Quest:Dorf Quest/Characters

This article contains spoilers! You have been warned.

Dorf Quest characters, from left to right:

• Top row: Rary, Puppet Mouse, Trilbit, Xom's Previous Champion, Jeeves, Lolth, Krann, Goldmoon, Moonears, Demonsun (Okami below Demonsun), Sunbeard, Sunson.
• Second row: Presley, Nana, Thod, Mace, Yami, Bigby, Musclebeard, Shiva, Pelor, Ra, Heracles, Thor (Poseidon under those 4).
• Third row: Furious George, Cheska, Arialla, Mah-Mee, Coco, Fate, Xom, Xanatos, Nemelex, Glittergold.
• Bottom row: Beardbeard (British above Beardbeard), Garrelf, Aldwin, Driblis (Yog above Driblis), Lily, Cultist of Xom, Mado, Nevada (Kav above Nevada), Finlay, Djinn, Priest of Xom, Satan.

Playable Characters

List of all the major characters in Dorf Quest, as well as their major accomplishments and current status.

Beardbeard Godslayer

Beardbeard is a Dorf and, for the most part, the main character of the game. He set out to make a name for himself and earn some cash. Despite his violent nature (he's Chaotic Evil), Beardbeard seems to value his friends and allies and tries to help them when possible. In fact, by this point, Beardbeard has become somewhat infamous in-game for going out of his way to resurrect or otherwise help his comrades, even if 90% of their deaths and/or problems are entirely his own damn fault. Beardbeard is a worshiper of Xom, and hails from the city of Mountainhome. He is 34 years old.

Currently, he is known as Godslayer for killing Glittergold and handing his divinity to Satan. He claimed a dragon's cavern as his own and (forcefully) relocated Mountainhome and a kobold camp to the cave, which he named BuzzardLoved. He also fathered a newborn Sun, which he named Sunson. He was recently horribly maimed/mutated in a battle lost against Musclebeard's usurpation of BuzzardLoved. He has admired a fine stone bust lately. He has become the God of Strength by taking down Heracles.

Currently, Beardbeared is the god of Dorfs.

GOD: Xom
CURRENT QUESTS: God stuff.

Garrelf Swiftrip

A manly elf who got recruited into Beardbeard's party, and proved for some time to be a trustworthy ally. During a drinking contest between Beardbeard, Satan, and himself, he lost his liver (and his life) when Beardbeard ripped it out so he could replace Satan's. Beardbeard, in an act that would come to define his personality, then resurrected Garrelf and transformed him into a Shadar-kai. Soon after he became king of the elven city of Teven, a process which mostly involved marrying and then shagging the queen for four days straight. He also became known as very likely the most depraved torture expert ever. He hails from the city of Teven. He is 99 years old.

Garrelf was banished to the shadow realm after totally saving everyone's ass from a dragon, but then his ass was totally saved by Beardbeard, who proceeded to throw a huge tantrum and kick both Garrelf and Queen Arialla's asses when the frigid bitch left him in the shadow realm to die. Garrelf then swore to hunt down and destroy Beardbeard due to the grievous bodily harm inflicted on both him and his wife. To this end, he decided to help Satan destroy the (7) Leylines so that Satan could reassemble life in his image, in exchange for power, and he also enslaved a city of Nagas.

Eventually Beardbeard and Garrelf faced off, and a huge battle occurred, which was totally epic, culminating in a duel between the two. Beardbeard ultimately triumphed, though not without cost. In the end, Garrelf seemed to regret his actions, and Beardbeard forgave him. One last ale was shared between the two, before Garrelf finally passed from his wounds.

Goodnight, Garrelf.

Manly tears were shed.

GOD: Satan
UNFINISHED QUESTS: Destroy Beardbeard, Destroy Leylines (4/7 Destroyed)

Aldwin Cardsharp

Aldwin is the second protagonist in the game. He and Beardbeard and Garrelf alternate weekly sessions. He is a rogue/cleric of Nemelex, and hails from Aordor. He is 25 years old.

Aldwin started out as a very incompetent rogue who pretty much sucked at anything he did. However, after much training with Lily, he has come to become a competent rogue, and Goldmoon had started to teach him the ways of an assassin before making the ultimate sacrifice. Most of his power comes from his summoning abilities, however, as most of the other rogues in the story are better than him at being rogues. Aldwin, Lily, and Cultist all live inside a Windmill that he claimed as his own a while back. Due to a series of events, Aldwin was in charge of the Goldmoon slayers, but he has been relieved of that duty by Nevada for the most part. Aldwin and Cultist are currently in a relationship and are expecting a child.

He was last seen in the epilogue becoming the new head of the Goldmoon Slayers.

GOD: Nemlex
CURRENT QUESTS: Baby Stuff

Lily Roosterhalt

A neckbeard in training and Aldwin's sidekick/adoptive daughter. She helps Aldwin stop sucking at his chosen profession and helps him in his training. Even though she is useless by herself, her extreme genre savvy helps her when dealing with Aldwin, and points him in the right direction. Also, she is the only character in Dorf Quest who communicates directly with the fa/tg/uys, even being considered an embodiment of /tg/ itself in the game world. Also she's pink and tiny. Really tiny. Really really fucking tiny. Lily is also a glass cannon - she has one very powerful attack (Nerdrage), but she can only use it once per session, and she can't take a hit at all. She currently follows Pelor, and nobody knows where she hails from. Her age is unknown, but estimated to be around 9 or 10.

GOD: Pelor

Cultist of Xom

An orc cultist of Xom that started as just a throw-away NPC, but ended up being a member of Beardbeard's party. A pious follower of Xom, she helped Beardbeard by bringing Garrelf back, restoring Beardbeard's arm after his Satan arm went awry, and giving him the barrel of Kay-oss beer that mutated him (As a reward for getting 10 people to join Xom). She appears to be a shy and kind person, always trying to help out as much as she can, despite her not exactly beautiful looks and weird speech. She is a very obvious reference to Cultist-chan. Cultist hails from Eridia. She is 17 years old.

Currently, she is living with Lily and Aldwin at the windmill. She is pregnant, and it has been PROVEN FOREVER that Aldwin is the father.

GOD: Xom

Mado

A human rogue who follows Nevada around like a lost puppy. She has a huge crush on Nevada, and would do anything for her, including pretend she sucks so that she can stay Nevada's apprentice longer. She joined Beardbeard's party by force, but began to help them out after discovering that they wanted to bring back Nevada. She worships Ra, and hails from Aordor. She is 17 years old.

Currently, she is happily hooked up with Nevada. Les yay!

GOD: Ra

Kav

A pixie mobster who had been sold off as a slave to the Blue Eyes White Dragon. She agreed to help out Beardbeard after he rescued her, but seems to crave action, and gets bored easily. She speaks in 1920's slang, making her exact message difficult to understand at times, but the gist of it is pretty clear. She worships Heracles, and hails from Eridia. She is 125 years old.

After recruiting more and more mooks who just kept getting killed, Kav got fed up with the mafia business and opened a (supposedly) legitimate gun shop. Surprisingly, nobody actually believes her.

GOD: Heracles Beardbeard

Driblis

A kobold in bone armor, and wielding a bone spear. Leads Beardbeard's army as his Double General. Notable accomplishments include standing up to Beardbeard despite being a kobold (which is how he got his job), and outdrinking a dorf (among 200 other dorfs), making him possibly the most badass kobold there is.

He then went on to save the day at Garrelf's last battle, willing to sacrifice his life to stop the Illithisaurus. He survived thanks to Presley, and is now more badass than ever. He is now the Champion of Strength. Like all kobolds, Beardbeard granted him the ability to drink massive amounts of alcohol, meaning he is now able to out drink even a dorf.

GOD: Beardbeard

Villains

Also includes Beardbeard and Garrelf.

Finlay

An assassin who was an old acquaintance of Aldwin's. However, he has definitely lost Aldwin's trust, and deserves to DIAF. He was unjustly murdered by Goldmoon after being framed for the kidnapping of Lily, but no one really minds since he really was a total asshole. Finlay has no god, and hails from Aordor. He was 27 years old when he died.

Since it will never come to light, his initial plan for killing Goldmoon was as follows: By using Aldwin/Lily as bait, he would get her to drop her guard, and then kill her himself. He would claim credit for the attack, thus putting himself in the Number One spot of the guild, and setting himself up as its leader. When Lily managed to knock him unconscious, and later claimed that he had been 'stopping the intruders' - that was entirely quick-thinking on his behalf, and not even slightly pre-planned. In addition, his arm was never broken - he had paid the doctor to say it was so his story would both be more believable, and so he could work without suspicion for a while. This backfired on him when Goldmoon required that he stay in his room until it healed, but he tried to make the best of it by working on his poisons. When George framed him for kidnapping, however, his lack of broken bone was discovered by Goldmoon, and she used Measure of Guilt on him - the ability's damage is based on how much you have lied to the user. Goldmoon had not intended to kill him, but... well... it worked better than expected.

Finlay is currently haunting Aldwin's dreams as a mutilated corpse, in the form of Horror Finlay. alive, kinda, and out for blood. much less of a jerk than he used to be.

Furious George

The BBEG. Or at least, he would like you to think so. Furious George was originally a reanimated Rhesus Macaque made by Satan at Beardbeard's request. However, it rampaged and was destroyed by Beardbeard. After questing through the multiverse, however, he gained super-powers and some semblance of sentience - but in the end, was really still only as intelligent as a monkey. He was defeated by the ultimate Nerd Rage, obtained when Lily was exposed to one of Aldwin's RAGE cards, and only further fueled by the death of Goldmoon. He was 3 years old when he died, and was undead for approximately 2 months before he died again.

Supporting Cast

In order of first appearance.

Queen Arialla

Garrelf's wife, and ruler of the city of Teven Ives. She is a powerful sorceress, capable of altering her appearance, teleporting, and blasting the shit out of things with lightning. She is also quite horny. She is 188 years old.

Had her windpipe crushed by Beardbeard after she totally abandoned him in the realm of the Shadar-Kai, resulting in Garrelf's vow of vengeance. She then tagged along with Garrelf, getting her throat healed and proceeding to help him destroy leylines, mostly by teleporting him around and blasting the shit out of things with lightning.

After the totally abandoning Garrelf during his final battle in favor of running away from fucking Driblis of all people, Arialla was eaten by Cheska, where she will be forced to live in his stomach, trapped in an endless illusion where she is killed by Driblis over and over again for all eternity, or until Cheska feels like vomiting.

In the epilogue she was finally released after 300 years and had become, as expected, completely insane from the experience.

Goldmoon

A celestial assassin who leads led the Goldmoon Slayers. She is was Lily's adoptive mother, and Aldwin's mentor. She made the ultimate sacrifice for Lily, to ensure Lily could take out Furious George. Aldwin, after much trial and tribulation, has recently brought her back to life. She is 214 years old. In the epilogue she retired as the leader of the Goldmoon Slayers and spends most of her time talking to Mah-Mee

Nevada

A halfling assassin from Goldmoon's guild, sent to kill Beardbeard. The fight went poorly for her, however, as Garrelf managed to kill her in cold blood in front of Mado. She has been resurrected by Beardbeard, and now has second doubts about his evil nature. Nevada worships Fate, and hails from Eridia. She is 28 years old.

She is happily married to Mado and the two of them are also happily assassinating people.

Mah-mee

Cultist's mother, and a follower of Fate. 30 years of visions have caused it all to start to blend together for her, and she sometimes confuses facts with one another. Her medication helps her sort through it all, but also slows her thought processes to a crawl, which she hates with a passion. She accidentally killed her husband, and drove away her daughter. However, Cultist still loves her mah-mee, even if she is impossible to get along with, and visits her on occasion. Mah-mee lives in the East Slums of Eridia, and is 33 years old.

Coco

A lich tamed by the power of cute. She follows Cultist and Aldwin everywhere. He happens to be mute, so /tg/ named him Coco since she wasn't going to say anytime soon. Coco seems to be very adept at doll making.

Minor Characters

In order of first appearance.

Musclebeard

Owner of Beardbeard's favorite tavern. Once threatened to suspend Beardbeard for life if he ever fights again inside of his tavern. It also turns out he's moonlighting as Moradin, the dorfen god. This means that, as Beardbeard has taken over the Mountainhomes, Moradin is technically employed by Beardbeard.

As it turns out, however, Musclebeard has a very low tolerance for any of Beardbeard's shit, and challenged him for dominion of the Mountainhomes, citing Beardbeard's reckless idiot psychopathy for reasoning. Beardbeard conceded this to be a valid point, before kicking his ass anyway promptly getting his ass handed to him by the God of all Dorfs.

But Beardbeard jabbed his eye out with the remainder of his arm, rendering Musclebeard completely blind and salvaging Beardbeard's Pride, so it's all good.

In the very last episode, Beardbeard and Musclebeard finished their match, with Beardbeard winning, and taking Moradin's divinity. But in the end, Musclebeard proved that he did indeed have pride.

Priest of Xom

The local priest of Xom, from the Mountainhomes. A fan of Uno. Not a fan of Garrelf. Beardbeard's go-to man for resurrections. It was show in the end he continued to gather parts and bits from dangerous creatures and has now used them to construct some weird and ugly looking monster.

Presley and Cheska

A shadar-kai who is very obviously a reference to Elvis. He has a penchant for playing slow, bad love songs on his guitar, and has a pet Cheshire Cat named Cheska. Currently he is the ruler of Buzzardloved.

Nana

A member of the Goldmoon Slayers, and a priestess of Poseidon. Her primary job in the guild is to teleport guild members to the location of the assassination. Thanks to Nana, the Goldmoon Slayers hold sway over the entire continent, which consists of over 70 different city-states. Nana has been heavily mutated due to an incident with an opposing priest of Xom, and her baby died mid-term as a result. She is not a fan of Xom or his followers.

Mace

One of the trainers of new recruits of the Goldmoon Slayers. He doesn't talk much, and very little is known about him.

Thod

An orc who cooks for the Goldmoon Slayers. He is loud and boisterous, and purportedly has troubles with his ex-wife.

Yami

A worshiper of Nemelex who attempts to steal the souls of other people by playing games with them. Lives inside the Shadow Realm. Continually beat up by the party, since they'd rather not play a game with him.

Djinn

A magical creature that Aldwin gave a body to. It now wanders the world, doing essentially whatever it pleases.

Bigby

A thief using a pair of enchanted gloves that Garrelf killed for his bounty.

Rary

A powerful sorcerer whose actions are worth far more than his bounty of 15,000 Gold. He is wanted "for the destruction of multiple cities, for rewriting the fabric of reality, for the unwilling transmutation of others, for dining and dashing, and for inciting the God Wars." In recent events he helped out Beardbeard (for a price of course) by giving him some info about the way gods and divinity work. He is also a Champion of Fate.

Triblit

A priest of Ra. Seems fishy.

British

A vampire demon who attacked Beardbeard. She went down quick.

Jeeves

A naga male who has been conscripted by Garrelf. Jeeves is not his real name.

Teflnok

The naga high priest of Ives.

Krann

A female naga who has been conscripted by Garrelf as a concubine.

Lolth

A female Giant Cave Spider (GCS) who is working as Beardbeard's mount until her kids hatch.