Æonic Orb

From 2d4chan
Jump to navigation Jump to search
What Lexicanum thinks an Æonic Orb might look like. Proof of their fail.

Yes, this page knows it's hard to link to. It doesn't care.

Æonic Orb

A rare and ancient piece of Necron artillery, the Æonic Orb is a floating construct built during the War in Heaven to counter the forces of the Old Ones. This ungodly beast of a weapon is to a Monolith what a Monolith is to a Scarab. Why is this thing so hueg, one might ask? Because, my friend, it has really hueg guts. The main weapon on the Æonic Orb is, in fact, a star. Not a piece of a star, not the core of a star, the whole fucking star. Not just any star, mind you, the star in question is typically stolen from a particularly disgraced or hated race or kingdom's solar system, relinquishing the planets and remaining population to fly off into space, frozen and dark, coasting forever.

The Æonic Orb itself is merely a container for the star, which has been heavily compressed using spatial and dimensional manipulation, and modified via the addition of fresh hydrogen and removal of waste elements from the big ball of fiery death, making it big ball of even more fiery death. Other systems include solar energy collectors on the inside of the star chamber to collect enough energy to power all of the various systems, drives, and functions of the Orb. The containment systems keep the star both contained (big surprise) and mobile, as well as isolating the gravity field of the imprisoned star to, you know, stop the thing from imploding the Æonic Orb and any planet it sits on.

It floats along the ground much like a Monolith, but at a higher altitude. Since GW never released an official (or unofficial) model for the thing, nobody knows quite what it looks like. Maybe it is camera-shy. Or kills all witnesses. Probably the latter. Either way, it is big and somewhat circular. It has no other weapons besides the star.

Oh, wait, did we forget to mention the star is the main weapon? BECAUSE IT IS. This monstrosity uses a STAR as a weapon. You see, the containment field on the Æonic Orb can be breached on command, releasing all of the power and fury of a literally unchained fusion reaction in any direction it chooses. Plasma wishes it was this cool. Not only do you get a blinding light, a burst of raw plasma, and a heat so searing that magma looks like an ice cube, you also get a blast of every conceivable kind of radiation, meaning that if by some miracle of miracles you survive your "stellar" experience, you will probably have no totally-intact strand of DNA left in your body, and literally every organ in your body will fail, get cancer, lyse, and/or boil. Not always in that order.

It can fire in a Solar Flare or Solar Burst. The former is designed to pierce the heavens and burn through any defense, even the earth itself, sublimating all matter with impunity, in what can only be described as a continuous, beam-like explosion. The latter is designed to bathe infantry and vehicles, turning the area inside the blast into an inhospitable hellhole of heat and radiation so intense organic life boils and pops like a balloon (if not already instantly burned to hot ash) while tanks melt like butter into hot, gooey slag. The only caveat is that the star powers the containment field, so the Æonic Orb must stop and recharge after each shot or risk a total solar breach and release a supercharged, super-compressed star onto the battlefield, permakilling both Necron and Foe in short order.

Unicron has pyramids on top and, according to his name, is a cron. It is time our long lost battle-brother rejoin the ranks of its army!

Which brings up an interesting point. There is no way to defend against this rape-machine. Consider: the Imperial Navy gets its hands on 4 Black Stone Fortresses (or Planet Killers whatever). Even if they were able to breach the armor of the Orb, the result would be 1) at best, the star resumes its original dimensions, swallowing any nearby planet and probably the Navy fleet; 2) the compression causes the star to supernova (If a supernova occurs, a vast region of space will be wiped clean as the radiation reaches inhabited worlds (yes,it would take years to reach other stars but evacuating a hive world would take centuries)); or 3) assuming the mass of the star isn't enough to cause a supernova (i.e. a gravitational collapse), the star would fly apart in a sort-of mini-nova and again, kill everyone (probably in the system). Even in the mild, "resume normal size scenario," the gravitational changes in the solar system following the escape of the star from the Orb would butt fuck even Jupiter sized planets in the system. Those planets that didn't get swallowed would be launched into interstellar space. Thus, even a best case scenario "victory" would be Pyrrhic.

And of course, nothing this awesome could be made by GW, even in Epic scale where the rules for it were released. Necrons rarely, if ever, draw upon the Æonic Orb in battle. It is considered a critical resource by current Necron forces, and only in an all-out war will they send this deathmachine to battle. And let's be fair, the Necrons haven't faced an all-out war since they gobsmacked the Old Ones.

If you DO decide that you have to make an apocalypse entry for this thing so that you can use it in your army, the Energon edition of Unicron the Planet Eater in planet form is PERFECT, well, assumedly. Nothing else in the universe is probably a better estimated match than this grimdark void manifestation for ages 3 and up. It's a big, black and green death orb of planetary destruction. It even has little scarab pinchers and an opening to its interior that can clamp open and shut. If you have a Necron army and don't already own a Unicron action figure from the 90s 2004, get one. The only way this Transformer could be beat is if the official release for the Æonic Orb is as big as your typical playing board; unlikely.

There is a chance for this uber-Guffin to make a comeback. Imperial armour 12 is coming out, and who's to say the necron titan is going to beat the super heavy? NOPE! But we did some cool new shiny swag and updated rules for all our APOC stuff so its not a total loss. Plus the return of the EVILCRONS and their taste for blood and doom and terror and rape. Dark Harvest list anyone?