultima Segmentum, Uriel chose the latter of these options,and saved the innocent civilians but, as a consequence he let the Nightbringer get free (but at least he managed to break the ship it was going to use as a body). Ironically, Ventris threatened to exterminatus the planet on a later occasion when the Tau tried to take over the government. He is still a decent guy though, being the only Ultramarine not portrayed as a complete Mary Sue.

AHEM! - Cap'n Titus, anyone?

While most believe the story told by the Ultrasmurfs, eye-witnesses paint a different story...

Notable Members

• Papa Smurf, the current Chapter Master of the Ultramarines and plated with heavy duty, fanboy-grade plot armor. His accomplishments include being thoroughly ripped apart by the Swarmlord (by that we mean all his limbs, a large portion of his body and his eye - a considerable achievement, if one compares the sheer size of the Swarmlord's blades to your average Space Marine; how did something so big, not to mention skilled, inflict such precise and unlikely injuries? It's like attacking a penguin with a shovel and accidentally slicing up some flowers on the other end of the world) and surviving with the help of bionics (OMG TEH FISHS OF McRAGE), single handedly holding off an Ork Waaagh! for 9 days all by himself and killing a Daemon Prince with only a squad of Terminators by stabbing him with a warp-touched dagger An Anathame shard named "The Shard of Erebus". However, his crowning Mary Sue moment is his defeat of an Eldar Avatar of Khaine in 1 vs 1, hand-to-hand combat, which is typically killed by the same effort it takes to kill a Khornate Bloodthirster - never mind that the thing is made of molten metal and over three times his size. Not to mention, he had a rematch with the Swarmlord and won... somehow. Marneus Calgar is also A TACTICAL GENIUS who gives a long hard look at an incoming projectile before deciding to take cover or not.

• Cato Sicarius, the captain of the Ultramarines Second Company, is suicidally brave. He and his company alone have held off over 10,000 Orks at once, using only knives and favoritism to survive, and he is stated to command "the finest fighting unit in this [the Ultramarines] or any other Space Marine Chapter". He once divided his company into thirds to defeat an entire tomb world, was only wounded as a result, and still managed to make his armour save evacuate the population. Lost horribly and sacrificed half his company and the entire civilian population of the planet in a vain attempt to hold the last port before running away with his tail between his legs like a little bitch (read the actual book before you post, or hell read the codex yeah Ward wrote Smurfs getting their ass kicked). Oh, and was cleaved in two by a no name Necron lord whereby to, avoid his death, his honor guard threw themselves on the lords warscythe then died and eventually a dreadnaught had to step in and was shortly gaussed to death while they snuck his dying body ingloriously away from combat.

• Uriel Ventris is the captain of the Ultramarines Fourth Company and the main character of Graham McNeil's Ultramarines novel series. Despite being responsible for the aforementioned incident with the Nightbringer, he still manages to be more likable than most of the other Smurfs due to his willingness to deviate from the Codex Astartes if doing so minimizes casualties and his ability to acknowledge that he has flaws (unlike anyone else in the Ultramarines). Or he's the biggest Mary Sue of them all, he's very much love or hate. Also notable for destroying the Daemonculaba.

• Ortan Cassius, a chaplain of the Ultramarines, is one of the oldest Space Marines alive and not yet placed in a Dreadnought. His oratory skills are perfect, so much so that it makes the Eldar Slaanesh weep. Though the Ultramarines are already supremely and undeniably perfect enough - unbeatable to the point of being boring really; it's like watching Superman: "Oh, no! Not a continent made out of Kryptonite! What's Superman going to do? Oh! I guess he throws it into space! I was on the edge of my being remotely excited!" - Cassius is such a great Chaplain that he can push his men to even more godlike feats of brilliance. No, no, and triple no. Ortan hasn't even been mentioned as an especially good Chaplain at all, instead being quite awesome for surviving getting stomped on by a Carnifex (albeit narrowly clinging to life and having to be rebuilt with extensive bionics) and being one of the few Ultramarines somehow untainted by the curse of Ward. Oh, and let's not forget he's the only person in the Chapter who can call Calgar "young Marneus".

• Varro Tigurius, the Ultramarine's Chief Librarian, is the most special snowflake of all the Imperium's Psykers. He is so amazingly powerful that he can predict an enemy's entire battle plan before the fight begins, allowing him to counter any attacker from the start. His Mary Sue presence is so great that he can do unbelievable things, such as communicating with the Tyranid Hive Mind, allowing him to understand and predict the plans of untold numbers of inhuman monsters all thinking and acting as one that have a psychic aura of head-exploding anti psykerness, but he was probably embarked in a vehicle. Supposedly his powers rival those of the Emperor, put Eldar Farseers to shame and yet place him in no real danger of being tempted or being violently possessed by the Ruinous Powers, considering his soul has to shine like a motherfucking lighthouse in the warp with all the powers he's capable of dishing out. Please note that before Matt Ward, this guy had LD 9.

• Torias Telion (aka; Sean Connery made Grimdark) is an Ultramarine Scout Sergeant. He is the best sniper currently alive in the Imperium. His ability is so beyond realistic that he can shoot a target so far away that planetary curvature the Coriolis effect must be taken into account. He's so great that other chapters prefer to borrow him to train their scouts instead of using their own sergeants. He once killed a Tau ethereal and cadre commander in one sitting using only two bullets from extreme range. He is also bald. Yes, as in Indrick Baldeale bald. Still though, he isn't as awesome nor as grimdark as the hair-etical scout sergeant who morbidly bitches about everything in the universe.

• Captain Titus is a Smurf Captain of the who the fuck knows company (if the trim of his pauldrons are accurate, he's Captain of the 2nd Company). He gained prominence (will gain prominence?) on the forge world of Graia, trying to keep a whole Waaagh! from stealing all the bitz for themselves while keeping a probably radical Inquisitor happy. Also there's a portal to the warp letting out Daemons and Chaos Marines to go on a jolly old pub crawl. He is also one of the few Ultramarines who clearly states that the Codex Astartes is not meant to be a mental straightjacket. Thus, he is awesome. Unfortunately he has a slight Mary Sue element in that he's specially resistant to the Warp, but it's subverted by the fact that he takes this LIKE A SHEER BOSS and is generally completely awesome about it without going over the top balls-to-the-walls OMG I AM AMAZING. Besides, he wouldn't be an Ultramarine without something snowflakey about him. He's voiced by Mark Strong.

• Chaplain Varnus, an Ultramarines Chaplain dispatched to Lorn V. He banished a Bloodthirster of Khorne back into the warp in melee combat within a matter of seconds simple by swinging his Crozius Arcanum; something that would typically need a squad of Grey Knight terminators to do over the course of several minutes of protracted combat, an armored division of Heavy tanks or about 5 squads of heavily equipped Space Marines led by the bravest balls-on-head suicidal Commanders who could stand up against a giant, cow-dog daemon of death with a FUCKHEUG mace. Yeah, Plot armor tends to do that. That, and the face the dumbasses used a sorcerer. In the fagged-up writings of C.S. Multilazor, he was actually a vile Alpha Legion Chaos Space Marine. Of course, this is obviously false, for how can the oh so perfect, virtuous, noble and indeed, holier-than-thou Ultramarines possible be profane servitors of Chaos?! Surprisingly, he comes off as fairly cool in the game. For perhaps the first instance in recorded time, he is a Space Marine who actually bows to the better Imperial Guard strategy respects the Imperial Guard and couldn't ask for a better force (barring his own company).

• Many others. If there is a tactic or important role that is occupied in an army, there is a speshul snowflake in the Ultramarines who has mastered it with such gravity that he makes the rest of the Imperium, or more likely the entire galaxy, redundant.

Daily rituals of an Ultramarine

0400 - Morning Prayer - The Ultramarines perform a perfect prayer ceremony. So perfect that any action of Chaplain and his company, including precise records of sneezing, or ears scratched are immediately indoctrinated into the Codex Astartes for all.
0500 - Morning Firing Rites - The Ultramarines commence firing training. Everyone hits with increasing degrees of perfectness. There has been talk of the training targets being highly magnetic, but such talk is dismissed as HERESY.
0700 - Battle Practice - Every Ultramarine rotates 10 minutes practice with every single weapon in the Space Marine arsenal, to ensure equal competence in all fields.
1200 - Midday *atchoo* Prayer - Another perfect ceremony, in dedication to the *sniff* EMPRAH.
1300 - Midday Meal - A feast of fruit, vegetables and protein. A perfect meal with everything a growing Astartes needs.
1315 - Recording of Deeds - Each Ultramarine is given time to write in his personal "Achievement of Sue" record. Calgar, being almost fully bionic, is able to write with both hands and his toes, allowing him to include four times as many achievements than anyone else.
1500 - Battle Practice - Papa Smurf and the other heavy duty vehicles are brought out for training. Everyone works on their perfected skill e.g. Telion sniping Space Wolf beer bottles in the next sector, Tigurius playing mental chess with the Tyranid Hivemind, Calgar getting his arms and legs ripped off.
2000 - Evening Prayer - The Ultramarines give thanks to their true Lord and Master. Matt Ward. Who empowers their armour to survive any injury or threat.
2100 - Evening Meal - Another perfect meal, with the option of Matt Ward's dick, in order gain extra plot armouring. Most order seconds.
2130 - Night Firing Exercises - The magnets are ready for another round of weapons fire.
2315 - Maintenance Rituals - Calgar's new limbs are re-attached.
2345 - Free Time - The Ultramarines each try to out-do each other with their stories, until everyone is respectively sick of listening to someone else being in the spot light.
0000 - Rest Period - The Ultramarines rest due to orders, not that they feel tired or anything.

Ultramarines:The Movie

• "And the greatest of them all are the UltraMarines." FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

(To be honest, however, were John Hurt speaking of a different chapter, our response would be the same... a little similar.) The movie, written by the capable Dan Abnett, actually gives probably the most realistic interpretation of the Ultramarines. Simply put: they get fucked up. The geniuses decided to put scouts in their first combat deployment wearing power armor and not knowing how to use their guns. Their Captain is a cocksure moron who charges into battle against a Daemon Prince alone. The only sane man in the squad is a geriatric Apothecary who everyone ignores. After the Captain dies, command is given over to a paranoid trigger happy lunatic. The Captain, who is OBVIOUSLY NOT A DAEMON POSSESSING HIS BODY comes back and kills everyone, and only two Marines survive the entire encounter (maybe three, if that Imperial Fist got lucky). Also, they take an entire Battle Barge Strike Cruiser on a space party to ferry something like ten total Marines to a single deployment. Marneus Calgar probably builds Battle Barges in his sleep or something.*

Yep. Humanity's greatest all right.

(Be sure to mention this to Matt Ward if you ever meet him, and don't forget to generally mock Ultramarines when he's around.)

*Of course, most of this is probably because Dan Abnett writes genuinely good books about humans, but can't write Astartes for shit. I mean, has he even read any Space Marine fluff? Ever? Actually he wrote awesome(naturally) book about Ultramarines - "Know No Fear", not to mention his Iron Snakes series. Most probably he just trolling this time.

To sum up the Ultramarines

Calgar spent a short amount of time studying and learning the customs of the Salamanders, when he returned this is what happened. the Ultramarines soon fell into disarray

What's that, Ward? They're the best of the best? We think differently. (Also ignore the fact the writer of that battle stated that the Ultramarines had a kill ratio of 300:1)

So, the "greatest" warriors the entire Imperium has are apparently comprised of a chapter of Space Marines who, on the whole, apparently have an enormous ego that has gotten them into serious problems more than once. From the way fluff is written about them, you would think that they have gotten the most done out of any chapter, and yet all they have done is made a few major screw ups and failures, done a few things that don't seem entirely extraordinary (oh, you cleansed a planet of heretics? That's totally something no other chapter has managed to do, let alone the Imperial Guard), and when they have done something that's a bit bigger, it's always, always the Ultramarines with about a dozen other chapters.

They started the "Zeist Campaign" (why would you remind people of horrible movies that nobody likes, Matt Ward?) to try to reclaim worlds from the Tau, but apparently can't finish it without help from at least 9 other chapters, which even includes the severely depleted Crimson Fists. (Seriously, when you need help from the guys who just lost all their gene-seed reserves, their fortress-monastery, and 75% of their troops, you should just give up and donate your gene-seed to another chapter that's actually capable of getting shit gone. Like the Raven Guard or something. Scratch that. They don't want your shit.) Even after they get their reinforcements they can't even finish the weeaboo communists, the Imperial offensive sort of just dissipates after everyone pretty much says "I've got other things to do."

This is pretty typical since they aren't involved in/barely contribute anything at all to almost all of the major battles in almost the entirety of the history of the Imperium. Not one of the Black Crusades saw any notable contribution from the Ultramarines, other than being part of the background in a battle or simply reinforcements after everyone's done killing the opposition, the battles over many of the big war-planets don't see a single Ultramarine (Armageddon, for example), and they're apparently entirely removed from the huge games of political backstabbing that changed much of the Imperium (Age of Apostasy, etc).

So they have done apparently little of actual note in the grand scheme of things despite having many of the most incredibly, shamelessly powerful snowflakes in the entire galaxy, who apparently only got that good because they spend most of their days in training to get that good, because they're sure as hell not getting the experience out in the field.

On top of that, if you'll see that surprisingly long list above, the Ultramarines are quite obviously one of the most mediocre Chapters there are. They and their real-life codex are sometimes called "vanilla marines", and that's exactly what they are: a boring blank slate that every other chapter can spice up and build better, more badass things on top of. Because of that they don't really have anything to stand on other than their reputation. Sure, they may claim to be the "best" chapter of Space Marines, but once you probe any further, that claim comes apart like wet newspaper. It's almost like Ciaphas Cain turned into a whole chapter of Marines, except this time there's even less to base it on (except Cain frequently does quite heroic things, even if he claims to be trying to save his own skin) Never the less, it's stupid to compare the most bland Chapter to Cain, who has some legit character and is all around awesome.

But as Ultramarine players say "We ain't even mad."

Some music

• Their theme done by HMKids.
• Their theme from Chaos Gate.
• A track from their official movie.

Gallery

• 

  PLOT ARMOUR HO!!1!

• 

  Its hard work holding up a banner on the wrong end of the galaxy

• 

  Not everything can be made of awesome

• 

  Horus during the siege of Terra

• 

  Honoured Brother Ward banner

• 

  Your phone's machine spirit weeps, for in its heart it knows it can never be an Ultraphone.

See also

• Mary Sue
• Fluff
• Who Watches Them
• Macragge heresy
• Matt Ward