Kaldor Draigo

This article is about something that is considered by the overpowering majority of /tg/ to be fail.
Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it.

This article or section involves Matthew Ward, Spiritual Liege, who is universally-reviled on /tg/. Because this article or section covers Ward's copious amounts of derp and rage, fans of the 40K series are advised that if they proceed onward, they will see fluff and crunch violation of a level rarely seen.

Kaldor Draigo is the ~~Supreme Grand Master~~ One True Sue of the Grey Knights and a ~~warrior beyond reckoning~~ ridiculously obnoxious thorn in the side of anyone who isn't a 12 year old/newfag. As a lowly Battle-Brother he banished the Daemon Prince M'kar the Reborn and he has risen steadily through the ranks to become the Grand Master of the most secretive Chapter of Space Marines. Yet ever since his battle with M'kar, Draigo has been cursed to ~~never be a son of Guilliman~~ a life within the Warp, doomed to walk within the Realm of Chaos, to remain pure when constantly assailed by Chaos, and to show ~~fortitude and personal strength~~ plot armour that it is beyond measure. But while Draigo lives, he will prevail, and one day, he will return.

Kaldor Draigo is famous for killing a Daemon Prince in his first combat action, banishing Daemon Primarch Mortarion back to the warp, somehow carving the name of the previous supreme grand master Geronitan (a fucking long name) into the heart of said Daemon Primarch without contracting space daemon AIDS in the process, single-handedly holding off a daemon horde for two days in real space, killing a Daemon Prince with a broken sword, killing one of Khorne's strongest Bloodthirsters with little to no weaponry*, taking said Bloodthirster's axe and reforging it into a sword for his own personal use WITH HIS MIND (you know, despite it being an obvious weapon of a Daemon and automatically a corrupting influence), slaying 6 of Slaanesh's chosen Daemonettes (when setting one's gaze upon them is enough to instantly force submission from any mortal, no matter how strong-willed), setting fire to Nurgle's garden (again, whilst somehow miraculously avoiding space daemon AIDS), walking into the City of Tzeentch and single-handedly smashing it to rubble, which, given that the City of Tzeentch comprises geometry which is literally impossible, MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE ~~maybe he just smashes the impossible buildings into equally-impossible rubble?~~ Who the fuck gave Matt Ward his editing privileges back?! (To be fair, Great Boss Tuska the Demon-killa did that to several different places with impossible geometry during his WAAAGH! into the warp... but then again, those are Orks, he had an army with him and they eventually lost, in a sense.) and slaying countless daemons whilst being trapped in warpspace. He can also be summoned by chaos cultists unwittingly instead of a daemon, no sooner returning to the Warp than after slaying them all.

The God-Emperor himself, looking at his deeds, stood up... And quit his fucking job because clearly he had become irrelevant.

*Note: It is supposed to be impressive that Sanguinius, a fucking Primarch, and in fact, the fuckingist Primarch, managed to beat up a Bloodthirster on his own.

Wait this sounds so familiar...Oh, son of a bitch!

Long ago in a distant land, I, M'kar, the shape-shifting Master of Chaos, unleashed an unspeakable evil! But a foolish Grey Knight warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in space and flung him into the Warp, where my evil is law! Now the fool seeks to return to real-space, and undo the evil that is Chaos!

Which is actually kind of cool if you think abou-, OH EMPRAH! Matt Ward's ripping of stories better than his own again.

To be fair, Samurai Jack is pretty good. It's like a less violent, more samurai-and-fantasy-based version of Fist of the North Star. Though Matt Ward's fluff is still awful and unworthy of even sharing the same paragraph as those two.

Additional Bullshit

If anyone needed additional proof that Matt Ward is too busy masturbating at the thought of his own fluffing skills (and by that I mean he's one of the off-camera helpers in a porn studio) to actually pay any attention to what he's writing, just look at the chronology of Draigo's entry. He initially distinguishes himself in 799.M41 during his first encounter with M'Kar, earning the rank of Justicar. The next confrontation with M'Kar occurs 'Two hundred years to the day since Draigo's victory on Acralem' (i.e. 999.M41). 999.M41; this is confirmed in the 'Deeds of Legend' section of the Codex as well, on p. 17. Later on in his fluff entry, when he returns for the first time to the mortal plane, he has been 'clearly long adrift in time, for he knew [those Grey Knights he encountered] not'. Unless we're intended to assume that his entry is to be read as though in the future, i.e. sometime well after the END of the 41st Millennium, then Kaldor "I'm-a-fucking-badass-who-can-survive-indefinitely-in-the-Warp" Draigo has really only been AWAY from the mortal plane for, at most, a few months. Doubtless, as we all know, time passes differently in the Warp. Kaldor himself may be experiencing years or centuries there while time crawls linearly along for everyone in the Prime Material, but that would have zero impact on the age and number of surviving, recognizable members of the Grey Knights whom he left behind. Giving Mr. Ward the benefit of the doubt (which seems unfair to readers), either Kaldor is being randomly deposited into points in the distant PAST, or we're intended to pretend all Grey Knight battles that include him are taking place in the distant FUTURE; without one of these two assumptions, only two other alternatives remain: Draigo has gone senile, or; he was too big a snob to ever learn the names or faces of those serving under him. This, of course, is if we want to give Matt Ward any credit at all. In other words, the above is a concrete example of BAD WRITING. What the fuck more do you want, GW? Who's he fluffing on your board of directors, that you've retained such a piss-poor hack?

Of course, the Warp's tendency to approach time in a non-linear fashion most certainly doesn't preclude the possibility of Draigo getting shat out in the past. ~~Just pray that Ward doesn't have him encounter Rawbutt Girlyman on one of his jaunts.~~ (Don't give Matt Ward any ideas!)

Although to be fair, the warp CAN do everything just described and other codex writers have done so. Most notably an Ork Waaagh! that was sent BACK to just before its start. Except every single example of other writers did this in a far superior manner.

Wut?

Clearly, the only explanation for the sheer levels of retardation and gratuitous canon-rape Draigo represents is the simplest one: That Draigo is, in fact, defeated - Chaos cannot be beaten in its own realm of non-space because of the mere fact that chaotic beings are immortal, after all, and none of the above is true. (though psykers can "technically" kill chaos daemons for good in the warp, its still a Greater Daemon)

Right now, this very moment, Draigo is in fact a shredded pile of torn flesh and shattered bone after having his ass handed to him by the above Lord of Change and Bloodthirster, who proceeded to step in whilst the Lord kept him distracted - Just as planned. This pile of broken ex-marine is also gushing ooze and phlegm and pus as he was infected with every blight and pox Nurgle has to offer. This shredded, oozing pile....thing, is also being raped and violated in the most unspeakable and vile ways by the Daemonettes of Slaanesh.

And so it shall continue, for all eternity. Because every single Chaos God finds it fucking hilarious.

The only reason he thinks "all is well" is because Tzeentch thought he'd have a bit fun with Draigo. He stuck Draigo into a matrix-esque dream world where everything goes his way and is just waiting for Draigo to climb as high as he can. This dream world will probably last until Draigo has crushed the Chaos gods themselves and all their armies beneath his feet and caused the God-Emperor himself to rise from the throne and suck him off!

Then, at the "funniest" possible moment, right as his bolter is about to fire its payload (and we're not talking about the one on his wrist), Tzeentch will rip it all away from him, Draigo will wake up and see what has really become of him and weep tears of utter loss and despair! "Just as planned!"

~~Admittedly, Draigo's fluff is pretty badass, but still canon-rape (no pun inten- wait, pun totally intended).~~ There is nothing awesome about someone who just goes around fucking everything up with zero challenge. It's like people who write stories about how their super awesome character killed the Lady of Pain or something.

//Inquisitor's Note: While the above is no doubt the fevered ramblings of a mind crying out for the Emperor's peace there is a small measure of truth in it. Our most blessed and sanctified scriptures tell us that Lord Draigo's victories in the warp are indeed pyrrhic ones, and that every daemon slain and fortress toppled shortly rights itself. This is his curse and only when, by the Emperor's blessing, he returns to the materium will he be able to enact any lasting defeats on the ruinous powers.//

//Historitor 165.82.108.238 remanded to custody for Inquisitorial review.//

++Thought for the Day: Many are the faces of the enemy, many are the hands of the enemy.++

Mat Ward Sez

'Lord Kaldor Draigo is a combat monster - there's no other way to describe him. He's lethal against non-daemonic foes, with plenty of Strength 5 force weapon attacks to lay a beat down. When faced with hated Daemons, his Titansword becomes Strength 10, ensuring a pretty one-sided fight in his favour. Even if his enemy survives, Draigo's storm shield is sure to keep him fighting. And on top of all of this, Draigo is a Grand Master, able to bestow extra abilities on his allies. Want your Dreadknight to capture objectives? Draigo can make that happen. Want a Scouting screen of Dreadnaughts? Draigo can make it happen. He's the best possible way to keep your opponent on his toes.'

In summary: HE MAKES IT HAPPEN.

But seriously, go back to sucking Ultrasmurf cock or whatever it is you do. Everyone knows that even without his arms, Abaddon will own Draigo around 80% of the time.

An Astartes beating a Primarch? Really? Even if Draigo is anti-daemon and Mortarion is now a daemon, still...really? Fucking faggot.

Because /tg/ Can

In lab tests conducted on /tg/, Kaldor Draigo loses to Abaddon the Despoiler roughly 73.5% of the time. But then again Abaddon is meant to be a high-cost, point-sink, cc-beatstick who doesn't have arms or do anything to boost his own army...

Oh 6th edition

Like Abaddon, Kaldor's amazing super awesome blade of Mary Sue has been reduced to AP3, but Abaddon was important enough to get FAQ'd back to AP2! This means anything, ANYTHING, with 2+ save will survive combat with Draigo. Even a weaboo space communist wearing iridium armor. Or a Meganob. Or a Captain in artificer armor. Correctional notice: This is ignoring that Draigo's weapon has the Force special rule, which can cause Instant Death in compensation (which is fine and dandy until he gets challenged by a Phoenix Lord). AP3 admittedly is somewhat of a blow, but this is compensated for against more dangerous foes with its latent abilities and his own 3++ save.

That or just charge a Chaos Lord in Terminator armour with ~~Bloodfeeder~~ THE MURDER SWORD or the Axe of Blind Fury. Naw, the Lord would have to fail a single save to get mindraped.

Furthermore:

The latest Codex: Chaos Daemons(p.17) has been released detailing the journey a "Knight of the Adeptus Astartes in silver armor" bearing a strikingly similar appearance to Kaldor Draigo braving the many circles of the Palace of Slaanesh, cutting down a few daemonettes and mortal thralls, only to kneel before the Prince of Pleasures himself, in the guise of a young, androgynous boy who cowed the Knight with absolute and righteous innocence. It's nice to see GW is finally sending somebody to clean house of the foulest of Matt Ward's betrayals of fluff. Also Draigo be confirmed for ~~gay~~ a fucking pedophile, yo.

Placed in the hands of other authors

C.Z. Dunn has recently taken a crack at Draigo in the novelization of the Pandorax Campaign. Here, Draigo is decidedly NOT a Mary Sue anymore, with "Supreme Grand Master" taken in the same context as Azrael. Dunn doesn't nerf Draigo, he still kicks a ton of daemon ass, but he doesn't go around soloing Bloodthirsters without backup or anything so asinine. Draigo is also shown to be moderately flawed as a character, hot-headed and aggressive -- this is to contrast him with the stubborn and conservative Azrael (who takes until chapter 14 to get off his ass and fight smart, though when he finally does he actually fights really smart like a true Space Marine). He's also a top-tier dick who tells Azrael that he knows about the Fallen and gives no fucks at all. (Haters gonna hate.)

This isn't too shocking as Draigo is a fairly new character and only has about two pages to himself within the codex compare to Dunn's few hundred. Even a good writer would have trouble balancing both a good character AND a badass who leads an army of deamon killers.

In conclusion

So. Yeah. Anyone who has always been a fan of the Daemonhunters, and a fan of the Grey Knights? Well, as if the Khornate Knights weren't bad enough, and as if the entire faction being turned into a broken cheese-army wasn't bad enough, and as if having this One True Sue glommed onto us wasn't bad enough...as if all this isn't bad enough, now said One-True-Sue is now the reason why the Grey Knights can no longer state that they've never counted one amongst their number to fall to Chaos.

A New Perspective

It has recently been posited that Draigo's ability to traverse the Warp and wreak havoc on the Ruinous Powers with relative ease is due not to Mary Sue bullshit powers, but to the nature of the Warp itself. One of the only constants of the Warp is that it is shaped by the belief and emotion of sentient beings with psychic ability, however small. Because of this, it is possible that a being with vast psychic ability and great faith (say, a Grey Knight Grand Master) would be able to use his belief in himself and in the Emperor to shape the surrounding Empyrean to match this belief in a manner similar to daemons themselves. It also explains why things go back to normal once he leaves, since he is no longer there to affect that portion of the Warp directly. In other words, Draigo cuts a bloody path through the Sea of Souls because he believes he can, and the Warp, ahem, makes it happen.

Also, as a number of people have pointed out, the codex itself flat out states that nothing he's doing is having any lasting effect on the Chaos Gods. Plus, his first major appearance in a novel has him delivering an impressive verbal smackdown on Azrael regarding the Dark Angels' obsession with making sure nobody discovers the truth about the Fallen Angels.

Recently was start of a short story were he ends up in the Warhammer Fantasy universe.