Hassan
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Hassan, also known as Crazy Hassan, is a used camel salesman. He's about average build with dark skin and silver teeth dot his broad smile; he wears dusty robes. Atop his head is a turban and atop his turban is a fez. Some say he's a multiversal singularity, other say he's a time traveler. What we do know is that whenever you are in need of cheap and affordable transport, Hassan's tent will be there. Although the customers may be baffled to see him, he will nonetheless try (and succeed) to sell them camels and camel-related accessories. He will usually throw in a pack of dates and other seemingly unrelated items like a jacket that's about a size too big for anyone who receives it. Every customer that is visited by Hassan leaves with a camel, whether they wanted one or not.
The most peculiar thing about Hassan's business is that he will conduct it anywhere. He operates mostly in the desert, but can (and will) show up in tundra, north pole, grasslands, sea shores and other terrain types. Always with camels.
His camels themselves are equally mysterious. As far as anyone has been able to discern, they are indeed regular Camelus Dromedarius. He may carry other breeds as well if asked, however there is nothing special or magical about them. But when Hassan sells you a camel, it will perform exactly to his specifications.
Hassan also has a wife. Some say she's a princess, or a queen. Others say she's a desert beauty, rescued by Hassan himself from a life in a Harem. She herself is part of the mystery surrounding Hassan's presence. She is a skilled rider of many mounting beasts, not just camels, and her beauty is beyond compare.
I don't care what you fucking degenerates do in a daily basis, I don't take orders, you gave me one, you are in my blacklist forever. I will destroy this site someday in the future. ^^
Crazy Hassan Anecdotes and Tales
The True Origin of Crazy Hassan
- Original post on /tg/ at 05/02/10 03:17
DM: You find 12 camels in the desert.
Players: Let's wrangle them and sell them!
DM: Alright, you succeed. blah blah blah, you appraise their value to be between 20-50 gold apiece.
Metagamer: Wait. In the player's handbook, it says that a standard riding animal is worth 200 gold.
DM: Well I'm sure you could barter the price up a bi--
Metagamer: to 200 gold, right?
DM: Well not exactly, camels are quite common here, I mean, they roam the land in --
Metagamer: Shouldn't they still be worth 200 gold? Cars are common, but they're expensive.
DM: It doesn't cost money to assemble a camel. Besides, camels cover less distance, water is cheaper than gas.
Metagamer: but the players handbook says they're worth 200 gold each.
DM: look, you're getting these basically for free, it shouldn't matter how much --
Metagamer: You're just butthurt, I'm not letting this die.
DM: alright.
Metagamer: I'm writing down 2400 gold, because that's how much the player's handbook says they're worth.
DM: ok, we'll just ignore you until you write down the proper amount.
...We do, as he makes a loud scene in the background.
He finally gives up and writes it down.
- Follow-up by Anonymous #1
- 200 gold is for new camels. You're selling used camels. Problem solved! ...Oh god, that sentence sounds weird to me.
- Follow-up by Anonymous #2
- COME TO CRAZY HASSAN'S USED CAMEL EMPORIUM, WHERE WE SUPPLY THE FINEST IN USED CAMELS! BARELY USED AND WITH HUNDREDS OF MILES LEFT IN THEM, THESE ANIMALS WILL GET YOU THERE AND BACK FOR A THIRD OF THE WATER YOU'D SPEND ON A HORSE! COME TO CRAZY HASSAN'S CAMEL EMPORIUM, LOCATED OFF THE MERCHANT'S BAZAAR IN DOWNTOWN BAGHDAD. LOOK FOR THE CRAAAAAAAAAZY CAMEL SIGN!
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