Kaldor Draigo

This article is about something that is considered by the overpowering majority of /tg/ to be fail.
Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it.

This article or section involves Matthew Ward, Spiritual Liege, who is universally-reviled on /tg/. Because this article or section covers Ward's copious amounts of derp and rage, fans of the 40K series are advised that if they proceed onward, they will see fluff and crunch violation of a level rarely seen.

Kaldor Draigo is the Supreme Grand Master of the Grey Knights and a warrior beyond reckoning. As a lowly Battle-Brother he banished the Daemon Prince M'kar the Reborn and he has risen steadily through the ranks to become the Grand Master of the most secretive Chapter of Space Marines. Yet ever since his battle with M'kar, Draigo has been cursed to a life within the Warp, doomed to walk within the Realm of Chaos. To remain pure when constantly assailed by Chaos shows such fortitude and personal strength that it is beyond measure. But while Draigo lives, he will prevail and one day, he will return.

Kaldor Draigo is famous for killing a daemon prince in his first combat action, banishing daemon primarch Mortarion back to the warp, somehow carving the name of the previous supreme grand master Janus into the heart of said daemon primarch - and somehow not contracting space daemon AIDS in the process, single handedly holding off a daemon horde for two days in real space, killing a daemon prince with a broken sword, Killing one of Khorne's strongest bloodthirsters with little to no weaponry, taking said bloodthirsters axe and reforging it into a sword for his own personal use USING HIS MIND (you know, despite it being an obvious weapon of a Daemon and automatically a corrupting influence), slaying 6 of Slaanesh's chosen daemonettes (when setting one's gaze upon them is enough to instantly force submission from any mortal, no matter how strong-willed), setting fire to Nurgle's garden (again, whilst somehow miraculously avoiding space daemon AIDS), walking into the City of Tzeentch and single handedly smashing it to rubble, which, given that the City of Tzeentch comprises geometry which is literally impossible, MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE, and slaying countless daemons whilst being trapped in warpspace. He can also be summoned by chaos cultists unwittingly instead of a daemon, no sooner returning to the Warp than after slaying them all. Yeah, he's a fucking troll....

The Emperor himself, looking at his deeds, stood up... And quit his fucking job because clearly this Draigo asshole made him irrelevant.

tl;dr

BECAUSE GW WOULDN'T LET MATT WARD BRING BACK ROBOUTE GUILLIMAN

Clearly, the only explanation for the sheer levels of retardation and gratuitous canon-rape Draigo represents is the simplest one: That Draigo is, in fact, defeated - Chaos cannot be beaten in its own realm of non-space because of the mere fact that chaotic beings are immortal, after all, and none of the above is true.

Right now, this very moment, Draigo is in fact a shredded pile of torn flesh and shattered bone after having his ass handed to him by the above Lord of Change and Bloodthister, who proceeded to step in whilst the Lord kept him distracted - just as planned. This pile of broken ex-marine is also gushing ooze and phlegm and pus as he was infected with every blight and pox Nurgle has to offer. This shredded, oozing pile....thing, is also being raped and violated in the most unspeakable and vile ways by the Daemonettes of Slaanesh.

And so it shall continue, for all eternity. Because every single Chaos God finds it fucking hilarious.

The only reason he thinks "all is well" is because Tzeentch thought he'd have a bit fun with Draigo. He stuck Draigo into a matrix-esque dream world where everything goes his way and is just waiting for Draigo to climb as high as he can. This dream world will probably last until Draigo has crushed the Chaos gods themselves and all their armies beneath his feet and caused the God-Emperor himself to rise from the throne and suck him off!

Then, at the "funniest" possible moment, Tzeentch will rip it all away from him, Draigo will wake up and see what has really become of him and weep tears of utter loss and despair! "Just as planned!"

//Inquisitor's Note: While the above is no doubt the fevered ramblings of a mind crying out for the Emperor's peace there is a small measure of truth in it. Our most blessed and sanctified scriptures tell us that Lord Draigo's victories in the warp are indeed Pyrrhic ones, and that every demon slain and fortress toppled shortly rights itself. This is his curse and only when, by the emperor's blessing, he returns to the materium is he able to enact any lasting defeats on the ruinous powers.//

//Historitor 165.82.108.238 remanded to custody for inquisitorial review.//

++Many are the faces of the enemy, many are the hands of the enemy.++