All Guardsmen Party
The All Guardsmen Party is a pretty good series of Storytimes by the writefag Shoggy. It follows a group of Guardsmen from their origin in the bloody trenches, to their recruitment by the Inquisition, and through a series of adventures filled with xenos, heretics, and incompetent superiors.
At over 190,000 words, the story archive is longer than a lot of novels. Be prepared.
Links
- HTML Link to whole thing: https://googledrive.com/host/0B3Z9sXPTD9rpN2owNGdVWmdFWXM/agp.html
- Suptg Link (Missing 2?): http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?searchall=all+guardsmen
- Links to the Readings:
- The Prologue:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-iH5zt0w7Y
- Guardsmen and Pilgrims: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7yJiTk74bM
Chapters:
Prologue: Natural Selection Based Character Creation
A player perspective on a horrible meatgrinder of an Only War game.
Guardsmen and Pilgrims
A few Guardsmen, fresh from the destruction of their regiment, get handed out to a fresh young Interrogator like starter pokemon. The team is sent to inspect a pilgrim fleet for heretic activity.
Briefings are ignored, naps are had, a book is read, and everything goes to shit very quickly.
Dude Where's My Psyker
The squad is handed over to a new Interrogator with a hard-on for meetings and a trio of pet psykers. They're sent to find out why a planet hasn't been providing tithes to the Black Ships.
Psykers make everything unpleasant, paranoia and booby traps pay off in a big way, and the squad is repeatedly yelled at for being guardsmen.
What's in the Box?
An offensively British Interrogator takes the squad to check out regiment of guard that's been acting weird.
The squad is forced to do some actual inquisiting, a guardsman finds his true love, paranoid ramblings are ignored, the admech and commissariat are dicks, and enough explosives can solve anything.
Nubby's Girlfriend
A beautiful Interrogator leads the squad on a mission to purge some genestealers.
A will check is catastrophically failed, missions go better than expected, mistakes are made, plots are revealed, and a pocket is picked.
Heretic Purging
The British Interrogator returns and takes the squad to find out why a wasteland world hasn't been worshiping the empra.
Tentacles and hot chicks are encountered but nothing interesting happens, an adept makes everyone throw up a little, orbital strikes are abused, zombies attack, a khornate is a hell of a guy, and a betrayal happens.
Discount Spaceship
The squad is sent to acquire a slightly used spaceship and help some cogboys bring it home.
Jim the Tech-Intern is met, questionable deals are made, helpful notes appear, slight mechanical problems occur, a knarloc is found, and Nubby is fired.
Good Soldiers, Bad Educators
The squad tries to teach some recruits how to be inquisitorial goons.
Lessons are planned, a test is failed, Sarge yells at people, a clever ruse is planned, a cult is found, and a heretek is nuttier than squirrel poo.
The Interplanetary Man of Mystery
The squad gets a new interrogator and investigates corruption in the Imperial Guard.
Parties are attended, a psyker is named Fumbles, reality starts behaving oddly, deserters are questioned, the party is captured escapes and gets recaptured, some truly horrible flirting happens, duct tape is used, and a secret moon base is attacked.
The Greater Good
The squad goes to Tau Space to chase down some xenos-loving traitors.
A familiar ship is boarded, an ex-Inquisitor is met, an intimidate check is taken too far, a drug problem is exposed, idiots are idiots, Fumbles fumbles, horrible sabotage is perpetrated, some people get shot, and a scene from ironman is reenacted.
The Xenotech Heresy
The squad tries to figure out what's depopulating planets.
An Argument over religion and the W-Word is had, a beach is visited and a familiar face appears, Tech-priests are fucking nuts, Sarge gets some chiropracty done, a dick is infuriated, Tech-priest are nutting fucks, tech-heresy is discovered, and bomb is planted.
Tyranid Acquisition Experts
The team goes to capture a live tyranid zoanthrope in a warzone consisting only of orks and tyranids.
Preparations are made, complaints are had, Space Marines are incompetent, the team gets a crash course in Grav-chute usage, Twitch completely snaps, and the captain is perpetually angry.
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/40747009/
Guardsmen
Sarge
The big solid non-comm that keeps the squad moving. The straight man and a born cynic. Think Sergeant Merrick from DoW. Oh, and he's Interrogator Greg Sargent now!
Doc
The medic that tries to keep the squad alive. Young, naive, and rather poorly trained, but can read without moving his lips and can be trusted not to do anything stupid if given command.
Twitch
The demolitions expert and squad paranoid. Thin, jumpy, not completely sane, and constantly carries more explosives than any squad should be allowed to have. Has a hard time sleeping in any location which hasn't been wired with a good portion of said explosives, which is a primary reason why navigating the AGP's current base of operations usually involves a long list of places to not go and things not to touch.
Nubby Nubbs
A disgusting little cretin, thief, and generally reprehensible individual. Good in a fight and great at acquiring extra supplies, just don't leave anything valuable near him. A direct rip-off of Nobby Nobbs from Discworld, but seriously, if you didn't get that from a character named Nubby Nubbs, the joke is probably lost on you anyway.
Heavy
A big heavy weapons expert with a penchant for laziness. Has mastered the ability to sleep with his eyes open, and even while standing guard or marching.
Cutter
An ex-scribe who found his true calling when he was issued a chainsword. A CQC monster, but can't hit the broad side of a space barn with anything ranged and has a very loose grasp of tactics.
Crisp
The former regimental chef and an expert flame trooper. Has seen some shit and laughs a little too much.
Tink
The regimental techie. Small, whiny, and a little weird, but a great shot with a plasma gun and a wizard with most types of technology. Has a bit of a THING about tech-priests as well as a separate THING about female ones, despite his fascination with xenos tech ensuring that Sarge's squad-management policies usually keep him as far isolated from the cogboys as possible.
Aimy
A rather angry markswoman from a more noble regiment. Briefly served with the squad on a disastrous genestealer purging mission, but has more recently been filling in for Doc. Has an affinity for facial burns.
Interrogators and other characters
The squad is often paired with other acolytes that even out the team and is frequently assigned to a new interrogator. Most of them aren't dignified with names and tend to die in messy ways while the guardsmen stay in cover.
The Rupert and Alfred
The only interrogator to get a real name. An offensively British former officer with a penchant for heroic charges and a slightly psychic butler. Leads the squad on three missions and doesn't fuck up too badly.
Inquisitor Oak
Everyone's boss. Officially a member of the Ordos Xenos, he runs a spacefaring Inquisitorial school and constantly sends Interrogators from all branches out to earn their rosettes. Mostly a bureaucrat that doesn't do much personal inquisiting, instead he has an army of agents tracking leads and recruiting teams for the Interrogators to use. The guardsmen's performance has started to catch his attention, this may not be a good thing.
Jim and Hannah the Tech-Interns
Like interns, except with metal tentacles. The broest of cogbros.
Interrogator (Data Nerd)
A nerd with a superiority complex and judged to be as useless in a fight as he is smug.
Interrogator (That Bitch)
Superhot woman and a Grade AAA+++ Bitch, thoroughly hated by the squad except for Nubby. Slanneshi whores pale in comparison to her sheer hotness. And they were told not to speak of her again...
Interrogator (AFK)
Has them assigned to him for a mission, fucks off and leaves them to do things their way. Doesn't get much development beyond not being around and fucking the squad up.
Interrogator (Super Spy) aka Bane Johns
An asshole who fucks Sororitas, parties hard, never loses and is one of their most hated superiors. Pretty much Sterling Archer with a =][= rosette. They won't be seeing him again anytime soon.
Nutjob
A psychic juggernaut and psychopathic manchild. "Sanctioned" is pushing it, giggles, a lot and does things you cannot brainbleach away, a lot. It is dead! Praise the Emperor! PRAISE!
Fumbles
He's a psyker and called Fumbles, what do you expect? Well, wrong you are then! Actually a very decent guy for a psyker, that is. Just needs a little inspiration and distance from untouchables and probability fields. Addicted to space speed, thanks to a certain Cretin. Also thanks to a certain incident he may be at risk of being purged by anyone not from the squad.
Spot the Wonder Drone 2.0
The most awesomest little Tau recon drone and the team's unofficial mascot, also why Tink is not trusted with the team's budget anymore. (RIP Spot, you were so young) HE'S BACK! AND BETTER THAN EVAR!
Duct Tape
While Duct Tape is not actually a character, it appears more often and tends to be more useful than any real characters.
Gallery
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Crisp
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Cutter and his Waifu
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Doc
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Also Doc
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Heavy
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Nubby
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Sarge
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Tink
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Twitch
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Jim and Tink
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Spot the Wonder Drone
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Tink does not handle rejection well
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The All Guardsmen Party
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Now in Model Format!
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The party
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Sarge and the AGP
