Sly Marbo

Sniper Pistol!!11!1!

Sly Marbo (A.K.A Rip-Off of Rambo, The One-Man Army, Chuck Norris/Sylvester Stallone made grimdark) is a renowned Catachan Jungle Fighter, however, he operates separately from other Catachan units as he's a lone wolf almost all the time. He is so famous, so awesome, so fearsome and so ridiculously powerful that everybody (and I mean everybody; The Chaos Gods, The Emperor, the Primarchs, EVERYBODY) would cease to exist the moment they faced him.

Marbo in Game

Marbo is an elite unit choice for the Imperial Guard rather than an HQ (as is the case with most special characters), which makes sense because he's an operative, not a commander. He costs the bitchin' low amount of 65 points (so the same as a 10 man squad of Guardsmen with grenade launcher and power weapon). When he's deployed onto the field from reserves, he drops a S8/AP2 pieplate of death that's designed to fuck up some squad's day anywhere on the map, after that he pretty much plays out like a regular unit (except he is alone and far less effective than an entire unit of most things).

Marbo, if you strike him into enemy lines, will inevitably die because your opponent will really want him dead due to the threat he poses against infantry. Marbo, however, IS the shit. All of his weapons are poisoned, he's pretty good at assault and shooting {though his shooting attack is somewhat short ranged, so you're better off charging the enemy lines) and will invariably wreck some expensive squad's day before he dies a glorious death, assuming he gets close. If he ever DOES die, reality will stop for a breif moment and The Emprah will be heard to shout "What's wrong? Sly? SLY!"

Sly Marbo Facts

(Note:Try to place as many facts as you can)

• Marbo once farted and Chuck Norris was almost killed in the explosion.
• Marbo does not sleep, he waits.
• Sly Marbo is the reason the Void Dragon is hiding.
• Sly Marbo scares the living shit out of all the Ordo Malleus, Ordo Hereticus, and Ordo Xenos put together.
• Sly Marbo gives out a special rule... Feel MORE Pain.
• Sly Marbo passes any characteristic test he is required to take including Toughness, Leadership, STD, Genetic, Initiative and Paternity.
• Abaddon stole the planet killer off the shelf in his local supermarket. When he got home and opened the box he found Marbo sitting inside.
• In Dawn of War 2: Retribution, Tyranid ending, the swarm strips all life from subsector Aurelia. Well, 99.999% of it; Marbo was vacationing.
• Sly Marbo is Never added to an army. Army lists are added to Sly Marbo.
• In the movement phase, Sly Marbo stays stationary and moves the gaming table 6" in any direction.
• They developed a new branch of the Inquisition specifically for Marbo - Ordo Marbo-icus.
• Sly Marbo killed Batman's parents.
• Lightsabers are powered by Marbo's toenail clippings.
• Sly Marbo once fought Nurgle and changed him into a flower.
• When Sly Marbo falls in water he doesn't get wet. The water gets Sly Marbo.
• The Milkshake doesn't bring Sly Marbo to the yard, Sly Marbo was already there.
• Sly Marbo knows where in the galaxy Leman Russ is, but he won't tell because he doesn't want anyone to find the body.
• The Emperor isn't on the Golden Throne, he just left a dummy there to keep Marbo off his trail. Marbo's not fooled.
• The Grim Reaper doesn't come for Sly Marbo, Sly Marbo comes for the Grim Reaper.
• Sly Marbo has two speeds. Walk and Exterminatus.
• The Emperor quit the crusade because Sly told him too.
• Sly isn't the missing Primarch. He is the Entire Missing Legion!
• Sly Marbo has no hair on his balls. Hair doesn't grow on steel.
• If you have five bucks, and Marbo has five bucks, Marbo has more money than you.
• Sly Marbo really loves kittens and puppies. He thinks they're best served rare.
• Sly Marbo never washes. Dirt is too afraid to touch him.
• When MC Hammer is around, it's Hammertime. When Marbo is around, you know poor MC will never be back.
• Sly Marbo can touch MC Hammer. And did. Violently.
• Marbo destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
• Sly Marbo doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
• Sly Marbo has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a little jar next to his bed.
• Sly Marbo stole my heart. I think he ate it.
• Sly Marbo sleeps waits with a pillow under his gun.
• Exterminatus is Marbo's breath, bottled.
• Marbo is the Shadow in the Warp; the Tyranids are trying to get away.
• It is said that Sly Marbo's tears can bring back the emperor. Sadly, Marbo never has cried and never will.
• Sly Marbo doesn't cry, his eyes just sweat.
• People think that when Tyranids destroy worlds they strip all life from the planet, in all reality it's Sly Marbo deciding that planet sucks.
• Same for Exterminatus
• Sly Marbo doesn't drive vehicles, the vehicle drive themselves trying to get away.
• Sly Marbo doesn't fire his weapon, the ammo inside his gun is scared feckless and fire themselves.
• Kreig was never purged by the Death Korps. Marbo just ate too many beans.
• You can't go back in time and kill Sly Marbo, because Sly Marbo was shat out by Chuck Norris.
• You are only alive because Sly Marbo is too busy Stirring Coals with his Penis to kill you.
• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Sly Marbo. Not that he would find him even if he tried.
• The Death Star didn't fire lasers, it fired Marbo's fist.
• Grievous isn't wheezing because of a force attack, he just inhaled pure Sly Marbo particles and couldn't handle the awesome.
• The Tyranids actually came to our galaxy fleeing from Chuck Norris. What they don't realise, however, is that Norris, in a classic pincer maneuver, has sent them right into Sly Marbo's waiting arms.
• The Nightbringer doesn't go outside at night because he's worried that Sly Marbo is waiting for him.
• A Lictor bit Sly Marbo and after 2 weeks of pain and agony the Lictor died.
• It's enough once Sly Marbo glances upon you to feel your ass was ripped in two.
• A commissar once tried to execute Sly Marbo for morale. Morale was restored when Sly Marbo was done killing him.
• Sly Marbo isn't addicted to lho sticks, lho sticks are just addicted to Sly Marbo.
• Techpriests aren't looking for STCs, they're looking for the sacred atoms of metal that came off Sly Marbo's junk that power them.
• Most Vindicare assassins want to grow up to be just like Sly Marbo, most however grow up to be killed by him.
• Sly Marbo defines heresy.
• Eye of Terror was created when Sly Marbo punched a star with his bare fist.
• Sly Marbo allows the Emperor to borrow his Golden Throne.
• Should the Commissars not shoot traitors, Sly Marbo would awaken.
• Sly Marbo once twice conquered the whole Ultima Segmentum.
• The Emperor didn't kill Horus, Sly Marbo did.
• Sly Marbo can drown a fish.
• Did you hear that Failbaddon beat Sly Marbo? You haven't? Good, me neither.
• Sly Marbo doesn't fear Nurgle's rot, Nurgle's rot fears Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo let the dogs out.
• Sly Marbo beat Papa smurf in arm wrestling using his little finger.
• Fun fact!: Even the Angry Marines are scared shitless of Marbo. Even their chapter master: Temperus Maximum, can't curse or even look at him with the slightest bit of anger.
• A Bloodthirster once challenged Sly Marbo. The experience was so traumatizing that it has refused to manifest into realspace since for fear of being in the same plane of existence as Marbo.
• Konrad Curze wasn't killed by a Callidus Assassin, Marbo just dropped by and kicked him in the happy sack so hard that he hasn't gotten up to this day. The Imperium just used the Assassin as a cover story to make it look like the Assasinotorium still has it's uses.
• Vance Motherfucking Stubbs, Colonel "I mindfucked an Eldar Farseer with my non-psychic mind" Straken, and Sly Marbo regularly get together for poker night in a secret dimension which only pure essences of awesome may visit.
• Sly Marbo simply walks into Mordor.
• When Marbo fails his armor or invulnerable save, the one who caused it gets the wound.
• Sly Marbo stared into Slaanesh him/her/itself, Slaanesh later lost his/her/it's soul to Marbo.
• Sly Marbo took a stroll through the Gardens of Nurgle, it became disease free after he left.
• Sly Marbo got into Tzeentch's forbidden library, blindfolded, in just 5 seconds.
• Khorne didn't cause the endless chasm in his brass citadel out of rage, Marbo just put his foot down in front of Khorne once.
• Sly Marbo once gave a riddle to the Deceiver, the Deceiver never solved it.
• Khaela Mensha Khaine only shattered into a bajillion pieces after Marbo punched him in the gut.
• Horus is said to have killed Sanguinius because the Angel was tired from battle. That battle was losing an arm wrestling match with Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo could heal Roboute Guilliman and Lion El'Jonson. Experience has just taught him they won't be awesome enough to receive it.
• Lorgar is said to be on Sicarius communing with the Chaos Gods. He's really just trying to hide from Sly Marbo.
• Logan Grimnar once challenged Sly Marbo to a drinking contest. The Great Wolf fell into a coma trying to beat Marbo.
• Dante's Death Mask curses anyone who looks at him. He's terrified of what will happen if he looks at Sly Marbo while wearing it.
• Eldrad takes everything into account when making a plan. Sly Marbo is the one unpredictable factor.
• A Lictor once tried to ambush Sly Marbo while he waiting, it did not expect Marbo to ambush it while ambushing him.
• Sly Marbo once banished an entire daemonic horde by giving it a mean look.
• Marbo once dueled an Eversor assassin in close combat, he managed to literally rip the assassin in half with his bare hands and end the fight in just 10 seconds flat.
• Whenever Marbo spits at someone, his spit turns into a plasma bolt. Whenever he fails his "Gets Hot" roll, the one he spat at explodes.
• Sly Marbo pisses melta fire.
• Marbo can be an Ultramarine, but hates them anyway, so he doesn't care.
• The Administratum once attempted to impose a higher tithe on Catachan. Sly Marbo was sent to deliver their counteroffer. The Administratum quickly lowered Catachan's tithe.
• A Miral land shark once tried to ambush Marbo like Straken, the land shark's teeth shattered and died the second after it bit Marbo.
• Sly Marbo makes Khorne Berzerkers take morale checks and makes them squeal like little girls when they see him.
• The poisons on Marbo's rounds and knife is actually made from his sweat and it's the only poison that even Nurgle daemons cannot resist.
• Marbo can seduce Slaaneshi Daemonettes at will, he then beheads them afterwards.
• Marbo once defeated a Tzeentchian Lord of Change in a chess game.....with just 3 moves.
• Kaldor Draigo is actually Marbo is disguise, he just assumes this form to troll fa/tg/uys for fun.
• Sly Marbo is the reason the Emprah is on the Golden Throne.
• After Sly Marbo killed a Tyranid swarm out of boredom, the Swarmlord was deployed to kill Marbo. After six months of trying (and dying), the Swarmlord finally gave up and stopped reincarnating.
• Marbo once killed a Hierophant bio-titan by bitch-slapping it in the face, he then killed the entire brood of Tyranids following it by ripping-off one of the dead Hierophant's scything talons and using it as his own melee weapon.
• Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka is said to have left the Third War for Armageddon because he got bored. He really left because he learned Sly Marbo was coming.
• Sly Marbo once cut himself to see what all the fuss was about. The resulting blood formed into Ollanius Pius.
• Sly Marbo's sweat is what poison lines his weapon.
• The only reason Sly Marbo isn't a primarch is because it would be a demotion.
• Khorne used to have a gold pedestal just for Marbo's skull. He has since melted it down, supposedly because “Golds really high right now.”
• Orks wear Gork and Mork pajamas. Gork and Mork wear Sly Marbo pajamas.
• Sly Marbo sleeps waits with a nightlight, not because he's scared of the Night Lords, but because the Night Lords are scared of Marbo.
• A Daemon Prince once saved a Cadian regiment from Necrons; the Guardsmen were baffled until they realized the daemon had been possessed by Sly Marbo.
• When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back. When Sly Marbo stares into the abyss, the abyss averts its eyes in fear.
• Sly Marbo can kick a Bolter Bitch to the balls. CAN, but he wont...
• The Crimson Fists got their name after Sly Marbo played bloody knuckles with Pedro Kantor.
• Sly Marbo’s testicles are of such might they ignore armor saves in close combat.
• Sly Marbo once took Moondrakken for a joyride. He brought it back with all the radio presets changed and the seat readjusted. Kor'sarro Khan didn't dare complain.
• The Salamanders hold that Vulkan will return when they collect all nine of his sacred artifacts. So far they've recovered five. Sly Marbo has not seen fit to return the other four.
• Marbo once ate a Deathstrike Missile Launcher. He thought it was bland.
• Sly Marbo once broke the battlements of Medrengard in an hour.
• Sly Marbo was once on a planet subjected to virus bombing. Sly Marbo's immune system killed the viruses before they infected him. And then his immune system killed everyone else on the planet.
• Sly Marbo once looked into the Eye of Terror. They say a Chaos God looked back at him. Sly then went into the Eye of Terror to beat it senseless for looking at him funny.
• Sly Marbo bowls overhand.

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  Mini in action.