The God-Emperor of Mankind

Artist's rendition of Big E before the Horus Heresy.

The God-Emperor of Mankind is the figurehead ruler of the Imperium in the Warhammer 40k universe. The administration he established continues to govern the Imperium in his name, but it is generally accepted that the absence of the Emperor's proper guidance is what has turned the Imperium into the hellish mess that it is. In the Imperium, questioning whatever your superior tells you the Emperor's word happens to be today is treason and heresy, typically punished by execution.

At first The Emperor re-united humanity when it was going to shit with constant wars by establishing the Imperial Army, which later became what is known today as the Imperial Guard after a split with the Navy. After that, he made the original 20 Space Marine Legions, each comprised of 10,000 Space Marines rather than the present Chapters of 1,000. Each Space Marine is made using the DNA of a specific Primarch. The Primarchs were lesser clones the Emperor made of himself, because nobody else is badass enough to lead his great armies, but his own flesh and blood they however weren't as strong as their father and not all of them inherited his Psyker abilities. However the Chaos Gods then whisked them away and scattered them through the universe. The Emperor then spent most of his years finding his sons while conquering planets, reestablishing human sovereignty across the galaxy.

After he found 18 of the 20 primarchs, he assigned them to their respective legions and had them retake humanity in a crusade of a grand scale, this is also when the Spehss mahreens were at their awesomest. After much time, Horus Heresy erupts where 9 of the legions rebel against the Empra. The Emperor fought against Horus, daddy's favorite in an epic battle that ended it all at the cost of being mortally wounded to the point that he must be put permanently on a life support machine known as the Golden Throne. After that, the Imperium eventually degraded into the Grimdark empire we all know and love today.

It is established that the Emperor is pretty much the most powerful psyker alive, humbling even the eldar, and whilst upon the Golden Throne he guides the light of the Astronomicon, basically a lighthouse in the warp, which is run by the power of thousands of agonized psykers. He is tens of thousands of years old and has been secretly guiding humanity from behind the scenes for much of his lifetime. Theories variously suggest that he is also Sigmar of Warhammer Fantasy Battle fame, Chuck Norris, and Jesus. It is uncertain as to whether or not his internment on the Golden Throne is a good thing; some believe that if he were to die, the Imperium would be truly plunged into darkness, whereas others believe that if allowed to finally die he would reincarnate and return to unify the galaxy once more. Whatever the truth of the matter, Games Workshop are never going to advance the story, so it is mostly irrelevant.

He is sometimes referred to as the Empra or Emprah, a joke derived from the voice acting in the Dawn of War game, Soulstorm, specifically Indrick Boreale's final speeches.

After he shaved his goatee his chin radiated a brilliant light through the warp. The Imperial Navy used this light as a beacon to guide them through that terrible place.

The Emperor is so powerful that he could DESTROY SUNS BY SNAPPING HIS FINGERS!!! The Chaos Gods are scared shitless of this guy, and hope that he dies so they can thay over the universe. If the God Emperor were to arise again Chaos would be FUCKED. The pussy Eldar fear that if the Emperor were to die a new Eye of Terror would be opened and Chaos would take over EVERYTHING! /b/ hails him as Peter the Cat, King of /b/!

He was apparently born 8000 B.C in Anatolia, making him a Proto-Sumerian probably. He also masqueraded as many prophets, leaders and wise men throughout history to nudge humanity towards a more ordered society, including Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha, Gaius Julius Caesar and so on.

After he was nearly killed by his son, he was placed on the golden throne and hasn't been able to move for the past few millenia, it's been said by most of the fluff that his existence on a day-to-day basis since then was a living hell (In comparison, the process of making astropaths would be like a trip to the dentist.) it's literally the mother/father/uncle/2nd Cousin of all mindfucks, so bad that even a Inquisitor would likely go insane as a result (or anybody else for that matter) and yet he continues.. why? He maybe the universe's most powerful vegetable but that doesn't mean that he can just sit down and die, oh no it's exactly the opposite, it gives him a shitload of work to do, along with being the lighthouse of the warp guiding the Imperial Navy, he also needs to make the aforementioned astropaths, as well as keeping all the nasties of the warp where the're supposed to be and not spilling over into reality and make the lives of all human beings miserable. He also does it for the good of man. (sounds kinda familiar, don't it?)

"The Emperor was a brilliant scientist, a powerful warrior, and great psyker, but he was a terrible father..."

-Roboute Guilliman, Primarch of the Ultramarines, telling it like it is.

The Emperor's list of Things to do after Resurrection

This section has been improved by your local Commissar. +Amplus Palma Pro Terra!+

1. Get better power armor.

2. Wipe out the Imperium.

3. Rebuild the Imperium to it's formal glory so it is not fucktarded like it is now.

4. Make peace with the Tau and trade technology with them then kill them afterwards for being Xenos.

5. Make peace with the Eldar and trade technology with them then wipe them out afterwards for being foul Xenos.

6. Pacifiy the Orks by incinerating every last greenskin.

7. Put the Dark Eldar in Rehab then eliminate them afterwards for being treacherous Xenos.

8. Wipe out the C'tan.

9. Wipe out the Necrons.

10. Purge Chaos from the universe and seal the Eye of Terror.

11. Tell the Sisters of Battle they can have sex with men and not to be paedophiles anymore or be dyke lezbos.

12. Teach the Commissars not to BLAM the Guardsmen they're leading! (This item is obviously a typo, inserted by a heretic.)

13. Marry Macha and fuck the Eldar out of her! -Deemed as #1 Priority by Creed and the Blood Ravens (particularly by Gabriel Angelos and Indrick Boreale.)

14. NOM NOM the Tyranids without salsa!

15. Further expand the Warhammer 40K storyline without the interference of Games Workshop.

16. Destroy the enemies of the Imperium...WITH FIRE! Let the Galaxy burn if needed.

17. Teach the Imperial Guard generals some actual tactics.

18. Tell the Adeptus Mechanicus to stop keeping secrets. and threaten to exterminatus Mars if they don't.

19. Replace the Imperial Guardsmen Flashlights Lasguns with something that can actually do shit!

20. Gather every Guardsman, Astarties, Inquisition dudes, Sororitas, Commissars.. heck everyone in the Imperium of Man, give them weapons, have them surround the Eye of Terror and then let the Greatest of all Holy shitstorms ensue.

21. Personally execute Fulgrim, Pertutabo, Agaron and the rest of them traitor Primarchs.. after being properly tortured by him and members of the Inquisition.

22. Beat Khorne in a sword fight.

23. Beat Tzeench in chess.

24. Beat Nurgle in a drinking contest.

25. Beat Slaaanesh in a sex contest.

Gallery

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  The Emperor protects man from all.

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  Son, I am disappoint.

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  THE EMPEROR IS NOT A WOMAN!

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  The Emperor is an inter-dimensional being.

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  Just imagine if the Chaos Gods didn't scatter the primarchs through out the galaxy.

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  He might be the most powerful Psychic vegetable in the universe but the Custodes can't give him a decent hygine program

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  Oh God-emperor, how did this get here? I am not good with computers.

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  Emperor rule 63! NO EXCEPTIONS!

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  Not so divine now, is he?

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  Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

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  Death is no excuse to stop bein' pimp