Nurgle
Chaos God of disease, decay and filth. He is the only Chaos God with the power of Love. He promises freedom from pain, and the gift of life eternal. And choking bitches.
In the cold, dark grimdarkness of space/Renaissance Europe where everyone's a dick, Nurgle cares. And he loves you. He brings you family, love and the time to embrace that love fully. He accepts you for who you are, just stay that way. Don't wash, don't change. You're great the way you are.
Nurgle's chosen are the Plague Marines/Champions of Nurgle, who have willingly accepted his myriad plagues, turning them into shambling, bloated zombie-like things that feel no pain. He gets along okay with Khorne (presumably because his marines are also pretty tough, and the Honor of Warriors/Love of Family thing is close enough) and hates Slaanesh because while Khorne embodies the external expression of force and emotion, Slaanesh embodies the internal expression (nah, Slaanesh just really hates him because Nurgle stole his chick). He loathes Tzeentch, because all of the bird-boy's planning will come to naught in the end when all decays and falls apart. NOTHING, we say! Nothing!
Wait, where were we?
Nurgle's followers refer to him as Papa Nurgle, and usually paint their armor in snotty greens, dookie browns, or biley yellow. Most often greens, though.
Nurgle is Hero of all fa/tg/uys; fat and smelly but still getting laid! Nurgle saved eldar goddess Isha from Slaanesh who was buttraping her. Slaanesh is still upset and doesnt really like Nurgle. Nowadays, Nurgle and Isha live hs happy couple in Nurgles resident somewhere in the Warp. Nurgle likes to cook, and Isha is always eager to taste his stewings.
Pappa Nurgle's units are:
- Nurglings, which look like tiny child's toy versions of Nurgle himself. They're so KYOOOT and every Nurgle trooper wants the "shlorp, pitter, drip" of a pet Nurgling of their own.
- Plaugue Bearers look like the bloated corpses of the drowned, but instead of water they swell with puss and black bile. They are surrounded by buzzing flies, making it harder to make ranged attacks, and they really love to share what they have, and their arms are made for hugging.
- Beasts of Nurgle are exactly the puppydogs you asked Santa for, complete with wagging tails, long tounge to lick you on the face, scampering excitedness of youth, sluglike texture and paralytic toxins. If they get a little too excited they might piddle corrosive acid.
- Great Unclean Ones are greater daemons with a great sense of humour, and a jolly split belly ready to jiggle with laughter. Such jolly guffaws make their entrails dangle from their open festering wounds, which Nurglings and Beasts love to jump up and play with. You can smell the tangy perfume of ruptured boils, and it's said Nurgle himself is kind enough to coat their swords in in the contagion of his own throne -- whatta guy, never too high and mighty to help his followers!
Anecdotes about Nurgle
About a year ago, I was out having a few drinks with the guys, when in walks Nurgle. He bought drinks for everyone in the bar. When we were all too hammered to drive home, he loaded us all up in his old Mazda and bused us around town until we all made it back home. And when that cop pulled us over and tried to make trouble, Nurgle boiled his eyes out of his anus. Nurgle is a great guy.
Me and Nurgle were going to go see this movie, I can't remember the name, and we were passing through the bad part of this Khornate neighborhood. These bloodletters ran out in front of the car and started denting up the damned thing. Nurgle just sits there, waiting for them to get out of the way, with that big goofy smile on his face. It wasn't until one of them busted my window and tried to drag me out of the car that Nurgle absolutely flips out. Before I know it, the whole road is now ground zero for like an army of little black things. I couldn't figure out what they were until the bloodletters start screeching, running around in circles and clawing at their nuts, as their genitals just start exploding, one by one. Nurgle drives off, just wearing a smile. Fucker gave them all a case of super crabs. We laughed all the way to the show. I love Nurgle.
When i visited the Nurglette's family and met Nurgle, he greeted me at the doorstep, football in hand, wearing an old fuzzy sweater and funny orange slacks, with a big goofy grin that says, "I like you already."
Y'know, its a good thing in that grimdark universe, with pointy aliens blowing off your limbs, some undead robots trying to de-atomize you, the Imperium with its Throne Vegetable, the EMPRAH trying to Exterminatus the shit out of everybody else, you get to have the most loving family circle ever. Sure you start to stink a little, a sore there, a rash in your ass, but hell, you never ever feel pain or get upset since you no longer fear death, you get to have an immortal, eternal father that spreads joy and gifts all around, with plenty to spare, and a nurglette wife that is most loving and caring.If you can handle the occasional itch and drowsiness. But then, what use is appearance and health if everybody else is willing to take it away from you?
That Nurgle is a pretty fun guy to be around, just like Kharn.
Side Effects
Side effects of worshipping Papa Nurgle include (and are not limited to): Boils, scabs, internal bleeding, external bleeding, bleeding from the gums, eyes and ears, sweating, dehydration, fruncles, rash, pus-filled sores, nausea, vomiting, bloody vomit, black vomit, black & bloody vomit, sneezing, runny nose, dry nose, coughing, dry cough, wet cough, not-so-dry-but-still-raspy coughing, fever, hay fever, athlete's foot, athelete's arm, swimmer's ear, farmer's tongue, drowsiness, sleepyness, insomnia, mad cow disease, mad postal worker disease, loose bowels, constipation, anal leakage, and blood clotting. In most cases side effects were generally in the extreme and permanent. Consult your local cultist before worshipping Nurgle.
To Reader
If you join Nurgle, we can't promise that you'll be the most attractive person in the world, or that you will be accepted in many places, but Nurgle has a place for each and every one of us in his great big ole diseased heart.
Gallery
- WARNING! NURGLINGS ARE NOT THIS CUTE!*
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Nurgles followers.
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Nurgle also has daemonettes. Too bad they all have chlamydia. (Then again if you join Nurgle then it doesn't matter!)
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Awwww...i mean...yuck
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Cultist tattoo
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At home with the family
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She slept with the judge!
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Greater daemon of Nurgle, the Great Uncle One
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Even nurglings have soft spot (of course they do, theyre nothing but goo.)
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None loves his Pokemon more than the Nurgle Trainer.
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