Commissar Fuklaw

REASONABLY EXPLOITABLE

Commissar John Fuklaw is a commissar attached to the Angry Marines chapter, trained by Commissar Raege.

The Angry Marines have a Commissar because Fuklaw was too damn angry to be put anywhere else. After the Angry Marines saw him in action, they started recruiting from his homeworld. Since the Angry Marines are too skull-on-dick insane to retreat, he rarely has any problems with morale issues with them, and has adapted his role to inspire greater levels of rage in his comrades. In short, being out-done by a shiteating old man pisses the Angry Marines off to no end and drives them to fight even harder. To date, he is the third fourth commissar in Imperial history to join with an Adeptus Astartes chapter. The others being Yarrick, Dan, and Cain.

For extra laughs, read his lines in the voice of that crazy teacher with the eyeball from Daria.

Commissar's detailed biography can be found here.

Codex: Commissar Fuklaw

Fuklaw Pts 150 WS 6 BS 4 S 4 T 4 W 3 I 5 A 4 L 10 Sv 4+

((Why does he have near meq stats? Because he is that angry.))

An Imperial Guard or Angry Marines army of 1500 points or more may include Commissar Fuklaw. If he is included, he counts as one of the HQ choices for the army.

Wargear

Bolt pistol, Chainsword, carapace armor, Medallion Crimson, frag grenades, krak grenades. May be upgraded with a master fuck fist at +20 points. May also be upgraded with a plasma pistol for +10 points or a inferno pistol for +15 points.

Note: If you are modeling a master fuck fist raise the middle finger

Special Rules

Fuck Impostors!

If two opposing armies include Commissar Fuklaw, those models, and the units they are attached to, must, if able, move to get into close combat with each other. Neither unit will retreat until one of Commissars Fuklaw (who is obviously an impostor) is killed.

Fuck Heresy!

Such is the anger that Commissar Fuklaw has against xenos, mutants and heretics, that he and any unit led by him will fight with redoubled fury against these enemies of the Emprah (as far as Fuklaw is concerned, anyone opposing him is at least one of the three). Commissar Fuklaw, and any unit he is attached to, always hit on 3+, independent of Ballistic or Weapon Skill.

Cover Is For Pussies!

Commissar Fuklaw has no stomach for cowardly tactics such as ducking behind cover. He, and any unit he is attached to, are never allowed to take cover saves.

Drive Me Closer, I Want To Hit Them With My Sword!

Before deployment commences, Commissar Fuklaw may commandeer any non-walker vehicle, even those that normally do not transport models. The original owners, if any, will have to walk. As long as Fuklaw is on board, the vehicle uses his profile for ranged and close combat, and must move at least 6" towards the closest enemy unit during its movement phase and attack in close combat if able. If commandeering a normally non-transport unit, Fuklaw cannot accompany a unit, and cannot disembark unless the vehicle is destroyed, in which case comissar Fuklaw is killed. Note that Comissar Fuklaw's vehicle is counted as vehicle(walker) for close combat purposes even if it is not walker normally. E.g. Let's assume Fuklaw takes control of Leman russ. This leman russ is now BS4 WS6 A4 I5 F.A 14 S.A 12 R.A 10 Vehicle(tank) until it is destroyed, counting as Vehicle(Walker) if engaged in close combat. This also means that Fuklaw's Tank cannot tank shock or Ram, but must charge into combat like walker and can be locked into combat

Paranoid Prosecution

Such is Commissar Fuklaw's paranoia, that he sees signs of heresy everywhere - especially among his own unit. When joining a unit (including vehicles), Commissar Fuklaw executes any heretics within it by making 4 attacks with his Chainsword against it. As per Fuck Heresy! rule, these attacks hit on 3+. This does not trigger against vehicles commandeered via "Drive me Closer, i want to hit them with my sword!" Special Rule.

Independent Character

Commissar Fuklaw is an independent character and follows all of the rules for characters in the Warhammer 40,000 rulebook. In addition, he cannot join a unit wearing Terminator armor.

Fearless

Fuklaw is totally fucking fearless and never has to take Morale or Pinning tests. He confers this ability to any unit he joins, as they fear him more than any enemy.

Leader

In addition to his rank of Commissar, Fuklaw is a leader of men. The Advisers special rule does not apply to him - he is free to act independently. He will not carry out Summary Execution (as any units he joins becomes Fearless), but he will execute a Sanctioned Psyker subject to the It's For Your Own Good! rule. Same goes for Angry Marine Librarians. Furthermore, Fuklaw may make a ranged attack against any friendly squad within 12" that fails a Morale check (even if he is embarked in a vehicle - if the vehicle normally does not carry troops, Fuklaw will fire its main weapon at his ballistic skill). If that attack kills at least one model, the unit counts as if it had passed the Morale check.

NOTE

• Commissar Fuklaw is uncircumcised. Also of Note is that Commissar Fuklaw Lost his Penis fighting a Khorne Berserker.(more importantly that Berserker was Kharn,a pretty cool guy) I don't need a penis I have a chainsword.
• Fuklaw throws the best Halloween parties.
• Fuklaw is a fan of Nosferatu.
• Fuklaw's prefers Szechuan and Indian cuisine.
• Fuklaw was purportedly a friend of Colonel Greiss. This appears to have carried on with his successor; Fuklaw and Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken are rumored go out drinking at a local Imperial Guard pub whenever they're in the same sector to exchange war stories and news.
• Commissar Fuklaw was made by an art guy called Plague of gripes.

See Also

• Life and Death of John Fuklaw
• Angry Marines
• Commissar
• Glorious audio of Commissar Fuklaw redeeming a Chaos Marine.

Gallery

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  Commissar Fuklaw in all his glory.

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  Not as planned, bitches.

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  Fuklaw no liek LCB.

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  The "Drive Me Closer" rule in practice

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  Fuklaw practicing for a surfing contest

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  FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

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  What? You don't like something?

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  I'm thinkin' heresy.

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  "Life and Death of John Fuklaw" soon in theaters! Fuklaw played by Clint Eastwood

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  Nurgle's Greater Daemons are no match!

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  Watching this cartoon is endorsed by your local Morale Officer