Elesh Norn
 | This article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you. |
Elesh Norn is one of the fuckawesome Praetors from the totally fuckawesome game Magic the Gathering.
She leads The Machine Orthodoxy, the white-aligned New Phyrexian faction that believes that Phyrexia must adhere to the teachings of the Father of Machines. Elesh Norn intends to indoctrinate everyone about the truth, even if it means flaying them, tearing them limb from limb, and reattaching the parts into a creation that is worthy of Phyrexia. She is kinda like a miniature version of Khorne, Tzeentch, and the Inquisition all rolled into one. Yes she's that awesome. She also has been seemingly designated by /tg/ as the most fappable of the Praetors. Oh, sweet heresy.
As of recent developments in Magic fluff, she has subdued at least two of her fellow Praetors, Sheoldred and Urabrask, and is well on her way to becoming the sole ruler of New Phyrexia (for those not familiar with Magic or lacking attention to detail, Elesh Norn is white and the color of the other 2 praetors just mentioned are black and red, which are white's enemies). Whether or not they are alive and serving her or dead in her wake is unknown; given this is Phyrexia, they could easily be both.
In Game
In the actual game, she's a legendary creature, a really expensive one, that gives all your creature +2 to power and toughness and -2 power and toughness to your opponents. ALL her controller's opponent's creatures with 2 or less toughness die pretty much instantly. It doesn't matter if they have protection from white or are indestructible, they're dead. Like the rest of the praetors, the game is all but over if she comes out, though her mana cost makes a lot players shy away from using her. Her evergreen keyword ability is vigilance, so no, you don't get to tap that (via attacking at least). Despite her mana cost she does see play in some modern decks that reanimate with Unburial Rites. Most powerful (not necessarily "Power"-ful) creatures, such as Emrakul, the Aeons Torn and The first Eldrazi Titans are designed to shuffle back into the library when they hit the graveyard making them antithetical to most (e.i. sorcery speed) reanimation strategies. (Phage is an undesirable reanimation target for an obvious reason). Blight steel and Progenitus get shuffled into the library instead of going into the graveyard in the first place, so you can't typically reanimate them even at instant speed. WotC has decided to move away from these drawbacks in new powerful cards, as demonstrated by Ulamog (the Ceaseless Hunger) and increase pricing on the reanimation spells.
Gallery
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Elesh Norn's original art.
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The judge promo of her card is in Phyrexian.
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Not always fappable.
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A handy scale for fapfiction writers.
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Thinking of wonderful new ways to convert heretics like yourself...
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... and this is what she came up with.
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Elesh Norn is in your cards, hijacking them.
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Elesh Norn and Sheoldred are the bestest of buddies.
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This is what happens, /tg/. THIS is why you stay away from /d/!
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No one has ever been able to see the eyes of Elesh Norn, even when they should be able to.
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Elesh Norn has a predisposition to be FABULOUS in everything she does.
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Every time you make an Elesh Norn thread, she loves it. It pleases her immensely.
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That isn't actually snow, it is the ashes that spew from the depths of Phyrexia. She loves to frolic in it.
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The human version is considered equally desirable BY FAGGOTS, but for different reasons MAINLY FAGGOTRY.
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It is a little-known fact that Elesh Norn personally chose the symbol for New Phyrexia PROBABLY BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T.
| Factions and Praetors in New Phyrexia | |||
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Factions:  The Machine Orthodoxy  The Progress Engine  The Seven Steel Thanes  The Quiet Furnace  The Vicious Swarm |
Praetors: Elesh Norn Jin-Gitaxias Sheoldred Urabrask Vorinclex |
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