Slaanesh

This article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you.

This article related to Warhammer 40,000 is a stub. You can help 1d4chan by expanding it

Chaos God of perversion, rape and excess. Fa/tg/uys masturbate furiously to daemonettes of Slaanesh.

Slaanesh was born at the fall of the Eldar, where all their raeping of everyone and everything eventually tore the fabric reality and gave birth to Slaanesh along with the Eye of Terror, this also killed the majority of their race. Slaanesh owns every last Eldar soul in the galaxy and in the event an Eldar should die without a spirit stone, he becomes Slaanesh's new sex toy for about...2-3 seconds. Khorne hates Slaanesh because he's a prissy faggot but Slaanesh only gives a thought about hating Khorne or any of the other Chaos Gods after he's done playing with himself which is about 1 nanosecond every millennium, so about 13 nanoseconds total so far.

Many horny juveniles who have just found Warhammer seem to be obsessed with Slaanesh being a God(dess) of sexual pleasure. While fluff claims this is not true, in practical terms the only Slaaneshi cultists anyone has ever seen are ones who go in for either ridiculous preversions or self-mutilation because of ridiculous preversions. One would think if, as claimed, Slaannesh were the lord of all pleasure there would be more Slaannesh cultists scouring the universe for rare pre-Heresy "Emperor and Horus BFFs" commemorative stamps to complete their collections, or searching Imperial worlds to find just the right gear for their Battle of Armageddon re-enactment.

~~SLAANESH AND HIS/HER/ITS WORSHIPPERS WILL BE YIFFED IN HELL!!!!~~ Awright, which one of you guys let the Commissar in here? My bad.

It is a well known fact that the Emperors Nero and Caligula were ~~worshipers~~ Avatars of Slaanesh, when Slaanesh decided he/she/it wanted to troll Rome. Apparently the Fuck-That-Thing-Called-Physics nature of the Warp let Slaanesh do that, since the Eldar hadn't orgied Slaanesh into existence for about 30,000 years yet. When Rome started converting to Christianity, Slaanesh got bored, decided that they weren't as fun anymore, and left them to their own devices.

Slaanesh is the weakest and youngest out of the four Chaos Gods by a fairly good margin, even on his/her/its best day he/she/it can't fight Khorne at his worst. Though to be honest, none of the other Chaos Gods can. However, they can theoretically put up better fights than Slaanesh.

Facts

Slaanesh knows that you can't spell happiness without penis.
Slaanesh is bitching over the fact how his/her/its only representation in the DoW series was the Emperor's Children paint scheme. And they aren't even Slaaneshi like, they're just a generic chaos army. Although, he did grant favor to Eliphas for smashing a ton of soulstones, which contain Eldar souls for raping.
However, concerning stated above, the developers have added noise marines for Dawn of war 2: Retribution. This has made Slaanesh quite happy. However, he/she/it is still pissed off of not getting enough representation, considering Nurgle gets Plague Champion hero, the Plague Marine Tier 2 unit, and the Epic Great Unclean One daemon, Khorne then gets the Khornate Chaos Lord, Bloodletters and Blood crushes, while Tzeentch gets the Sorcerer hero, has the most effective upgrade for the basic CSM squad (Warpfire bolts make everything infront of them shit brix), and all of the Anti-armor upgrades, while he/she/it only gets a single unit that frankly eclipsed by either Plague Marines or generic Havocs with an autocannon.
Slaanesh gets beaten up/off by all of the other Chaos Gods on a fairly regular basis.
If it exists Slaanesh faps to it.
Tzeentch likes to trick Slaanesh into fighting Khorne, Slaanesh always loses these fights and loses them hard. Tzeentch then gets a dose of lulz out of it. Slaanesh gets to take it hard.
Slaanesh is secretly depressed that he/she/it has no friends. Khorne is a dick, Tzeentch is the biggest dick there is, and Nurgle stole his Eldar sex slave.
Slaanesh gets bullied by all the other Chaos Gods constantly because none of them like him/her/it.
Slaanesh is secretly turned on by how much of a dick the other Chaos Gods are.
Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because it's oh so easy to string him along with offers of porn, whores, and/or drugs.
Nurgle once sat on Slaanesh to watch a Christmas movie with his followers, Nurgle only realized he squashed Slaanesh an hour into the movie when he farted which caused Slaanesh to squirm furiously in an attempt to get away (To be honest, Slaanesh probably enjoyed it).
Khorne regularly cuts off Slaanesh's arms and beats him/her/it over the head with them (Again, this inadvertently makes Slaanesh orgasm).
Slaanesh was using steroids when he/she/it killed the Eldar Gods, he/she/it couldn't really beat them all without using performance enhancing drugs.
Slaanesh is always on drugs.
Slaanesh attempted to fight the Nightbringer in a desperate attempt to win back some street cred, he/she/it got his/her/it's left boob for his/her/it's trouble. It hurt so bad/good that it retroactively cut off the left boobs of all of Slaanesh's greater daemons and that's why they all only have one boob.
Hellraiser is Slaanesh's number one film. In fact, He/she/it took a lot of inspiration on many of the movie's aspects......That is, of course, a lie. He actually ripped off Hellraiser.
A Clockwork Orange is one of Slaanesh's favorite movie's. He/she/it likes to jerk-off at many of the movie's aspects, but more notably Malcolm Mcdowell's sexy rape-face. He/she/it also finds the death of one of the characters totally hilarious, due to the fact that said character was killed by a giant rocking ceramic phallus straight to the face. BLOWJOB OF DEATH !!! LULZ !!! Unbelievable and improbable? Well here's evidence to prove it: Giant rocking ceramic phallus attack !!!.
Slaanesh enjoys the Song of Ice and Fire books due to the copious amounts of incest and midget sex.
Slaanesh gets ALL the pussy, though arguably just as much (if not more) cock.
Slaanesh tried to seduce all of the remaining C'tan at once. Slaanesh ended up getting the pleasure sensors in its brain lobotomized.

WE ARE NOT LIABLE FOR ANY MAJOR PHYSICAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE THIS ARTICLE MAY CAUSE YOU.
ALSO: DAEMONETTES ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE. DIDN'T EXPECT THAT, DID YOU?!

Gallery

Slaanesh followers DO COCAINE!!!!!!!!
That's a real commissar, just look at the hat.
DDaemonette
It's not furry, you can totally fap to it.
Why it's good to be Slaanesh follower.
Slaanesh can be festive as well.
It is possible that some pokémon are susceptible to Chaotic influence.
Oh god. ;_;
There is no excuse or explanation for this.
This image can be used to improve a bad thread.
Simply Irresistible
Mr Culexus' interpretation. Notice the bulge in the crotch.
Love can bloom in the galaxy of Transylvania
What a Slaaneshi raptor would look like by non-GW canon.
Who else did you think furries worshipped?
LAWL
Slaanesh Chaos Marines come with a little "extra"...
... which may not be so "little".
She "rides" it... IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
The more common and usual fate of female Eldar.
You might be mixing up love and lust.
... I'd still hit it.

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!
Don't dream it, be it...
Don't dream it, be it...

The Chaos Gods of Warhammer 40,000 and Warhammer Fantasy
Four Main Chaos Gods:	Khorne - Nurgle - Slaanesh - Tzeentch
Other Gods of Chaos:	Archaon - Hashut - Horned Rat - Nuffle Malal - Morghur - Necoho - Zuvassin
Chaos Gods of Law:	Alluminas - Arianka - Solkan the Avenger

Slaanesh

Facts

Gallery

See Also

Navigation menu

Slaanesh

Facts

Gallery

See Also

Navigation menu

Search