Avatar
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Avatar (Also known as Pochahontas IIINNN SPAAACCCE!) is a totally shite heretical xeno-lover movie by closet furry,James Cameron.
It involves a cool jungle moon (Endor? Tanith? Pre-crisis Tallarn?), a huge amount of weird animals, power-hungry humans mining for a ridiculously named material (Unobtainium, seriously, who the fuck came up with that name?!) and a race of hot blue natives *BLAM!* CONTEMPTIBLE HERETIC! YOU ARE A TRAITOR TO YOUR RACE! race of vile Slaaneshi aliens known as the Na'vi.
Things that rock
This movie is fucking awesome. Here are some reasons why.
- Giant monsters that eat ten foot tall Na'vi warriors for breakfast.
- Large amounts of furries slaughtered like livestock.
- Furries armed with bows and arrows can destroy helicopters.
- Massive evil corporations make ridiculous plans in an attempt to make loadsa money.
- HOT BLUE NATIVE TITS!
Things that suck
Of course, nothing is ever perfect. There are a lot of things wrong with it. Such things include:
- The mechs don't have gun arms! (But that's because they are multi-purpose machines, not originally meant for combat. Think of them as fork-trucks. But they could have had it shoulder-mounted. Jeez.)(and they carry big ass guns, and a fucking KNIFE!)
- The Na'vi breed with their hair. They also use their breeding things with animals. By Slaanesh, yes, in addition to being furries, the Na'vi are also into bestiality.
- The marines are depicted as ruthless douche-bag mercenaries......but what sci-fi movie hasn't depicted marines as douche-bags in some way?
- Colonel Miles Quaritchis a fucking idiot fucker.
- Xenos love? That's EXTRA HERETICAL!
- No tactical genius whatsoever.(
I mean, who charges a fucking gun line with cavalry armed with bows and arrows?The same guy who thinks it's a good idea to send regiments of regular human soldiers armed with cardboard for armor and flashlights for guns against heavily armored, batshit insane superhumans capable of tearing them apart in 3 seconds or less, Technologically advanced space communists capable of picking them off like flies a mile away, horridly savage xenomorphs who wants to nom nom your entire squad in a single bite, soulless space zombies who want to kill everything that has a pulse, faggy space elves with xenotech you have no fucking idea about, and Green-skinned xeno-barbarians that were made for fighten' and winnin'. ) - All the vehicles appear to have been made by the Dark Eldar with their trademark wet cardboard armor plating, even high-tech gunships can't withstand the power of simple wooden arrows that are the size of Ballista bolts fired downwards by the space furries.
- The film insinuates that xenocide is bad. However, we all know what must be done with the horrid offshoots of space elves and furries.
- The unobtainable mineral that the marines want is called unobtainium. I dare you to come up with more retarded name. FUCK YOU IT'S AWESOME!!!11!1
And Another Thing
And another side note: The blue space elf people didn't really think too hard when they let the humans go in the end of the movie... so in about ten years the humans will return.... with bombs. And gentlmen, it will be fucking glorious.
And a psychotic old man does a review slagging Avatar at YouTube.
Gallery
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The first rough draft of the script.
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One of the most iconic victories in the movie.
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An up-close look at a Na'vi specimen.
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The avatar creation program in progress.
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Read this comic and you basically have seen the whole movie.
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The whole movie, beginning to end.
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A na'vi mating ritual in process.
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For some reason, he doesn't realize the giant, growling monster 2 feet away from him.
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THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!!!
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Unleash the furry!
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A idiot who should get court-marshalled wit extreme prejudice. Twice.
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