Imperial Fists: Difference between revisions
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<s>How smurfs became more famous for writing a book about how to be a Space Marine than the chapter who did all the shit for/with the Emperor, the [[Imperium]] may never know.</s> Actually that's pretty well-known. Dorn blamed himself for failing the Empra and Sanguinius for not being there when they faced Horus, so he was a bit [[rage|angry]] and wanted nothing else than punish the traitors. When [[Roboute Guilliman|Rowboat Girlyman]] arrived with his "Bro', I've got an [[awesome]] idea!" plan for the Imperium he first answered "GTFO! Gotta punish traitors! You should punish traitors too!". Then he got [[troll]]ed by [[Perturabo]] and lost many of his Battle-Brothers, and when Girlyman came again with his "Bro', you should really listen to my [[awesome]] idea" plan, he was a bit down because he just got trolled, and listened to Girlyman. Okay... one mistake in a whole lifetime! Awsome Primarch is still fuckin' Awesome!! | <s>How smurfs became more famous for writing a book about how to be a Space Marine than the chapter who did all the shit for/with the Emperor, the [[Imperium]] may never know.</s> Actually that's pretty well-known. Dorn blamed himself for failing the Empra and Sanguinius for not being there when they faced Horus, so he was a bit [[rage|angry]] and wanted nothing else than punish the traitors. When [[Roboute Guilliman|Rowboat Girlyman]] arrived with his "Bro', I've got an [[awesome]] idea!" plan for the Imperium he first answered "GTFO! Gotta punish traitors! You should punish traitors too!". Then he got [[troll]]ed by [[Perturabo]] and lost many of his Battle-Brothers, and when Girlyman came again with his "Bro', you should really listen to my [[awesome]] idea" plan, he was a bit down because he just got trolled, and listened to Girlyman. Okay... one mistake in a whole lifetime! Awsome Primarch is still fuckin' Awesome!! | ||
If you still doubt that the Imperial Fists are awesome, then look at this guy, Captain Darnath Lysander. You see Lysander was a Terminator, he and almost the entire first company teleported down on a planet, all regular business, but the Chaos Cultists used the warp to send most of the company into a mountain side (Good excuse for not loading the P-code into their GPS!). [[Just as planned]]. Lysander found the Company Captain dieing, but before he died he gave him the thunder hammer named, Fist of Dorn. After that, Lysander was named 1st Company Captain, he did so much crazy shit most people thought he was insane, but he was just awesome. Lysander lead a force of Fists into a warp stormed planet, hey not his best move but nobody is perfect. Many thought Lysander and all those with him died, but they re-emerged out of the Warp in a hijacked Iron Warrior Ship. You see Lysander and his force were taken prisoner by the [[Iron Warriors]]. Eventually Lysander, without weapons or armour, escaped and fought his way out to freedom. When he returned to the Imperial Fists Chapter, several centuries had passed in the material universe. After they made sure he wasn't corrupted by the years he spent in [[Warp|that god forsaken place]], Lysander to back his position as Captain of the 1st Company. Lysander then led a force to fuck up the Iron Warriors, and killed them all, thereby achieving vengeance. Not forgetting he likes to hunt Titans on foot, getting his Titanhammer squads to reduce them to extra parts for use in the TV show "Scrapyard Wars". | If you still doubt that the Imperial Fists are awesome, then look at this guy, Captain Darnath Lysander. You see Lysander was a Terminator, he and almost the entire first company teleported down on a planet, all regular business, but the Chaos Cultists used the warp to send most of the company into a mountain side (Good excuse for not loading the P-code into their GPS!). [[Just as planned]]. Lysander found the Company Captain dieing, but before he died he gave him the thunder hammer named, Fist of Dorn. After that, Lysander was named 1st Company Captain, he did so much crazy shit most people thought he was insane, but he was just awesome. Lysander lead a force of Fists into a warp stormed planet, hey not his best move but nobody is perfect. Many thought Lysander and all those with him died, but they re-emerged out of the Warp in a hijacked Iron Warrior Ship. You see Lysander and his force were taken prisoner by the [[Iron Warriors]]. Eventually Lysander, without weapons or armour, escaped and fought his way out to freedom. When he returned to the Imperial Fists Chapter, several centuries had passed in the material universe. After they made sure he wasn't corrupted by the years he spent in [[Warp|that god forsaken place]], Lysander to back his position as Captain of the 1st Company. Lysander then led a force to fuck up the Iron Warriors, and killed them all, thereby achieving vengeance. Not forgetting he likes to hunt Titans on foot, getting his Titanhammer squads to reduce them to extra parts for use in the TV show "Scrapyard Wars". Also, he's technically older than even Commander Dante, with only Bjorn being an older living SM, since he was a sergeant (~approx 150yrs) in 567.m40, making him roughly 1600yrs old to Dante's 1100. | ||
In short, Lysander is badass, hes [[Mary Sue|not perfect]], hes no smurf, but he is still awesome, and don't believe me, check Lexicanum out; http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Lysander. And he's tough as shit: 4 wounds @ 2+/3++ with eternal warrior to boot. And his hammer is arguably one of the best anti-tank weapons in the game. Nope, nothin' wrong here. Here is [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdlAerT2aT0 their theme], done by [[HMKids]], Fucking [[Awesome]]! | In short, Lysander is badass, hes [[Mary Sue|not perfect]], hes no smurf, but he is still awesome, and don't believe me, check Lexicanum out; http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Lysander. And he's tough as shit: 4 wounds @ 2+/3++ with eternal warrior to boot. And his hammer is arguably one of the best anti-tank weapons in the game. Nope, nothin' wrong here. Here is [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdlAerT2aT0 their theme], done by [[HMKids]], Fucking [[Awesome]]! | ||
Revision as of 20:08, 8 January 2013
| Imperial Fists | ||
|---|---|---|
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| Battle Cry | "Primarch-Progenitor, to your glory and the glory of him on earth!" | |
| Number | VII | |
| Founding | First Founding | |
| Successors of | N/A | |
| Successor Chapters | Black Templars, Crimson Fists, Executioners, Hammers of Dorn, Soul Drinkers | |
| Chapter Master | Vladimir Pugh | |
| Primarch | Rogal Dorn | |
| Homeworld | Used to be Inwit, then Terra, now a giant space fortress called the Phalanx | |
| Strength | 1000 Marines | |
| Specialty | Siege Warfare | |
| Allegiance | Imperium | |
| Colours | Yellow | |
The Imperial Fists are a First Founding chapter of yellow guys. Descended from Rogal Dorn, they the forefathers of the blue guys with red hands, as well as the in-game Angry Marines. They aren't as angry as the Angry Marines, but they get the shit done. Unlike some people.
Basically they're the true Vanilla Marines, albeit the most badass vanilla marines ever.
History
They also have a strange fetish for the pain glove. The weird thing is that it isn't even a glove. Apparently, it's just a fucking bodysuit hung on a gibbet or something that hurts you a lot. The name probably comes from "body glove" instead of the glove that goes on your hand. They appear in the Ultramarines movie, ostensibly to teach aforementioned smurfs how to get the shit done, or probably steal the movie from the smurfs and make the Theater explode due to epicness and faithful Imperium subjects yelling as many literal one liners of 40k when they see the motherfucking Imperial Fists. Also, John Hurt plays a IF chaplain in said film. Thus further solidifying that Imperial Fists = Awesome. Sadly, due to the amount of Smurf Fanboyism in said film, they die and some scrawny Ultramarine recruit saves the day instead. Which is fucking retarded.
They were the first to personally guard the Emperor before the Custodes during the Great Crusades (totally wrong, man). Not only that, their Primarch personally carried the Emperor's fucked up body all the way to the Golden Throne. A master of siege warfare and construction, in some paintings, Rogal Dorn is also portrayed as having a moustache. This naturally solidifies his position as demigod. He died after skullfucking an entire Chaos armada with a handful of Marines in rowboats he built in a cave, with a box of scraps.
How smurfs became more famous for writing a book about how to be a Space Marine than the chapter who did all the shit for/with the Emperor, the Imperium may never know. Actually that's pretty well-known. Dorn blamed himself for failing the Empra and Sanguinius for not being there when they faced Horus, so he was a bit angry and wanted nothing else than punish the traitors. When Rowboat Girlyman arrived with his "Bro', I've got an awesome idea!" plan for the Imperium he first answered "GTFO! Gotta punish traitors! You should punish traitors too!". Then he got trolled by Perturabo and lost many of his Battle-Brothers, and when Girlyman came again with his "Bro', you should really listen to my awesome idea" plan, he was a bit down because he just got trolled, and listened to Girlyman. Okay... one mistake in a whole lifetime! Awsome Primarch is still fuckin' Awesome!!
If you still doubt that the Imperial Fists are awesome, then look at this guy, Captain Darnath Lysander. You see Lysander was a Terminator, he and almost the entire first company teleported down on a planet, all regular business, but the Chaos Cultists used the warp to send most of the company into a mountain side (Good excuse for not loading the P-code into their GPS!). Just as planned. Lysander found the Company Captain dieing, but before he died he gave him the thunder hammer named, Fist of Dorn. After that, Lysander was named 1st Company Captain, he did so much crazy shit most people thought he was insane, but he was just awesome. Lysander lead a force of Fists into a warp stormed planet, hey not his best move but nobody is perfect. Many thought Lysander and all those with him died, but they re-emerged out of the Warp in a hijacked Iron Warrior Ship. You see Lysander and his force were taken prisoner by the Iron Warriors. Eventually Lysander, without weapons or armour, escaped and fought his way out to freedom. When he returned to the Imperial Fists Chapter, several centuries had passed in the material universe. After they made sure he wasn't corrupted by the years he spent in that god forsaken place, Lysander to back his position as Captain of the 1st Company. Lysander then led a force to fuck up the Iron Warriors, and killed them all, thereby achieving vengeance. Not forgetting he likes to hunt Titans on foot, getting his Titanhammer squads to reduce them to extra parts for use in the TV show "Scrapyard Wars". Also, he's technically older than even Commander Dante, with only Bjorn being an older living SM, since he was a sergeant (~approx 150yrs) in 567.m40, making him roughly 1600yrs old to Dante's 1100.
In short, Lysander is badass, hes not perfect, hes no smurf, but he is still awesome, and don't believe me, check Lexicanum out; http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Lysander. And he's tough as shit: 4 wounds @ 2+/3++ with eternal warrior to boot. And his hammer is arguably one of the best anti-tank weapons in the game. Nope, nothin' wrong here. Here is their theme, done by HMKids, Fucking Awesome!
Daily routine
3:00-Reville: The Imperial Fists are roused from their iron slabs and spiked beds to start the day. Morning Prayer is still an hour away, but it takes that long just to get past the locks and barricades they put up the night before.
4:00-Morning Prayer: The Imperial Fists assemble for a sermon by the Chaplains. The poses of fealty they maintain are specifically designed to be the most physically uncomfortable possible.
5:00-Morning Firing Rites: The Imperial Fists assemble to practice their firing drills. You can imagine everyone's surprise when the Chapter serfs learn that the Fists have built up fortifications around their firing ranges.
6:00-Battle Practice: The Imperial Fists descend into the battle cages for practice in close combat and moving targets. Frequently the Imperial Fists will forgo medical attention for injuries.
9:00-Pain Stimulation: The Imperial Fists undergo pain stimulation and endurance tests. Such tests range from the Pain Glove to sitting naked in rooms where the temperature is designed to simulate the night-side of Inwit during winter.
12:00-Midday meal: A light meal is prepared by the Chapter serfs. Showing pleasure at the taste earns you an hour in the Pain Glove. Rumors that Imperial Fists deliberately say they enjoyed the meal to get into the Pain Glove have never been proven.
12:30-Tactical Indoctrination: The Imperial Fists undergo tactical indoctrination on what sort of enemies they can expect to be crusading against in the near future, how to best design fortifications to stop them, and what sort of pain contact with their weapons causes.
16:00-Evening Firing rites: The Imperial Fists engage in evening firing drills.
20:00-Evening Prayer: The Imperial Fists assemble for a sermon by the Chaplains.
21:00-Evening Meal: A feast is prepared by for the Imperial Fists by the Chapter serfs.
22:00-Evening Fortifications: The Imperial Fists set up fortifications in their cells to make sure no one can get into their room and surprise them while sleeping.
23:00-Rest: The Imperial Fists retire to their iron slabs or spiked beds for the evening.
Gallery
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Line Holding Specialty. Angry Prussians in Space FTW!
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Marcius Flavius, the first space marine assigned to a Federation starship in the historic Federation-Imperium officer exchange program
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First Captain Lysander.
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Rogal Dorn.
