Chakat
 Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it. |
 | This article or section is about something involving/related to /d/. Expect PROMOTIONS and possible mental scarring. Also rape. |
 | This article contains something which makes absolutely no logical sense, such as Nazi Zombie Mercenaries, Fucking Space Orangutans, anything written by a certain Irish leper or Robin Crud-ace, or Wizards of the Coast hiring the fucking Pinkertons over a children’s card game. If you proceed, consider yourself warned. |
In every subculture, there are outcasts. Even furries. And that is where the Chakat come in.
The ultimate creation of deranged mental-patient Bernarde Doove, a notoriously bad writer whose books take place in a heavily-modified version of the Star Trek universe dubbed only Chakona Space, Chakats are a spacefaring genetically-engineered group of hermaphrodite Mary Sue Telepathic Space Cats that make your average Furry look as reasonable as Reasonable Daemonette. Widely mocked for their race being a group of flagrant Mary Sues, Chakats are an ideal example of a threat to every single internet subculture in existence; as despised by Furries as they are by fa/tg/uys and ca/tg/irls. Whilst they have roughly one-twelfth of one percent (and that's being generous) the exposure any other spacefaring subculture of any other existing universe, from Star Wars to the the 41st Millenium, fans, usergroups, and communities keep running into these fucking things, invariably with facepalm-worthy results.
But some of you here would ask, "But if the Chakats are Mary Sues like any other, then why can't you ignore them and their fanbase?". Here is when you are wrong, compared to some Mary Sue which are a blend of a few different types and classifications, the Chakats are classified as a 100% distilled and purified fusion of a Mary Sue, Child Sue, Marty Stu (when in male mode), Suenomorph, Sympathetic Sue, Black-Hole Sue, Purity Sue, Einstein Sue, Invoked Sue, Fan-Service Sue (although how anybody can fap to these beasts is beyond reasoning), Implausible Sue, Suemanimals, Chosen-One Sue, Holy Sue and a Mary Sue Race. Essentially they are the ultimate Mary Sue. Thanks, TVTropes. You're off the hook for now, Draigo.
Do not confuse them with the similar looking Wemics.
Important Warning
For your own sake, never try looking them up on Google Image Search if you have safe-search off. You have been warned. If you, for some reason decided to turn it off, bring along a bottle of brain bleach and eye bleach.
Overview
Pair a cat-taur hermaphrodite with the sort of godless "we is superior" fluff provided by the likes of Matt Ward for the Ultramarines, and crank the dial to 11, and you get your average Chakat. Engineered to be perfect survivors and colonizers (according to their creator), they were also engineered to be attractive and psionically gifted with empathetic abilities, making them always able to understand everyone all the time. They are the most psychologically stable race in the universe and they can use their psychic abilities to listen to your thoughts from a solar system away.
They are the strongest physically and for the most part perfect in every single way. Hating them at all makes you a horrible person who, in the eyes of the rest of the world in Chakona Space, should be killed or forced to repent, and not wanting to fuck one makes you a horrible deviant who needs to be cured. By turning you into a Chakat yourself, if need be.
They prefer to be called by "hermaphroditic" pronouns (but are really just made up "non-binary" pronouns meant to appeal to the Chakat's nonexistent LGBTQ+ audience), such as shi and hir, which is by its own self hereticus diabolus; readers are advised to say "fuck that noise" and grab a fucking gun while awaiting the cyclonic torpedoes of the Exterminatus which would be justly declared upon any world where such Slaaneshi-tier abominations have taken foot. If /d/, /tg/, and fchan had a child, the Chakat would be the product of their sweaty lust, and all three would advocate immediate abortion before the abomination had a chance to fester. It is, perhaps, one of the only things in existence that furries and not-furries can agree upon - the Chakats are that fucking bad.
In their native works of fiction, Chakats are festering piles of sexual derangement; they are hermaphrodites, take on multiple mates (of multiple species), and general lend themselves to the most horrifying fetishes the internet has available. They, along with a term that adequately describes most Chakats started as a fan-fic race in Star Trek, and have since moved on into their own universe which is barely different from it (just enough so it can say it's its own setting).
Rather like the Twilight Saga is for bad literature, Chakats represent everything that is foul and disgusting about furries in general. Debauchery and fetish indulgence is rampant, and Humans who oppose the likes of the Chakats are a persecuted minority, treated as Terrorists. Much like any furry, these aren't damning in-and-of themselves; it's the way they are flaunted and shoved down your throats in the most obnoxious ways possible that disgusts even the most reasonable people. Some players of Dark Heresy and d20 Modern have staged glorious campaigns around these, in which the Chakats are cast down for the glory of the Imperium. To further drive home the prevalence of Chakats, they were the headlining race featured in Hc Svnt Dracones, a hilariously bad posthuman PNP RPG.
The Foul threat
In case it wasn't obvious from the above, Chakats are so bad that even other Furries wish to cause an Exterminatus on them via their mere presence; Cultist-chan wishes she could inspire this kind of rage. The problem is that Chakats (or rather, fans thereof) routinely invade other spacefaring universe RPs and games, bringing with them this awesomesauce new race that they just HAVE to play as.
You don't believe us? You will soon enough.
Whilst Warhammer 40K has not been impervious to their foul attempts (as demonstrated here), the fact that every race in existence hates everyone else has done an amicable job of keeping the spread down. Other far more fortunate franchises such as Halo whose multiverse is filled with xenophobic fascists, nuclear-armed terrorists, religious nutjobs, eldritch abominations and the fact that more than half of the races will promptly eat them like alien chow, has very little if any influence from Chakat deviance, while established Sci-Fi classics such as 1984 and Starship Troopers have also stayed clear from the plague due to the equally dystopic and warlike nature. Wargames such as Wing Commander, Star Wars, Mass Effect (despite Mass Effect's major villains, the Reapers, being eldritch abominations) and so on, however, have not been nearly as fortunate, with small and thriving Chakat cross-over communities in each. When rooted out as the shameless Mary Sues they are, they are often given the same mercy one might give a pedophile or serial rapist, which is, to say, they are handled with the Commissar Fuklaw approach.
If you encounter these deranged psychopaths, you are to finish them off immediately, or failing this, immediately contact the Commissariat, if not the Inquisition. You do not want the infection to spread. Perhaps the most thoroughly infiltrated fandom, however, is Star Trek, with entire websites devoted to nothing but Chakat/Star Trek crossover porn. God save us. The only hope Trekkies possibly have now is from the semi-official lore of Star Trek Online, where the Iconians have finally woken up and are out to burn and enslave the entire galaxy. Seriously, in the last episode, one of them literally screams "LET THE GALAXY BURN!!. And they actually look hot and sound delicious, even though they're energy beings. Any sane, any uncorrupted Trekkie would take ten thousand years of Iconian enslavement to one day of Chakat coexistence.
On that note, fucking | Bernarde Doove deserves to get brutally and mercilessly beaten up. Goddamn Chakats.
Gallery
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Whenever someone asks you why Chakats are tripe, link this image.
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Would you believe that her "condition" is that she's constantly sexually aroused?
See Also
- Heresy
- Extra Heresy
- Furry
- FATAL
- Confrontation
- Chakats Meet the Hammer of the Emperor
- https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/690630, because Eastern European teenagers can write better fiction.