Tiny Hammer

All the forces of the 41st Millennium descend onto modern day Earth. Except they are only as large as their miniatures depict them to be. SPESS MAHRENES are an inch tall, Monoliths barely come up to your ankle, and Imperator Titans are the size of a van.

Examples

So my techpriests got out of their box and to my computer again last night. I found them in the morning, A dozen techmarines and Enginseers andtheir servitors jumping up and down on the keyboard and using a Dreadnought to operate the mouse.

We had to speak at length about Wikipedia. They were convinced that nothing told to them by the Great Machine could be so fallacious. Oh, and they got into my porn file and demanded to know why there was so much information on human procreation when schematics could be kept in the same space.

Also, I've finally had it and will be taking my Dark Eldar to the sex shop. Again. The first time I was kinda drunk and they insisted (they had been begging for days and threatening to order more pay-per-view.) Its not like I've got some moral opposition, but, jeeze, ever see an inch-and-a-half tall Wych trying to operate a thirteen inch long vibrating dildo? Its . . . distrubing

Oh, and they're ALL fighting over control of the TV. Literally. The Tau only want Discovery Channel, The Space Marine and Sisters want the religious networks, the Orks want Spike on, they Eldar all want me to put on Lifetime. Except for Eldrad, who I haven't seen in days, but made a collect call and just said "Channel 4, Tuesday news at noon." I'm a little afraid to turn it on.

Doomrider found my stash. Which was just weed and two hits of acid. But given his current size and the fact that he smoked all of it and rolled around on the LSD he's driving up the wall. Literally.

Also, Privateer Press just made their big press release. It was simply "Well, fuck." I think the wargames industry might take a bigger hit.

For some reason the tyranids have been watching Nickelodeon. I can't even begin to explain why. We've set up a sort of truce around the TV. Everyone gets one hour except when I want to watch something. Then the orks inform everyone else "DAT GORK WANTS TA WATCH 'IZ UMIE SHOWS." Which would be less weird if I didn't watch so much Election coverage. The Imperium is having a hard time understanding why we aren't purging the heresy of those trying to ursurp our planetary governorship.

One of my friends brought over his Rogue Trader today. Which would have been okay, seeing his ship was pretty cool (it was about as big as my car) but the rat bastard tried to sell me my own tree. I have a single tree in my front yard and I had to pay fifty bucks to buy it back from him. Damn.

I'm trying not to be too loud while I type this. The necrons are sleeping. I had to bathe the nurglings today. The stench was just too much. God, it was horrible. Most of them came apart in the sink. I, I don't want to think about that anymore.

Aparantly an Eversor got into my book bag. In the middle of a US Foreign Policy lecture he made this very clear. I'm sure everyone's had a cell phone go off in class? Sucks right, even if the professor's cool you still feel like a douche. Ever have a tiny clawwed lunatic screw "WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY" and run across the desk shredding everyone's notes?

But the Eldar have predicted next weeks lotto results. Which would be great but Eldrad insisted that I shouldn't get a ticket with numbers but instead ask for "L-O-L-D-O-N-G." And I'm pretty sure there are no letters in the lotto balls.

I need to be careful with my weedwhacker now. Before it was just rocks, dog turds, and the ossacional bee's nest. Now it's Catachans, Tyrands, Kroot, Tyranids, and Orks that don't like it indoors. You don't know what a bug bite is until you've been peppered with Fleshborers.

The Orks caught a garter snake, then let it go when they found out it wasn't venomous. I thought they were going to eat it... Then the Kroot and Catachans caught it and ate it. Raw. It wouldn't have been disturbing if it was just the Kroot (or the 'nids), but the Catachans had their snake sashimi-style too. I'm going to pick up some vinigar so they can at least cure the meat first. I wish my cat hadn't killed all the shrews, one of those would go through EVERYTHING living in my yard in a couple of days, I'd bet.

Speaking of my cat Jones, he's been acting strangely...

External Links

Origin of Tiny Hammer Cntd