Sisters of Battle
 | This article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you. |
- Thou shalt not refer to the Adepta Sororitas as "Bolter Bitches," nor shalt thou go anywhere near our sisters during the time of their "Red Rage," lest thou wishes to be the first human to enter orbit without the aid of a shuttle.
Sisters of Battle are essentially Warhammer 40k's female equivalent of Space Marines, and are warriors devoted to the Emprah. Although they lack the genetic modification of their beefier brethren, they also wear power armour and are armed mainly with the eponymous Bolter. The Sisters of Battle are also known as the "Daughters of the Emperor", and officially as the "Adepta Sororitas". They are more colloquially known by players as "Bolter-bitches" or "Nuns with guns".
The Sisters of Battle are part of the Ecclesiarchy, the religious arm of Imperial government, and often work closely with the Inquisition. They have somewhat of an obsession with the purifying effects of flame, and generally choose equipment that allows them to cover their enemies with as much holy promethium as possible. This philosophy is most obviously exemplified by the Immolator tank, essentially a modified Rhino with giant flamethrowers stuck on it. They also own a giant mobile organ that sprays missiles like a garden hose, yep they do some missile spam too.
The Sisters may or may not be giant pedophiles. They also may or may not be flaming lesbians (Insert Rimshot Here).
The fact that they exist and fail at everything they try is testament to the universal truth that women are inferior to Men.
They are played mostly by impotent and foolish wimmin who need to GET THE FUCK BACK TO THE KITCHEN known as 'feminists'.
Sisters Snuff
In 2002 when the Necrons were launched Games Workshop demonstrated the Necrons' awesomeness by having them exterminate a whole convent of Sisters (Sanctuary 101). Games Workshop liked the result so much that they decided the Sisters of Battle should get slaughtered all the time. Unless they are falling to Chaos, obviously.
Some highlights include:
- A whole Order turned to Chaos by one Slaaneshi Keeper of Secrets.
- A whole Order Mind Controlled by one chaos Psyker.
- A strike force of Celestians and an Inquisitor being killed, cannibalized, and sacrificed by the Sons of Malice Astartes chapter for disturbing their victory rites and falsely accusing the chapter of heresy. (Imperium does nothing......apart from declaring them heretics anyway.)
- A whole Commandery being killed by Flesh Tearers Astartes chapter (who were eating allied milita at the time). (Imperium does nothing.)
- Three whole Orders killed by the Space Wolves Astartes chapter when they try to inquire about that ship full of unarmed priests the Space Wolves shot down earlier. (Imperium does nothing.)
- 99% of sisters in the galaxy vanishing due to to a retcon in the two whole paragraphs of fluff given them by the 5e rulebook.
- Dozens of Sisters killed by Grey Knights - the rest team up with the Grey Knights after pointing out how stupid the Knights are. No Sisters survive the team-up.. (Imperium does nothing)
- A whole shrine-world of Sisters killed by Chaos Dreadnought. Said dread shrugs off meltas, meltabombs and multiple Exorcist volleys, a Living Saint even gives up her divinity to stop it, and fails. Its destroyed instantly when a Marine throws a hammer at it.
- An entire Order of Sisters of the Order of the Sacred Rose, who were sent to the Kaurava Campaign and killed by Vance Motherfucking Stubbs after they refused to fuck off.
Tactics
The Sisters of Battle employ a costly yet simple tactic whenever they're called out for battle:
1.Bring thousands of sexually deprived Sisters of Battle into the field.
2.Arm them all with Melta and flame-based weapons.
3.Tell them they can shlick to the image of the Emperor if they triumph over the foul enemies of the Imperium.
4.Set them loose.
5.If they so win, all remaining Imperial troops, save for the SoBs, are ordered off the field.
6.No other accounts can be heard of, as remembrancers and all other Imperial journalists are sworn to an oath of silence on whatever events transpired.
See Also
- Sisters of Cleaning - a /tg/ created order.
External Links
Gallery
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