Tarrasque

The Tarrasque is a pure fucking engine of destruction. Dreaded by adventurers for its high hp value and its obscenely high regeneration ability, it is known to rampage across nations eating everything. It cannot fully be killed through normal means; therefore, A player (or group) lucky enough to reduce a Tarrasque to negative 30 hp will then have to use a wish or miracle spell to completely destroy it, with only a 50% chance of success. if unsuccessful it will wake up again x years later and fuck more shit up. Also, no matter how big your army is (assuming your adventuring party had enough cash to recruit mercenaries), the Tarrasque's fast metabolism will allow him to produce such powerful flatulence that all your troops will die by suffocation in just one turn.

According to some, however, the Tarrasque is actually a pretty swell guy.

TL;DR

IT WILL FUCK YOUR SHIT UP.

WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY? YOU CAN FLY? YOU THINK YOU'RE SAFE NOW? THE TARRASQUE HAS ONE THING TO SAY.

BRING IT.

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  Nyoro~n

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  "Gentlemen."

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  DR 15/epic won't protect you from Rule 34

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  A long time ago, in a MM2 far away...

How to Kill A Tarrasque in 20 Easy Levels

This is copypasta. I have no idea if the math works.

First, the feats for each level (and source book if it's not the PH):

• Human extra feat: Power Attack
• Fighter 1: Combat Reflexes, Weapon Focus: Greatsword
• Fighter 2: Improved Bull Rush
• Fighter 3: Mage Slayer
• Fighter 4: Weapon Specialization: Greatsword
• Fighter 6: Leap Attack (Complete Adventurer), Shock Trooper (Complete Warrior)
• Fighter 8: Blind-Fight
• Fighter 9: Pierce Magical Concealment (Complete Arcane)
• Fighter 10: Melee Weapon Mastery: Slashing (Player's Handbook II)
• Fighter 12: Greater Weapon Focus: Gretsword, Pierce Magical Protection (Complete Arcane)
• Fighter 14: Greater Weapon Specialization: Greatsword
• Fighter 15: Martial Study: Tiger Claw: Claw at the Moon (Tome of Battle)
• Fighter 16: Martial Study: Tiger Claw: Sudden Leap (Tome of Battle)
• Fighter 18: Martial Study: Tiger Claw: Pouncing Charge (Tome of Battle), Weapon Supremacy: Greatsword (Player's Handbook II)
• Fighter 20: Improved Initiative

Key Equipment:

• +5 Speed, Valorous (Unapproachable East), Adamantine Greatsword: 166,050 gp, provides an extra attack at your highest attack bonus when making a full attack, deal double damage on all charge attacks
• +1 Soulfire (Book of Exalted Deeds), Heavy Fortification, Mithral Armor: 100,000 gp + the cost of the mithral armor, provides immunity to critical hits, death effects, and negative energy effects
• Manual of Gainful Exercise +5: 137,500 gp, provides a +5 inherent bonus to Strength
• Belt of Giant Strength +6: 36,000 gp, provides a +6 enhancement bonus to Strength
• Ring of Freedom of Movement: 40,000 gp, provides immunity to grappling and movement impedances
• Ring of Mental Protection (Player's Handbook II): 110,000 gp, provides immunity to mind-affecting effects
• Mask of True Seeing (Unapproachable East): 75,000 gp, provides continuous True Sight

Strength:

• 18 base from point-buy
• +5 from level ups
• +5 inherent bonus from Manual of Gainful Exercise
• +6 enhancement bonus from Belt of Giant Strength

Total Strength: 34, with a Strength modifier of +12

Attack bonus with +5 greatsword when charging:

• 20 Base
• +12 Strength bonus
• +1 Weapon Focus
• +1 Greater Weapon Focus
• +2 Melee Weapon Mastery
• +5 enhancement bonus from magic weapon
• +2 charging

Total attack bonus when charging: +43

Damage with +5 greatsword:

• 2d6 base damage
• +18 Strength bonus and a half
• +2 Weapon Specialization
• +2 Greater Weapon Specialization
• +2 Melee Weapon Mastery
• +5 enhancement bonus from magic weapon

Total damage: 2d6+29

So, you're a Human Fighter 20, standing 60 feet away from the death machine that is the Tarrasque. This is the moment of ultimate truth. If you lose initiative, you're supremely and irrevocably fucked, since although you can survive a charge of the Tarrasque, you probably won't be able to survive the AoOs from repositioning you. If you wins initiative though, with the help of some initiative-boosting items I forgot to list down then it's game time.

You spend a full-round action using your Pouncing Charge manoeuvre, which lets you charge and make a full attack at the end of it, while getting the +2 bonus to attack rolls on all your attacks. As part of your charge, you make a Jump check (easy enough with your ranks and Strength bonus) to activate Leap Attack, as you Power Attack for your full Base Attack Bonus, transforming the attack penalty into an AC penalty using Shock Trooper. So, you're making a full attack at +80 damage on each hit, at the cost of -20 AC and then another -2 AC from charging. Now, at this point, the damage on each of your attacks would normally be 2d6+109 (average 116) from your Leap Attacking shenanigans. However, your Valorous weapon makes you deal double damage on any and all charge attacks, shooting it up to a ludicrous 4d6+218 (average 232). This isn't including critical hits, but we won't be needing them, and they're a pain to calculate in 3.5 anyway.

So then, as you charge past the Tarrasque's threatened squares, it takes an AoO against you, using its bite. It damages you some, but it won't be able to score a crit thanks to your Heavy Fortification armour, and your Ring of Freedom of movement prevents a grapple and a swallow. You then make five attacks, at +43/+43/+37/+32/+27. The Tarrasque has "only" 35 AC. The first three only miss on a natural one, giving them a 95% hit chance. For the fourth one, you activate your +5 bonus from Weapon Supremacy, shooting it up to +37, and thus giving that one a 95% hit chance as well. The fifth and final attack is where you take 10, also using Weapon Supremacy, to make it automatically hit. So then, four attacks at a 95% hit chance, and one attack automatically hitting. 0.95 * 4 + 1 = 4.8.

4.8 * average 232 damage on each hit = average 1,113.6 damage in total. The Tarrasque has damage reduction 15/epic, however, subtracting a total of 75 damage from five hits, but that's still an amazing 1,038.6 damage inflicted on the Tarrasque's hit point total of 858 anyway. At this point, the Tarrasque should be down to -180 or -181 hit points, meaning it will be back in action in 5 rounds, and that's why I hope you've got a means to cast Wish right then and there.

How to Defeat A Tarrasque in 3 Easy Levels

• No particular feats required.
• No particular items required.
• Be a wizard of level 3.
• Cast Command Undead on an Allip (its a CR 3 monster, if you can't find any just learn to cast Summon Undead to get one instead).
• Cast Silent Image in front of the Tarrasque or Invisibility on yourself.
• Have the Allip attack it. Every hit will take off 3 wisdom on average with no saving throw, and the Tarrasque has an abysmal touch AC, with no way to hit incorporeal targets.
• Once at 0 wisdom, it'll be unconscious for 24 hours. Shovel dirt into its nasal passages until it cannot breathe, possibly with an Invisible Servant.
• Per the MM, regeneration does not restore HP lost from suffocation, so it will be permanently at negative hit points, at least until some retard picks the dirt out of its nose.
• Congratulations, you're now a level 4 wizard, with 1 XP away from level 5.