Humanity Fuck Yeah

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This article is about something that is considered by the overpowering majority of /tg/ to be fail.
Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it.
This page is in need of cleanup. Srsly. It's a fucking mess.

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"What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets!"

Out of all threads that appear at the /tg/, it is this kind of threads that prove themselves to be complete and utter cancer to fa/tg/uys. It shows humanity in the dumbest, falsest sense possible: a savage but superior bunch of mighty and brilliant alphas with machines that rape any organism that dares stand in its path, then proceed to do the same to any aliens across which they come, as they are all pathetically inferior in every way (don't get me wrong, humans ARE savages. It's just that they don't have any positive traits). This can take many forms, including military, cultural, culinary, and sexual. The foremost is the most common in these stories.

Many glorious hours of hard work were wasted on these threads, producing endless amounts of deviant-art tier fanfics that would make any alien race run to the edge of the known universe. Reasons why humans are such a threat to the rest of the galaxy are various and stupid, but a good deal can be summed up in the following list:

  • Our evolution - We evolved and THRIVED in the African savannah, a place where everything is trying to KILL YOU! ALL THE TIME! Aliens usually evolved on some herbivore world or become less "on their guard" due to centuries of living away from nature, not troubled by survival.
  • Our history - Humans have been getting better at killing each other basically even before they made stone axes, and we got better over time. You think proud warrior races have shit on us? Spartan style training they undergo makes only a handful of survivors. No matter how good they are, we'll just drown them in conscripts. We also nearly went extinct once, BECAUSE A HUGE VOLCANO EXPLODED, making us only have about 5000 INDIVIDUALS left and of them ONLY 40 PAIRS were BREEDING ONES. Did that make us quit? NOPE. Only about 70000 years later we had 7,4 BILLION INDIVIDUALS, having 100 TIMES more biomass than any other large animal species in the history of our planet!!! That is a hell of a lot of breeding (which has also made us have a very low genetic variety almost making us inbred but not quite. BUT STILL)! The moral of the story is that do not fuck with us, xenos. No matter what you do WE WILL SURVIVE. And after a while: WE. WILL. THRIVE.
  • Our bodies - We're the ultimate Omnivores, we hunt down, kill, burn and eat absolutely anything until totally nothing is left, even more so than so-called "apex" predators like lions, bears, snakes and sharks (in fact, contrary to what Jaws may lead you to believe, we eat sharks so much they're almost extinct. Why? Simply because they make fancy soup). From a lower animal's perspective, we're basically Tyranids. We also drink alcohol, one of the most volatile, flammable, caustic solvents in chemistry that is for all intents and purposes, POISON. It's the same toxic stuff used to Exterminatus bacteria, fungi and everything else biological. Why? Because it's FUN!
  • Our mind -The most terrifying aspect of us would probably be our brains and technology. Our aggressive instincts combined with our intelligence will never cease to come up with better and deadlier ways to warp reality in our own Image, and to torture and exterminate the enemy, and such would probably seem like incomprehensible Lovecraftian Magic to lower species. Our modern tech would scare the shit out of tribal communities. We have exterminated a lot of species like the Dodo simply by uncaring accident (which is probably why we are thriving during an extinction event). What we can come up with scares the shit out of ourselves even. Think Nuclear Weapons and M.A.D. for example. What reasonable mind would, on any other planet in the galaxy, EVEN THINK that having enough nuclear firepower to destroy your only planet twenty times over, would be a guarantee of peace?

As you can see there is a lot of material to roll around in these kind of threads. Humans may not be as powerful sometimes, just a serious player in the galaxy through economic superiority or science, but that's not the real "Humanity Fuck Yeah" thread. The real deal is us having our way with the galaxy as we see fit. Murdering billions of xenos, or fucking them if they're hot enough, taking their delicious alien babies and eating them in front of their parents, mining their planets to the core and moving on, leaving nothing but dead rocks in our wake. We march on, our mantra singing through the stars:

GENOCIDE! MINING! GENOCIDE! MINING! GENOCIDE! MINING!

Xenos Pay Attention You're Next

Our species thought we knew war. We built our civilization on foundations of honor and prowess, we were like a rapier; crippling our foes with small yet decisive blows. We killed our enemies yet we allowed them to surrender, there was no needless killing. That was before the humans came and they showed us the truth...That we were just naive children and that true war is won through unrelenting cruelty and spite. Despite our warriors training, despite all their experience, they still fell to the innumerable waves that the humans sent against us, they burned our worlds; slaughtering our children in horrific ways using them to learn how to kill us more efficiently. After many blood filled years these Terran butchers arrived on our home and they transformed it into a corpse-filled landscape. I tried to take my life but one of these power armored animals stopped me. As he leveled his vicious weapon at me I noticed his face for the first time; His eyes were filled with murderous glee and his mouth twisted into a sneer he whispered three final words to me..."Humanity, fuck yeah"...

"Do they not know who we are, my brethren? We are the chosen of the Emperor, the scions of Terra. We are dominion and we are numberless. We are war itself and the death of all who oppose us. We are Humanity and we shall educate our ignorant foes as to the true meaning of that word!" -- Lord Inquisitor Aedrick Mantel of the Ordo Xenos, from Imperial Armour Volume 12 "The Fall of Orpheus".

In real-life there are people who claim encounters with aliens. Contrary to the popular trend here on HFY, the people who supposedly encountered aliens in real-life are often shocked or even frightened of them. In addition, abductees and witnesses stated the aliens had advanced technology beyond anything humanity has made that rendered the humans involved helpless against the aliens before being taken to their spaceships for experiments. But don't despair HFY, there are a few accounts where the people in question fought back; in one account a person was about to be abducted by an alien but stabbed them with a knife. Though the knife couldn't pierce the alien's skin, the resistance resulted in the aliens were driven off without abducting anyone. There was also an incident in which the would-be abductee ran inside, grabbed his rifle, ran out, and starting shooting at three aliens coming at him. One of them had to be dragged away by its compatriots. He hasn't had any xenos problems since then. In other words, if you're being abducted by aliens, fight back! Armed or not. Kick them in the gornacks! Gouge out their eyes! Bite them!

-- There was also a reference once on an infamous board to a story about an overweight powerlifter who was abducted, woke up and threw a few greys off him after breaking from restraints, afterwards he was lead down a hall where he passed out and woke up at home. I dont think he killed any of the aliens but they were suppposedly the 4ft tall skinny greys, and he was able to punch one which flew with a wall, and the others retreated. He was then lead into the hall. Source pending.

Reasonable HFY

Not every story has Humanity winning because we out-psycho anybody else. Many stories describe the human race winning through pragmatism.

Now with a song!

Humanity Humanity

Humaniteh, fuck yeah! Coming again to kill some mother fucking xenos Humaniteh, fuck yeah! Genocide is the only way, yeah

Aliens your game is through 'cause now you have to answer too Humaniteh, fuck yeah! So lick my butt and suck on my balls Humaniteh, fuck yeah! What you gonna to do when we come for you now

It's the dream that we all share It's the hope for tomorrow Fuck yeah!

Burgers, fuck yeah! Space-mart, fuck yeah! The Earth, fuck yeah! Grifball, fuck yeah!

Orbital drop, fuck yeah! Run and gun, fuck yeah! The Internet, fuck yeah! Slavery, fuck yeah!

Fuck yeah!

Spacebucks, fuck yeah! Disneyverse, fuck yeah! Porno, fuck yeah! Petroleum, fuck yeah!

Assasination, fuck yeah! Killing, fuck yeah! Sushi, fuck yeah! Taco Bell, fuck yeah!

Rodeos, fuck yeah! Space ship and beyond Fuck yeah, fuck yeah

Democracy, fuck yeah! Space ships, fuck yeah! The Emperor, fuck yeah! Band-aids, fuck yeah!

Sly Marbo, fuck yeah! Christmas, fuck yeah! Premier Sanders, fuck yeah! Popeye, fuck yeah!

Capitalists, fuck yeah! Communists, (muffled fuck yeah) Fuck yeah, fuck yeah Simple deaths, fuck yeah!

A-10 , fuck yeah! Baneblade, fuck yeah!

Trivia

"Humanity Fuck Yeah" sometimes refers to omnicidal maniac-level racism against everything that isn't non-powered and normal human beings (because, you know, a human with superpowers is not really a human, right?). Readers may experience ocular bleeding due to excessive TVTropesisms escaping from humanity's natural habitats. This is a normal, if unpleasant side-effect.

Some great examples of "Humanity Fuck Yeah":

An Alternate Take on HFY

Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.
— Proverbs 16:18


What started as a reasonable response to human suffering in fiction has blossomed into a cringe-fest of masturbatory autism that can be seen in the page quote. Haughty pride, arrogance, zealotry, blind idiocy, self-righteousness, and many more vices are enabled by such tooting of our own metaphorical horns. The worst part is how this attitude spreads to other fandoms like wildfire, even if humans or aliens aren't interacting with each other or involved! The irony kicks in when you realize that many of the idols that HFY memers get their Idolatry on for would be disappointed at such vainglorious pride, the The Man-peror of Mankind would not approve! Even more ironic is how this attitude is exactly the same as a certain fluff rapist and his favored infallible, can't do wrong, and always victorious mary sues.

The real crime however, is how HFY quashes new ideas, sucking the rest of the entire fandom down a creative black hole. Guess you can in fact get sick of winning in fiction all the time!

So when would such attitudes be appropriate? In dangerous settings where such attitudes are backed up my much human suffering and bloodshed. In settings where we truly earned the right to be a bit proud of our survival. In settings where humanity is beset on sides by hostile foes within and without, eternally under siege, with their very vices and souls threatening to rebel against the- hey wait a minute...

Humanity fuck yeah tends to manifest itself rather terribly in fanfiction where whole fandoms are plagued by a never ending slew of shitty fix fics that look at settings where humanity is already ridiculously special for no good reason and already has disproportionate influence on the setting and is already among the setting's winners and go "nah humans need to win some more". Thus turning the sentiment into a code for "this fanfiction is shit written by some moron who doesn't understand how dramatic tension works" and turning HFY from a statement of pride to an ironic statement of mockery and a seal of low quality writing. The worst kinds of these fanfics tend to be written by people who legitimately think that the unfamiliar needs to be purged and it all starts reading rather disturbingly like Mein Kampf more than good literature (and worst of all, these fanfics will also have writing quality about as good as Mein Kampf, which is legendarily terrible and incoherent if you're unfamiliar with it) as the more mouthbreather type of fan projects their race war fantasies where they think no one will notice. However, much like with FATAL or Racial Holy War or other works written by the inbred; these attempts to escape notice tend to fail and instead will only draw further mockery upon discovery.

The most important rule in any story with a conflict is of course a need to maintain tension. If people win without effort it gets very boring very quickly unless effortless victory and anti-climax is the whole joke (and most fanfic writers simply aren't funny enough to make the space opera/high fantasy equivalent of one punch man and probably shouldn't try to either) so when you start writing humans as simply piledriving everyone in the way without trying you end up making the humans more insufferable than pretty much any variety of Elf has ever been. Instead of badasses, you have turned our species into uninteresting Mary Sues who most people who don't have their heads up their asses will start to root against, much like how people generally start rooting against a sports team that always seems to win. With no effort being expended, there's no reason to care about the struggle because there is no struggle to care about. Bad HFY forgets all this in favor of what amounts to masturbation via text and unfortunately, as most writers aren't all that great, most HFY fic will tend to be of the shitty tensionless curbstomp variety where humanity does nothing to deserve any victory it gets.

You can express how great humanity is, but always remember these few rules. Don't make everyone else stupid, this is not only a lazy means of making your favoured faction right it's also one of the strongest signifiers for a Mary Sue as not only are they always right, anyone against them is a moron and probably eats babies too. Do make humans suffer setbacks and make mistakes, nobody wants to read about a hero who is never challenged and never stumbles or fucks up, to quote an old saying "to err is to human", someone without flaw is more akin to a monotheistic deity than an actual person so leave that shit for religion. Push them to the brink of destruction and have them claw their way back up from nothing instead of acting as if the universe will bend over backwards for them on account of their species alone. And remember to give them humility as a result of whatever struggle they go through; they should be very much aware they're little fish in a very big pond.

Don't use "human ingenuity" as an advantage; this trope is so tiresomely played out that it produces nothing but eyerolling these days especially since it tends to be a signifier that you've created a planet of hats setting where humanity is the only species not forced to have a hat; this is lazy and overdone so don't do it. And elevating things like "pragmatism" and "brutality" in its place is just as bad because they make humanity look like a race of psychotic monsters who need to be wiped out for the sake of everything else in the universe.

It's ridiculous to assume alien life evolves along the same lines as we did. Consider showing how humans are just as unsuited for alien environments as the aliens would be unsuited for our own. Oh sure, we can breathe oxygen, but outside any Earth-like planet that's just a liability.

Don't force humanity into a hat itself either, saying things like "humans are good diplomats/warriors" is easily disproven by just looking at about a hundred randomly selected people so it's always going to ring kind of false to people in the real world. Do give people weaknesses of some sort, whether cultural or physical or governmental some kind of flaw will help to make humanity seem human instead of efficiency obsessed robots. Do give other species nuance of their own, just as you shouldn't give out a hat to humanity, you should try to avoid essentially typecasting the races in your setting without a very good explanation like Orks having their mentalities being genetically programmed or a species being an outright hive mind, this just makes everyone more interesting overall. While these tips are just generally good for worldbuilding and story telling, they should always be taken into account by anyone who wants to write HFY.

Gallery

  • Start of earliest saved HFY threads.

    Start of earliest saved HFY threads.

  • WE ARE COMING FOR YOU!

    WE ARE COMING FOR YOU!

  • The banner is from Star Trek, but it gives you the basic idea.

    The banner is from Star Trek, but it gives you the basic idea.

  • Fine example of how we at HFY think.

    Fine example of how we at HFY think.

  • HFY's official spokesman.

    HFY's official spokesman.

  • The Imperial Cult is basically built on HFY.

    The Imperial Cult is basically built on HFY.

  • Technology "saves" the day.

    Technology "saves" the day.

  • Terra is a cruel matriarch. But her forge has made us strong.

    Terra is a cruel matriarch. But her forge has made us strong.

  • Humans are more hardcore than most sci-fi insect races.

    Humans are more hardcore than most sci-fi insect races.

  • This is what we do to OUR home. Think your planet will fare any better?

    This is what we do to OUR home. Think your planet will fare any better?

  • Part 1 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY.

    Part 1 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY.

  • Part 2 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY.

    Part 2 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY.

  • Part 3 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY.

    Part 3 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY.

  • Part 4 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY.

    Part 4 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY.

  • Part 5 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY.

    Part 5 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY.

  • Part 6 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY.

    Part 6 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY.

Persistence Hunting with David Attenborough. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=826HMLoiE_o

Humanity, fuck yeah.

Let me tell you about humans, using something I'm familiar with in anthropology. When a Shoshone warrior wants a pony, he goes to a herd, picks one, and walks toward it. Naturally, the pony runs away. The Shonone follows, day and night just walking, usually for three full days. Pony runs away, man just keeps walking at a steady pace. Finally the pony simply collapses from exhaustion after running away for days, and the man walks up and puts a bridle on it. That is the kind of monster humans are.

HFY vs African Pokemon, by Andrew Ucles (without Pokeballs, because fuck you pokemons). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJiZ2HgV5E0

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