Humanity Fuck Yeah

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This article is awesome. Do not fuck it up.

"We poison our air and water to weed out the weak! We set off fission bombs in our only biosphere! We nailed our God to a stick! Don't fuck with the human race!"

Out of all threads that appear at the /tg/, it is this kind of threads that hold that one special place in the hearts of fa/tg/uys. It shows humanity for what it really is: a savage bunch of hairless apes with machines that rape any organism that dares stand in its path, then proceed to do the same to any aliens across which they come. This can take many forms, including military, cultural, culinary, and sexual. The foremost is the most common in these stories.

Many glorious hours of dedicated hard work were given to these threads, the finest lines of which would make any xeno race run to the edge of the known universe, even if the humans were still in the stone age. Reasons why humans are such a threat to the rest of the galaxy are various, but a good deal can be summed up in the following list:

  • Our evolution - We evolved and THRIVED in the African savannah, a place where everything is trying to KILL YOU! ALL THE TIME! Aliens usually evolved on some herbivore world or become less "on their guard" due to centuries of living away from nature, not troubled by survival.
  • Our history - Humans have been getting better at killing each other basically even before they made stone axes, and we got better over time. You think proud warrior races have shit on us? Spartan style training they undergo makes only a handful of survivors. No matter how good they are, we'll just drown them in conscripts.
  • Our bodies - Some of us can take an amount of drugs and booze, which is POISON, that would probably kill a decently sized buffalo herd. Not only that, but we are one of natures most persistent and longest endurance hunting predator to EXIST! Meaning that you sir, can have the capability to outrun a FUCKING HORSE TO DEATH! You hear that? We OUTRUN OUR FUCKING PREY TO DEATH VIA EXHAUSTION!
  • Our mind -The most terrifying aspect of us would probably be our brains and technology. Our aggressive instincts combined with our intelligence will never cease to come up with better and deadlier ways to torture and exterminate the enemy, and such would probably seem like incomprehensible Lovecraftian Magic to lower species. Our modern tech would scare the shit out of tribal communities. We have exterminated a lot of species like the Dodo simply by uncaring accident. What we can come up with scares the shit out of ourselves even. Think Nuclear Weapons and M.A.D. for example. What reasonable mind would, on any other planet in the galaxy, EVEN THINK that having enough nuclear firepower to destroy your only planet twenty times over, would be a guarantee of peace?

As you can see there is a lot of material to roll around in these kind of threads. Humans may not be as powerful sometimes, just a serious player in the galaxy through economic superiority or science, but that's not the real "Humanity Fuck Yeah" thread. The real deal is us having our way with the galaxy as we see fit. Murdering billions of xenos, taking their delicious alien babies and eating them in front of their parents, mining their planets to the core and moving on, leaving nothing but dead rocks in our wake. We march on, our mantra singing through the stars:

GENOCIDE! MINING! GENOCIDE! MINING! GENOCIDE! MINING!

Xenos Pay Attention You're Next

Our species thought we knew war. We built our civilization on foundations of honor and prowess, we were like a rapier; crippling our foes with small yet decisive blows. We killed our enemies yet we allowed them to surrender, there was no needless killing. That was before the humans came and they showed us the truth...That we were just naive children and that true war is won through unrelenting cruelty and spite. Despite our warriors training despite all their experience they still fell to the innumerable waves that the humans sent against us, they burned our worlds; slaughtering our children in horrific ways using them to learn how to kill us more efficiently. After many blood filled years these Terran butchers arrived on our home and they transformed it into a corpse-filled landscape. I tried to take my life but one of these power armored animals stopped me. As he leveled his vicious weapon at me I noticed his face for the first time; His eyes were filled with murderous glee and his mouth twisted into a sneer he whispered three final words to me..."Humanity, fuck yeah"...

"Do they not know who we are, my brethren? We are the chosen of the Emperor, the scions of Terra. We are dominion and we are numberless. We are war itself and the death of all who oppose us. We are Humanity and we shall educate our ignorant foes as to the true meaning of that word!" -- Lord Inquisitor Aedrick Mantel of the Ordo Xenos, from Imperial Armour Volume 12 "The Fall of Orpheus.

Reasonable HFY

Not every story has Humanity winning because we out-psycho anybody else. Many stories describe the human race winning through pragmatism.

Trivia

"Humanity Fuck Yeah" sometimes always refers exclusively to omnicidal maniac-level racism against everything that isn't non-powered and normal human beings (because, you know, a human with superpowers is not really a human, right?). Readers may experience ocular bleeding due to excessive TVTropesisms escaping from humanity's natural habitats. This is a normal, if unpleasant side-effect.

Some great examples of "Humanity Fuck Yeah":

Recommended media about humans kicking ass

Note: While any media can actually bring a moment of a human kicking ass, it is imperative that such narrative presents humanity as a whole showing exceptional abilities to defeat super-powered/non-human adversity. For example, a book about humans slaughtering hyper-advanced alien invaders is absolutely "Humanity, Fuck Yeah". A book about World War 2 is not "Humanity, Fuck Yeah", because although it presents humans kicking ass and taking names, it is against other humans and so does not count.

Also, "Humanity, Fuck Yeah" only applies if humans are defeating super-powered non-humans through strictly technological means. For example, in X-COM: UFO Defense, regular troops gunning down aliens is HFY, as are heavy weapons platforms (big robotic gun platforms). PSI troopers, despite being humans, use supernatural powers so they are not HFY.

Behold a list of "Humanity, Fuck Yeah" works:

  • Starship Troopers, Robert A. Heinlein.
  • Conan the Barbarian from Robert E. Howard, because going hand-to-hand combat with a cthulhu-like daemon-god and making it run away screaming in fear is the very definition of HFY.
  • Incidentally H.P. Lovecraft, who was pals with Howard, got a few tales where humans beat back the Great Old Ones, namely The Dunwich Horror (elegan/tg/entlemen professors fight back a huge eldritch demigod), The Call of Cthulhu itself (badass norwegian officer ramming a ship against Cthulhu's head anyone?) and the Dream-Quest of unknown Kadath (/x/ dreamer rallies an army of ghouls and nightgaunts to kill lunar toad-like abominations and then storms Kadath, residence of Earth gods).
  • The Damned trilogy, by Alan Dean Foster.
  • Warhammer 40000, obviously, particularly when it comes to the Imperial Guard. Although admittedly, Humanity Occasionally Does Not Fuck Yeah here.
  • Traveller
  • Mass Effect. Only on Renegade playthroughs, though; Paragon is hippy dippy "live in peace with xenos" Federation bullshit. Even just the backstory has only-just-then-become-a-spacefaring-species humanity fighting a widely-feared and centuries-old galactic superpower to a standstill, and promptly earning their respect to such a degree that they let us jump the queue to join their galactic council club.
  • X-COM: UFO Defense.
  • Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann.
  • Stargate, both SG-1 and Atlantis.
  • Pacific Rim. Ye Gods, Pacific Rim.
  • Halo, because being the special snowflake race that can manipulate the technology of long dead, super-galactic, hyper advance aliens and yet still having the "Humanity first and only bitch!" personality grants the UNSC the honorable status. Further noted due to the UNSC Marines (Whose personality is a fusion between Alien's Colonial Marines and Starship Trooper's Mobile Infantry) and because the UNSC built a Nova bomb which is petaton-exaton thermonuclear bomb that vaporized an entire covenant fleet in orbit and the entire nightside of a planet.
  • Command and Conquer Tiberium Wars. Xeno scum come to harvest Tiberium on our planet, we quickly own them.
  • Marvel Cinematic Universe
  • The Salvation War. Demons invade Earth and begin attacking cities. In response, we invade Hell, curbstomp the forces of Chaos (they expect us to have swords, we actually have tanks and big fucking guns) and even end up perma-killing Satan with a ship-to-ship missile. THEN we invade Heavens and exterminate angels.
  • Gears of War. A horde of inhuman killing beasts erupt from every human city and then later on our would-be 'fuel' turns out to be an ever-infectious virus of OMNOMNOM! which screws both of our races up. We came back, re-strengthen our forces and gave a response which includes the massacre of all three species including ours via mass orbital bombardment of lasers from SPEHS!, detonation of a bomb that kills by intense light and heat akin to a flashy nuke, the flooding of every cave and hole on our planet(by sinking our last sanctuary no less) and the detonation a fucking NEUTRON BOMB... all because we could.
  • The annihilation series. Book one love conquers all. It's a stupid name but the book is really good it's about a boy who figures out that he has psychic powers that grant him the ability to fuck over people's shit the 2nd book is where things get crazy. An alien race who are arrogant and want nothing more then the human race to be gtfo go behind the galatic alliances back and attacks a coloney killing 1/3 of the population. That's when the humans go batshit.
  • The humourous Poul Anderson novel "The High Crusade". As it turns out, a hyper-advanced alien empire is absolutely no match for medieval England.
  • Peter Bergs' Battleship. Generally shit storyline; basically aliens come down to Earth to fuck shit up, and accidentally land in the middle of a global naval wargame.
  • Factorio. The premise sounds weaker than most other entries here, but considering you start with nothing but a steam drill, and you are going to have to wipe the floor with the local giant bug creatures, even the smallest of which is about the size of a Smart car, in order to expand your mining, smelting and assembling industries, it is pretty much GENOCIDE! MINING! GENOCIDE! MINING! GENOCIDE! MINING!: THE GAME. To whit.

Gallery

  • Start of earliest saved HFY threads.

    Start of earliest saved HFY threads.

  • WE ARE COMING FOR YOU!

    WE ARE COMING FOR YOU!

  • The banner is from Star Trek, but it gives you the basic idea.

    The banner is from Star Trek, but it gives you the basic idea.

  • Fine example of how we at HFY think.

    Fine example of how we at HFY think.

  • HFY's official spokesman.

    HFY's official spokesman.

  • The Imperial Cult is basically built on HFY.

    The Imperial Cult is basically built on HFY.

  • Technology "saves" the day.

    Technology "saves" the day.

  • Terra is a cruel matriarch. But her forge has made us strong.

    Terra is a cruel matriarch. But her forge has made us strong.

  • Humans are more hardcore than most sci-fi insect races.

    Humans are more hardcore than most sci-fi insect races.

  • This is what we do to OUR home. Think your planet will fare any better?

    This is what we do to OUR home. Think your planet will fare any better?

Let me tell you about humans, using something I'm familiar with in anthropology. When a Shoshone warrior wants a pony, he goes to a herd, picks one, and walks toward it. Naturally, the pony runs away. The Shonone follows, day and night just walking, usually for three full days. Pony runs away, man just keeps walking at a steady pace. Finally the pony simply collapses from exhaustion after running away for days, and the man walks up and puts a bridle on it. That is the kind of monster humans are.

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