The Amorous Adventures of Factol Hashkar

A series of "amorous adventures" perpetrated by Factol Hashkar, a Planescape character who is Factol(the big #1 boss) of the Guvner Faction(Super Lawful Neutral dudes trying to figure out all the rules of the multiverse.). The author is unknown, but has promised to return with more Adventures.

The blurb that started it

The First Adventure

The young elf maiden kicked off the last of her clothing and lay back on the bed. Her bosoms heaved as she watched Hashkar approach and lean in close to her.

"Is it time?" she asked. "Yes," Hashkar said. He pulled out his ruler. "What do you call this?" the elf asked, turning to allow Hashkar to measure her breasts. "Physiognomy?" "Yes," he replied. "I am performing research to test the validity of the theory that one's personality can be assessed via examination of their physical appearance. That reminds me, after this you'll need to fill out this two-hundred-page psychological assessment..."

The elf yawned.

The Second Adventure

Factol Hashkar looked up from his desk at the smiling tiefling in front of him. She was wrapped in sensible robes because she was a Guvner and not a slut, but Hashkar would hear that she was considered to be stunning by many humanoids a few weeks later. He would immediately forget about this unimportant knowledge.

"Yes?" he asked. The tiefling placed a fifty-page thesis on his desk. "I just made major progress on the Fermistadt portal equation!"

That was the closest Hashkar came to an erection that decade. He did not feel ashamed.

The Third Adventure

Hashkar was on time for his private meeting with Factol Montgomery of the Sensates. Exactly on time. He was always exactly on time.

Erin Montgomery was reclining on one of her many lounges. She had chosen a lightweight bikini, the colour of ripe limes to match her eyes, and a shimmering translucent dress that sparkled with every movement. She idly placed her book on the floor and rested her hand on one soft hip as Hashkar entered, a smile forming on her full lips.

"Oh, sirrah," she purred, idly playing with her copper hair. "Is that a ruler in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"

Hashkar checked his many pockets until he found the pocket she was referring to. It was indeed a ruler.

"Oh, dear." He had borrowed this ruler from Jamis, Bureau Chief of the Ad Hoc Bureau of Courts (B2 rating), to help straighten out the stack of files he had brought. Two hundred and seventy-four and a half pages, all containing vital data he may need to discuss with Factol Montgomery every important issue he wanted to address today, from Section 1, Subsection A ("Request For Use Of Additional Sensory Stones for Mathematical Analysis Purposes") to Section 6, Subsection C, Point 4 ("Clarification On Sub-Clauses In Agreement C-5 From Previous Meeting").

"Yes. It is a ruler."

Factol Montgomery suppressed a yawn.

The Fourth Adventure

Becky gasped.

"It's so big!" she cried, as Hashkar thrust his rod towards her. "And hard!"

"And immovable, I see," she added once Hashkar pressed the button and stepped back.

After a period of silence, she felt compelled to say something.

"So why have I been summoned, Factol Hashkar, sir?"

Hashkar returned his attention to her. "Oh, I do apologise. I have been quite busy all morning and I just thought of the solution to an equation I have been pondering. I would like you to do something about my rod?"

"Your rod?" Becky ran her fingers along Hashkar's rod. It was long and black and quite hard. She grasped it and tugged to make sure it was immovable. Yep.

Hashkar nodded. "I requested an immovable rod as an aid for holding books within my office. However, it has not been made to my specifications. I fear there has been a mix-up. It is at least an inch too short, and of entirely the wrong material. I requested adamantium."

"Ah," Becky said, understanding dawning. "You would like me to make your rod longer and harder, sir?"

"Yes. And polish it, if you would."

Becky nodded, touched the tip of the rod, and took the now movable rod in her hands.

Hashkar gestured to a nearby file. "Here is all the necessary documentation. Copies of my request, receipts, forms, et cetera. You will need to obtain the relevant forms to process this downstairs, of course."

Becky rubbed Hashkar's rod idly and nodded. "Yes, sir!"

She left happily. After all, not many young, nubile female namers like her got a chance to work directly for the factol. At this rate she could be a factotum in a month!

In his office, Hashkar considered removing his pants. This was because he had accidentally spilled some coffee on them earlier.

After careful analysis, he decided to change his socks as well.

The Fifth Adventure

Lily ran a hand down her slender half-elf body and shivered nervously. Now that she was here, under the stern gaze of Hashkar, she felt vulnerable. Exposed. She swallowed and tried to hide it.

"What is your wish, sir?" she asked, the breeze from the window stirring the stuffy air and teasing the edges of her cute white dress.

Hashkar stroked his magnificent beard.

"I read your thesis on the order to be found within Xaos. You must be very skilled in the arts of stealth and subterfuge to remain hidden there for that long."

Lily gasped inside her head. Hashkar had noticed her thesis! Her knees trembled excitedly.

"I would like a follow-up work on the gate-towns of Bedlam and Glorium. Glorium you may find easier, though Bedlam is dangerous. I would finance your expedition and hire cutters to guard you, of course."

A wave of pleasure crashed through Lily's brain. She shivered. All those years of work... she couldn't believe it had come to this. It only made her more nervous; Butterflies fluttered through her stomach and she began to tug awkwardly at her dress, fearing she had chosen the wrong garb for the occasion. Hashkar didn't seem to notice.

"Would that be acceptable? I would very much appreciate your insights on chaos theory."

"Oh, yes!" Lily almost moaned. "I mean, ah, um..." She blushed and tried to put on her serious face. "Yes, sir."

"Good," Hashkar nodded. "There is no need to be nervous, young girl. You've earned it. I would request that you undergo a physical and mental examination to be sure you are fit for the task. A formality, of course."

Lily nodded and began to fumble with the buttons of her dress.

"I did not mean me," Hashkar said.

"I apologise, sir," Lily stammered, doing up her dress, "I'm a little nervous."

"That is acceptable. I can see where my previous request could be misinterpreted. I will endeavor to be clearer in the future." Hashkar nodded and ushered her out.

Once she had gone, Hashkar sat down to continue reading through the ancient tome on Abyssal pottery he had acquired. He wasn't quite sure where all these young girls were coming from, but it did not interest him in the slightest.

The clocks in his office rang out 1 P.M., exactly on time. The pentadrone he was meeting with at exactly one hour after-peak knocked politely.

Hashkar almost smiled. Modrons, now... modrons were interesting.