Slaanesh

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Gimmie some sugar

Chaos God of perversion, rape and excess. Fa/tg/uys masturbate furiously to daemonettes of Slaanesh.

Slaanesh was born at the fall of the Eldar, where all their raeping of everyone and everything eventually tore the fabric reality and gave birth to Slaanesh along with the Eye of Terror, this also killed the majority of their race. Slaanesh owns every last Eldar soul in the galaxy and in the event an Eldar should die without a spirit stone, he becomes Slaanesh's new sex toy for about...2-3 seconds. Khorne hates Slaanesh because he's a prissy faggot but Slaanesh only gives a thought about hating Khorne or any of the other Chaos Gods after he's done playing with himself which is about 1 nanosecond every millennium, so about 13 nanoseconds total so far.

PLEASE NOTE: Many horny juveniles who have just found Warhammer seem to be obsessed with Slaanesh being a God(dess) of sexual pleasure. THIS IS NOT THE CASE. Slaanesh does not confine him/her/it self simply to carnal pleasure. Slaanesh takes pleasure in artistic pursuits as well, such as art and opera, and even combat, and sounds and color. So, in conclusion, Slaanesh is not a sex god, he is the God of PLEASURE. Anything can fall under pleasure. Even carnal sins. Come to that, it's been argued that Slaanesh is the god of sensation, feeling, doing things. Slaaneshi cultists will burn themselves alive if it means they get to feel something new. So, expanding on the previous statement, anything can fall under pleasure, even massive self-mutilation.

SLAANESH AND HIS WORSHIPPERS WILL BE YIFFED IN HELL!!!! Awright, which one of you guys let the Commissar in here? My bad.

It is a well known fact that the Emperors Nero and Caligula were worshipers of Slaanesh. Wrong, they were Avatars of Slaanesh, when Slaanesh decided he wanted to troll Rome. Also, during a bet against Khorne, Slaanesh placed his money and power on Rome, where Khorne placed it on the Barbarians. Guess who won. You're both wrong, Khorne wasn't born until the middle ages, nearly a thousand years after the Romans fell. Slaanesh wasn't born until the 28,000s. Get your facts straight you fuckwards. LOLCANNONNAZI. Slaanesh < Khorne anyway. (FIX'D)

Slaanesh is the weakest and youngest out of the four Chaos Gods by a fairly good margin, even on his best day he can't fight Khorne at his worst. Though to be honest, none of the other Chaos Gods can. However, they can theoretically put up better fights than Slaanesh.

Facts

Alright, who's next?
  • Slaanesh is bitching over the fact how his only representation in the DoW series was the Emperor's Children paint scheme. And they aren't even Slaaneshi like, they're just a generic chaos army.
  • However, concerning stated above, the developers have added noise marines for Dawn of war 2: Retribution. This has made Slaanesh quite happy. However, he/she/it/hermaphrodite is still pissed off of not getting enough representation, considering Nurgle gets Plague Champion hero, the Plague Marine Tier 2 unit, and the Epic Great Unclean One daemon, Khorne then gets Bloodletters and Blood crushes, while Tzeentch gets the Sorcerer hero, has the most effective upgrade for the basic CSM squad (Warpfire bolts make everything infront of them shit brix), and all of the Anti-armor upgrades, while he/she/it only gets a re-hash of the SM Plasma Cannon squad.
  • Slaanesh gets beaten up by all of the other Chaos Gods on a fairly regular basis.
  • Tzeentch likes to trick Slaanesh into fighting Khorne, Slaanesh always loses these fights and loses them hard. Tzeentch then gets a dose of lulz out of it.
  • Slaanesh is secretly depressed that he/she/it/hermaphrodite has no friends. Khorne is a dick, Tzeentch is the biggest dick there is, and Nurgle stole his Eldar sex slave.
  • Slaanesh gets bullied by all the other Chaos Gods constantly because none of them like him/her/it/hermaphrodite.
  • Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because it's oh so easy to string him along with offers of porn, whores, and/or drugs.
  • Nurgle once sat on Slaanesh to watch a Christmas movie with his followers, Nurgle only realized he squashed Slaanesh an hour into the movie when he farted which caused Slaanesh to squirm furiously in an attempt to get away.
  • Khorne regularly cuts off Slaanesh's arms and beats him/her/it/hermaphrodite over the head with them.
  • Slaanesh was using steroids when he/she/it/hermaphrodite killed the Eldar Gods, he/she/it/hermaphrodite couldn't really beat them all without cheating.
  • Slaanesh attempted to fight the Nightbringer in a desperate attempt to win back some street cred, he/she/it/hermaphrodite got his/her/it's/hermaphrodite's left boob for his/her/it's/hermaphrodite's trouble. It hurt so badly that it retroactively cut off the left boobs of all of Slaanesh's greater daemons and that's why they all only have one boob.
  • Hellraiser is Slaanesh's number one film. In fact, He/she/it/hermaphrodite took a lot of inspiration on many of the movie's aspects......That is, of course, a lie. He actually ripped off Hellraiser.
  • A Clockwork Orange is one of Slaanesh's favorite movie's. He/she/it/hermaphrodite likes to jerk-off at many of the movie's aspects, but more notably Malcolm Mcdowell's sexy rape-face. He/she/it/hermaphrodite also finds the death of one of the characters totally hilarious, due to the fact that said character was killed by a giant rocking ceramic phallus straight to the face. BLOWJOB OF DEATH !!! LULZ !!! Unbelievable and improbable? Well here's evidence to prove it : [Giant rocking ceramic phallus attack !!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbRSag-L-GQ].
WE ARE NOT LIABLE FOR ANY MAJOR PHYSICAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE THIS ARTICLE MAY CAUSE YOU.
ALSO: DAEMONETTES ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE. DIDN'T EXPECT THAT, DID YOU?!

Gallery

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  • Slaanesh followers. DO COCAINE!!!!!!!!

    Slaanesh followers. DO COCAINE!!!!!!!!

  • That's a real commissar, just look at the hat.

    That's a real commissar, just look at the hat.

  • You Don't Want To Be Taken Alive By Slaaneshi Cultists: They love to breed their "pets," whether their "pets" want to or not.

    You Don't Want To Be Taken Alive By Slaaneshi Cultists: They love to breed their "pets," whether their "pets" want to or not.

  • DDaemonette

    DDaemonette

  • Cultist tattoo

    Cultist tattoo

  • It's not furry, you can totally fap to it.

    It's not furry, you can totally fap to it.

  • Why it's good to be Slaanesh follower.

    Why it's good to be Slaanesh follower.

  • Slaanesh can be festive as well.

    Slaanesh can be festive as well.

  • It is possible that some pokémon are susceptible to Chaotic influence.

    It is possible that some pokémon are susceptible to Chaotic influence.

  • Oh god. ;_;

    Oh god. ;_;

  • There is no excuse or explanation for this.

    There is no excuse or explanation for this.

  • This image can be used to improve a bad thread.

    This image can be used to improve a bad thread.

  • Simply Irresistible

    Simply Irresistible

  • DICKS EVERYWHERE

    DICKS EVERYWHERE

  • Cultist gone Slaanesh.

    Cultist gone Slaanesh.

  • one drawfag's interpretation. Notice the bulge in the crotch.

    one drawfag's interpretation. Notice the bulge in the crotch.

  • Love can bloom in the galaxy of Transylvania

    Love can bloom in the galaxy of Transylvania

  • What a Slaaneshi raptor would look like by non-GW canon.

    What a Slaaneshi raptor would look like by non-GW canon.

  • Who else did you think furries worshipped?

    Who else did you think furries worshipped?

  • LAWL

    LAWL

  • Slaanesh Chaos Marines come with a little "extra"...

    Slaanesh Chaos Marines come with a little "extra"...

  • ... which may not be so "little".

    ... which may not be so "little".

  • she "rides" it... IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

    she "rides" it... IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

  • The more common and usual fate of female eldar.

    The more common and usual fate of female eldar. 

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!
Don't dream it, be it...
Don't dream it, be it...
The Chaos Gods of Warhammer 40,000 and Warhammer Fantasy
Four Main Chaos Gods: Khorne - Nurgle - Slaanesh - Tzeentch
Other Gods of Chaos: Archaon - Hashut - Horned Rat - Nuffle
Malal - Morghur - Necoho - Zuvassin
Chaos Gods of Law: Alluminas - Arianka - Solkan the Avenger

See Also

  • The Emperor's Children legion - The largest contingent of sick fucks on this side of the warp. And on that side of the warp.
  • Fulgrim - Primarch of the largest contingent of sick fucks on this side (and that side) of the warp.
  • Fabulous Bile - What you get by combining a self-obsessed homosexual and Dr.Frankenstein, only this one isn't played by Tim Curry.
  • Doomrider - He does COCAINE!
  • Daemonette - Daemons of Slaanesh. Viewing said content is heretical, expect the inquisitorial storm troopers to barge-in in 20 seconds or less after clicking the link.
  • Loli D - The loli variant of the Slaaneshi Daemonette. Viewing said content is extra heretical. E-Commissars can blam you from your monitor.
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