Minsc

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Minsc is a capital of Belarus. It is also an NPC from the Baldur's Gate series of PC games. He is a Ranger berserker from the frosty Russia-substitute known as Rashemen in the Forgotten Realms campaign setting. He is always accompanied by his trusty companion, the miniature giant space hamster Boo, and together they do battle against the forces of evil where'er it may be found.

Despite being a ranger, he is in fact a perfect indication of how you should play a Paladin. Or a Barbarian. Or, to be honest, any character class.

Minsc is notable for being one of the best characters ever featured in any game ever and, thanks to his somewhat sub-optimal mental ability scores and an old head injury, having pages of hilarious dialogue.

Quotes

"Give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day. Give him a sword, and he can chow down on the meaty marrow of evil!"

"Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, watch it! I'm huge!"

"Jump on my sword while you can, evil, I won't be as gentle!"

"Go for the eyes Boo, GO FOR THE EYES!! RrraaaAAGHGHH!!!

"Despair not! I shall inspire you by charging blindly on!"

"Butt kicking for goodness!"

"No effect?! I need a bigger sword!"

"Yes! Lead evil by example, and one day we need no longer put the boots to those that stray off the path of goodness into the muck and bile of villainy and track great bloody footprints across our lily white tiles! Boo will have clean wood shavings you evil bastards!"

"Boo is my animal companion, and while some smaller rangers might compensate for their size by traveling with bears or wolves, I prefer the subtleties provided by a miniature giant space hamster! Yes, subtle!"

"Stupid is as stupid does, young one. So says Boo."

"Nobody cheats Minsc! If somebody dares to cheat me they are in for a boot-stomping adjustment to their moral value systems!"

"All enjoy the sight of heroes! We'll be the talk of the town for days! Wave to the nice people, Boo! Wave to the nice hamster, people! WAVE!"

  • MINSC: "Ah, we are all heroes! You and Boo and I! Hamsters and rangers everywhere! Rejoice!"
  • BOO: *squeak*
  • MINSC: "We follow the path that surely leads the glory! Boo is proud to be here, I can tell!"
  • PC: "It is not worthy of such a fuss, Minsc. A simple, uninspiring act of charity."
  • MINSC: "Then say it louder! We must inspire fear in evil! Quiet tales of hamsters are foolish, but a man and his hamster that tear evil limb from limb? That's scary!"
  • PC: "Ahh, what the hell. Right-o, Minsc! Our deeds will ring in the evil ears we box and label do not open 'til mid-winter fest!"
  • MINSC: "Now you are speaking the language of Minsc! Next we must get you a hamster! Or perhaps an ice weasel, whatever your tastes."
  • HAER'DALIS: "A question, my hound and hamster... why is it that you come into such rage when we fight? 'Tis as if all the furies of the planes were all at once let loose within your veins!"
  • MINSC: "Boo says fight hard so I fight hard."
  • HAER'DALIS: "Ah, Boo says that, does he?"
  • MINSC: "Space hamsters are never wrong!"
  • EDWIN: "Is the hamster speaking to you now, Minsc? Are his thoughts entertaining?"
  • MINSC: "Your words are strange, wizard. Stranger still are the thoughts behind them. Stand back a step, if you don't mind. Boo has expressed a dislike for your company, and I cannot say I am surprised."
  • EDWIN: "Minsc, the only rodent in my pants doesn't squeak when I touch it."
  • EDWIN: "Minsc, what breed of rat is Boo, hm? A seafaring wharf rat? The fruit-eating country vole? Perhaps the sewer-dwelling city weasel?"
  • MINSC: "The Red Wizard risks great harm! Boo is sensitive, and may not just go for the eyes!"
  • BOO: *squeak*
  • VICONIA: "Minsc, that tattoo on your face... does it have tribal significance, or did some nursery's finger-painting class assault you with blue pastels?"
  • MINSC: "I do not like the tone of your voice, dark elf! The face I have is the face the ladies love! Boo loves Minsc's face too, don't you, Boo? Don't you? Yes!"
  • BOO: *squeak*
  • PC: "I seek entry to the asylum. Can you help with this?"
  • DESHARIK: "Spellhold? Why would you want to go there? Hardly a sociable place for decent folk."
  • PC: "I… I need to be admitted. I need… I need help. I need to be confined."
  • DESHARIK: "You wish me to have you thrown into the asylum? That is certainly an odd request, through not in itself an indication of madness. What are you trying to accomplish? I can indeed have people committed to Spellhold, but why would you request it?"
  • PC: "I am clearly deranged. Look who I travel with! Minsc, meet the Pirate Lord!"
  • MINSC: "Pirate Lord? Such a name does not conjure images of righteous behavior. Stand still a moment and let Boo have a look at you."
  • DESHARIK: "Er, why is your friend pointing a hamster at me?"
  • MINSC: "Boo will soon have you figured out. You certainly seem friendlier that I would think a Pirate Lord would be. And where is your peg?"
  • DESHARIK: "My--- what?"
  • MINSC: "Your peg, A proper pirate has a peg, whether a leg, arm or… uh… some other expendable extremity. And a parrot."
  • DESHARIK: "A parrot?"
  • MINSC: "Certainly! As I have my Boo, so too must you have your parrot. Boo likes parrots. They could wrassel."
  • DESHARIK: "I’ve seen enough. Congratulations, you are on your way to Spellhold. You are clearly a danger to the general community. By the gods. I think I’m stupider for talking to you. Stupider? More Stupid? Get them out of my sight, all of them! They may all have this disease of the mind."

[To Irenicus] "Yes! Revenge! Revenge for precious Dynaheir! Tremble, wizard, for the mighty Boo will have your eyes! RAAAARRRRGGHH!!"

  • MINSC: "Ooh, squirrels, Boo! I know I saw them! Quick, throw nuts!"
  • VALYGAR: "Minsc? Something about you concerns me."
  • JAHEIRA: "Minsc, could you please maintain a little grace while in nature's presence? Sometimes I simply do not know how you came by your title of ranger."
  • MINSC: "Do you wish me dour and sour like most others? No, I say not. The animals run and play without care, and I would too... if such a thing would not squish Boo flat."
  • JAHEIRA: "But your duties are serious things, Minsc. Do you realize that?"
  • MINSC: "I am very serious! Boo would not let me shirk my duties! I would not want to shirk anything! No sir, no shirking!"
  • JAHEIRA: "Admirable Minsc, but you use that word like you don't know what it means."
  • MINSC: "Eh, well... no... but it sounds very sharp and painful and I always reserve such things for freaks that might steal those squirrels' nuts!"
  • JAHEIRA: "Good job, Minsc. You keep it up."

[Of Bodhi] "We enjoy permanently implanting our boots in the faces of evil, whatever it may be, but for vampires we grind extra-hard."

[To Irenicus] "I grow tired of shouting battle cries when fighting this mage. Boo will finish his eyeballs once and for all, so he does not rise again! Evil, meet my sword! SWORD, MEET EVIL!!"

[Of Sarevok] "Eh? He is like a bad penny, this one. An armored, deep-voiced penny of most sinister evil!!"

  • SAREVOK: "Ranger! Turn your rodent's gaze another direction! I will not be scrutinized as though by some ridiculous divining rod!"
  • MINSC: "Boo has an uncanny judge of character, but you... you give him trouble."
  • SAREVOK: "I shall give him more than that if this continues! I nearly conquered a nation! I will not be judged by a creature that stores nuts in its cheeks!"
  • MINSC: "Food storage aside, Boo controls himself much better than you do. Do you see him ranting about mere glances? Let's look."
  • SAREVOK: "What?"
  • MINSC: "There, you see? No rant. In fact, right now we see him snuffling about for a comfy place to sleep. Admirable restraint."
  • SAREVOK: "I'm still in hell, aren't I? This is insanity."
  • MINSC: "Ah, finally a calming look across your face. Boo's handywork, no doubt. Doesn't that feel better?"
  • SAREVOK: "Let's... let's go kill something. Soon."
  • MINSC: "Eh, so, 'Sarevok', if that is your real name, what do you remember of our previous battles?"
  • SAREVOK: "What are you getting at, ranger? I remember you well enough."
  • MINSC: "I am not completely convinced that you are who you say you are, standing there saying you are."
  • SAREVOK: "And am I to feel bad that I do not have your validation? No, if my identity is a problem for you then let my actions speak instead."
  • MINSC: "Boo agrees. You are welcome alongside us if you effectively apply the boots of goodness."
  • SAREVOK: "Your deluded comments are unnecessary. [PC name] directs my wrath as he sees fit."
  • MINSC: "A fine choice of mentor, but again, you do not seem like a 'Sarevok' to me. Too much 'humble', not enough 'RAAAAGH, feel my unholy rage'."
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