Slaanesh

This article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you.

PORN FOR THE PORN GOD! SMUT FOR THE SMUT THRONE! RAPE FOR THE RAPE TRAIN! - The Motto that Slaneesh wants YOU to believe in

Introduction

Behold Slaanesh, Chaos God of perversion, shamelessness, excess and the most disgusting Pop Music in the history of ever. If the slowly slurping erection, consuming the world in its immense size Gomorrah named Hollywood has a God, then it is Slaanesh. Heretical Fa/tg/uys cannot resist the most disgusting heresy of masturbating furiously to Slaanesh and his/her daemonettes.

Slaanesh was born at ~~when in the 1800s, Tzeentch tricked major film producers to establish a colony in the anarchistic frontiers of California where they could practice their most lecherous vices~~ the fall of the Eldar, when all their torture, rape, S&M, bondage, decadence, listening to North American pop, etc, especially listening to Canadian pop (ie Justin Bieber), eventually tore the fabric of reality a new one and gave birth to Slaanesh along with the Eye of Terror, this also killed the majority of their race. As a result Slaanesh owns almost every last Eldar soul in the galaxy and in the event an Eldar should die without a spirit stone, he becomes Slaanesh's sex toy for all of eternity day and night forever and ever (excluding exodites). That is why Eldar are willing to manipulate entire worlds into exterminating each other just to save one of their own (The Dark Eldar takes this up to eleven by sacrificing other souls to Slaanesh so that they don't get eaten). Khorne hates Slaanesh because s/he's a prissy faggot but Slaanesh only gives a thought about hating Khorne or any of the other Chaos Gods after s/he's done playing with herself which is about 1 nanosecond every millennium, so about 13 nanoseconds total so far. Rumors that their relationship is beyond hate and occasional angry sex are just that; Khorne is not telling.

Of course, that paragraph is Slaanesh's WH40K history. In WHFB, Slaanesh has no real backstory and sort of just came out of nowhere like the other Chaos gods.

Amongst other things, Slaanesh is the god of sex, drugs & rock n' roll. And the disgusting Heretical abomination that is Western ~~('cause, you know, J-Pop, K-Pop, etc, is true art since Hatsune Miku in all her entirety is the Begotten Daughter of the Machine-God)~~ pop music. He/she is fueled by excess and pleasure, which means gratuitous amounts of anything generally fall under its influence. This actually becomes a big problem for Khorne, the God-Emperor of Mankind and the other Chaos Gods, whose worshipers have to constantly try not to enjoy themselves too much lest they end up feeding the Warp's whipping bitch. Especially when the Inquisition is all too enthusiatic in whipping heretics.

Many horny juveniles who have just found Warhammer seem to be obsessed with Slaanesh being a God(dess) of sexual pleasure. While fluff claims this is not true, in practical terms the only Slaaneshi cultists anyone has ever seen are ones who go in for either ridiculous perversions or self-mutilation because of ridiculous perversions. One would think that if, as claimed, Slaanesh were the lord of all pleasure then Slaanesh would be omnipotent because in the end, biological and psychological fact tells us that every living thing with a fucking Neuron does anything simply because to feel pleasure and escape pain (the "pleasure principle"). Even Khorne, her opposite, feels pleasure in killing, and Tzeentch feels pleasure in Just as Planned. That is why 40k lore tends to focus on Slannesh being a God of the most disgusting pleasures ever, not as the God of all pleasure. Additionally, in the fluff, it does state that most pleasures (like regular love or the desire to eat) that might be covered under the "pleasure principle" are too "weak" to sustain Slaanesh. Slaanesh being usually named the "God of Excess" it's more that he/she gains power from OVER-indulging in the small things like sex and eating, which in 40k is actually more rare than people would think. Considering that it's damn hard for anyone to get more than a piece of stale toast and a dry handjob before a grueling 48 hours of avoiding death in the name of the Emprah in the far corner of some forgotten forge-world, the only way to get enough sex, drugs, and partying in to impress Slaanesh on your average imperial world, is to be a ruthless, controlling, evil, bastard.

~~SLAANESH AND HIS/HER/ITS WORSHIPERS WILL BE YIFFED IN HELL!!!!~~ Awright, which one of you guys let the Commissar in here? My bad. ~~Yiffed in hell, you say? Oh, it sounds so... exciting. Sign me in!~~ *BLAM*

What? Warhammer?

In the new Age of Sigmar Skubstorm setting, Slaanesh has gone missing for unknown reasons. Some suspect it's been captured by the ~~High Elves~~ Aelfs while being glutted with the souls he/she/it was eating (See? This is why Khorne follows a strict diet with it comes to Khorne Flakes), while Slaanesh's followers think Malerion has something to do with it (the two possibilities aren't mutually exclusive). Thus Slaanesh has been removed from the Pantheon of Chaos and replaced by the Horned Rat. Derp.

Tyrion and Malerion worked together to capture Slaanesh, unknowningly helped along by the machinations of Tzeentch.

Most likely Slaanesh is being kept in a hidden warehouse while Tyrion works him/her over to make Slaanesh give back Aliathra's soul.

There is speculation that Slaanesh has been removed as an active part of Age of Sigmar in some attempt by Games Workshop to make the game more accessible to children. Somehow, they failed to take into account that no game with such a high price of entry is going to be popular among kiddies anyways. They may be doing this so parents won't be put off by the game and be willing to buy it for their children and to get past the media watchdogs to make the game more mainstream; but that most likely won't work due to reasons discussed on GW's page here.

Followers

Slaanesh attracts mortal followers from those seeking to become charismatic and popular, but instead corrupts them to become colossal perverts; alternatively, he/she/it may attract followers from those who are already colossal perverts, and corrupt them to become more charismatic and popular. Just as planned.

Slaanesh and Khorne actually compete for the same pool of followers more often than you'd think, which is part of their bitter rivalry. A good rule of thumb is this: if a warrior wants to be the best, gets his thrills from making that perfect shot, that perfect move, to hone his or her skills the sharpest they can ever be, they're Slaaneshi. If the thrill lies in just killing people, the pure joy of murder with the skill just a way of facilitating that, they're Khornate.

When things come to more "social" followers, Slaanesh competes with Tzeentch, as followers of both are known for being a silver-tongued manipulative dicks with a huge hard-on for power. Here difference lies in that Slaaneshi followers seek power for their own gain, while Tzeenchian often have more altruistic goals or are more interested in a process of gaining power than actually getting it, intentionally raising the challenge to impossible level just to feed their ambitions.

Slaanesh units are:

Daemonettes, hideous crab-clawed hermaphrodites or seductive scythe-clawed elf-girls depending on which fluff you choose to believe, fa/tg/uys love daemonettes and spend much time eagerly awaiting the drawfags to provide them with moar heresy. Some fluff seems to suggest that they're hot elf girls until they decide it's time to rip your face off, at which point they become something more akin to the BDSM glam-rock lobster women seen in the current models. Moreover, they're supposedly attractive to the beholder - this means that it is very likely that their appearance is entirely subject to the individual desires of whomever is perceiving them. This is represented by their hermaphroditic/androgynous appearance, supposedly rendering them attractive regardless of preference or sexuality. Their monstrous nature is a juxtaposition of slender sensuality and horrible, flesh-tearing daemonic claws. Like many daemons their appearance is supposed to be highly varied, which is never represented in the models.
Fiends of Slaanesh, looking like a bizarre cross between an aardvark and a scorpion, these units are best used for hit and run attacks against armour.
Seekers of Slaanesh, daemonettes mounted upon Steeds of Slaanesh; fast and lots of attacks for not much points, prone to dying in a hail of bolter fire.
Seeker Chariots of Slaanesh Hard hitting squad-wipe unit, this is whom you call for when you need that pesky tarpit removed. Right now. From other end of the board. Be cautious though, these things need grimoire and preferrably invisibility to live since they are big targets with juicy 10 armor all round. Also never ever position yourself so that the enemy could have even remote chance of charging these things: even squad of retarded fire warriors can take these chariots down in melee if they get the charge. These things live and die by the hammer of wrath attacks, use them accordingly.
Chaos Space Marines, the traitor marines of the third legion worship Slaanesh exclusively, as do warbands such as the Angels of Ecstasy and the Flawless Host.
- Noise Marines, the specialist traitors dedicated to Slaanesh, akin to Khorne's Berserkers, Nurgle's Plague Marines or Tzeentch's Thousand Sons. Aural-focused traitors who specialise in using Sonic Weaponry because the cacophony is the only thing that can register on their jaded senses anymore.
Keeper of Secrets, the Greater Daemon of Slaanesh, like a daemonette on steroids, ecstasy and Viagra. They excel in being blindingly fast in movement and combat, depending on the army book and edition they have the edge in single combat with a Bloodthirster. One possessed the primarch Fulgrim (Though only for a short time) Fulgrim and the demon later became best Friends and merged into one, later the now demon Fulgrim would mortally wound Rowboat Girlyman (though since nobody saw what happen it possible Gulliman did it to himself),for which we should be all eternally grateful. In WHFB the demon gets its ass handed to it by lord Malekith.

Facts

Slaanesh knows that you can't spell happiness without penis.
Slaanesh turns all His/ Her followers into the opposite sex.
Slaanesh's daemonettes possess men and then jack off.
Slaanesh is bitching over the fact how his/her/its only representation in the DoW series was the Emperor's Children paint scheme. And they aren't even Slaaneshi like, they're just a generic chaos army. Although, he did grant favor to Eliphas for smashing a ton of soulstones.
- However, concerning stated above, the developers have added noise marines for Dawn of war 2: Retribution. This has made Slaanesh quite happy. However, he/she/it is still ~~pissed off of not getting enough representation~~ OFFENDED BY THIS SILENCE, considering Nurgle gets Plague Champion hero, the Plague Marine Tier 2 unit, and the Epic Great Unclean One daemon, Khorne then gets the Khornate Chaos Lord, Bloodletters and Bloodcrushers, while Tzeentch gets the Sorcerer hero, has the most effective upgrade for the basic CSM squad (Warpfire bolts make everything in front of them shit brix and was flat out broken in earlier versions of its introduction), and all of the Anti-armor upgrades, while he/she/it only gets a single unit that frankly eclipsed by either Plague Marines or generic Havocs with an autocannon.
Charlie Sheen is His/Her/Its first true Daemon Prince.
Slaanesh gets beaten up/off by all of the other Chaos Gods on a fairly regular basis, and gets off on it.
If it exists, Slaanesh faps to it.
Tzeentch likes to trick Slaanesh into fighting Khorne, Slaanesh always loses these fights and loses them hard. Tzeentch then gets a dose of lulz out of it. Slaanesh gets to take it hard. And this pleases him/her/it.
Slaanesh is secretly depressed that he/she/it has no friends. Khorne is a dick, Tzeentch is the biggest dick there is, and Nurgle stole his Eldar goddess.
Slaanesh gets bullied by all the other Chaos Gods constantly because none of them like him/her/it. This does not upset the balance, though, because Slaanesh likes BDSM where s/he was being bullied and tortured by the other Chaos Gods.
Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because it's oh so easy to string him along with offers of porn, whores, BDSM and/or drugs.
Khorne regularly cuts off Slaanesh's arms and beats him/her/it over the head with them (Again, this inadvertently makes Slaanesh orgasm).
Slaanesh was using steroids when he/she/it killed the Eldar Gods, he/she/it couldn't really beat them all without using performance enhancing drugs.
- Slaanesh is always on drugs (Except psychiatric medication, they kill sex drive down to the very biology)
Slaanesh attempted to fight the Nightbringer in a desperate attempt to win back some street cred, he/she/it got his/her/it's left boob for his/her/it's trouble. It hurt so bad/good that it retroactively cut off the left boobs of all of Slaanesh's greater daemons and that's why they all only have one boob (or six).
Slaanesh's favourite films;
- Hellraiser: Slaanesh's number one film. In fact, He/she/it took a lot of inspiration on many of the movie's aspects......~~That is, of course, a lie. He actually ripped off Hellraiser.~~ Hellraiser ripped him/her/it off. There are rumors that Slaanesh had a cameo appearance in the sequel dressed as a lozenge.
- A Serbian Film: Slaanesh's second favorite movie. She/He's already started putting NEWBORN PORN into her/his daily schedule.
- Pink Flamingos: Slaanesh's third favourite movie, which is actually a film adaptation of Slaanesh's daily journal. It shows how Slaanesh spend his/her day with such things as a couple having on-screen sex with an actual live chicken between them and crushing it to death, recurring scat fetishes and (thankfully from an irl perspective; fake) cannibalism. Slannesh especially enjoyed that a (now-deceased) drag queen played the main character.
- A Clockwork Orange: One of Slaanesh's favorite movies; not so much the book it was adapted from as it was less about sex and more a commentary on the nature of morality. He/she/it likes to jerk-off at many of the movie's aspects, but more notably Malcolm Mcdowell's sexy face. He/she/it also finds the death of one of the characters totally hilarious, due to the fact that said character was killed by a giant rocking ceramic phallus straight to the face. BLOWJOB OF DEATH !!! LULZ !!! Unbelievable and improbable? Well here's evidence to prove it: Giant rocking ceramic phallus attack !!!.
- The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Mostly because of Tim Curry (who is actually Slaanesh).
- Caligula: The movie written by Gore Vidal for copious amounts of sex, incest and Malcolm Mcdowell, who Slaanesh is scouting out as a future Chaos champion.
- Event Horizon: A documentary of how He/She is directly responsible for fucking up humanities first venture into the warp.
Slaanesh enjoys the Song of Ice and Fire books due to the copious amounts of incest and midget sex and the TV adaption Game of Thrones because they added sex scenes and casting several porn stars on top of this.
Slaanesh gets ALL the pussy, though arguably just as much (if not more) cock.
Slaanesh tried to seduce all of the remaining C'tan at once. Slaanesh ended up getting the pleasure sensors in its brain lobotomized. He/She/It got off on this.
Despite psychic powers supposedly being Tzeentch's specialty, Slaanesh's tend to be the really cheesy ones. 3rd edition had a minor power called Siren, which forbids the caster from being shot at in the opponent's shooting phase (it's just as broken as it sounds). 4th edition has Lash of Submission, which the Chaos Marine tactics cover the usage of (in a nutshell, GW admitted they didn't realize how good it turned out to be and it was the most used on daemon princes even though the +1I from the required MoS wasn't very useful). And what about 6th edition? While Tzeentchian sorcerers focus on pwning the shit our of enemy with (mediocre) mind bullets and warp-beams, Slaaneshi ones pack a whole lot of cheesy buffs and debuffs, which makes them so much better. Similar deal in Fantasy, where Slaanesh, some of the time, offers a better selection of magic than Tzeentch.
- Still, he/she/it faps/shlicks/???-PROFIT at this.
Slaanesh hates Warhammer Fantasy because all its worshipers are either very clearly only male or ugly shit-smeared Huns.
Considering that Slaanesh is about excess, there might be several other types of Marines besides Noise Marines we don't know about:
- Smell Marines, who use gasses to do whatever they wish through peoples noses, whether it be death, insanity, paralysis, suggestibility, 'seeing colors', and so on, always permanent brain damage. This is a way to get Nurgle followers to convert.
- Sight Marines, whose weapons create wondrously intricate bloom and color effects of equally detailed and aesthetically (only to a branch of masochists masochists can't stand) pleasing. This is a way to get Khorne followers to convert.
- Touch Marines, who know the nervous system better than a Bene Gesserit, able to bring the mightiest warriors down with the right jab in the right spot, consumed with uncontrollable orgasms.
- Taste Marines, I am not describing that. Just leave it there. No one is dealing with this.
Also, a former Tzeentch follower gone Slaaneshi would be incredibly dangerous: Tzeentch followers understand indeterminism (from a very distorted, cynical perspective) and also see knowledge as power per circumstance to win where force, charisma and economics cannot. A devout Slaaneshi seeks to experience everything. Thus a former Tzeentchian, already well read on enough to convince themselves they experienced it, or well read enough to steal peoples experiences, who became a hedonist addict as well would be left with one desire: to be omnipotent and thus be able to go beyond the limits of mortal imaginings in pursuit of understanding and experience for understanding and experience.
Slaanesh tried to get in Khorne's head by seeking to understand the appeal of skulls. Instead Slaanesh got bored and invented the idea of skullfucking.
Slaanesh Patrols will skull fuck your family.

Gallery

This article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you.

Slaanesh followers DO COCAINE!!!!!!!!
That's a real commissar, just look at the hat.
DDaemonette
It's not furry, you can totally fap to it.
Why it's good to be Slaanesh follower.
Slaanesh can be festive as well.
It is possible that some pokémon are susceptible to Chaotic influence.
Oh god. ;_;
There is no excuse or explanation for this.
This image can be used to improve a bad thread.
Simply Irresistible
Mr Culexus' interpretation. Notice the bulge in the crotch.
Love can bloom in the galaxy of Transylvania
What a Slaaneshi raptor would look like by non-GW canon.
Who else did you think furries worshiped?
LAWL
Slaanesh Chaos Marines come with a little "extra"...
... which may not be so "little".
She "rides" it... if you know what I mean... no seriously, zoom in if you don't believe me.
The more common and usual fate of female Eldar.
Now 262.71% more real!
You might be mixing up love and lust.
Gimme some sugar
H. R. Geiger is pleased
Lashes of Torment!
She Who Thirsts indeed
Khorne is sooo tsundere...
And to think... I hesitated
From the old WFRP days
How can you not want to serve something this ~~adorable~~ heretical?
Anon heralds the Age of Strife.
We have the makings of a deamon prince here!

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!
Don't dream it, be it...
Don't dream it, be it...

The Chaos Gods of Warhammer 40,000 and Warhammer Fantasy
Four Main Chaos Gods:	Khorne - Nurgle - Slaanesh - Tzeentch
Other Gods of Chaos:	Archaon - Hashut - Horned Rat - Nuffle Malal - Morghur - Necoho - Zuvassin
Chaos Gods of Law:	Alluminas - Arianka - Solkan the Avenger

Slaanesh

Contents

Introduction

What? Warhammer?

Followers

Facts

Gallery

See Also

Navigation menu

Slaanesh

Introduction

What? Warhammer?

Followers

Facts

Gallery

See Also

Navigation menu

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