Page 42
Page 42 (and it's copy on page 61) in the D&D 4e rules is hailed as the diarrhoea centre of the shit twinkie that is 4e.
Show us the fail
It's Chapter 3, "Combat Encounters," starting the section on "Actions the Rules Don't Cover."
Your presence as the Dungeon Master is what makes D&D such a great game. You make it possible for the players to try anything they can imagine. That means it's your job to resolve unusual actions when they players try them.
The first suggestion is relatively tame: if it's just a favourable situation, give the players a +2 on their next roll, or combat advantage. If it's a sucky situation, give them a -2. Same old +/- 10% you can find in any other RPG.
The next suggestion is where the slippery slope starts:
If a character tries an action that might fail, use a check to resolve it. [well, duh] If the action is essentially an attack, use an attack roll. It might involve a weapon, and target AC, or might just be a STR or DEX check against some AC/Ref/Fort defense. Use an opposed check for anything that involves a contest between two creatures.
So far, so good; the 4e DMG is the "Dungeon Mastering for Dummies" book you've been reading up until now. Now get ready:
If the action is related to a skill... use that check. If it is not an obvious skill or attack, use an ability check. Consult the Difficulty Class and Damage by Level table below and set the DC according to whether you think the task should be easy, hard, or somewhere inbetween. A rule of thumb is to start with a DC of 10/15/20 for easy/moderate/hard and add half the player's level.
Half the player's level is what you're supposed to get to make things easier as you level up, but the DM just adds that to the target number for rolling, see, so things never actually get easier. The other half of page 42 talks about "Setting Improvised Damage" and has a chart for how much damage you might do based on the level of the players, and describes how it's about the same or less than what a player of that level could do with their encounter powers.
Of course it should be noted that the use of this is completely optional and meant to be a quick-fix if you're not able to think on the fly about how to resolve an unusual action.
Why is this a shit twinkie?
- To math nerds, this validates how well-organized and thought-out the 4e rules are, making sure that everything is balanced. (Fuck math nerds.)
- To fantasy nerds, this is the final piece of the puzzle where you see that there's little to no difference between the player classes.
- To gamer nerds, it's an admission that the whole "leveling up" mechanic is a swindle in 4e, since you're on the same treadmill and the carrot is always the same distance out of reach from levels 1 through 30.
- To simulation nerds, it's proof that they didn't just round off some corners, they sawed it into a circle.
- Storytelling nerds shrug and say "how is this different from Rule Zero?" and the rest of us tell them to GTFO back to their Vampire LARP.
Did they try to fix this?
In the "official errata to the Dungeon Master's Guide" (July 2008). They lowered the difficulty classes for Easy/Medium/Difficult to 5/10/15 with +1.5/+2/+2 per 3 levels. The mathfags are probably happier, while the rest of us still have a butt-taco on our hands.
The Ultimate Question?
Some people who notice the page number realize show what is the true ultimate question.
Q: What will make the most fa/tg/guys rage?
A: Page 42