VTNL

This article is a work in progress so just cool your engines. The game is written in a dead language called "Russian" that only 12 people on earth actually speak. Our translators are working tirelessly to decode this text. If you want to speed up the translation process, check out this thorough review of the game -> https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B9Ixq8V1MpFRQWVjQmFEeEticnc/view

VTNL is a Russian RPG that may be the usurper of FATAL's claim to Worst Fucking Roleplaying Game Ever Made. It was made by some lunatic who goes by the name Elenorn Maethor on the interwebz. He claims he spent 14 years working on this.

VTNL is as acronym for Via The New Legends, whatever the fuck that even means.

To give you a short glimpse on what this game is about, here's the translation of the "mission statement" from that book. Full quote:

"What makes this game different from others, is that the rules are very strict and hardcore. As to keep the game balance, there are several limitations to what the players can do in this game, and stuff which doesn't have rules specifically designed for it, shall probably fail. For example, in this game, when the players visit a store, they cannot steal items from it, or attack the vendor, because the rules of VTNL do not describe such actions. Same goes with dice rolls. This game follows very strict rules for rolling dice, and if they are not followed exactly, the roll doesn't count. Roleplaying isn't one of the lead elements in this game, and isn't necessary. Players can freely choose to formulate the personas of their characters and the only thing that has any impact on them is the player's chosen race. Immersion and roleplay depends on the choice of the player. Because of the unique mechanics of the game, in the world of VTNL, adventures also basically generate themselves and "GM's artistic vision" is practically nonexistant in this game. Nobody of the people playing know the storyline, which makes the game incredibly entertaining and captivating."

And this is just the beginning!

System

No one knows for sure how to play this. The author claims he hasn't played an RPG in a decade in a half because he wanted this VTNL to be exactly like a videogame. He drew his autism - er, I mean - his inspiration from Diablo 1.

The book contains 2 pages on rolling dice. Hold up. Let me be clear about this. I don't mean two pages about what to roll and how to interpret the dice. No, I mean two pages on how to physically pick the dice up and throw them. Two pages. These are not optional rules. If you don't use the rules correctly, the author encourages GMs to beat the fuck out of the offending player. I'm not making this shit up. It's even outlined in one of the gameplay examples.

You will need a desk bell to play this. The kind you ding when you need help at a store and no one is around. Every time you buy something in the game, players will bang this little bell. You think I'm making this shit up but I swear I am not. Here's some proof.

Setting

The setting is on a planet called Kreat. The sun is called The Great Dragon. A long time ago a volcano boiled the sea and then there was an ice age and some continental drift. All this happened for unspecified reasons. And that's it. That's all we really know. A paragraph or so on geological history and a friendly reminder that planets are spheroids.