Tau

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive." -C.S. Lewis.

The Tau (or bluies as the Valhallan 597th call them) are a playable race in Warhammer 40k. When first discovered by humanity, the Tau were a barbaric and primitive people. Then their planet was trapped in a Warp storm for a few thousand years and they emerged from the other side as a unified species, led by the mysterious Ethereal caste and devoted to the concept of the "Greater Good". Technically, while six thousand years passed outside the storm, those within (the Tau) experienced the passage of fifty thousand years. Although a dystopic society in their own right, the Tau Empire is noted for being the LEAST awful place in all the galaxy of 40k.

Tau are a classic case of successful design-based trolling on the part of Games Workshop. The Tau were originally developed because Games Workshop felt their setting needed an optimistic race, making the Tau the least grimdark faction in the game; the dudes willing to negotiate when they've beaten their enemies, when all the others are either too murderously psychotic in ways incomprehensible to anyone who does not the share the same batshit insanity, religiously overzealous, arrogantly hubristic, simplemindedly violent, murderously enigmatic, more interested in eating you than anything, or all of the above to offer such niceties. Recent fluff (or at least Dawn of War fluff, which is of dubious canonicity, given Khornate Sorcerers) has them gleefully arbitrarily sterilizing the rebelling humans on Kronus once they come under the rule of the Tau Empire, (To be fair though, had it been anyone else, including the Imperials, they would be dead) while their Codex leaves ambiguous the question of just how much of their success is due to various forms of indoctrination, caste-based conditioning, and subtle mind control. It speaks volumes about the 40k setting that in spite this they're still the friendliest race in the setting.

Naive "Weeaboo Space Communists"

This naivete seems at odds with the GRIMDARK-ness of the setting (and to a degree, a lot of it is), but the thing is, Games Workshop specifically plays this straight FOR the Grimdark and knows that this makes the Tau out to be hopelessly naive in their optimism - and dear god do they play this up for maximum effect. In the 41st millennium, the Tau come across as more than a little naive to the other races; the Imperium see any contact with aliens as heretical and will shoot them with Bolter slugs as soon as look at them; the Orks just want to kick the shit out of things, and the Eldar see the Tau as children, powerful because of their technology but a race in its infancy, just staggering out of its borders for the first time and wandering into a pond full of s harks - a prospect that amuses them greatly, since the Eldar are the most hubristic dicks in the universe. There's also dozens of stories in the codexes alone of the Tau shitting photon grenades because god help them - an Ethereal choked on a bagel and died, causing their entire formation to collapse in a shower of weeaboo tears.

Putting it simply, there's an ongoing joke that the Tau are some of the most successful trolling performed in the history of mankind just by existing; a case of the company installing them just to mix things up whilst at the same time keeping them surprisingly on-level.

The combination of the above fluff, however, paired with their high technology, generally "Asian" feel (their Fire Caste's combat doctrine is fairly openly based on Sun Tzu's "Art of War"), use of battlesuits (just like the Imperium), heavy firepower which rivals that of the Imperial Guard, and one of the most broken tactics in tabletop 40K until it was finally fixed an edition later has conspired to make them very much hated (and by that we mean butthurt) by a reasonable-sized population of the 40K fan populace, and /tg/ has rightly dubbed the Tau Weeaboo (as much due to their Asian-ness as anything else) as a result. As a dark twist on this inherent Asian-ness, a thread concerning lack of grimdark fan fluff on Tau led to the creation of Sept V'iet, the Viet Cong Tau.

And again in a case of much cultural confusion, the Tau are considered communists (despite being a rigorous class society) due to the idea of casting aside the self in favor of the Greater Good. To be fair though, if GW does decide to up the drimderp it would be more then safe to assume they would go the way of Stalin and start flaunting fancy propaganda posters everywhere- not that the Imperium already fills that part and the drawfaggots haven't already done great work in this field.

Military Doctrine

The Tau disdain melee combat in favor of ranged combat (and wouldn't have anything that could melee worth a damn were it not for their auxiliaries), which renders them instantaneously less manly in the eyes of most /tg/'s playerbase (which thusly favors Orks, Tyranids, Guardsmen, SPESS MEHREENS, and Spiky Marines. Whilst considered not as gay as the faggot space elf defenders of the status quo and loathed a lot less as a result, the Tau have a notably smaller fanbase than the "Big Five" (aforementioned Orks, Space Marines, Imperial Guard, Chaos Space Marines, Tyranids).

They tend to rely less on mass warfare and more on sophisticated technical support (drones, stealth technology, railguns) and emphasis on tactical precision, mobility and initiative of individual squads of units, just like the ~~modern US Military's~~ mongols' tactics. Their military doctrine is not based on winning by attrition and throwing out quality tactics in favour of absorbing and dishing out heavy shocks in bloody epic clusterfucks like the Imperials, Orks and World War II-era Soviet Russia. Rather, they use infiltration and their sophisticated battlesuits to bypass enemy strong points and launch deep into their rear, cutting supply lines and logistics, destroying headquarters and support units, leaving enemies cut off and functionally helpless. If it wasn't for this then they're just another Imperial Guard.

The Tau, again, boast some of the most powerful ranged weaponry on the tabletop game, and can crank out more concentrated firepower than any other faction with the lone exception of the Imperial Guard, and even then, the Tau's weapons hit quite a bit harder. They have pathetic hand-to-hand combat skills, however, and so the Tau bolster this by using several inducted races (the Kroot, Vespid, and even some Humans left behind by the Damocles Crusade) to act as buffers against assault troops to allow Tau fireteams and their heavy long-ranged firepower to tear enemies apart. The perhaps most-infamous part of the Tau is their battlesuits, which can mount multiple heavy weapon systems and provide excellent mobility. They also have an extremely powerful navy, though not quite as formidable as the Imperium's. Tau air units are among the best in the game, with aircraft superior to or equal to Imperial Guard equivalents, including a stealth fighter, multipurpose heavy fighter, a superheavy fighter with guns that can one-shot a Titan, and their own Titan-equivalent (which is a small starship).

On defense, the Tau are a bit unusual: they leave only token garrisons at their colonies to protect them. These garrisons are intended for scouting rather than combat, avoiding engagement to observe and report on invaders using Pathfinders, scanning towers, and drones. Because the Tau have fairly powerful spacefleets and usually keep their forces within reasoned distance of potential hot-spots, any potential threat can be quickly dealt with by organizing a hunter cadre to deal with the situation. This has, however, backfired on numerous occasions, since it does mean that the Tau are a bit vulnerable on defense.

Non-combat Fluff

The Tau were a new race/culture found by the Imperium of Man during their "slash and burn" exploration of their galactic neighborhood. The Tau were still pastoral, had just discovered flint tools and charcoal, and the Imperium had them scheduled for Exterminatus to make sure they never got off-world and grew into someone that could threaten humanity. By an unfortunate coincidence which most certainly involved Tzeentch or Cegorach or something, a warp storm occluded the Tau homeworld, so nobody could get in or out. Since the Tau were virtually invisible in the warp, the Warp Storm didn't have much of an effect on them as they were immune to the influences of Chaos. The sector was labeled "lost to Chaos," and clean-up was deferred indefinitely. Only the Adeptus Mechanicus still had records of this first contact when the storm died down 6,000 years later. The Damocles Crusade found the Tau, who were completely untouched by the warp storm and now using interstellar colony ships and pulse rifles. The Exterminatus order still stood -- but it was just going to be more difficult than they expected.

Tau history is pretty typical up through the iron-age: a knack for engineering, warfare between "urban" farmers and "barbarian" nomads, and unrestrained growth causing a series of plagues, leading to a dark age. Here's where things go sideways, though the Tau see it as the start of their endless Golden Age: the arrival of the Ethereals. Legend tells of a five-year siege at the castle of Fio'taun, with both sides starving and succumbing to disease, when two foreign Tau entered the battlefield. One went to the castle, the other to the barbarian tribes. Each of these Tau had a quiet grace and irresistible authority. In just a few hours, the castle was persuaded to open their gates, and the barbarians laid down their weapons, and both parties met to parley a truce. These strange Tau called themselves "Ethereals," and stressed the importance of peace and understanding between all Tau. They described a "Greater Good" that each Tau must strive towards. Soon after, soon enough to seem simultaneous, more of these strange new Tau emerged across the continent with their message of peace and co-operation for all Tau. Their quiet authority was always respected, and their message of harmony was universally embraced. Wait a minute, I've seen this historical pattern before....

Castes

Tau society after the arrival of Ethereals was organized into castes; everyone with a place, and a place for everyone. Inter-caste mating is frowned upon, or even discouraged in some septs, which resulted in some physiological differences between castes as useful traits breed true. An Imperial genetor's report in the last Tau codex observes the presence of synthetic proteins in Tau internal organs and suggests they are evidence their evolution has been or is being accelerated though they could be artificial pheromones or something.

Shas (Fire)

The Fire Caste are the warriors. The miniatures of a Tau army in a Warhammer 40,000 game are almost exclusively Fire caste. They are taller and stronger than other Tau, though still shorter and physically weaker than a typical Human, though they pretty much compensate for this by giving their basic Fire Warrior a pulse rifle, which is sort of like an automatic sniper-plasma gun, and employ heavily armed and sophisticated battlesuits for their elite infantry. Ohh yeah, and Railguns. Regiment-sized Tau forces are called "Hunter Cadres".

Fio (Earth)

The Earth Caste are the laborers and engineers; they are the "civilians" of Tau society. Their appearance can vary widely, though other Tau would describe them as "plain." They all have a stoic outlook, with little ambition other than to excel in their career of choice and work for the "Greater Good." Unlike the Imperial worker classes, whose quality of life generally starts at working 14-hour days seven days a week while living off of nutrislurry mainly formed from reprocessed grox dung and goes downhill from there, the Earth caste is mostly concerned with engineering. They have robots for the grunt work.

Kor (Air)

The Air Caste are the intermediaries between Tau. They served as messengers and couriers, sometimes scouts/explorers, gliding on membranous surfaces through their planet's atmosphere. When the Tau started exploring offworld, it was the Air caste that took charge of the vessels traveling between the stars, and now the Air caste is the Tau stellar navy/airforce/mailmen. Air caste Tau tend to be tall and slender like runners or dancers, and this is frequently exaggerated by the years the Tau navy spends in low-gravity. Much less likely to be eaten by daemons due to a faulty Geller Field than their Imperial equivalents, but only because their ships are much slower, using a "shutter drive" to make a bunch of short, rapid warp jumps in a row rather than the much-faster and more-dangerous Imperial full-on immersion.

Por (Water)

The Water Caste are the emissaries to non-Tau, they are diplomats, merchants, civil servants. The most open-minded Tau can be found among the Water caste, some even showing individual ambition (but still for the greater good of the Tau Empire). When a new culture is encountered, the Water caste are sent in first to negotiate. If talks break down, the Water caste are withdrawn from the area and it's time for the Fire Caste to then start negotiating with pulse weapon fire. Also, unlike their Imperial equivalents in bureaucracy, the Administratum, they are brisk, efficient, and very good at their jobs. No dumping valuable ammo on an uninhabited dust world because no one signed the paperwork not to... though, give them a few thousand years and a few million light-years, and see how that holds up.

Aun (Ethereal)

The Ethereal Caste are the philosopher-kings described by Plato in "The Republic". They are selfless and always focused on what is best for the Greater Good ("tau'va") for all Tau and every Tau without exception. The Ethereal are inspirational to all Tau caste members, and merely being near one will inspire a Tau member to work harder. In the case of the Fire caste, some Ethereals accompany hunter cadres in battle during important deployments so as to better lead/ inspire the troops, which works because all Tau in the combat zone will fight to their bitter deaths. The backside is that if the Ethereal dies in combat, the Tau are stricken with grief so overpowering they'll go all emo and might fall back from an active engagement or campaign, even if victory is just a few steps away from them ... yeah, they're that fucking retarded ... weeelll, that is unless you're Shas'O R'myr, who became fucking angry instead of emo after his cadre's Ethereal got fucked by an Eversor assassin. Don't forget that crunch-wise any Tau unit that does keep their composure gets pissed off, gaining Preferred Enemy and, in the fluff, proceeding to unleash a firestorm of full auto rapetrain on the enemy until they're just crispy piles of ash, or the Tau completely exhaust their ammunition. The Adeptus Mechanicus theorizes that the respect the Ethereal caste gets from all other Tau is caused by a pheromALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTAU......

Alliances

This article or section involves Matthew Ward, Spiritual Liege, who is universally-reviled on /tg/. Because this article or section covers Ward's copious amounts of derp and rage, fans of the 40K series are advised that if they proceed onward, they will see fluff and crunch violation of a level rarely seen.

In 6th edition, Tau are notable for being one of two factions (the other being Imperial Guard) who can ally with anyone besides 'nids. Yes, this includes both Chaos and Chaos Daemons. (This actually makes sense: the Tau are still naïve enough as a race to give anyone/anything that can communicate with them a chance to join their Greater Good. And even the most RAEGFUL Khornate Berzerker or fucked up on drugs Noise Marine can agree with "Kill 'Nids first, do things to Tau afterward!")

And for some reason, Space Marines and Eldar are both considered by the Tau to be battle brothers. What. (This however is indeed typical pure Spiritual liege fluff-rape in order to promote how awesome his Ultrasmurfs are!) Although it does make some sense in that the Tau would probably see them as fellow bringers of order and they're naive enough to think an alliance could work. They're bad, but these are the morons willing to trust Chaos and the orks.

The weirdest part, though, is that they're not Battle Brothers with the Imperial Guard, despite the Tau Empire frequently employing contingents of Imperial Guard defectors in the fluff.

Tau are the only race that actively pursues interspecies diplomacy dontch'aknow

Bad Moon: Oi, giv us yer shooty flash or we will crump the lottaya!

Water Caste: Are you sure we can't interest in these grain harvesters?

Bad Moon: Orks don't eat none'a that crap, we eatz squigs! Now give uz the flash!

Water Caste: O-okay.

Bad Moon: WAAAAGGHH!

Evil Sun: Hey, we erd youz lot gave plasma shootas to boyz. Giv us sum a dem.

Water Caste: Well I'm sorry but we don't seem to have any left.

Evil Sun: WAAAAAAGH!

Water Caste: We would like to be the first to welcome you extragalactic travelers to our stars-OH SWEET FUCK!

Nids: KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE!

Water Caste: The Tau Empire is pleased to open negotiations with those that claim to be the most ancient enemies of the Chaos Barbarians.

Cron: ... *Zap*

(Alternatively) Trazyn the Infinite: My dear blue lady! Do you realize are the spitting image of O-shaa-mal the Water Caste envoy who first made contact with the Imperium of Man and percipitated the Damocles Gulf Campaign? Now strike a dignified pose while I prepare a stasis grenade.

Water Caste: How would you like to pay for these spices and garments?

Noise Marine: I would like to offer a cultural exchange.

Water Caste: What type of cultural exchange?

Noise Marine: A little something I like to call *sunglasses on* Rock n' Roll.

Doom Siren: YEEEEAAAAAHHHH!

Water Caste: We would like to extend the hand of friendship to-

Farseer: Fuckoff newfag!

Water Caste: But we could help if-

Farseer: I’d rather die!

Water Caste: It is good to see an elder race taking responsibility and welcoming its juniors into the galactic community.

Archon: Yesssss. Younger races are so soft and supple; they need guidance in this harsh universe, for they sometimes do not understand the ways of their betters.

Water Caste: Sir, why have you wedged your armor's codpiece between my buttocks?

Archon: Were you under the impression I was wearing a codpiece?

Water Caste: This vessel, in service to the Tau'va, hails the unkno-

Rak'gol: *BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBALM!...blam*

Water Caste: On behalf of the Tau Empire, and the Greater Good with which we serve, we are delighted to welcome you, our new Gue'vesa and why do you have your hands on my breastplate what are you doing with the restraints of my brassiere please stop that.

Human soldier: Hey, I didn't surrender, betray my entire species, and risk the wrath of the Inquisition just because you blueies are decent talkers.

Water Caste: *sighs* Ok, good point...for the Greater Good, I guess.

Human soldier: Whatever gets you through the next 30 minutes, sure.

In a Nutshell

The Stated Reason Why People Hate Tau

Weeaboo space communists - not grimdark enough. (Perpetuated by people who lose to them on a regular basis and have no fucking idea that the Imperium is also Imperial Japanese Soviet Russia IN SPESS with big-ass robots, and what communism really is about)

The Real Reason Why People Hate Tau

Until the edition update, this would, most assuredly, be Fish of Fury. Fuck, even most Tau players felt this was bullshit.

Post-edition update, it was that certain undesirables felt that they were trying to take the mantle of the 40K universe's "rightful" Imperial protagonists. And because they are not choppy enough.

A Real Reason Why People Like Tau

The one race that isn't being a wall of dicks. If the Tau are trolling done by GW, then the target of said trolling was any fatbeard that needs a constant supply of grimdark to stay alive. Also trolling the slowly-dying-out Eldar, which is worth the price of admission.

The Real Reason Why People Play Tau

Arguably have the most powerful guns in the game. Often twin-linked. Often on cool-looking robot battlesuits. Also markerlights. Tau players may also have a tendency towards masochism.

Helping Necrons? Or are they Necrontyr descendants?

An often overlooked issue is that Tau have no warp signatures, just like Necrons, hate Warpspawns and Warp in general, just like Necrons, have the exact same skull shape, stature and short lives, and the overwhelming need for Technology and beam weapons, JUST LIKE NECRONS. GW may have planned a race that simply prepares a pacified, multiracial galaxy for Necrons to feast upon, supported by Ethereals that have a C'tan phase blade. Then there is a reference of "dark seed in east" by the Deceiver, so the tricky C'tan might give Tzeentch the finger in the JUST AS PLANNED competition. Or maybe GW just has so little creativity that they simply made a new civ conforming to an Old One's standards without knowing it. Given that recent murmurs have suggested that something absolutely massive is in the works at GW, anything could be possible, though past experience has led us to believe that it will simply be a Tau wearing a silly hat. However, seeing as GW is as likely to advance the plot that far as I am to shove both my legs up my ass up to the knee, it doesn't much matter.

TL;DR

High-tech alien race who are the least grimdark of factions. Can't melee for shit but can blow you back to the stone age with ranged weaponry if you have the misfortune of being downrange. You will either love them or hate them because of all this, and many neckbeards do feel the butthurt. Or, as the saying goes: "You can't spell TAUNT without TAU."

Notable Tau

External Link

Typical Tau-Human conversation.

~~Should one of your Tau actually kill anything tougher than a guardsman in melee, you are allowed to end the game in victory as long as you play this clip.~~ ~~Apparently someone did it....~~ BLAM! HERESY!

Gallery

This article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you.

A Tau Fire Warrior, the basic infantry unit.
And a smaller one.
Gue'la
Tau are not above negotiations with humanity.
At those ranges, those fire warriors are all dead men walking.
~~Somehow, the Tau are apparently winning this fight even though they're an inch away from the Tyranids at best.~~ Rapid firing gaunts with pulse weaponry = Rapetrain
Stealth suits are :3
Indeed, many humans have already embraced the Greater Good. (The individual with the primitive flashlight has been sent to re-education. Happiness is mandatory, Citizen.)
Sweet weeaboo heresy.
Some recruitment methodologies work better than others.
Ohhh GW.
Few rarely seen Tau chicks. Maybe because Sisters are hotter.
Fire Warriors are :3 too
This is what weeaboos actually ~~believe~~ know.
This Char Custom Battlesuit-clad Tau demonstrates his mastery of Weeaboo Fightan Magic. Also DYNAMIC ENTRY!
The Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer's entry on Tau players.
Surrender...never shall the Tau.
Tau are vicious melee fighters, no less able than Space Marines!
Yeah, we all know the truth about their "greater good".
MARKERLIGHTS!
In spite of being filthy heretical xeno scum, the Tau can really break it down.
Here we see Tau propaganda meant to entice men with their terrible, blasphemous, and supple soft skin, smooth curves, perky brea...er...ah...heretical alien bodies.
An attractive human female defector who for some reason has been equipped with a highly modified commander's battlesuit, perhaps as a devious ploy to compel desertion by the less loyal.
DAT ASS
A Fire Warrior appreciating DAT ASS.
In hindsight, attempting negotiations with Orks was probably a bad idea.
In /tg/, tau are the evil guys.
Typical Tau player, engaging in typical Tau behavior. (Pretty badass cosplay, even got the hoof right)
What's that? We're not grimdark enough for you, Neckbeard?
Propaganda. Sound familiar? (Just like every major political power... Everyone is Godwin's law.)
A Greater Good we can all believe in.
Fun fact: if you have enough money to buy this, you have too much money.
S-shut up you filthy sluts! Among my people it is considered quite a handsome dick!