Tzeentch
Tzeentch is the Chaos God of change, mutation and general weird shit. He was born some time in the renessaince, so he probably came to be in the 1600's or so. Also has an unhealthy sexual attraction to birds, particularly ravens. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be.
YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO VOTE FOR THE BLACK MAN? YOU'RE ALL WORSHIPING TZEENTCH NOW.
He is typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however in canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another. He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster into attacking his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got pissed, unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. Tzeentch got a good laugh out of this and received no negative consequences out of this.
He used to be the strongest of all the Chaos Gods since he had an item named the staff of all spells or some shit like that which gave him complete and total mastery over all psychic powers. This made all the other Chaos Gods very jealous and they all teamed up against him, so one day he broke it and became second strongest, but as he is omniscient (knows and sees everything) that really doesn't matter.
He was the only Chaos God who didn't try to help the Eldar Gods when Slaanesh went on his "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. We'll probably find out that he rescued Vaul or something like that in a future Chaos Codex.
Just as planned...
Tzeentch will always be three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks, Eldrad, The Laughing God, the Emprah, and the Deceiver hands down. Just an example: He tricked Slaanesh into having a beef with Khorne which the former lost. Why did he do it? He did it for the lulz.
Followers
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers and misfits, but instead of Nurgle's "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, stronger and faster, harder and better, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac?
Tzeentch units are:
- Horrors, sickeningly constant shapeshifting masses of limbs, faces and belching fire. Annoying as hell on tabletop.
- Flamers, like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with.
- Skysharks, the Tzeentch notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins.
- Chaos Marines, with an Egyptian motif, and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers.
- Lords of Change, huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werebird. They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die.
Facts
- Rush Limbaugh and Anne Coulter want you to believe that every liberal is a dangerous Tzeentch cultist.
- A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.
- Tzeentch did WTC. And is, therefore, a Jew.
- Tzeentch does it for the lulz.
See Also
Gallery
 This page is needs images. Help plz. |
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Tzeentchs followers
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The Avatar of Change. We are all Tzeentchilist now.
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psychics and sorcerors are attracted to Tzeentch
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Cultist tattoo
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| The Chaos Gods of Warhammer 40,000 and Warhammer Fantasy | |
|---|---|
| Four Main Chaos Gods: | Khorne - Nurgle - Slaanesh - Tzeentch |
| Other Gods of Chaos: | Archaon - Hashut - Horned Rat - Nuffle Malal - Morghur - Necoho - Zuvassin |
| Chaos Gods of Law: | Alluminas - Arianka - Solkan the Avenger |