Sly Marbo

This article is awesome. Do not fuck it up.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

– Sly Marbo, as depicted in TTS

"We're like animals. It's in the blood. It's natural. Peace? That's an accident. It's what is. When you're pushed, killing is as easy as breathing."

– John Rambo.

I'm a lead farmer motherfucker!

Sly Marbo in a nutshell.

Sly Marbo (Sly as in Sylvester Stallone, Marbo as in an anagram of Rambo, with a recent dash of Arnie and Snake Plissken) is a renowned member of the Catachan Jungle Fighters, however, he operates separately from other Catachan units as he's a lone wolf almost all the time. One of two people to ever win a Paradox poker match at the Chaos Casino.

Marbo in Universe

As RAMBO a Catachan native, the jungle is his element, and he is capable of buttfucking entire armies through his innate skill at jungle and guerrilla warfare. He strikes from seemingly nowhere and disappears back into the dense jungle. He is famous for his excellent sniping skills (Which make a Vindicare Assassin look like an Ork) and is considered to be one of the deadliest Humans in existence; not bad for a Guardsman...

Mysterious and aloof, little is known about Marbo's origins, and most of what is said remains speculation. Only his bro, Colonel Traupman (totally not Trautman from the Rambo films) knows the truth of his past. Marbo is so majestically ripped, that his fellow Jungle Fighters compare him to a small Ork, to the point that his muscley bulk is considered almost inhuman, oh and his eyes are scary as all fuck.

It is said that he was one of ten brothers inducted into the Catachan XII Regiment, but they all ended up getting killed by Orks. Pissed off that he had lost his Bruva Marbos, Sly hunted down the Ork Warboss, killed him, and strode on back to base with his head.

Marbo then gained renown as one of the few survivors of the Dark Eldar incursion of Galabad. The small garrison of Jungle Fighters stationed on the planet was too few in number compared to the hordes of xenos, and was soon overrun. Many historians recount the horrific details of long, dark nights of torture, in which the Catachan prisoners were dismembered whilst Wyches and Mandrakes bathed in the blood of their victims (kinky). It was Marbo's boi, Colonel Traupman who led the rescue force that eventually found Sly: the mad bastard was standing alone and armed only with a knife, covered from head to toe in alien blood. Marbo had prepared for his pal's arrival though, as he was surrounded by destroyed vehicles, piles of alien bodies and had even bothered to put the head of the Dark Eldar leader on a fancy stake. What a nice guy!

Marbo's exploits have gotten to the point where regular Guardsmen practically worship his holy Rambo-ness. Good ol' Sly has fought his way from one end of the galaxy to the other attached to various Catachan regiments, including the famed badasses, the Catachan II. Here Sly works alone: Straken only needs to give him the order and he will turn enemy leaders into lasagne, break the back of enemy advances, and blow the fuck out of enemy war machines. On Pardus, it is said that he destroyed a Tau armored convoy by booby-trapping an entire ravine, while on Sask's World he captured a command post single-handedly, slaying the alien leader and all of its tentacled bodyguards, using only his BARE HANDS and a RATION TIN! It is said that during the Octavius War Marbo hunted Lictors for sport. That aside, Marbo has a collection of medals that would rival a Warmaster, having been awarded the Star of Terra multiple times for his legendary exploits (The Star of Terra is the IG's Medal of Honor/Victoria Cross).

On the planet of Nordassa, Marbo destroyed a BANELORD FUCKING TITAN. Nobody knows how, because the pussies at Segmentum Command decided to make the details of his mission highly classified, even on his own file. He probably wrecked it simply by pissing in its general direction.

During Rambo II the Third War for Armageddon, Sly fucking Marbo was sent out to get shit done against the Orks. Normally, entire warbands of elite Assassins and soldiers would venture into Armageddon’s wastelands. But everyone knew that Marbo don't need that shit, so they sent him out on his own.

At the start of Rambo III the 13th Black Crusade, Marbo began his own shadow war against the enemies of the Imperium. Marbo wrought so much havoc using well-placed headshots and improvised explosives that entire encampments full of Chaos Space Marines were found destroyed. The destruction was on such a scale that Imperial forces figured it could only have been caused by a force of loyalist Spehss Marines, eventually finding out that it was Sly fucking Marbo, alone and doing what he does best.

If you consider If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device canon, then there is a spinoff where Vulkan and Corvus Corax take a vacation, and learn from Colonel Straken and the Catachan II why Marbo was so powerful: He's actually a Living Saint. He was so fucking awesome alone that he achieved apotheosis, however, unlike that of the kinds of Saint Celestine, he rejected all the blatantly Christian parts of angel wings, halos and doves because they were too unmanly for his presence (but he won't judge any men that do, cause he is a bro like that, not holding anything inherent against anyone except Erebus but that goes without saying). Marbo and the Catachans abhor such fabulous pretentiousness, for they were born and made to survive in the worst, poorest and dirtiest of conditions, and adorning such elements of fabulous wealth is hypocrisy, and a betrayal against their native roots.

Marbo in Game

Marbo is an Elites unit choice for the Imperial Guard even though he's the quiet type and can't take a warlord trait (HQs secret weapon?). In 9th edition he is still a force to be reckoned with, albeit not the OP meme character some of us know.

9th edition

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points	PL
Sly Marbo	6	2+	2+	4	3	5	5	7	5+	50	3

Weapon	Range	Type	ROF	S	AP	D	Abilities
Ripper Pistol	12	Pistol	3	5	-2	2	Ignores Look Out, Sir. Unmodified wound rolls of 6 inflict 1 additional mortal wound.
Envenomed Blade	1	Melee	5	+2 (6)	-2	1	Increase D to 2 against non-vehicle models.
Frag Grenade	6	Grenade	D6 (3.5)	3	0	1	Blast

Abilities

• Hidden Ambush: Sly Marbo can Deep Strike. On the turn he Deep Strikes, he can re-roll charge rolls.
• Like Fighting a Shadow: Once per battle, at the end of any fight phase, Sly Marbo can disappear. If he does, remove him from the battlefield. At the end of your next Movement phase he deep strikes in (but doesn't re-roll charge rolls).
• Loner: Sly Marbo can never have be your Warlord (cuz he's mooooooody).
• Regimental Tactics
• catachan, melta mine, sly marbo: Can use the Melta Mine stratagem and gets +3 to the roll when using the Vicious Traps stratagem.

Previous editions

In 5th edition he used to cost the same amount as the current Marbo at 65 points (so the same as a 10-man squad of Guardsmen with a grenade launcher and power weapon) but took a hiatus in 6th, no doubt fighting xenos scum in the corner of the galaxy. He returned (as in more than just in SW:A) as of 5/4/17 for 7th. In 5th Edition, he used to have a demo charge to toss an S8 AP2 pie plate of death on a unit upon his arrival. That's how he would usually make his 65 points back. His 25 point incarnation loses the demo charge and instead gained the ability to "booby trap" 3 pieces of terrain, making them dangerous terrain for enemy units for the duration of the game. His method of gaining his points back is to hope that someone dies on the terrain or that he manages to kill a couple of models with his pistol or in CC.

If you were able to strike him into enemy lines, Sly would inevitably die because your opponent would really want him dead due to the threat he posed against infantry. Marbo, however, IS the shit. His knife was 2+ poisoned, and his pistol was Strength X, AP3 with Sniper, and carried a melta bomb as standard, he was pretty good at assault and shooting (although his shooting attack was somewhat short-ranged, so you're better off charging the enemy lines) and would invariably wreck some expensive squad's day before he dies a glorious death, assuming he got close, due to his 5+ FNP, Stealth, Move Through Cover, Hit and Run and Fleet, and the special rules "He's Behind You", "Like a Shadow" and "Master of Ambush" allowed him to charge out of cover to strike into the enemy lines, unleash SIX ATTACKS (4 standard, +1 on the charge, +1 for having two weapons) AT I5 onto whichever poor SOB is in his sights, then disengage and RETURN TO RESERVES to strike from the shadows once again. If he ever DOES die, reality will stop for a brief moment and The Emprah will be heard to shout "What's wrong? Sly? Sly? SLYYYYYYYY!" (what really happens is he is dead, in pretend, and then slips back into the jungle to strike at his foe at a later date...)

Marbo in Novel

Marbo appeared in the novel Deathworld. In the novel, the main characters, though in a squad of 10, were already having trouble surviving the planet and its life. It was made impossible to fall asleep and wake up (because you'd already be dead!) without someone keeping watch over you. How the hell then did Sly Marbo do it? Nobody really knows, maybe it's because of the facts below. In fact, he is one of the most poorly developed characters in the entire 40k history; some speculate that he is on par with Boreale and Carron. And in the Codex the little that is mentioned of him makes him out to be even more of a badass; he is known to have been awarded multiple Stars of Terra (the highest military award in the Imperium), so many in fact that he stopped caring and needed someone else to hold them for him.

Death, Return, Death, and Return of a Hero

According to the 7th edition Codex, he wasn't listed anymore (rumored due to Ultramarine fans' bitching). Pray to your gods for the return of Marbo. The Emperor protects.

PRAISE TEH EMPRAH! Marbo's model is now available for purchase again (for now) still no rules though... Sly doesn't need rules. Fielding him is an instant victory.

SLY IS REALLY BACK FOR GOOD! HE HAS RULES FOR BEING FIELDED IN SHADOW WAR: ARMAGEDDON! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (With Ld 7 lol what a fucking pussy *BLAM* Heresy! and he's fearless anyway, the ld value is just the standard there as filler) - He´s also back for Full-Scale 40K now, with new rules that basically turn him into a light Eversor. New rules that will only be valid for the next couple of months before 8th drops (and for 8e as GW said every character and unit that has rules will be getting an updated set, even if Sly's is just another PDF), but who cares, SLY IS BACK (and is probably right behind you). As it turns out, his new model is a conversion from Catachan sets. And he's gone again so fuck this shit.

And now he's back again... for real this time. A White Dwarf page has leaked showing a shiny new (and not converted) Sly Marbo model to be released on December 23rd. His model has Snake Plissken's Gun, Arnold Schwarzenegger's biceps from Commando, and he even comes with Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors on the base (he's still behind you). He's once again locked at 65 points, and is once again an HQ. He retains his deep strike capability but can no longer appear RIGHT BEHIND YOU (using the standard 9" deep strike deployment), instead forcing you to choose between a melta bomb of horror, a free snipe, or a free movement, letting him move in. Unfortunately, due to his comparatively low stats, other than the fact that he has up to 8 Attacks on 2s and 2s, only the bomb will be likely to do anything, but who cares HE'S BACK, PRAISE THE EMPRAH.

Sly Marbo Facts

Now canon according to the Regimental Standard, although it insists they're all just exaggerated rumors because they're spoilsports. Warning: repeating these in front of a Commissar is punishable by being reassigned to Plasma Gunner duty.

Now collapsible for ease of reading.

• There was once a bridge named after Sly Marbo, the name had to be changed after no-one dared to cross Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo looks good in finecast.
• Sly Marbo threw a grenade and killed five Orks. Then it exploded.
• Sly Marbo poked the Warp right in the Eye of Terror.
• A Catachan Devil once stung Sly Marbo. After 5 days of agonizing pain, the Catachan Devil died.
• Flak armour wears Sly Marbo for protection.
• Sly Marbo doesn’t have a shadow because he scared it off.
• When Ambulls go to bed at night, they check their nests for Sly Marbo.
• The fastest way to a man’s heart is with Sly Marbo’s blade.
• Sly Marbo once shot down a Dakkajet by pointing at it with his finger and saying “bang!”.
• Sly Marbo doesn’t shower, he takes blood baths.
• Lord Castellan Creed wears Sly Marbo pyjamas.
• If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Sly Marbo.
• The official name for “Exterminatus” is Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo beat a Warlord Titan at arm wrestling.
• Sly Marbo hacked a Tyranid Prime to death with its own scything talon.
• Tau males live in fear that Marbo will kill them all and rape their women. But Marbo can't do that, since they're all willing.
• Sly Marbo can run faster than a Shokkjump Dragster.
• Sly Marbo sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
• The Cicatrix Maledictum was created when Sly Marbo sneezed.
• The first name engraved in every suit of Custodes’ armour is Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo does not sleep. He waits…
• Sly Marbo does not go hunting because “hunting” implies the possibility of failure – Sly Marbo goes killing.
• Roboute Gulliman keeps an inspirational pict of Sly Marbo with him at all times.
• Sly Marbo won a staring contest with a Necron.
• The Bermuda Triangle disappeared when Sly Marbo went through it.
• Sly Marbo is not trapped in a Tomb World full of Necrons, they are all trapped in there with him.
• Sly Marbo expected the Spanish Inquisition.
• Skarbrand does NOT hate Sly Marbo. He's terrified of him.
• The Emperor is actually just a temporary replacement for Sly Marbo. Sly Marbo got bored being the ruler of mankind and went off to kill things, leaving the Emperor in his place.
• Marc Lecointe is Sly Marbo in disguise.
• Sly Marbo is Marc Lecointe in disguise.
• Sly Marbo can eat soup with a fork.
• When the biggest badasses in the multiverse meet up, Sly Marbo leads them into battle.
• The Emperor is actually alive and fully functioning, he's just too scared to move in case Sly Marbo remembers him and comes back for his old job.
• Sly Marbo pisses at things and they explode.
• Sly Marbo can also put out phosphex fires by pissing on them!
• Sly Marbo can weld adamantium with his piss.
• Sly Marbo doesn't afraid of anything!
• Sly Marbo once took a job as a leading role in a theater, someone said break a leg. Sly Marbo was only too happy to oblige by breaking the legs of everyone in the theater. The play got 5 stars by the way.
• Sly Marbo has longer range than old Deathstrike Missiles.
• As of ettra 2017, Sly Marbo can now be launched from a Deathstrike Missile Launcher, and much like an Exterminatus, he kills every unit on and off the table including reserves and the ones you didn't field today. And the players need to be hospitalized.
• Any time Sly Marbo makes laser noises such as "pew pew", any being on the other end of that pew pew will suffer wounds similar to that which a Lascannon could inflict.
• Sly Marbo can shoot lasers from his eyes, that's where the term "laser eye surgery" comes from because you're gonna need a doctor after he's done with you!
• Sly Marbo, doesn't just kill 2 birds with the one stone, he kills entire flocks with a stone.
• Sly Marbo doesn't add insult to injury, his insults are the injury.
• Sly Marbo once went to court over a parking ticket violation. He found everyone in the room guilty of wasting the court's time.
• Sly Marbo once played a game of Tetris, he beat the game with one move.
• Sly Marbo once crashed the stock market....There were no survivors.
• Sly Marbo beat the Emperor, Tzeench, cheogarth, and The Deceiver in Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker. At once. By accident. He then agreed to never participate in the game again simply because it would be unfair.
• Sly Marbo invented walking softly and carrying a big gun. With a knife.
• Sly Marbo once shot down an enemy Heldrake by pointing his finger in the shape of a gun and saying "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" ("bang")
• Sly Marbo can beat a wall in a Tennis match.
• Sly Marbo can make a woman (or a gay man) climax by winking or nodding at her/him.
• Sly Marbo never smiles, because his face is made out of adamantium, but can produce pheromones that make you think he did.
• Sly Marbo can make planets explode by blinking.
• Chaos Space Marines no longer have the 'And They Shall Know No Fear' special rule because they know that Sly Marbo is out to get them.
• Sly Marbo can impregnate a woman if anything from him touches her vag. He also DOESN'T get a paternity suit further down the line.
• Only Samus Aran, Red Sonja, Wonder Woman, And the shaman queen have wombs strong enough to bear Sly Marbo's children. Nope, not Celestine, partly because Celestine is one of Marbo's kids that he doesn't want to talk about.
• Sly Marbo once got launched back to the year 1506 AD, January 22nd, and trained a group of people to be mercenaries. They were the Swiss Guard.
• Sly Marbo is the only being in existence to have enough Dakka. With a knife.
• Sly Marbo was the first living being to discover DAKKA.
• Sly Marbo can hide from Creed...Though he won’t because it’s not manly.
• Sly Marbo CAN and WILL. End of discussion.
• Sly Marbo is fortifying this position.
• Sly Marbo killed JFK from behind the Grassy Knoll.
• Sly Marbo also killed JFK from the book depository.
• Sly Marbo can melt steel beams.
• Sly Marbo is recursion.
• Sly Marbo is recursion.
• Sly Marbo is recursion.
• Sly Marbo challenged Sigmar to an arm wrestling match, but the dimension they were in folded in on itself due to the shear weight of epic before the match could end. The survivors said that he might even have been winning.
• Sly Marbo was Karl's only friend.
• Sly Marbo isn't Alpharius or Omegon, Alpharius, Omegon and the whole of the rest of the Alpha Legion are Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo is the only person capable of actually killing Trazyn (Lord of Magpies) The Infinite.
• Sly Marbo is the oldest being in the universe as he killed everything else. So when he created the Chaos Gods they were so afraid of him they created their own dimension to flee from him. They think they are safe from Sly Marbo but the truth is they are not.
• The Old Ones created the Orks in an attempt to kill Marbo. This is why the Old Ones are extinct.
• Once the Emperor and Sly high fived. The shockwave cut the galaxy in half, creating The Great Rift.
• Sly Marbo beat Gork and Mork at the same time in an arm wrestling match. They both got to use two arms.
• Sly Marbo is not actually silent, but is actually screaming "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA". The only reason why people cannot hear him is because only the most badass people to exist can hear it, which is why the Emprah has a single continuous headache on the Golden Throne.
• Sly Marbo never stops screaming because it is a victory scream and Sly Marbo has already won.
• Sly Marbo is never added to an army. Army lists are added to Sly Marbo. Watch here for the reversed demonstration: [1]
• Exterminatus destroys planets. Sly Marbo destroys segmenta galaxies.
• Sly Marbo can and will single-handedly destroy the Tyranids. By looking at them.
• Sly Marbo eats Carnifexes for breakfast, alive, with or without the aid of sauce.
• Sly Marbo models assemble and paint themselves.
• Sly Marbo can out AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA an Ork WAAAGH! and a Space Wolves RAAAAAAAAAARGH!
• Sly Marbo slayed all the Dark Eldar by himself and yelled out his mighty AAAAAAAAAAAAAA to free all of the captives from their cages [2]
• Sly Marbo goes to war waitwalking.
• Even I, Cato Sicarius admit Marbo is better than I, Cato Sicarius.
• No matter the conditions Sly Marbo smells like victory.
• Sly Marbo can stay so still that not even his atoms vibrate.
  • Since Absolute Zero is a thing, this means Marbo is the coldest man in the universe. In fact, his temperature when fully still is how Absolute Zero is determined in the first place.
• Sly Marbo taught Drax how to do the above.
• Sly Marbo is the reason the Void Dragon shard on Mars is hiding.
• There is one Sly Marbo in every universe, they regularly meet up and play Uno (no one Sly Marbo has yet to out do the other).
• Sly Marbo scares the living shit out of all the Ordo Malleus, Ordo Hereticus, and Ordo Xenos put together.
• Sly Marbo passes any characteristic test he is required to take including Toughness, Leadership, STD, Genetic, Initiative, and Paternity.
• Abaddon stole the Planet Killer off the shelf in his local supermarket. When he got home and opened the box he found Marbo sitting inside. Following this, he jumped out of the box, and ripped off Abaddon's arms, and that's why all the Abaddon models have crappy arms0
• In Dawn of War 2: Retribution, Tyranid ending, the swarm strips all life from subsector Aurelia. Well, 99.999% of it; Marbo is still there.
• Sly Marbo's mini was once used in Dungeons and Dragons. The mini killed every monster in the manual, before killing the Dungeon Master and all players present.
• In the movement phase, Sly Marbo remains stationary and moves the gaming table 6" in any direction.
• Lightsabers are powered by Marbo's toenail clippings.
• Sly Marbo once fought Nurgle and changed him into a flower.
• When Sly Marbo falls in water he doesn't get wet. The water gets Sly Marbo.
• They developed a new branch of the Inquisition specifically for Marbo - Ordo Marbicus.
• Sly Marbo killed Batman's parents.
• Sly Marbo knows where in the galaxy Leman Russ is, but he won't tell because he doesn't want anyone to find the body.
• The Emperor isn't on the Golden Throne, he just left a dummy there to keep Marbo off his trail. Marbo's not fooled.
• The Grim Reaper doesn't come for Sly Marbo, Sly Marbo comes for the Grim Reaper.
• Sly Marbo has two speeds, Stalk and Exterminatus.
• Sly Marbo doesn't need no stinkin' key-card.
• Sly Marbo made Slaanesh his bitch. TWICE.
  • It is rumored that Slaanesh suffered permanent nerve damage and can no longer climax unless Sly Marbo winks at Him/Her/It.
• Sly Marbo passed a paternity test for Khorne.
• Sly Marbo is on Nurgle's list for two reasons; Sly Marbo repels all dirt and germs and Sly Marbo seduced Isha. ALSO TWICE. FOR BOTH THINGS.
• Sly Marbo bitchslapped Horus. Horus apologized.
• If Marbo's demo charge scatters back on him, he kicks the template back so that it lands on the enemy General.
• Sly isn't the missing Primarch. He is the entire Missing Legion!
• Sly Marbo really loves kittens and puppies. He thinks they're best served rare.
• Sly Marbo never washes. Dirt is too afraid to touch him.
• Sly Marbo ALWAYS eats soup with a fork.
  • If he can't find a fork, a chainsword will do.
• Sly Marbo is Toughness D.
• Sly Marbo eats Tyranid Rippers for breakfast, lunch, and tea. Without sauce.
• When MC Hammer is around, it's Hammertime. When Marbo is around, you know poor MC will never be back.
• Sly Marbo!...IS RIGHT HEEERREEE!
• Jesus can walk on water. Marbo can swim through solid rock.
• Slaanesh lost its virginity to Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo gets discounts from Games Workshop.
• Sly Marbo gets discounts from Forge World.
• Sly Marbo's paints thin themselves.
• Sly Marbo's Finecast models won't break or bend even if thrown and stomped on.
• Sly Marbo looks good in parachute pants.
• Sly Marbo once challenged the Eye Of Terror to a staring contest, he won.
• Medusa turned to stone when she made eye contact with Sly Marbo.
• Just as The Emperor was about to finish off Horus Sly Marbo swung in and killed the whiny rebellious Primarch before Emps could, all the while yelling "KILLSTOLEN BITCH!" The Emperor was too busy dying to protest.
• Sly Marbo can touch this.
• Sly Marbo watches the Watchmen.
• The Death Star's turbolaser is powered by Sly Marbo's pubic hair. He only gave some to the Empire because Alderaan was lowering his property values.
• Sly Marbo destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
• Sly Marbo made Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt's spare camo cloak out of fibers from his own chest hair.
• Sly Marbo doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
• Sly Marbo has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a little jar next to his bed. Don't worry; it was an evil child that had killed its parents.
• Sly Marbo stole my heart. I think he ate it.
• Sly Marbo sleeps waits with a pillow under his gun.
• Exterminatus is Marbo's breath, bottled.
• Sly Marbo is the Shadow in the Warp.
• It is said that Sly Marbo's tears can bring back The Emperor. Sadly, Marbo never cries and never will.
• Sly Marbo does not sweat from his eyes. Nothing escapes those soulless pits.
• Sly Marbo doesn't drive vehicles, the vehicle drive themselves trying to get away.
• Sly Marbo doesn't fire his weapon, it's just that the ammo inside his gun is scared and fires itself.
• Krieg was never purged by the Death Korps. Marbo just ate too many beans.
• Seal Team Six is code for "Sly Marbo", now you can be sure Bin Laden is dead.
• The Tyranids actually came to our galaxy fleeing from Mr. Popo. What they don't realize, however, is that Popo, in a classic pincer maneuver, has sent them right into Sly Marbo's waiting arms.
• The Nightbringer doesn't go outside at night because he's worried that Sly Marbo is waiting for him. He is.
• A Venomthrope bit Sly Marbo once. After 2 weeks of excruciating pain and agony, the Venomthrope died.
• Sly Marbo isn't addicted to lho sticks, lho sticks are addicted to Sly Marbo.
• Most Vindicare Assassins want to grow up to be just like Sly Marbo, most however grow up to be killed by him.
• Cypher keeps running to escape Sly Marbo. Sly Marbo is aware of that and waits for the perfect time to strike.
• The Eye of Terror was created when Sly Marbo punched a star with his bare fist.
• Sly Marbo conquered the whole Ultima Segmentum once twice four times.
• Sly Marbo let the dogs out.
• Sly Marbo beat Papa Smurf in arm wrestling using his little finger.
• Sly Marbo would kill the Marines Malevolent by clicking his fingers if he found out what they were really like.
• Even the Angry Marines are scared of Marbo. Even their Chapter Master: Temperus Maximum, can't curse or even look at him with the slightest bit of anger.
• A Bloodthirster once challenged Sly Marbo. The experience was so traumatizing that it has refused to manifest into realspace since he fears being in the same plane of existence as Marbo. Little does it realise Marbo can enter the Warp at any time.
• Konrad Curze wasn't killed by a Callidus Assassin, Marbo just dropped by and kicked him in the happy sack so hard that he hasn't gotten up to this day. The Imperium just used the Assassin as a cover story to make it look like the Assassinorum still has its uses.
• Vance Motherfucking Stubbs, Colonel "I mindfucked an Eldar Farseer with my non-psychic mind" Straken, and Sly Marbo regularly get together for poker night in a secret dimension which only pure essences of awesome may visit. Creed doesn't get invited because nobody likes it when a stack of ordinary poker chips turns out to be a squadron of Leman Russ Demolishers, just lying in wait.
• Sly Marbo can beat a squadron of Leman Russ Demolishers with a High Card 7.
• When Marbo fails his armor or invulnerable save, the one who caused it gets the wound.
• Sly Marbo stared into Slaanesh him/her/itself, Slaanesh later lost his/her/its soul to Marbo.
• Sly Marbo took a stroll through the Gardens of Nurgle, it was left sterilized and lemony fresh.
• Sly Marbo gave Nurgle the clap.
• Sly Marbo got into Tzeentch's forbidden library, blindfolded, in just 5 seconds. And only because he gave the library a 4.9 second head start.
• Khorne didn't cause the endless chasm in his brass citadel out of rage, Marbo just put his foot down in front of Khorne's throne.
• Sly Marbo once gave a riddle to the Deceiver, which the Deceiver still haven't solved.
• Khaela Mensha Khaine only shattered into a bajillion pieces after Marbo punched him in the gut.
• Horus is said to have killed Sanguinius because the Angel was tired from battle. That battle was losing an arm wrestling match with Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo could heal Roboute Guilliman and Lion El'Jonson. Experience has just taught him they won't be awesome enough to receive it.
• The Winter Soldier is one of the most powerful assassins in the Marvel universe. Sly Marbo taught the Winter Soldier in 30 minutes.
• Lorgar is said to be on Sicarius communing with the Chaos Gods. He's really just trying to hide from Sly Marbo (and Corax, but Marbo brought him along as they're stealth buddies).
• Logan Grimnar once challenged Sly Marbo to a drinking contest. The Great Wolf fell into a coma trying to beat Marbo. As punishment, Logan must now ride a pretty little sleigh dragged by wolves.
• Dante's Death Mask curses anyone who looks at him. He's terrified of what will happen if he looks at Sly Marbo while wearing it.
• Eldrad takes everything into account when making a plan. Sly Marbo is the one unpredictable factor.
• Sly Marbo can out dick Eldrad
• Sly Marbo once banished an entire daemonic horde by giving it a mean look.
• Marbo once dueled an Eversor assassin in close combat, he managed to literally rip the assassin in half with his bare hands and end the fight in just 10 seconds flat.
  • The first 9 seconds was the Eversor assassin working up the courage to attack and running towards him.
• Whenever Marbo spits at someone, his spit turns into a plasma bolt. Whenever he fails his "Gets Hot" roll, the one he spat at explodes. (Note: Sly Marbo never fails any rolls unless he chooses to do so.)
• Sly Marbo pisses melta fire.
• Marbo can be an Ultramarine, but hates them anyway, so he doesn't care.
• The Administratum once attempted to impose a higher tithe on Catachan. Sly Marbo was sent, and now Catachan is now adeptus non. They still send troops for fun anyway.
• A Miral land shark once tried to ambush Marbo like Straken. Unlike Straken, the land shark's teeth shattered the second it bit Marbo.
• Sly Marbo makes Khorne Berzerkers take morale checks ... twice.
• Marbo once defeated Tzeentch in a chess game ... with just 3 moves.
• Kaldor Draigo is actually Marbo in disguise, he just assumes this form to troll fa/tg/uys for fun.
• Marbo once killed a Hierophant bio-titan by bitch-slapping it in the face, he then killed the entire brood of Tyranids following it by ripping-off one of the dead Hierophant's scything talons and using it as a weapon.
• Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka is said to have left the Third War for Armageddon because he got bored. He really left because he learned Sly Marbo was coming.
• Sly Marbo once cut himself to see what all the fuss was about. The resulting blood formed into Ollanius Pius.
• Sly Marbo's sweat is the poison that lines his weapon.
• Orks wear Gork and Mork pajamas. Gork and Mork wear Sly Marbo pajamas.
• Sly Marbo sleeps waits with a nightlight, not because he's scared of the Night Lords, but because the Night Lords are scared of Marbo.
• A Daemon Prince once saved a Cadian regiment from Necrons; the Guardsmen were baffled until they realized the daemon had been possessed by Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo can kick a Bolter Bitch in the balls.
• The Crimson Fists got their name after Sly Marbo played bloody knuckles with Pedro Kantor.
• Sly Marbo once took Moondrakken for a joyride. He brought it back with all the radio presets changed and the seat readjusted. Kor'sarro Khan didn't dare complain.
• The Salamanders hold that Vulkan will return when they collect all nine of his sacred artifacts. So far they've recovered five. Sly Marbo has not seen fit to return the other four.
• Marbo once ate a Deathstrike Missile Launcher. He thought it was bland.
• Sly Marbo once broke the battlements of Medrengard in an hour.
• Sly Marbo was once on a planet subjected to virus bombing. Sly Marbo's immune system killed the viruses before they infected him. And then his immune system killed everyone else on the planet.
• Sly Marbo taught tactics to - wait, what's that Titan doing there?

"CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED"

• Sly Marbo can strangle you with a cordless Vox.
• Sly Marbo has constipation issues, because he knows his feces could be used to track him in the field.
• Indrick Boreale once spoke Sly Marbo's name and the sheer awesomeness fixed his speech impediment.
• A greater Daemon once possessed Sly Marbo… No one knows what happened to it.
• Sly Marbo doesn't need meltabombs. He just pisses on a tank and it explodes.
• The Necrons went into stasis because Marbo was killing everything else.
• Any time a Farseer says "Just as planned", Marbo will be standing behind them with murder in his eyes.
• Sly Marbo's favorite sandwich is a Catachan Barking Toad between two meltabombs.
• Sly Marbo is the Stig.
• Sly Marbo is the Senate.
• Sly Marbo once traveled back in time and killed the Arch-Heretic Matt Ward before he worked at GW. He only brought him back to life after he decided life without him would be boring.
• Sly Marbo tried to fix Age of Sigmar. Even Sly Marbo has his limits.
  • Then he made it less bad. He gave up and killed the designers when they later foolishly ruined his hard work.
• Sly Marbo's glare is treated as a Plasma Blastgun with the rate of fire of a Punisher Gatling Cannon.
  • His stinkeye counts as a Nova Cannon with a rate of fire of a Vulcan Mega Bolter.
• Kharn The Betrayer once fought Marbo. Kharn was found embedded in the hull of an orbiting starship. He took the defeat pretty well.
• Plasma weapons use a synthetic form of Marbo's testosterone. In its natural state it is white-hot and obliterates everything it touches.
• Sly Marbo once had intestinal parasites. Once he shat them out they became known as Catachan Devils.
• Marbo once allowed a Guard player to use his mini, the Necron player he fought wasn't allowed to take Reanimation Protocol rolls, the Tau player he fought got into melee and the Daemon player he fought tried and failed to dance An'ggrath around the map out of Marbo's reach.
• Slaanesh needs to masturbate every time Sly Marbo kills a Carnifex. Chaos Realm suffers chronic floodings.
• Sly Marbo stole the Blood Ravens' home planet.
  • He also stole their history to get back at the magpies stealing his toothbrush, which is also his knife.
• Sly Marbo's Internet seems slow. That's just because he's faster than it.
• Sly Marbo gives out a special rule ... Feel MORE Pain.
• The Milkshake doesn't bring Sly Marbo to the yard, Sly Marbo was already there. And he brought a better milkshake.
• Sly Marbo has no hair on his balls. Hair doesn't grow on steel.
• If you have five bucks, and Marbo has five bucks, Marbo has more money than you.
• You are only alive because Sly Marbo is too busy to kill you.
• Sly Marbo can drown a fish.
• Sly Marbo simply walks into Mordor.
• A Lictor once tried to ambush Sly Marbo while he was waiting; it did not expect Marbo to ambush it while ambushing him.
• Marbo can seduce Slaaneshi Daemonettes at will. After they do the dirty, Sly doesn't have to kill them because they're already dead from ecstasy (and not the drug).
• After Sly Marbo killed a Tyranid swarm out of boredom, the Swarmlord was deployed to kill Marbo. After six months of trying (and dying), the Swarmlord finally gave up and stopped reincarnating.
• Sly Marbo’s testicles are of such might they ignore armor saves in close combat.
• The only reason Sly Marbo isn't a Primarch is because it would be a demotion. The same with being a Daemon Prince.
• Khorne used to have a gold pedestal just for Marbo's skull. He has since melted it down and sold it at a Cash-4-Gold shop.
• When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back. When Sly Marbo stares into the abyss, the abyss averts its gaze to the left.
• Sly Marbo bowls overhand.
• When Sly Marbo has to stitch up a deep gash, he doesn't use a needle and thread, he uses a tent spike and bailing wire and those only work with the strength of Marbo himself behind them.
• Trayzn's 'hood' is a neck brace. Marbo effortlessly sniffed out the real Trazyn and ripped his spine out. Trayzn still hasn't gotten it back.
• Sly Marbo once snuck up on Lucius the Eternal and slit his throat from behind. Lucius was unable to possess him, as Sly Marbo's thirst for killing can never be satisfied.
  • He's still fisting a cavity in Slaanesh to find the soul of the gloryhound who took the credit and therefore let Lucius revive at all. So he can kill them himself.
• Sly Marbo once got into a theological debate with Erebus, and pointed out thirty-nine logical fallacies in the Book of Lorgar, which Erebus was unable to explain.
• SLY MARBO OWNS THE ONLY COPY OF WARHAMMER FANTASY NINTH EDITION. HE'S GOT A SILVER GOLDEN DEMON TROPHY FOR HIS CLANRATS.
• The Big Bang was Sly Marbo snapping his fingers.
• Darnath Lysander once struck Sly Marbo with the "Hammer of Dorn". Not only did the Hammer break on impact with Marbo, but so did Lysander's storm shield, Terminator armor, and pride.
• Sly Marbo once hugged Typhus. Not only did he remain clean of disease, but his sweat infected the Destroyer Plague in Typhus's body.
• The Adeptus Mechanicus once dug deep underground in an attempt to find a Necron tomb. They found Sly Marbo instead, ruining his power nap wait. By the end of the day the entire star system was devoid of all life.
• The reason Malal/Malice is no longer mentioned in canon is because he ran afoul of Sly Marbo.
• The Outsider would come back to our galaxy if Sly Marbo wasn't waiting for him.
• When the Space Marines are in trouble, the Legion of the Damned come to their rescue. When the Legion of the Damned are in trouble, Sly Marbo come to their rescue.
• Contrary to popular belief, Doombreed is not camera shy, it’s just that he foolishly thinks Sly Marbo doesn't know what he looks like.
• Sly Marbo won a staring contest with Mephiston.
• Nemesis Dreadknights are believed to be ancient pieces of xenos tech; they're actually Sly Marbo's childhood toys.
• Marbo once broke an Eldar soulstone but Slaanesh got nothing because he grabbed the soul first. He's still got it on him.
• Contrary to popular belief, it is unknown if Sly Marbo is bulletproof. Whenever someone fires at him, the bullet/bolt/plasma/las/shuriken stops twenty centimeters from Marbo, turns 180 degrees, and hits the person who fired the shot.
• Sly Marbo controls all of Games Workshop's prices. He's just waiting for the right time to lower them.
• Being headbutted by Ghazghkull is like being struck by a mag-train, being poked by Sly Marbo is like being smacked by an Imperator class titan.
• The Adeptus Mechanicus is looking for the STCs. Marbo has most of them in a flash drive that the AdMech knows about but doesn't dare lay claim to it.
• Sly Marbo is the one person Alpharius never confuses.
• He knows where all the Tomb Worlds are. This is because he destroyed most of them.
• Sly Marbo takes on Genestealers in close combat for fun.
• Sly Marbo uses his Uplifting Primer as toilet paper. No Commissar would dare execute him for this.
• The Dark Eldar didn't know what pain was until they met Marbo.
• When Sly Marbo Deep Strikes, everything else has to roll scatter die, including the terrain itself.
• A Tau Ethereal can order entire Cadres to commit mass suicide. Marbo can make entire Tau planets kill themselves by looking at them funny.
• Sly Marbo once took on two Stompas in a no DQ one-on-tag handicap match with one arm tied behind his back. Records are scarce, but according to eyewitness reports he German suplexed them both for three hours straight before getting bored and wandering off to find a Mega Gargant to fight.
• The Kroot once conspired a plan to eat Sly Marbo and use his DNA to create perfect Kroot warriors. Marbo fried them in batter and sprinkled them with eleven herbs and spices, never revealing what the eleventh one was (but the first ten herbs and spices were all steak).
• Sly Marbo doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the planet down.
• What colour is Sly Marbo's blood? Trick question - nobody has ever seen Sly Marbo bleed.
• Sly Marbo never takes his Feel No Pain roll. He doesn't understand what this "pain" issue is everyone else is struggling with.
• Sly Marbo is the original owner of Blood Reaver, Gabriel Seth's chainsword. Sly Marbo used it as a toothbrush, but it wasn't powerful enough so he let Seth borrow it.
• Sly Marbo stuffed his mattress with those 100 missing Baneblades. It's still too soft for him.
• Sly Marbo doesn't kill everything in the galaxy because it's funny watching them try to kill him.
• Sly Marbo can fold suns in half.
• Sly Marbo once entered a Dark Angels rap battle. All who witnessed his mad skills on the mic perished. The only reason his opponent survived is because he ran as soon as he heard Sly Marbo's first breath into the mic. Smart man.
• Dark Eldar aren't hiding from Slaanesh in the Webway, they're hiding from Sly Marbo.
• Marbo never dies, he just wants to be a good sport and let them win.
• Marbo once challenged Lord General Castor to a duel to see which could slay a Carnifex first. Marbo lost, but only because he spent the last few seconds of his kill's life taunting it.
• Sly Marbo is the Angry Marines Primarch.
• Sly Marbo once bro-fisted a Imperator Titan. All that remains of said titan was the hellstorm cannon on Kronus.
• Khorne spills blood for Sly Marbo.
• Every Sister of Battle is crazy with lust for Marbo. He doesn't take advantage of that because he's a gentleman and it would distract them from their job.
• Sly Marbo can "out-CREEEEEED!" Creed; Marbo lets Creed do it when he can't be bothered to himself.
• The Hive Mind of the Tyranids drives people insane because IT is insane too. Said insanity came about when Marbo let it psychically touch his mind.
• Sly Marbo can say Chaos Spawn without being turned into one. (And I can too... OH SHIT! FTHWREGWARBLBLBLBL...)
• Sly Marbo is Roboute Guilliman's Spiritual Liege.
• Sly Marbo is America and so can you.
• Sly Marbo doesn't seize the initiative, the initiative is given to him.
• Sly Marbo's punches ignore Invulnerable Saves.
• Sly Marbo powers the Morphin' Grid.
• Sly Marbo is the reason Matthew Ward quit working at Games Workshop. Now that he's gone, Marbo's planning on tormenting that Robin Cruddace prick next...
• Sly Marbo let Matt Ward go back to Games Workshop in exchange for getting rules in Shadow War: Armageddon.
• The only way to banish Sly Marbo is to take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. And even then you can't be sure.
• He got his own squad after what happened last night.
• Sly Marbo is the one who killed Zordon! Andros was a cover story.
• Sly Marbo stalks Slender Man.
• Supernovae don't exist, it is just Sly Marbo's farts.
• The Celestial Orrery is actually one of Sly Marbo's kidney stones.
• Sly Marbo was once shot by a Nova Cannon before, after the devastating explosion, the Nova Cannon as well as the entire Imperial Navy in the sector died.
• A prophecy was announced recently in the Imperium, if Sly Marbo, Vance Motherfucking Stubbs, Colonel "My bionic fists can bitch-slap Titans for Tuesday" Straken, Creed, Commissar Ciaphas Cain, Commissar Holt, Commissar Fucklaw, Commissar Yarrick, General Sturnn, Merrick, Commissar Gaunt, Lord General Castor, Lord Solar Macharius and Ollanius Pius ever teamed up, they would destroy all four Chaos Gods, shatter reality and break open the fourth-wall while punching you in the face as an extra measure (You will be honored if you WERE punched in the face by these guys, admit it, you know it will be true).
• Sly Marbo is secretly the Six Samurai.
• Sly Marbo once pissed into the oil tank of a truck, that truck was then used as inspiration to make the Baneblade.
• Sly Marbo beat Slaanesh and Doomrider in a cocaine and orgy competition while sleeping waiting.
• Sly Marbo once built a robot. That robot is known as the Void Dragon.
• Sly Marbo once banished Skarbrand back to the Warp.
• Sly Marbo is actually THE Dragonborn.
• Sly Marbo is not the Dragonborn, he was just thirsty, and human blood was getting plain.
• Sly Marbo does not have a soul, he ate it out of boredom. Even if he had one, he still wouldn't feel anything.
• Sly Marbo turned my Battle Brother into the creature that shall not be named.
• Sly Marbo can say Chaos Spawn without being turned into one, though whoever hears him say it will become on-WAIT NOOOLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGARGKAOPKAERO
• Sly Marbo occasionally indulges himself in a grilled cheese after he is done bitch-slapping Rowboat Jellyfan with his ceramite balls.
• Sly Marbo once almost made a Chuck Norris joke, but then didn't because Chuck Norris jokes aren't funny.
• When Sly Marbo builds models, he is really building the Mechanicus' Imperator Titans.
• Sly Marbo actually shits out Demolisher shells.
• Sly Marbo broke into the Black Library, told Cegorach how to actually be funny, and then punched Ahriman in the face.
• Sly Marbo has turned many an Ultramarine into a heretic. His manly jawline, well defined biceps, and thousand yard stare seem to have found a trait not previously noted from their geneseed. That is, to put it simply: Sly Marbo turns Ultramarines gay.
• While anyone else chews tobacco, Sly Marbo chews glass.
• Sly Marbo is deadly to vampires, werewolves, zombies and any other undead. And regular dead. And not dead.
• Sly Marbo won the game. (Goddamn it, I lost the game.)
• Gabriel Seth was in a brawl with Marbo, when Emperor knows how, he found an opening in his guard and tried to kick him in the balls. Not only did he break a leg in an attempt, Marbo was so pissed off that most of the Flesh Tearers are now overcome with Black Rage.
• Sly Marbo once stopped a Black Crusade by tricking the Chaos Lord leading it into saying "You and what Hulk?" Said Chaos Lord and his warband were then crushed by a Space Hulk thrown at them by the Incredible Hulk (who was really Sly Marbo wearing green paint).
• Lukas the Trickster slept with a dozen women in a single night. For Sly Marbo, that's a dry spell.
  • Lukas only gets that much action because Marbo coached him on picking up women over the course of a weekend.
• Sly Marbo once went to the Crucibael in Commorragh during a major performance by the Cult of Strife and Lelith Hesperax herself. Every trap in the arena broke upon impact with Marbo. Every attack creature died from a single punch from Marbo. Every male Wych was too scared to fight him. Every female Wych stopped fighting and offered themselves to him sexually. But by that point Sly Marbo was bored and walked out of the arena and no one could stop him. Vect let it slide because he got to glut on the pain Marbo inflicted and he knew Marbo couldn't be stopped. Lelith on the other hand swore to hunt Marbo down; before he left, Marbo patted Lelith on the butt and gave her a series of orgasms more pleasurable than any pain high, and she's been chasing him ever since for more.
• Lelith Hesperax sided with the Ynnari for the chance of encountering Marbo so she could offer herself to him. Dueling Lucius is a distant second reason.
• Sly Marbo can emerge from a Mandrake's shadow or the brightest light.
• The Emprah's stats are all E. Sly Marbo's stats are all E^E.
• Sly Marbo once visited the Warhammer World a long time ago; this event is known to us as the coming of the Old Ones.
• Sly Marbo is never cut from a Codex - he just chooses to go back into the shadows to stalk you.
• It's said that Bjorn the Fell-Handed is the oldest Space Marine. Marbo was his babysitter.
• Trazyn has to change his collection every century or so because Marbo keeps asking for his toys back.
• Sly Marbo knows EXACTLY where Carmen Sandiego is. He hid the body.
• Sly Marbo knows where you're not; safe.
• The Emperor kneels before no man. But then again, calling Marbo a man is hardly fair.
• The Primarchs were just Marbo playing fancy dresses.
• The Primarchs weren't stolen by Chaos, they were running from their grandfather - Sly Marbo.
• Rumor has it that the reason Sly Marbo isn't in the AM Codex is because he'll get his own multi-part E-Codex just to describe his countless acts of MANLINESS. He will also count as his own army.
• Sly Marbo once had an arm wrestling match with Abbadon, with the loser's arms as the bet. You know how it ended.
• Sly Marbo's section was removed from the codex in a vain attempt by Games Workshop to delay his wrath for their many sins against the Guard. They have failed.
• Sly Marbo ate Schrodinger's Cat, while it was both dead and alive.
• Sly Marbo sheds his skin every month. He hands the skin over to the Adeptus Mechanicus, who then use it to reinforce suits of Tartaros-pattern Terminator armour. It is assumed that most of these are in the possession of the Minotaurs.
• Sky Marbo destroyed all the dolphins.
• Sly Marbo killed the dinosaurs when one stole and ate his lunch, but not before saving a clutch of T-rex eggs.
• Sly Marbo has never killed a man. He just beats them so bad they are turned to little girls before they die.
• Sly Marbo is the name of the Doctor. The Daleks' racism is to mask their insecurity that they'll never be as good as Marbo.
• The spaceballs brake for nobody. Except Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo was the one who built a text to speech device for the Emperor.
• Marbo once banged a Dominatrix and the product was the Swarmlord.
• Sly Marbo can release Half Life 3. He just chooses not to.
• Sly Marbo beat Doomrider in a crack-snorting contest.
• Sly Marbo can out-transform Optimus Prime.
• Sly Marbo talks about Fight Club.
• Sly Marbo also talks about Popo's training.
• Sly Marbo has a pet Carnifex called Cuddles, although most know him as Old One Eye.
• Kaldor Draigo isn't trapped in the warp. He's hiding from Marbo.
• Black holes are created every time Sly Marbo rips his way into our universe and the universe is too scared to seal the breaches.
• Sly Marbo can outsmart bullets.
• Sly Marbo's eyes made flamethrowers obsolete.
• Jesus Christ saves souls. Sly Marbo saves everything else.
• Sly Marbo can slam a revolving door.
• Death had a near-Sly Marbo experience.
• Sly Marbo will never get a heart attack. His heart isn't stupid enough to attack him.
• There is no Theory of Evolution. Just a list of animals Sly Marbo allows to live.
• Sly Marbo flashed before Life's eyes.
• Sly Marbo doesn't turn the light on, he turns the dark off.
• Sly Marbo's favorite color is blood.
• Sly Marbo can smack air.
• Sly Marbo can cut apart the sky.
• Sly Marbo can eat water.
• Sly Marbo can drink bones.
• Sly Marbo solved Imotekh's favorite Tessaract Labyrinth with an abacus.
• Sly Marbo shot a man with a knife.
• Sly Marbo can divide by zero.
• Sly Marbo protects his air bags in car accidents.
• One of Sly Marbo's discarded fingernails fell into the real world from the Warp. It reformatted into Audie Murphy.
• Commander Farsight found one of Sly's discarded dinner knives on a planet that he had a picnic on. Said knife was the Dawn Blade, and the previously verdant and inhabited world became a dead world after what Sly did after lunch.
• Sly Marbo knows how Gordon Freeman and Chell sound like.
• Sly Marbo once ran a 0-second mile. Than did it again, just to piss off physics.
• All the skulls in Khorne's realm actually belong to Sly Marbo. Khorne just minds them for him.
• The reason the Eldar Phoenix Lords are immortal is truly because Sly Marbo finds them just cool enough to keep alive; whenever one dies he performs CPR, as CPR from Sly Marbo can raise the dead.
• A Commissar tried to execute Sly Marbo. The bolter round was so scared it backfired and shot the Commissar in the head.
• Sly Marbo uses a live Genestealer Broodlord as a backscratcher.
• Sly Marbo can believe it's not butter.
• Sly Marbo shaves by punching himself in the face as the only thing that can cut Sly Marbo is Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo is the true king of Westeros.
  • When Sly Marbo traveled to Westeros, he beat The Mountain that Rides with one hand and the Night's King with the other. Then he cracked the heads of every Lannister except Tyrion, Tommen and Myrcella (Joffery and Cersei got done twice for being so vile), then every Bolton, then Euron Greyjoy and took the throne before making a harem of Westeros' best-looking women. Then Marbo got bored and went to Essos, where he tamed Danerys' dragons and added her to his harem. The only reason Marbo hasn't gone after Benioff and Weiss for Season 8 is because he doesn't consider them worth the effort.
• Sly Marbo trained Discord and Q out of boredom.
• Sly Marbo drinks distilled Warp.
• Sly Marbo once saw his life flash before his eyes, it was accredited as film of the millennium.
• People say Sly Marbo defies physics, but really physics just obey Sly Marbo.
• Chaos once fell to Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo taught Simo Hayha how to snipe. It turns out one of the Emperor's early titles was "White Death."
• They say that there are only two ways to get the entire Deathwing company into a Mini Cooper, one is by telling them that Cypher is in the glovebox. Sly Marbo is the other one.
• Sly Marbo is behind you right now, even if you're against a wall.
• Sly Marbo once went back in time, during which, a hair fell off his chest. That hair grew up to be Teddy Roosevelt.
• Sly Marbo doesn't die from bullets, mainly because they are all scared shitless.
• The only time a lasgun is useful is when Sly Marbo uses it.
• Soaking a lasgun's power pack in Sly Marbo's sweat will give it Exterminatus-level power.
• Sly Marbo doesn't fail his Morale checks. He gets bored and wanders off. No one is brave/stupid enough to stop him.
• Sly Marbo never dies. He falls asleep waits in combat and no one dares to acknowledge his body.
• Sly Marbo had sex before his father.
• The Fallen Angels are hiding from Sly Marbo.
• No Plasma weapon dares to overheat in Sly Marbo's hands.
• Sly Marbo is the one who put Lord Tirek in Tartarus, then broke him out years later.
• Sly Marbo is the Mighty Morphin White Ranger.
• Sly Marbo once ate a bowl of milk without any milk.
• Sly Marbo has banged Lelith Hesperax. The reason Lelith rarely talks is because she has laryngitis from all the screaming in ecstasy she did throughout the experience.
• Unicron fears Marbo, for he is the matrix.
• In America, Sly Marbo kills You. In Soviet Russia, Sly Marbo still kills You.
• Sly Marbo can SHOOT WHILE MOVING!!.
• Sly Marbo's name is a killing sound.
• There is an urban legend in the Guard that if you say Sly Marbo's name three times in front of a mirror, Sly Marbo will appear and slit your reflection's throat. This has never been confirmed, as nobody has ever survived saying Sly Marbo's name twice.
• The Emperor was created in 8000 BC when hundreds of shaman were packed into a Volkswagen by Sly Marbo.
• The Eye of Terror was created when Sly Marbo tried to break his previous packing-people-into-a-Volkswagen record, this time using Eldar.
• The Astral Knights only managed to penetrate the World Engine's void shields because Sly Marbo gave them a push.
• Sly Marbo once gave the Blood Ravens a gift, but only because watching them fail to steal it from him stopped being funny.
• When Sly Marbo heard about Daemonic possession, he decided that it sounded like a challenge and went to the Eye of Terror to experience it firsthand. However, he got bored after all the Daemons he forced himself into exploded before he could make them do stuff.
• Sly Marbo is a psyker so powerful, the Greeks had to invent a new alphabet to classify him.
• Sly Marbo taught Macgyver everything he knows, except how to kill. That knowledge was never meant for mortal men.
• Dark matter is incredibly difficult to detect because it has been hiding from Sly Marbo ever since he caused the Big Bang.
• The Big Crunch will never happen, because the Universe is desperately trying to run from Sly Marbo, thus exceeding the escape velocity.
  • The Big Rip also won't happen because Sly Marbo can hold spacetime together with his sheer will. He does this to ensure the universe will not successfully get away from him.
• Sly Marbo has the only complete map of the Webway tattooed on his penis.
• Ships carrying Sly Marbo through the Warp only turn their Gellar fields on to protect the Warp from him, it doesn't help at all.
• Sly Marbo can play Ride of the Valkyries on bagpipes without bagpipes.
• Sly Marbo caught them all. Twice.
• Sly Marbo finished the Neverending Story.
• When Sly Marbo played Chaos Rising, there was no traitor.
• Sly Marbo can never have the Monster Hunter rule. They're too easy.
• Sly Marbo CAN assault a zooming flier with his bare hands.
• Demons disappear when Sly Marbo's around. He's not a Blank or anything, they just shit themselves when they realize he's there.
• A dying Necron Lord once told Marbo he'd be back. Marbo said No. He stayed dead.
• You never roll reserve for Sly Marbo. He shows up whenever he feels like it.
• Asurmen taught Karandras how to fight. Sly Marbo taught him how to be sneaky. Living in perpetual fear for your life will do that.
• Jain Zar originally called her aspect the Banshees. One night with Sly Marbo and she just couldn't stop Howling though.
• Fuegan was inspired to create the Fire Dragons after Sly Marbo let him light his cigar.
• Sly Marbo outplayed an entire Noise Marine warband using only an air guitar. He then opened a Webway portal and left by playing Stairway to Heaven.
• Sly Marbo wondered what it would be like if everyone lived in medieval times. So he used some of the Old One's left over stuff and made Warhammer Fantasy.
• A Lord of Change once tried to make Sly Marbo less awesome. Tzeentch caught wind of this and killed him. There are some things that can never change.
• Sly Marbo never accepts promotions. He's already everyone's boss.
• Sly Marbo gave his father "the talk".
• Sly Marbo once brought a knife to a gun fight to even the odds.
• Sly Marbo's tree houses have fully furnished basements.
• When Sly Marbo grabs the Blade of Antwyr it has to resist being possessed by Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo's favorite pet is named Ickle Snootums and follows his every command. Said pet is also a Greater Khornate Daemon.
• Sly Marbo wakes his alarm clock up in the morning.
• A Genestealer tried to infect Sly Marbo, it went back to the brood and started a Sly Marbo cult.
• Sly Marbo disproved that you are what you eat. If it was true he would be Doombreed.
• Sly Marbo skips over step one, two and three. He goes straight to profit.
• Sly Marbo calmed Khorne down, made Slaanesh chaste, made Nurgle sneeze, made Tzeench forget his plans.
• Sly Marbo can describe the taste of water.
• Tyranids didn't eat the Squats, it was Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo went to Khorne's Brass Keep and shook hands with Tuska Daemon-Killa. Tuska became a perpetual.
• Khaine once tried to touch Sly Marbo, his hand is still bleeding to this day.
• Even Assholetep do not dare be an asshole with Sly Marbo.
• Dorn gave up designing the perfect fortress when he remembered to factor in Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo is the only one who can defeat Chapter Master Smashfucker in 1 turn.
  • He can also do the same to Chapter Master Slamguinius.
• AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
• The MURDER SWORD is just Sly's old Boy Scout pocket knife.
• Pepperidge Farm doesn't remember Sly Marbo. But Sly Marbo remembers them.
• The Black Library? Sly Marbo used to go there all the time during his childhood.
• Sly Marbo is the one who knocks.
• The real reason for the Fall of the Eldar and the creation of the Eye of Terror was that Khaine was stupid enough to challenge Marbo to a boxing match. The first punch caused the Fall of the Eldar and ripped a hole in the fabric of reality.
• Sly Marbo can take off from a planet without needing transportation. This is possible because gravity is too scared to stop him.
• Sly Marbo brings a knife to a Titan fight. Needless to say he still wins.
• When monsters go to bed, they check to see if Marbo is there. They never find him even if he is there.
• Sly Marbo became a Wulfen and got affected by the Black Rage, despite not being a Space Wolf or Blood Angel, and cured himself of both.
• Cocaine gets addicted to Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo gets a massage using a thunder hammer.
• On a visit to Terra, Marbo sneezed. The Primarchs were blown across the galaxy as a result, forcing the Emperor to begin the Great Crusade to search for them.
• In 1996, terrorists tried to hijack a local flight. Sly Marbo hijacked them.
• Sly Marbo once played Final Fantasy 7, he pressed X to issue his first attack and beat the game.
• Sly Marbo is rumored to have survived dominated in sexual intercourse with Slaanesh itself.
  • This rumor is indeed a fact. In hindsight Sly regards Slaanesh as an "easy" in bed (and everywhere else).
• Sly Marbo IS enough dakka.
• Lord Solar Macharius once brought down a fortress with a single word, Sly Marbo once brought down an entire country with one letter.
• It is said that when Vegeta lost the Dragon Ball his rage could be felt across space, time and 20 years into the future. When Sly Marbo got angry his rage created the Warhammer 40,000 universe.
• The quote "all your base are belong to us" is a mistranslation, they actually meant to say "All our bases are belong to Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo once fought Deadpool. They got bored after three days and pranked Commissar Yarrick and Wolverine after eating a mountain of chimichangas.
• Sly Marbo does not fear death, death fears Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo was once attacked by Tyranids. As soon as one bit him, the entire swarm died instantly.
• Sly Marbo and Creed once played chess. Creed's taktikul jeenyis was no match for Sly Marbo's pure badassery.
• Sly Marbo shaves his balls with an angle grinder.
• Sly Marbo likes his meat so rare that he only eats Primarchs. That's why two are unknown.
• Sly Marbo once poked the Eye of Terror.
• Sly Marbo can catch a cold without getting sick.
• Baron Brixius has less health than Sly Marbo.
• In space, no one can hear you scream. Except for Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo is secretly in a shouting match against Khorne and all of the Orks which has lasted since the time of the Old Ones. Update, Sly Marbo won.
• Sly Marbo is what actually killed the Squats.
• Sly Marbo can cross the streams.
• Sly Marbo can call Mr. Popo "Black man".
• Sly Marbo knows how all those squares make a circle. Also he wants his gallon of acid back.
• Sly Marbo is the only one who can make America great again.
  • Sly Marbo put Hilary in the presidential election to troll /pol/, then let Trump win because he got annoyed by the gloating of some leftists.
• All these Sly Marbo facts are dumb. If they were real he would appear behind me right now and repeatedly smash my head against my keybayysdfy& yavartvc&c&cyyn srgípan aetj- aťtn q.
• Sly Marbo can't be killed by a crossbow in Shewsbury because he's the one holding it.
• Some Tau found some of Sly Marbo's leftover weed. They're now the Etheral Caste.
• Imperial children have posters of Space Marines in their rooms. Space Marines have posters of Marbo in theirs.
• Sly Marbo already beat Half-Life 3.
• Sly Marbo built the pylons of Cadia, but gave them to Trazyn the Infinite as they weren't big enough.
• Sly Marbo played SONNY 3 and wasn't disappointed.
• Colonel Jurten didn't nuke Krieg into a Death World, he just called in a favor from Sly Marbo.
• If you say 'Sly Marbo' three times in front of a mirror, nothing will happen... until Sly Marbo causes Exterminatus on that planet.
• sly marbo thinks capital letters are for losers.
• Sylvester Stallone once called Marbo a ripoff and an imposter. He hasn't been able to talk properly since....
• Rogal Dorn may have reviewed Codex Astartes, but Sly Marbo reviewed Lectitio Divinitatus (he gave it 4/10 because it didn't mention any of the facts above).
• Sly Marbo actually bit off Straken's arm. Straken just made up the land shark story because he's too scared of Sly Marbo to tattle on him.
• Sly Marbo chews plutonium and spits out meltabeams.
• Sly Marbo is the Doomguy. Doom is just the story of his vacation in the Eye of Terror.
• Sly Marbo invented cheese. He then renamed it Rogal Dorn.
• Sly Marbo is an Emperor-damned sexual Tyrannosaurus.
• Sly Marbo is an extreme couponer.
• Sly Marbo gets more girls than James T Kirk. Kirk only gets that many women because a drop of Sly Marbo's sweat landed in his cologne once.
• Sly Marbo's breakfast cereal alone has a power level over 9000
• Sly Marbo brushes his teeth with vortex grenades.
• They say Chuck Norris can kill someone with his stare, but Sly Marbo can kill you just by thinking about you. That means that he can kill you from anywhere at any ti:6,&skr{.
• Sly Marbo is one of the missing Primarchs.
• Sly Marbo made Uplay register at his online service.
• Sly Marbo is the danger.
• Some attack helicopters sexually identify as Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo has lost Russian Roulette 64,543 times against a Warhound Titan Plasma Cannon. His win rate on the other hand is over 9001^9001
• Sly Marbo once enacted Exterminatus upon a daemon world by staring it down.
• Sly Marbo can find Corvus Corax in a game of hide-and-seek.
• Sly Marbo wears power armour to bed.
• Carlos McConnell claims to be Sly Marbo. Sly Marbo lets him believe that while he takes the virginity of Carlos's catgirl crew.
• Sly Marbo can create a rock so heavy he cannot lift it.
• Sly Marbo can lift that rock. After gold-plating it.
• Sly Marbo can out-bald Indrick Boreale, even with hair.
• Horus gave up fighting the Emperor when he realised he'd have to fight Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo can move freely during ZA WARUDO.
• Sly Marbo gave Belisarius Cawl hints on how to build the Armor of Fate. It took him nearly 10,000 years to do it. Sly would have done it in less than 10,000 seconds.
• Sly Marbo could bitchslap Ynnead to death, but hasn't done so because he wants to see who would win in a fight between Ynnead and Slaanesh.
• The reason it's taken 10,000 years for people to realize that creating Super Space Marines is a good idea is that Sly Marbo can hide himself in peoples memories.
• Sly Marbo once let Trazyn capture him in a stasis field just to see what happened. He escaped with time to place a body double.
  • Then he sent Trazyn a letter telling him what he did. Trazyn still has the body double, because Sly Marbo felt sorry for him.
• Sly Marbo's not just a new model for Shadow War: Armageddon, he's an entirely new faction.
• Sly Marbo brushes his teeth with Grombrindal's beard when the vortex grenades don't cut it.
• Sly Marbo knows what happened to Agent Georgia.
• Sly Marbo abducts Xenos and probes them.
• Primaris Marines were made after the new model of Sly Marbo in all his glory. Sly's disappointed in them already.
• Sly Marbo can beat Grombrindal in a drinking contest, but Grombrindal laughs it off.
• Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Sly Marbo each night, but never finds him, because he's behind you.
• Sly Marbo is too subtle for Oinkbane.
• It's said that it took Belisarius Cawl 10,000 years to make the Primaris Space Marines. It's because it took him that long to find Sly Marbo.
• Belisarius Cawl failed to make the true Primaris Space Marines. He couldn't clone Sly Marbo.
• When Sly Marbo sneezes, it is Strength D.
• Everyone fears the Inquisition. The Inquisition fears Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo forged himself out of John Cena, Chuck Norris and a Nokia cellphone.
• Sly Marbo can never earn qualifications or take an exam for his work is so great that no examiner is qualified to review it, besides Sly Marbo of course.
• Sly Marbo went back in time and killed his great grandfather, the resulting paradox barely changed anything as even time itself does not have the balls to erase Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo was all Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse at once, he was fired by Death for being too hardcore. Death regretted this.
• Sly Marbo created the Warp when he was undergoing the "emo phase."
• Ice is just diamond that found out about Sly Marbo.
• Magnus the Red once challenged Marbo to a motorbike race, thinking that he could stop time with his powers, but Marbo didn't slow down when he did so resulting in the greatest discrepancy between 1st and 2nd place time in the history of motorcycling.
• The Cadian Gate fell because Sly Marbo was busy elsewhere.
• Chuck Norris's killer, Bruce Lee, once challenged Sly Marbo to a duel. We have a clue as to what happened next, cause we can't find Bruce Lee or Sly Marbo. All we found was the remains of who knows how many solar systems......
• Solar eclipses go blind from staring at Sly Marbo
• When Khaldor Draigo finally opens the box that contains the Terminus Decree, it reveals Sly Marbo's phone number.
• On Marbo's Tinder profile, swiping left is the same as swiping right.
• Sly Marbo always has the high ground. When he doesn't, he tilts the planet.
• Skarbrand stays in a doorframe because Sly Marbo is outside. And inside.
• The Cicatrix Maledictum was created when Marbo struck a home run across the galaxy
• Sly Marbo secretly mentored Kitten, so he could beat Tzeentch in Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker.
• Sly Marbo once beat Khorne at arm wrestling, while having both hands tied behind his back.
• Sly Marbo is secretly fucking Isha behind Nurgle's back.
• Some people say Orks had a beautiful, intricate language. That was before they fought against Sly Marbo.
• The Tau were the best melee fighters in the galaxy until Sly marbo arrived.
• Sly Marbo will kill every enemy of the Imperium just as soon as 999M41 ends.
• Sly Marbo is the reason why the Xeelee engage in timetravel warfare; it's just to get away from him (they aren't successful), (the Photino Birds are fighting the Xeelee because they think the Xeelee will lead Marbo to them).
• Sly Marbo beats the Culture in their microsecond battles since he has the reaction speed of an omnipotent being.
• Sly Marbo once fucked a Tau woman. She later gave birth to Shas'O'Kais.
• The opening scene of Saving Private Ryan isn't a depiction of an ancient Terran war, it is the depiction of Sly Marbo playing dodgeball.
• Remember that picture of D-Day when there was a man carrying a sword...... That's Sly Marbo going on his daily stroll.
• The reason Shadowsun left Kitten was because she met Sly Marbo.
• Boss Snikrot and Sly Marbo once played hide-and-seek. Snikrot has yet to find Marbo. Marbo's been hiding behind him the whole time.
• Marbo screams AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAÀAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA all the time because he is speaking in a language too evolved for mere mortals to understand.
• Marbo raided the Slanneshmas special not only because Lucius called him up, but also because Bile hadn't given him that five bucks he owes the man! And because that Chaotic Sister of Battle who he can't take seriously is a wonder in bed. (Her name is Miriael Sabathiel and I guess she must use her crazy Daemon tongue, because her armour is fused to her skin.)
• Marbo's ability aren't really booby traps, they're actually places he told the enemy not to go to. Whenever an enemy enters the cover he designated; Marbo plummets from the sky like a drop pod from to engage the poor sods who dare defy him, all the while screaming at the top of his voice. The best thing about this is that even when he's forced off the field; he'll still do it anyway.
• Corvus Corax owes Sly Marbo a favor.
• Sly Marbo is rumored to be one of the many fragments of The God Emperor's soul. But that’s obviously not true because Sly Marbo is way more powerful than even the whole God Emperor.
• Sly Marbo once had sex with a tank, the resulting offspring became Joakim Broden, lead singer of Sabaton.
• Sly Marbo's never hot, even when he's on the sun
• If loyal Guardsmen try to befriend Sly Marbo, they'll instantly become Catachan Jungle Fighters.
• Sly Marbo wanted a tan, so he got a starship to throw him through the core of a star... it worked somewhat, where nothing else did.
• Sly Marbo is the reason Urien Rakarth's regeneration process is faulty. Once Marbo killed him it hasn't worked right since.
• Sly Marbo is okay with the Imperium for allying with the Ynnari because Yvraine is an ex-lover of his. Yvraine's crush on Roboute is her trying to find the next best lay to Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo beat a Carnifex, a Squiggoth and a Bloodthirster in a 3-1 fight. He won by tying them together with a Trygon and a Mawloc.
• Eversor assassins refuse to attack Sly Marbo.
• The closest Sly Marbo has come to smiling is when Cegorach told him the world's funniest joke.
• Inquisitor Valeria wasn't BLAM!ed for consorting with Trazyn. She met Marbo at a nightclub, they had a one-night stand and she decided to make her new job becoming his personal slut and stays in a beachside cottage whenever he comes by.
• Sly Marbo beat the Swarmlord in an arm-wrestling match. To be fair, the Swarmlord did better than Marneus Calgar.
• The Phoenix Lord Fuegan's firepike is made from a cigarette lighter Sly Marbo threw away.
• Sly Marbo hunted the Lictor Deathleaper and killed it. He took three days to catch it because he decided to give it a sporting chance with a two day head start.
• Pyrovores explode when they get close to Sly Marbo. Sly Marbo is unharmed.
• Sly Marbo outshot Cypher, Illic Nightspear and a Vindicare Assassin with one eye closed.
• When Sly Marbo feels like eating calamari, he eats a Venomthrope and a Malanthrope, sauteed and marinated.
• A sneeze from Sly Marbo is like an earthshaker round.
• Fabius Bile does his work because he's trying to make another Sly Marbo. Sly lets him try because he finds Fabius' futile quest amusing.
• Sly Marbo is the one who actually killed Konrad Curze.
• Sly Marbo is so sly, that when he goes into battle he even surprises himself.
• Sly Marbo once fought Kenshiro in a duel. Kenshiro did his famous move and said his catchphrase. However, Kenshiro was already dead.
• Sly Marbo is de whey.
• Sly Marbo touched Tzeentch's spaget!
• Sly Marbo's challenge rating in D&D is not measured in levels, but instead in number of tarrasque.
• Sly Marbo left his own shadow behind, because it cannot keep up with him.
  • His now abandoned shadow was mistaken for a C'tan by the Necrons who attempted to capture it. Needless to say, they did not succeed.
• Sly Marbo's penis is an AP1 weapon which ignores invulnerability saves.
• Sly Marbo encountered a Greater Barking Toad. After 5 days of agonizing pain, the Toad died.
• There is not Chaos Gods of Law in 40k because Sly Marbo thinks the Warp have enough deities as it is.
• Sly Marbo is what's in the Grey Knights secret box.
• Sly Marbo's sweat, when applied to any surface, will grant immunity to damage. It is a shame that Sly Marbo has never found anything he actually had to try to kill.
• Sly Marbo set the record for the fastest kill of a furry.
• Sly Marbo NTRd the guy in the NTRs.
• Sly Marbo boots are made from Fulgrim heretic ass.
• Thanos required an Infinity Gauntlet to wipe out half the universe. Sly Marbo requires nothing to wipe out the entire Universe.
• Sly Marbo can kill Vulkan. Permanently.
• Sly Marbo's knife and bullets are made from Nokias. It is also the only communication device that can survive him.
• A call from Sly Marbo cannot be declined, only answered.
• Sly Marbo can see John Cena.
• When Sly Marbo turns around, the Weeping Angels dare not touch him. The last one that tried got sent back in time.
• When the Cybermen met Sly Marbo, they deleted themselves.
• Sly Marbo exterminates Daleks.
• Sly Marbo knows the Doctor's real name.
• Sly Marbo killed Hannibal
• Drach'nyen was Sly Marbo's toy sword.
• Terra's water never boiled away. Sly Marbo was just thirsty.
• Sly Marbo hasn't got time to bleed.
• Sly Marbo visited a zombie infested world once. There he bit a zombie and two days later, every zombie was cured.
• When playing Rock Paper Scissors, if Sly Marbo has scissors and you have paper he wins and if he has scissors and you have rock, Marbo still wins.
• Sly Marbo once encountered a bad Mary Sue OC that was the daughter of the Emperor and Isha and was loved by everyone and was more powerful than everyone ever, she was also 1000000000 years old but looked 18 and she had the Emperor's Sword and couldn't be killed. Sly Marbo wiped her and her creator from existence.
• Sly Marbo never has a pony/furry version of him. This is because anyone who even dares think of doing such a thing gets destroyed.
• If you're on a platform that's higher than Sly Marbo, Sly Marbo still has the high ground.
• Sly Marbo once worked out on an air bike. This bike became so infused with Sly's awesome sweat that it turned into an assault bike which Sly proceeded to ride around the Galaxy before landing on Chogoris. This bike became known as Moondrakkan.
• Sly Marbo killed 4 Avatars, an Ork WAAAGH, and a whole Hive Fleet by sneezing.
• Sly Marbo once ate a Taco Bell bean burrito. The resulting fart became Nurgle.
• It is said that Sly Marbo’s tears can cure the Gellerpox. Trouble is, he’s never cried. (This one came straight from GW!)
• Sly Marbo once got bitten by a Toxicrene. After three days of horrendous pain, the Toxicrene died.
• One time a Tyranid fleet descended on Catachan intent on devouring the planet. They were subsequently cooked and eaten by Sly Marbo.
• It's said that a transfusion of Marbo's blood can revive the Emperor but the Mechanicus can't fabricate a needle strong enough to extract it.
• Sly Marbo is what's in the Death Watch's secret box.
• Sly Marbo is not in any way related to Sly Cooper, in fact he would kill the little raccoon if he ever sees him for stealing his name.
• His bipod has a bipod.
• Sly Marbo got level 100 Colonel on the day Battlefield V launched.
• Sly Marbo can put out a grease fire with water.
• Sly Marbo was cooking dinner, but he forgot to get some mushrooms. He replaced the mushrooms with Orks since they're both fungi.
• Sly Marbo has seen a Purple Ork.
• Sly Marbo shed only a single tear watching the ending of the Iron Giant, or maybe Terminator 2. Or he was watching both at the same time. Or he watched one and nearly shed a tear then the other pushed him over the edge.
  • The tear was later found to be a crocodile tear.
• Sly Marbo has beaten Dorf Fortress. He did this while tunneling through the Hidden Fun Stuff to the circus with his teeth on day one, beating the clowns into submission on day two, then building a wing of the fortress there on day three.
• Sly Marbo can kill two stones with one bird.
• Sly Marbo can build a snowman out of rain.
• Sly Marbo can unscramble an egg.
• Sly Marbo isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like Sly Marbo.
• When Sly Marbo wants pasta, he catches a bunch of Mawlocs, covers them in tomato sauce and eats them.
• He is the best pirate you've ever seen.
• Kellermorph Hybrids carry Stub Revolvers in a vain attempt to impress Sly Marbo.
• Some people say that it was Space Wolves who destroyed the shield of the Will of Eternity during the siege of Cadia, but this Anon believes that it was Sly Marbo. Why? Because he was there, don't question it.
• Sly Marbo once punched an Ork spore into another dimension, said spore became Gordrakk.
• Maw-krushas are the only creature Sly Marbo won't kill, because he doesn't want to kill his pets.
• Sly Marbo edits his own article.
• Sly Marbo knows Obama's last name.
• Sly Marbo knows for certain which chipmunk is getting the best head.
• Sly Marbo once went on a vacation to the Star Wars galaxy. While there he single-handedly perma-killed Palpatine, destroyed the First Order, defeated the Yuuzhan Vong, beat Thrawn in a game of Dejarik, resisted a Force-Choke from Vader, beat the Millennium Falcon in a race (on foot) and claimed the Throne of Balance. He also made a harem consisting of Mara Jade, Aayla Secura, Ashoka Tano, Rey, Darth Talon, Sabine Wren and Bastila Shan.
• Sly Marbo can squeeze blood from a stone, your blood.
• An attempt at making Space Marines that were as powerful as Sly Marbo was made. It got cancelled after the Astronomicon almost ceased to exist.
• Sly Marbo is love. Sly Marbo is life.
• Humans have to self-isolate from COVID19. COVID19 has to self-isolate from Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo shaves with a cheese grater
• Sly Marbo doesn't need to delete his browser history, it deletes itself for him
• Sly Marbo Found Atlantis
• Sly Marbo once punched an Ork so hard that it got smarter, then it killed itself because it remembered it was in front of Sly Marbo
• Sly Marbo knows what the dog is doin
• Sly Marbo isn't the 5th Chaos God. He's the 9th Faction.
• Khorne is the reason why Skarbrand can't fly. Sly Marbo is the reason why Khorne can't stand.
• Sly Marbo is the only OP to not be a faggot.

Fanmade Rules

Although awesome in their own right, Sly Marbo’s current rules lack the... gravitas and bombasticness of his fan portrayal. As such, some fan made rules are in order (but are still “somewhat” playable).

8th edition

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
Sly Marbo	8"	2+	2+	4	4	9	4	11	2+	1000

Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
Ripper Pistol	12"	Pistol 2	4	-3	2	Models with less than 10 wounds which are wounded by this weapon are automatically slain.
Envenomed Blade	Melee	Melee	User	-3	1	This weapon automatically wounds its target on a 2+. If you attack with this weapon you may only make 1 attack in total in the fight phase, if that hit is successful, every enemy model within 3” takes a hit from this profile.
Penetrating Glare	Infinite	Macro 1	32	-5	10	This attack does not require line of sight, ignores cover and invulnerability saves, and deals any damage dealt in mortal wounds. Any unit destroyed by this attack explodes, dealing D6 mortal wounds to all units within 2D6”.
Marbo’s Sneeze	6"	Grenade D6	6	-2	D3	-

Abilities:

• AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!:
  • Sly Marbo may re-roll failed hit and wound rolls, and re-roll those failed re-rolls but only if you scream “AAAAAAAAAAAAA” while doing so. In addition to this, Sly Marbo charges 4D6” instead of 2D6”.

• The Manliest man to ever grace the galaxy:
  • Sly Marbo has a 2++ invulnerability save and halves all damage received (rounding down). Any damage saved by Sly Marbo is dealt back to the attacker as mortal wounds.

• Rules are for mortals:
  • Sly Marbo does not suffer any penalties for moving and firing any weapons, and may fire all his weapons in the shooting phase (including his grenades).

• Saviour of the galaxy:
  • Sly Marbo may not be your warlord. Before the battle begins you may set this model up in reserve. If you do, you may deploy this model at the end of any of your movement phases anywhere that is 9” or further away from enemy models. Alternatively, you may deploy this model anywhere that is further than 5” from an enemy model that deals fatal damage to your warlord during the fight phase (but not after this model has already been deployed using the first method). If you do, immediately make a charge roll for Sly Marbo. If the charge is successful, the damage your warlord would have received is ignored and Sly Marbo immediately makes a round of attacks.

Gallery

Yes his knife is bigger than his leg (but it's not bigger than something else).

• 

  Mini in action.

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  His converted model in action. You can just hear the AAAAAAAAA

• 
• 

  He's back. In Resin And he's most certainly behind you

Famous members of the Imperial Guard
Commissars:	Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt Commissar Anton Gebbet Commissar Ciaphas Cain Commissar Holt Commissar Lord Bernn Commissar Severina Raine Commissar Yarrick
Senior Officers:	Colonel Carus Brom Colonel Greiss Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken General Sturnn Governor-Militant Lukas Alexander Lieutenant-Colonel Mikail Leonid Lord Castellan Ursarkar E. Creed Lord Castellan Ursula J. Creed Lord General Castor Lord Solar Macharius Lord Solar Arcadian Leontus Vance Motherfucking Stubbs
Junior Officers:	Captain Al'Rahem Commander Kubrik Chenkov Knight Commander Pask
Enlisted Guardsmen:	Colour Sergeant Jarran Kell Gunner Ferik Jurgen Mogul Kamir Nork Deddog Ollanius Pius Sergeant Harker Sergeant Lukas Bastonne Sergeant Merrick Sly Marbo Trooper Arden