The 666 Rituals of Detestation
The 666 Rituals of Detestation that Grey Knight initiates must pass.
- Rite 001: Fill in the Grey Knight application. Spell your name correctly.
- Rite 002: Answer the riddle of steel.
- Rite 003: Bring back squa.
- Rite 004: Volunteer to be converted to a 4chan server for 1 month.
- Rite 005: Eat an entire peck of pickled peppers whilst punching a Carnifex in the face. Naked.
- Rite 006: Read all of the books written by Terry Goodkind and neither Rage nor an hero.
- Rite 007: Kill Bond.
- Rite 008: Find a huge creature who should have huge guts. Rip and tear its guts.
- Rite 009: ????
- Rite 010: Profit!!!
- Rite 011: Prove that Michael Jackson never molested a kid.
- Rite 012: Beat all 12 levels of Battletoads in a single run. Aspirant must resist the temptations to curse or swear, as these would interrupt veneration to our glorious Emperor. Absolutely no self-deprecation shall be permitted, for the Emperor guides thee in all things.
- Rite 013: Find [a water chip/the sacred G.E.C.K.] for your Vault.
- Rite 014: Correctly thin your paints.
- Rite 015: Confront Chaos and return.
- Rite 017: Get GW to lower their prices.
- Rite 018: Re-read Descent of Angels.
- Rite 019: Watch Gigli.
- Rite 020: Touch MC Hammer.
- Rite 021: When life gives you lemons make apple pie.
- Rite 022: Pick yourself up by your own bootlaces.
- Rite 024: Use Candlejack's name withou
- Rite 033: Come off as less of a dick than another Astartes in front of a common citizen.
- Rite 034: Make porn of it. No exceptions.
- Rite 035: Hold a private screening of aforementioned porn for the Emperor.
- Rite 038: Find a shrubbery. Then find another shrubbery and place beside the other shrubbery. Only slightly higher.
- Rite 042: Find the ultimate question to life the universe and everything
- Rite 043: Cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with.... A HERRING!! *dramatic music!!*
- Rite 049: Confirm that a witch weighs the same as a duck.
- Rite 053: Partake in a Pretty Marines Pre-Battle Floral Arrangement Ceremony without becoming an Angry Marine.
- Rite 058: DICK PUSHUPS.
- Rite 061: Correctly assemble and paint a Forgeworld Titan, blindfolded.
- Rite 062: Fap to an army of tyranids.
- Rite 069: Sisters of Battle. You know what we mean.
- Rite 072: Sweatin' to the Oldies.
- Rite 073: Skullfuck a servo skull.
- Rite 082: Win a dance-off against the Disco Marines.
- Rite 086: Fight for your rite (to paaaartaaaay!).
- Rite 093: A coke bottle on purpose. Yes, the whole bottle.
- Rite 099: Find an 99Flake ice cream that actually costs 99p. During battle.
- Rite 100: Lead a squad to victory whilst performing an acapella version of "Boom Boom Dollar".
- Rite 101: Cooperate with a fellow Grey Knight in any other rite he performs.
- Rite 102: Cause a fellow Grey Knight you were helping to fail his rite.
- Rite 103: Simply walk into Mordor. Backwards.
- Rite 111: Eat an entire Carnifex. The Grey Knight is allowed to have the Carnifex restrained beforehand, but if he wants it dead, he must kill it himself.
- Rite 112: Shake hands with Faptau.
- Rite 114: Prove that it indeed is Lupus, and make House laugh in the process.
- Rite 117: Beat Halo 2 on Legendary without dying
- Rite 123: Convince a Sister of Battle to not be a pedo.
- Rite 126: Manage to complete Battletoads in 2-player mode by yourself.
- Rite 132: Steal Doomrider's bike.
- Rite 133: Rhyme with orange.
- Rite 134: Do a barrel roll!
- Rite 135: Stop moralfaggotry.
- Rite 136: Rhyme with purple.
- Rite 137: Kill it with fire. "It" is perferably a furry.
- Rite 141: Trick Tzeentch cultists into making you a professional-quality 5 course breakfast.
- Rite 142: Travel to Holy Terra to sacrifice a psyker to the Emperor
- Rite 150: Form a Dreadnought barber shop quartet.
- Rite 165: Battle an Ork Killa Kan. With your bare hands.
- Rite 180: Beat every serving Chapter Master at darts.
- Rite 182: Walk up a flight of stairs in full armor without breaking them.
- Rite 225: Save a fallen Adeptus Astartes to be put in a Dreadnaught. Don't be seen while doing this. HARD MODE: You're not allowed to be the one who cripples the Adeptus Astartes.
- Rite 226: Defeat a Necron playing as the Necrons in Dawn of War. Using IG.
- Rite 230: Read through the CAD Archives.
- Rite 231: DO COCAINE!!!
- Rite 232: Beat Ghosts and Goblins. Suffer no more than three aneurisms.
- Rite 233: Stop saying desu.
- Rite 234: STFU
- Rite 235: GTFO
- Rite 236: Be the ball.
- Rite 238: Kill the pig! Drink his blood!
- Rite 244: Read a porn Loli D comic and have no heretical thoughts about it.
- Rite 247: Survive psychically arm-wrestling with a greater daemon of Tzeentch.
- Rite 248: Count the licks to the center of a Tootsie Pop. In the middle of a battle.
- Rite 249: Conquer an entire daemon world. And do it FABULOUSLY.
- Rite 251: Out-sex Cain.
- Rite 252: Read "A Crushed Empire"(fanfic). Do not give in to NERDRAGE!
- Rite 256: Fellate a plaguebearer.
- Rite 257: Make the Emperor blink.
- Rite 273: Show me your war face!
- Rite 274: Find out what makes Cinnamon Toast Crunch so popular.
- Rite 288: Win a breakdance competition against a Harlequin.
- Rite 298: Disimpact the Emperor's bowels.
- Rite 307: Visibly flex your muscles while inside your armor.
- Rite 310: Rickroll a fellow commissar.
- Rite 315: Grow a Power Beard.
- Rite 316: You must beat Macgyver in a race through all these Trials.
- Rite 324: Beat a Tzeentchian Greater Daemon in a game of chess. Then destroy it with a logical paradox.
- Rite 325: Purge one furry site from the Emperor's internets.
- Rite 333: Win a 1v1 Starcraft match against a Zerg rusher.
- Rite 340: Beat all 4 Iron Chef contestants in the kitchen stadium. At the same time.
- Rite 347: Read the entire Twilight series without becoming an hero.
- Rite 350: Relax.
- Rite 367: Assemble a bolter. Without your hands.
- Rite 372: Drink a gallon of milk.
- Rite 373: Eat a spoonful of cinnamon.
- Rite 374: Do the Dew.
- Rite 375: Fight Chuck Norris and live.
- Rite 376: Meet a rabid SPEES MAHREEN fanboy and answer all of his questions without killing him.
- Rite 377: Complete the Adventures of Bayou Billy using the zapper.
- Rite 396: Get away with it, despite those meddling kids.
- Rite 397: Sex up a Daemonette without contracting any Chaos taint. Then you must have her hand in marriage after the proper Rituals of Courtship. This step is to be done BEFORE said sexing up.
- Rite 399: Endure being locked in a cell with 1 of every major xeno species - Ork, Eldar, Tau, etc. You must not allow any xenos to be killed.
- Rite 400: Make love bloom on the battlefield.
- Rite 401: Move and Shoot.
- Rite 403: Forbidden: You don't have permission to access this rite
- Rite 404: ERROR. RITE NOT FOUND
- Rite 409: Date with a Daemonette and resist her brea- er, charms.
- Rite 411: Do a particularly Silly Walk to attract the attention of the Ministry of Silly Walks.
- Rite 412: Steal a trainee Sister of Battle's panties.
- Rite 415: Organize a Schola-Progenium scavenger hunt.
- Rite 420: Smoke your weight in Slaneeshi psycho herbs. Then smoke your weight in Slaneeshi cultists.
- Rite 421: Eat a bell pepper even more dramatically than Chairman Kaga does.
- Rite 423: Find out which Brother Captain Ravenor is the sentient testicle of.
- Rite 424: Go to a furry board. Resist the urge to troll.
- Rite 427: Out-dick Eldrad.
- Rite 435: Complete this fucking crossword puzzle I got in the paper today.
- Rite 444: Eat 100 White Cathedral burgers with everything.
- Rite 445: Suit up completely, including placing the helmet firmly onto your head and turn off your armor's ventilation except for air recycling systems. Do not remove your helmet under any circumstances until told to do so.
- Rite 446: Watch Zoolander, and drink a shot of tequila whenever something stupid happens. Survive the ensuing alcohol poisoning.
- Rite 453: Steal Jeanstealer's pants
- Rite 487: Be balanced in Dawn of War - Soulstorm, even if a Chaplain is attached to your squad.
- Rite 500: Internal Rite error.
- Rite 505: Convince a Tau Firewarrior to become a capitalist after he gets out of the military.
- Rite 517: Kick High Ecclesiarch Brennan up the arse.
- Rite 518: Close the pool.
- Rite 523: Prove your mental acuity by stopping an Orkish WAAAAGH using conversation and no less than six graphs.
- Rite 524: Prove your mental acuity by re-inciting said WAAAGH against Chaos.
- Rite 525: Beat Chakan the Forever Man in one sitting.
- Rite 533: Find and reattach Abbadon's lost arms.
- Rite 534: Steal Abaddon's arms.
- Rite 535: Prove you have a will to live by escaping the planet before Exterminatus.
- Rite 546: Fuck a hive queen.
- Rite 566: Try to enrage Bob Ross to the point of violence and profanity.
- Rite 568: Climb a wall of dicks. Without ropes or hooks.
- Rite 569: Catch the double nigger before he jumps over the candle-sniffing fuckfence.
- Rite 570: Out-swear an Angry Marine.
- Rite 589: Infect Madagascar.
- Rite 591: Cause at least every second Grey Knight member with whom you have become acquainted to lose the game.
- Rite 592: Make love not war. Then make some war.
- Rite 601: Cure the cancer that is killing /b/. HAHA! YOU ARE TEH CANCER THAT IS KILLING /b/
- Rite 602: Road trip!
- Rite 603: Do it Faggot!
- Rite 605: Watch every season of Whose Line is it Anyway? without laughing once.
- Rite 610: Mindfuck a psyker. Manually.
- Rite 611: Bring sexy back.
- Rite 612: Be aware of the current location and activities of C. S. Goto, and take no action.
- Rite 613: Reread all the works of C. S. Goto and resist the urge to equip yourself with a multilaser.
- Rite 616: Convince a Sister of Battle to play a game of battleshits with you.
- Rite 617: An American band is coming to your town. Help it party down.
- Rite 619: Watch any movie with Christopher Walken in it and not even THINK that any scene involving him is awesome.
- Rite 620: Add more cowbell.
- Rite 621: Hear the name "Chaos Lord Metallica von Freebird" without even cracking a grin. I DID IT!
- Rite 622: Yes.
- Rite 623: No.
- Rite 624: Watch every episode of Seinfeld and enjoy it.
- Rite 630: Interrupt Commissar Fuklaw's speech and survive.
- Rite 642: Beat Khârn at checkers (the game must be played through to the end, and event that forces the game to end prior to this is a loss for you).
- Rite 660: Survive HUGS TIEM with Unyuufex. Then kill that abomination.
- Rite 661: Make a fortress on Dwarf Fortress that survives this many years, EXTRA CREDIT: start with no skills on a goblin tower OR start with 100+ cats and never put a cat in a cage or intentionally kill a cat.
- Rite 662: Survive the Vortex of Total Perspective and remain sane.
- Rite 663: Punch out an Angry Marine.
- Rite 664: Name every rite completed beforehand, the method for doing so, and every minute detail involved.
- Rite 665: Rinse.
- Rite 666: Repeat.
Make a checklist of all of the aforementioned items. If you score 100 or higher, CONGRATULATIONS! We don't give a shit!