Hephaestus: Difference between revisions
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Hephaestus is the Greek [[god]] of blacksmiths, metallurgy, craftsmen, and artisans. He is either the son of [[Zeus]] and [[Hera]], or of Hera's [[ork|asexual reproduction-]] don't ask, the Greeks were very weird. Anyways, when Hephaestus was born, he was considered so fuck-ugly that he couldn't be allowed to live. As such, he was [[what|thrown off a goddamn mountain.]] As you can imagine, this did not improve his looks nor his [[rage|mood.]] To sate his need for revenge, he constructed a [[golden throne]] for Hera, which she graciously accepted. However, she found that as soon as she sat down on it, she could not get up again. When the other gods begged Hephaestus to return to Mount Olympus to help his mother, he responded with [[awesome|"I have no mother."]] What. A. Chad. Hephaestus did not return to Olympus until [[Dionysus]] got him absolutely shitfaced on wine and dragged him back on a mule. | Hephaestus is the Greek [[god]] of blacksmiths, metallurgy, craftsmen, and artisans. He is either the son of [[Zeus]] and [[Hera]], or of Hera's [[ork|asexual reproduction-]] don't ask, the Greeks were very weird. Anyways, when Hephaestus was born, he was considered so fuck-ugly that he couldn't be allowed to live. As such, he was [[what|thrown off a goddamn mountain.]] As you can imagine, this did not improve his looks nor his [[rage|mood.]] To sate his need for revenge, he constructed a [[Golden Throne|golden throne]] for Hera, which she graciously accepted. However, she found that as soon as she sat down on it, she could not get up again. When the other gods begged Hephaestus to return to Mount Olympus to help his mother, he responded with [[awesome|"I have no mother."]] What. A. Chad. Hephaestus did not return to Olympus until [[Dionysus]] got him absolutely shitfaced on wine and dragged him back on a mule. | ||
Hephaestus spends most of his time in forges, surrounded by his assistant cyclopes. Given his particular set of skills, most magic items in settings involving Hephaestus were originally crafted by him. In fact, most weapons and armors of note in Greek myth are also creations of Hephaestus' forge. Although the god himself isn't of notable combat strength, his creations are akin to doomsday weapons for most fantasy societies. | Hephaestus spends most of his time in forges, surrounded by his assistant cyclopes. Given his particular set of skills, most magic items in settings involving Hephaestus were originally crafted by him. In fact, most weapons and armors of note in Greek myth are also creations of Hephaestus' forge. Although the god himself isn't of notable combat strength, his creations are akin to doomsday weapons for most fantasy societies. | ||
Revision as of 15:45, 3 April 2022
| Hephaestus | ||
|---|---|---|
 Hammer and Anvil |
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| Aliases | God of Smithing and Crafting, the Lamed, Vulcan | |
| Alignment | Lawful Neutral | |
| Divine Rank | Intermediate God | |
| Pantheon | Greek | |
| Portfolio | Crafts, fire, forge, smithing | |
| Domains | 3E: Artifice, Community, Earth, Fire, Good, Protection, Strength 5E: Forge, Knowledge |
|
| Home Plane | Olympus (Arborea) | |
| Worshippers | Artisans, crafters | |
| Servitors | Cyclopes | |
| Favoured Weapon | Warhammer | |
Hephaestus is the Greek god of blacksmiths, metallurgy, craftsmen, and artisans. He is either the son of Zeus and Hera, or of Hera's asexual reproduction- don't ask, the Greeks were very weird. Anyways, when Hephaestus was born, he was considered so fuck-ugly that he couldn't be allowed to live. As such, he was thrown off a goddamn mountain. As you can imagine, this did not improve his looks nor his mood. To sate his need for revenge, he constructed a golden throne for Hera, which she graciously accepted. However, she found that as soon as she sat down on it, she could not get up again. When the other gods begged Hephaestus to return to Mount Olympus to help his mother, he responded with "I have no mother." What. A. Chad. Hephaestus did not return to Olympus until Dionysus got him absolutely shitfaced on wine and dragged him back on a mule.
Hephaestus spends most of his time in forges, surrounded by his assistant cyclopes. Given his particular set of skills, most magic items in settings involving Hephaestus were originally crafted by him. In fact, most weapons and armors of note in Greek myth are also creations of Hephaestus' forge. Although the god himself isn't of notable combat strength, his creations are akin to doomsday weapons for most fantasy societies.
He's married to Aphrodite, which would make you think he's the luckiest god in the Greek pantheon, but no. This is because she's constantly cheating on him with Ares, which frustrates Hephaestus to no end, although he did get back at them one time by catching them in a net-trap and exposing the affair to all the gods.
His alignment is almost always lawful neutral; he mostly just wants to be left alone. His worshippers include Dwarves, warforged, blacksmiths, craftsmen, and giants.
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Here he is crafting *the* motherfuckin' lightning bolt.
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A more accurate depiction of the god
