Chick Tracts
 Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it. |
Ah, Jack Chick. Will you ever stop failing?
Chick Tracts are a huge group of blatant moralfagging comics/stories done by Jack Chick Ministries, attempting to convince younger readers that evolution is a lie, rock and roll is the tool of the Devil, the Catholic Church created Islam, the Catholic Church is a vile conspiracy created by pagans (Hint: He is a savage anti-Catholic and an Islamaphobe) and that celebrating Halloween makes you a satanist. He only avoids being a parody American Christianity by the unfortunate fact that he's a real guy. The only reason that Chick Tracts are notable on /tg/ are two very specific reasons:
- 1. They have a lengthy segment explaining how Dungeons and Dragons is a gateway towards Satanism and Witchcraft.
- 2. They are so egregiously stupid that they've spawned dozens of instant memes, including this.
History
Jack Thomas Chick (born April 13, 1924) is an American publisher, writer and comic book artist of evangelical Christian tracts and comic books. He has been called the most published comic book author in the world. Yes, even beyond DC with its rodeo clown characters and prostitutes.
Chick was born somewhere in the unholy shitpit called California, for where else can such fail be given birth. The son of a commercial artist and his eldest at that, his family moved Alhambra wherein Jacky joined the High School drama club and was most un-Christian. Therefore proving that this man is a hypocrite and not a true believer in Lord Jesus Christ (A.S). So much so, that the true Christians who abode there avoided him. In his own words he claims to be; "the last man on Earth who would accept Christ."
After his graduation, he continued his drama education at the Pasadena Playhouse School of Theater on a two-year scholarship.In February 1943, Chick was drafted as a private in the U.S. Army. He served for three years in the Pacific theater, serving in New Guinea, Australia, the Philippines and Japan. Chick credits his time overseas with inspiring him to translate his tracts into many different languages and says he has "a special burden for missions and missionaries." Therefore proving that he is not only an incompetent combatant, but also irreligious. Afterwards, he returned to 'Murka and apparently converted to Christianity by listening to a fucking radio show. Yes, this man did not convert by reading the Bible, or searching his soul, longing for spiritual sustenance, nor did he do so for the lulz, he listened to a fucking radio show. In 2005, a fine thing called a Heart attack struck at him but failed to kill him. But it is no less a hero for trying. Shortly thereafter he had a triple coronary artery bypass.
He has now returned to seclusion and awaits death.
So, why is this guy so hated?
Perhaps because he is woefully misinformed on several issues. Allow us to list his more general offenses against Religion, Rationality, Good taste and Tabletop.
- The man fails to get even BASIC CHRISTIAN DOCTRINE right.
- He is violently intolerant of all religions except his own. That includes but is not limited to: Islam, Judaism and ALL FORMS OF CHRISTIANITY THAT DO NOT FIT HIS PERSONAL VIEW. Yet somehow in one of his latest comics he portrays Eastern Orthodox Christians in a positive light, though many would argue it is much more creepy and threatening when a batshit insane person likes you as opposed to hates you (especially when they involve you in one of their stupid and illogical conspiracy theories, which he, of course, did).
- Non-Christians are invariably portrayed as either completely off their meds or pants-on-head retarded (usually leading to one of them asking "durr wuts a jesus" at some point), while Christians are invariably portrayed as smug, self-righteous twats, thereby managing to piss off everyone.
- He claims that Dungeons and Dragons is a gateway to Satan. We already had to deal with that shit during the 80s. Nevermind the fact that Gygax himself was a Christian, hence why Angels were the good guys and demons were evil.
- He outlived Gary Gygax, there is no justice left in this universe.
- His artwork is shitty.
But, truly the only reason is due to his Dark Dungeons comic strip which is a vicious smorgasboard of unrivaled lulz that happens to be a metaphor for how Dungeons and Dragons is gateway to the Unholy. While such is true of 4e, the other editions are clearly halal. Due to the sheer audacity of this man daring to heap shame upon the favorite pastime of neckbeards, they have banded together unleash their copious rage and DERP upon him. Though they are justified in this, srsly, did you read the above?
However, any parodies of his comics espousing what is considered to be a more 'enlightened' point of view are often loaded with just as much FAIL and hypocrisy as the original tracts.
Quotes
- Ms. Frost: "Okay, Wizard, cast your spell!"
- Debbie: "Okay, Dungeon Master. My spell of light blinds the monster."
- Frost: "The thief, Black Leaf, did not find the poison trap, and I declare her dead."
- Marcie: "NO, NOT BLACK LEAF! NO, NO! I'M GOING TO DIE! Please don't make me quit the game! Somebody save me! You can't do this!"
- Frost: "Marcie, get out of here. YOU'RE DEAD! You don't exist any more."
See Also
The righteous Mystery Science Theater 3000 parody of Dark Dungeons!