Nork Deddog

Nork's new model, making him (try to look like) a classy boi with a fancy-schmancy monocle.

Nork Deddog is an Ogryn and slab o' sweaty meat par excellence in the Imperial Guard who has enhanced brain and muscles and the loyalty of a Commissar (read: if he just BLAM!s Nork's officer, Nork immediately reduces the Commissar to paste). He can: write his own signature ("N is fer Nork"), count up to four, and even talk in full sentences. Considering most other Ogryns have an IQ rivalling that of a wet puddle, that's a real feat. He was taken out of combat to have his brain enhanced MOAR and trained with a special unit. He now works for Colonel Greiss of the 2nd Catachan as his bodyguard. Nork has saved Greiss's ass many times and has earned a LOT of shiny medals... A bling truly not undeserved, as this freak will literally throw himself on an enemy grenade (and on the poor soul who threw it) to save the life of Greiss -without even noticing his wounds afterward. Fluffwise, this guy is the absolute, perfect meatshield. What else, except that he can Instant Kill an Ork Big Boss WITH A SINGLE HEADBUTT!

On the Tabletop

Nork Deddog is the ultimate meatshield. He autopasses Look out Sir! attempts (a godsend against the new Assassins dataslate since Assassins no longer ignore LOS), has Hammer of Wrath, grants the Command Squad Stubborn, comes with the typical Ripper Gun, Carapace Armor, and Feel No Pain combined with T5. The only downside to all of this is that he's pretty pricey, he costs more than a barebones Command Squad. Take Nork if survival for your Commander is a top priority. His Rippergun and Hammer of Wrath hits are very nice, but his primary purpose is a meatshield. Which, fluffwise, he doesn't mind! If you're feeling ballsy/expensive take him with Straken. Yeowch.

Quotations

• "Da Sergeant Major asked me what my job was an' I said it was to, uh, do what I was told. He said I was a genius and gave me another medal. I likes da Imperial Guard!"
• "Da medikit was in da carrier, surr." - Nork, explaining why he hauled a wrecked Chimera out of a ravine and all the way across a battlefield to his wounded sarge.

Writefaggotry!

The following article is a /tg/ related story or fanfic. Should you continue, expect to find tl;dr and an occasional amount of awesome.

Why having a high leadership is important for Imperial Guard Orders

Jarran Kell rolled in order to hide beneath the covers of the bushes, outside of the measured range of the traitors' multilaser. The traitorous fleeing captain's chimera was trying to gun him down with his men, so as to free the way just long enough so that they could escape the ambush. On the other side of the path, 30m or so, the best Ogryn in the galaxy had started his progression to join his commanding officer, hidden behind a tree near Kell. Ursakar E. Creed, the Castellan of Cadia, was overlooking the situation with a superhuman focus. Screaming, the deserting captain was ordering the pilot of his chimera to go backward... he was desperate to escape the encounter. Luckily enough, the number of special characters on the loyalist side was granting the traitors some chances to escape better than if they had brought a shitload of squads with lascanon and melta bombs; but even so, he was too affraid to actually try to take Creed's head. The documents he was escaping with, after all, were his top priority.

"Kell!" The Castellan called, "Deddog. Tree. Uproot. Now!"

"Sir, yes Sir!" answered before shouting to Nork the Castellan's orders. "NORK! OPERATION UPROOTING: POINT TWO FOUR GOLF ALPHA XRAY HEIGHT YANKEE TWO!! GO! GO! GO!!!"

That Ogryn was smart, and he knew his job well: to obey orders. And as such, he renounce joining Creed and Kell, and instead ran with all his might to tackle the big tree, bigger than a Space Marine's neck; and weighting on it with all his strength; and faster than how much time you need to write it, Deddog broke it in twain, causing the tree to fall before the chimera had time to pass and causing the ground to tremble even more so than with the Ogryn's race.

After the embush had ended, the Cadian officer was rallying his troops.

"You did good job there, Nork, buddy. You accomplished your job with zeal & selflesness," praised Jarran Kell with patience and benevolence. "But, the next time... try to make the tree fall on the right side: the one where the road is."

The Ogryn frowned, puzzled.

"On the right side...?"

Indeed, that was because he made the tree fall on the RIGHT side, not on the LEFT one. Nork was not dumb enough to not know the difference between his right and left sides; and so, he was suspiscious, thinking that maybe his friend was trying to pull a joke.

"Yep, the right side; the good side. The one where the enemy's vehicle is trying to go in order to flee.

"... Where they are trying to flee...? Ah!" Everything was becoming clearer.

"Yes!" He nodded, seeing the bright flash of understanding in the Ogryn's eyes. "They were deserters, and we didn't want them to desert."

And indeed, both the cigar comping mouth and the gunslinging fist of Creed, the taciturn general, were clenched strongly; his bust was slightly leaning forward; and his face was reddened by the fast palpitations and circulation of his blood into his whole body, while the nerves on his face # appeared clearly on his skin.

"Ah... Oky, Kell, surr."

"You understood everything?"

"Surr, yeahss surr."

"Smart one," Kell praised him while giving a friendly accolade on his massive shoulder. Nork gave him a wide and bright smile.

Kell turned to face Creed.

"Sir, is there any need to be angry? Did you not Tacical Geniused a reaver titan o'er there...?"

Yes... it was the back up plan. But Creed didn't want to use it in the first place.

"Even if these are important data on eldar biology, can't we just have some magos cut up some space elf corpse and remake it or something...?"

Of course not. Those were highly confidential, rare type of Slaaneshi fap materials. Without invulnerable save or anything like that, it was impossible for the data to survive super-heavy fire power.

Famous members of the Imperial Guard
Commissars:	Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt Commissar Anton Gebbet Commissar Ciaphas Cain Commissar Holt Commissar Lord Bernn Commissar Severina Raine Commissar Yarrick
Senior Officers:	Colonel Carus Brom Colonel Greiss Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken General Sturnn Governor-Militant Lukas Alexander Lieutenant-Colonel Mikail Leonid Lord Castellan Ursarkar E. Creed Lord Castellan Ursula J. Creed Lord General Castor Lord Solar Macharius Lord Solar Arcadian Leontus Vance Motherfucking Stubbs
Junior Officers:	Captain Al'Rahem Commander Kubrik Chenkov Knight Commander Pask
Enlisted Guardsmen:	Colour Sergeant Jarran Kell Gunner Ferik Jurgen Mogul Kamir Nork Deddog Ollanius Pius Sergeant Harker Sergeant Lukas Bastonne Sergeant Merrick Sly Marbo Trooper Arden