Tales of Fail

This is a page for the posting of tales of epic and might fail

When terminator armour fails

Have your terminators ever died to termagants? Mine have. I deep striked my squad next to a squad of 15 gaunts and immediately opened up with their storm bolters and assault cannon, managing to cause 6 casualties. On my friends turn he fired his gaunts devourers failing to cause any casualties and being new he decided to charge. At this point I was smiling confidently. My power sword wielding sergeant attacked missing one attack then failing to wound with the second, I was annoyed at this but was not worried. My friend managed to cause 4 unsaved wounds but due my squad being terminators I wasn't worried AND THATS WHEN I ROLLED FOUR ONES. My last terminator managed to miss all his attacks and then was wiped out by gaunts in the next turn. Needless to say RAGE

Cuz they were made for fightin' an' winnin'

Some day you just know Dice gods hate you. It was my first 6E game, CSM vs Orks. I managed to score the objective on turn 6 with my 3-man Obliterator squad which happen to be scoring due to mission type, and it was the objective that could win me the game (without it it would be a draw). And then his three surviving tankbustas fire their rokkits on my oblits. I was kind of amused when all three hit despite their awful BS2, but was not worried - it was only AP3 anyway. Unsurprisingly all three wound, but that to be expected with S8 against T4. And then I rolled three ones on the saves. We both broke into mad laughter because of how ridiculous that was. Not only that cost me an objective, but he also get one VP for killing my HS unit due to Big Guns mission. It's 1/5832 chance that shit could happen.

A Bad Day At the Khorne Building

There's a difference between dice hating you and dice wanting to let you know that they're perfectly capable of sodomy. During one battle playing as Tau, a friend playing CSM rushed a squad of Fire Warriors with his Berserkers thanks to clever positioning of a METAL BOX. Ten Berserkers and their champion charged into battle against 8 Fire Warriors. Laughter turned to horror, however, when the berserkers missed or failed to wound on every attack due to rolling 1s. Horror turned back into hilarity, however, when the Fire Warriors wound up killing half the Berserkers in close-combat and then killed the rest in a Sweeping Advance.

And somewhere, Khorne laughed riotously, for he cares not whence the blood flows.

What the literal fuck though, Khorne.

Tau Fail

When I first started Tau, I was so excited for my Riptide. All the stories of its amazingness were what got me excited, especially since, due to budgeting, my original army was sorely lacking in heavy hitters. Eventually, I was able to finally field my glorious beauty. What would follow would be absolute fail. Facing Grey Knights on Turn 1, they used their Warlord Trait to Deep Strike directly into my army, as per usual Grey Knight bull. However, with EWO, my Riptide could put a Large Blast template right in the middle of the deep strike. With S8 AP2, this was going to hurt. I roll for distance...Scatters 7 inches away from them, hitting one Terminator and a drone from another part of my army. Of course, the Grey Knight Terminator makes their 5+ INV save, my drone does not make their cover save, and so my Riptide was now powerless against this blob of Terminators due to Interceptor rules, with only a Fusion Blaster to fire against them. Which, on its turn, missed. It then proceeded to be eviscerated by the squad, which meant that in my very first game with a Riptide, it dealt zero enemy causalities, and was instead a team killing fucktard. This trend would not end with this game. Instead:

• Game Two would be Eldar vs Tau, and would have my Markerlight BS 7 Ignore cover Riptide to roll 12" scatter, moving 5 inches away from the main target and instead hitting a Wave Serpent, which due to more BS, also did not get wounded. Riptide would then on turn two try to move forward and destroy another Wave Serpant, only for it to release Wraithguard. With AP 2 distort. Rolling 3 Distort wounds. Needless to say, Riptide dies again.
• Game three would be Space Marines vs Tau. Riptide would once again not wound, get chased down by Chapter Master Smash Bane and posse, proceed to get destroyed.

If that is not fail, I do not want to see what true fail is.