Ciaphas Cain

Hero of the Imperium

Ciaphas Cain, HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!!! was a famous Commissar of the Imperium and is the protagonist of the named Ciaphas Cain series of novels by Sandy Mitchell. The GRIMDARK Flashman to Gaunt's Sharpe. He spent most of his career in active service attached to Imperial Guard regiments from the ice world of Valhalla—most notably the 597th, one of the rare mixed-sex regiments—and accompanied by his aide Jurgen. He retired to become a professor at a Schola Progenium later in life, but this did not mark the end of his exploits, being recalled into active service during the 13th Black Crusade. He was also called upon at many points throughout his life to assist the Ordos Xenos Inquisitor Amberley Vail, who is almost certainly his lover. She is equal parts cute, perky, and stupifyingly dangerous.

The novels are presented as extracts from Cain's personal, unofficial memoirs, edited by Amberley—published only to and kept under lock and key by the Inquisition as they present a vastly different story to all the official Imperial propaganda about his adventures. Contrary to the heroic image he cultivated to the Imperium at large, Cain described himself as a self-serving coward in his memoirs, spending most of his time trying to ensure his own comfort and survival, only becoming a hero by accident. However, despite his self-deprecation, he routinely demonstrates great bravery and compassion in the stories, leading many to believe he is a much better person than he would admit to himself. In any event, he always subscribed to the long-term version of cowardice, often taking courses of action that appeared extremely dangerous on the basis that they gave him a better chance of survival in the long term, if not the short one.

He is also well known for being one of the few commissars to earn the trust and respect of the Guardsmen he served with—aided by his heroic reputation, but mainly because he persistently demonstrated care and concern for the soldiers of his regiment. Despite repeated insistence in his memoirs he merely did this to get on their good sides, there's a great deal of evidence that his feelings were genuine.

Cain himself was an extremely skilled combatant, being an excellent shot with his trusty laspistol and highly proficient in the use of his chainsword in melee. Amongst other things, he defeated an Ork warboss and two Chaos Space Marines in single combat, both incredible feats for an ordinary man, especially as the only bionics he possessed were a few replacement fingers. Not to mention going toe to toe with two Tyranid Hive Tyrants, and wounding them both before his men can help him. Mind you, even ranged Hive Tyrants can rip up an Assault Marine and eat him without too much effort. Further exploits include holding his own against a fucking Daemon Princess pretty well (with Jurgen's help, but still he did better than most would have), defeating Genestealers in close combat (one of which could kill two Word Bearers and severely injure a third in a matter of seconds), and standing his ground against a fucking Genestealer Patriarch/Broodlord. He also has the honour of being forever listed on "Active Battle Duty", according to official records, despite being buried with full battle honours in the early M42's; this is because, in the course of his exploits, he had been assumed to have died only to reappear later so many times that the Administratum couldn't keep up with the paperwork and simply issued a general order that his recorded status not be changed despite any evidence apparently to the contrary.

Das Novels

Essentially, George MacDonald Fraser's The Flashman Papers and McAuslan stories transplanted into the 41st Millennium, though, while Cain is more of a Coward with a Heart of Gold, Flashman can best be described as a Jerk with a Heart of Jerk, Braised in a Jamaican Jerk Sauce, then Dried out into Jerked Jerk Jerky.

Whilst the books are quite well-written, Sandy Mitchell is a big fan of recycling - even down to specific sentences. Hence each book is guaranteed to feature exactly the same descriptions of his aide Jurgen as all the others, and each contains about half a dozen variations on the theme of, "Of course, if I knew what I was getting myself into by doing [x], I'd have rather charged into the Eye of Terror with nothing but a rusty fork."

They are also notable for the Jurgen Ex Machina, where most of the dramatic fights are ended by the intervention of Cain's aide Jurgen armed with a meltagun and his powers as a psyker-disrupting "blank". Over the course of the series, Jurgen has racked up more kills than the rest of the Valhallan 597th put together, and has yet to have any character development whatsoever. But that's fine, because Jurgen is 125% distilled awesome.

Also features psychotic lesbian Valhallans, Orky Gargants crumpin' dose Necron gits, a grinning, friendly neighborhood Inquisitor (who you should flee from at all costs), psychotic psykers who wear dresses too small, savants that are barred from entering casinos, World Eaters getting killed by "mere" humans, surviving a starship crash, playing Space Hulk for real, blue facepainted Tau supporters yelling that you can take their lives, but not their freedom, and the Harriers getting the goddamn cup. And Space Daemon Werewolf Psyker Hitler being kicked over a dam by a solid boot to the arse.

Cain Books and Collected Short Stories

Cain, summed up in all his glory. (The actual SCENE is from The Traitor's Hand.)

• Hero of the Imperium (Contains For the Emperor, Caves of Ice, and The Traitor's Hand, as well as three short stories)
  • For the Emperor!
  • Caves of Ice
  • The Traitor's Hand
  • The Beguiling
  • Fight or Flight
  • Echoes of the Tomb
• Defender of the Imperium (Contains Death or Glory, Duty Calls, and Cain's Last Stand, as well as two short stories)
  • Death or Glory
  • Duty Calls
  • Cain's Last Stand
  • Traitor's Gambit
  • Sector Thirteen
• The Emperor's Finest
• The Last Ditch
• The Greater Good
• The Smallest Detail is a standalone short (9 pages) story starring Jurgen, rather than Cain himself.

Trivia

• He is essentially the "Edmund Blackadder" of the Warhammer 40k universe. Jurgen can be considered as Cain's "Baldrick" - dirty, disregarded, not all that bright but a good dogsbody to Cain. (Though a slightly more intelligent and significantly more badass Baldrick; think a cross between Baldrick from series 1 and the later Baldricks, but with a melta. Also, Cain respects Jurgen.)
• More specifically, he is the Captain Edmund Blackadder of Blackadder Goes Forth for Warhammer 40k universe. Like Captain Blackadder, he is always trying to avoid combat, escape death, and retire from the Imperial Guard.
• Alternately, he is the Sir Harry Paget Flashman (VC KCB KCIE) of the 'Flashman' series of novels for the Warhammer 40k universe. Flashman was a key inspiration for Edmund Blackadder (although not of the first series; that was different). Seriously, look those books up. They're fantastic.
• Jurgen can be thought of as Fraser's other classic character Private McAuslan, J., 2nd Gordon Highlanders, Dirtiest Soldier in the World, the Tartan Caliban and the Highland Division's Answer to Peking Man. Think Pigpen in a kilt. Jurgen, however, appears to be smarter and has a Russian rather than a Glaswegian accent.
• According to the narrator of his books (no, really) he uses the Lord Commissar rules on the tabletop.
• He is so awesome that to this day he remains the only entity in the galaxy to bypass Games Workshop's invisible barrier on moving the setting forward to the 42nd Millennium.
• He is also so awesome, that even when dead and buried in front of thousands as a war hero, he is permanently marked as being on active duty because of the number of times he was believed to be dead only to come back from Emperor knows where.
• A pretty good fanfic called Tales from the Black Millennium has Edmund Blackadder in command of an Imperial Guard regiment. Its sadly unfinished sequel More Tales from the Black Millennium drags Ciaphas Cain into the mix.

Stats

Commissar Ciaphas Cain, Hero of the Imperium!

• HQ, 175 pts.
• WS 6 BS 5 S 3 T 3 W 3 I 3 A 3 Ld 10 Sv 4+
• Composition: 1 Commissar Ciaphas Cain
• Unit Type: Infantry (unique) ((uses the Lord Commissar special rules along with those listed here.))
• Wargear: Carapace armour, Laspistol, Cain's Chainsword, Refractor Field.

Cain's Chainsword is strength +2 ap3

• Special Rules:
  • Aura of Discipline, Eternal Warrior, Independent Character, Night Vision, infiltrate
  • Hero of the Imperium!: Ciaphas Cain's heroic reputation (regardless of whether it is fraudulent or not) inspires those around him to follow his example, even as it drives Cain to worry about what will happen if he fails to live up to it. When accompanying a unit, Ciaphas Cain, and the unit he accompanies, are Stubborn. Additionally, all units within 12" of Cain (including one he accompanies) automatically pass tests to Regroup, and may move, shoot (or Run), and declare charges normally in the turn in which they Regroup.
  • Leader of Men: Even though he is a Commissar, Ciaphas Cain can never use Summary Execution, as this would mean one less body standing between him and danger. He may still execute a Psyker that failed Perils of the Warp test, as per the It's For Your Own Good rule.
  • Pintle Gunner: While Ciaphas Cain is embarked on a transport vehicle, that vehicle may fire one pintle weapon using Ciaphas Cain's Ballistic Skill, even if the weapon would otherwise fire at Ballistic Skill 1 (firing snap shots, for instance). The other weapons it is normally allowed to fire do so at their normal Ballistic Skill.
  • Survival Instincts: Commissar Cain's focus on personal safety, and experience in surviving dangerous situations allows him, and any unit he joins, to avoid danger. Cain and any unit he is attached to add 1 to their cover saves. This operates as, and stacks with, the stealth special rule. When he is embarked on a transport, the transport gets the same benefit.
  • Defensive Fencing Technique: Ciaphas Cain developed his own unique fencing style, which revolves around defensive stances, evasion, counter-attack, and running away. Ciaphas Cain adds 4 to his WS when determining how difficult he is to hit in melee. Furthermore, anyone attempting a Glorious Intervention to get him out of a challenge automatically succeeds.
  • Run Like Frak! - Ciaphas Cain, and any unit he is attached to, has the Hit and Run special rule, except that they only roll 2d6 inches for the fleeing distance (he can only run so fast!) and always use Cain's Initiative +2 for the test (he's *always* ready to leg it).
• Options: Commissar Ciaphas Cain may be accompanied by Gunner Jurgen (130 pts.)
• Transport: Commissar Ciaphas Cain may take a Chimera or a Salamander as dedicated transport.

Gunner Jurgen

130 pts

• WS 3 BS 4 S 3 T 3 W 2 I 3 A 1 Ld 9 Sv 4+
• Unit Type: Infantry (unique)
• Wargear: Carapace armour, Lasgun, Meltagun, Frag and Krak grenades.
• Special Rules:
  • Look Out - Aargh!, Preferred Enemy (Orks)
  • Commissar's Aide: Gunner Jurgen counts as an Independent Character, but must always accompany Ciaphas Cain, joining and leaving units together with him. If Cain is removed as a casualty, Jurgen drags him off the field, and is also removed.
  • Inconspicuous: Gunner Jurgen may not issue challenges, or be the target of a challenge. He may only enter a challenge via the Stand Back, Commissar rule below.
  • Robust Driving Style: While Jurgen is embarked in a transport vehicle, that vehicle is not required to take difficult terrain tests, and treats dangerous terrain as difficult. Additionally, the vehicle may move an additional 3" during its movement phase, and is a Tank if it was not one already.
  • Robust Body Odor and Psoriasis: When a unit successfully Falls Back from melee with Jurgen or a unit he is attached to, it adds 1" to the distance it flees.
  • Psychic Blank: Psykers and Daemons, friend or foe, within 12" of Gunner Jurgen have -3 Leadership, do not generate any Warp Charge (i.e. they do not add dice to their owning player’s Warp Charge Pool in the Psychic phase) and only harness Warp Charge points on a 6.
  • Stand Back, Commissar (aka Jurgen Ex Machina): Gunner Jurgen may not enter a challenge other than through Glorious Intervention to replace Commissar Ciaphas Cain, and he automatically passes the Initiative test to do so. Instead of making a close combat attack, at Jurgen's Initiative turn, he may make a ranged attack with his meltagun. Note that since the enemy will be within 2" of Jurgen, Melta rule for target within 1/2 weapon range applies.
  • Scrounger: Jurgen's voluminous collection of odds and ends can come in handy for offering that one unexpected edge. Once per turn, Ciaphas or Jurgan may reroll any one die they are called upon to roll.

See Also

If I Had Known... - A tentative story about Warhammer 40k's three most famous Commissars (Incomplete: Still at Prologue)

External Links

• Lexicanum page on Cain

Famous members of the Imperial Guard
Commissars:	Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt Commissar Anton Gebbet Commissar Ciaphas Cain Commissar Holt Commissar Lord Bernn Commissar Severina Raine Commissar Yarrick
Senior Officers:	Colonel Carus Brom Colonel Greiss Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken General Sturnn Governor-Militant Lukas Alexander Lieutenant-Colonel Mikail Leonid Lord Castellan Ursarkar E. Creed Lord Castellan Ursula J. Creed Lord General Castor Lord Solar Macharius Lord Solar Arcadian Leontus Vance Motherfucking Stubbs
Junior Officers:	Captain Al'Rahem Commander Kubrik Chenkov Knight Commander Pask
Enlisted Guardsmen:	Colour Sergeant Jarran Kell Gunner Ferik Jurgen Mogul Kamir Nork Deddog Ollanius Pius Sergeant Harker Sergeant Lukas Bastonne Sergeant Merrick Sly Marbo Trooper Arden