Necron

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Careful, pretend to be a statue and he might think that you're just a suit of armor, if it dosen't work run like hell run? you can just out-walk it, just don't let him shank your chaos worshiping ass with his Staff'o Doom

Necrons are the Tomb King expys of the Warhammer 40,000 universe. (Which rounds off the rest of the 40K universe being Fantasy races.... IIIIIN SPAAAAAAACE.) The Necrons are an army of million-year-old soulless skeletal alien killing machines led by a robot aristocracy of angry murder machines wielding atom flaying weapons that strip their targets down into their constituent atoms. Up until 5th Ed they were controlled by the star-eating C'tan but then the Matt Ward codex came along and WHOOPS, MY BAD, turns out they killed/imprisoned their vampire gods! Cause screw those commie bastards! That's what happens when you screw a zombimurderbot.

The Necrons received a long awaited codex update in 2011... From the hated Matt Ward. After having the Necrons and Blood Angels secret lovers that the universe was not yet ready to understand co-operate against the 'nids, after which the noobcrons proceeded to let the fucking SPEHSS MEHREENS get away without rape, fans worried that the Great Taint would spread to the robots, who had already suffered from GW's neglect, like every non-Space Marine faction.

Gameplay-wise, some used to consider the Necrons to have been unduly OP during their introduction. A respectable amount of evidence can be gathered to grant credence to this viewpoint. The rapid change in fluff between the 5th edition codex and its predecessor is controversial, to put it lightly, and while both versions of the Necrons' background have their fans, many would agree that the retconning was drastic and heavy-handed. On the one hand the Necrons' theme used to be that they were emotionless, implacable alien killers led by Cthulhu-ish star gods that fed on peoples souls. Their background was very sparse and included all sorts of mysterious things about the Necrons and the C'tan that had implications for the whole setting of Warhammer. The new codex gets rid of all the mystery and removes the dangerous feel the Necrons used to have in exchange for giving the individual Necron leaders and armies individual personality, allowing players to make their armies different as opposed to the previous situation where basically everyone had an army of samey silver OP doom warriors wielding guns that could rip through tanks as well as infantry and had over the top fluff that made them out to be the baddest sons of bitches in the galaxy.

UPDATE: As of the 6th edition rulebook, Necrons and Blood Angels can form an "Desperate Alliance". For reference, Necrons can form the exact same alliance with the Black Templars. This implies that the whole scenario with the Blood Angels and the 'Nids was part of the then-upcoming Necron fluff change wherein the Necrons went from homicidal kill bots to an actual empire capable of politics and forming alliances.

Overall, the codex was actually... fairly decent, and since bitch-worthy fluff kept to a minimum (though the way it was introduced was bitch worthy in of itself, and the Necrons possessing reliable time travel raises a lot of questions) and the crunch was mostly balanced the crazy but surprisingly plausible theory was developed that Matt Ward was really a Necron fanboy all along, and after losing to an Ultramarines player, decided to discredit the Space Marines by writing several exceedingly shitty codexes for them, and then turn around and make a respectable update for the Necrons as part of a labyrinthian plot to get back at the Space Marines. And everyone neglects to mention that the update introduced a device that can instantly destroy any star in the galaxy per whim of the user. Wat. (Although Ward did at least explain that they rarely use it since it screws up the Galactic tide)

But there is other good news. With the Necrons now being somewhat popular, they are about to get a new slew of Forgeworld loving, thanks to the announcement that they are scheduled to be featured in Imperial Armor 12 along with the Minotaurs Chapter Space Marines (meaning we may finally get Medusa V Tomb Stalkers and Megaliths, so we don't have to rely on Pylon, Scarab, Barge, Warscythe, and Heat-ray spam to down Titans).

'Necron' is also the title of an bizarre and retarded fetish comic of some sort.

Fluff

Original Fluff - Birth of the Angry Goth Terminators (Terminators meaning the time-travelling robots from the Schwarznegger movies, not the Space Marine type)

C'tan-chan will suck your soul out through your urethra

A long-ass time ago (even before the Spess Elves) the Necrontyr lived on a planet blasted by radiation from their sun. Their short lives were filled from beginning to end with cancers, AIDS, and pain.

While all this sun-rape was going on, a race of psychically-attuned space lizard precursors called the Old Ones had built a vast civilization throughout the galaxy. They created many races or augmented many existing ones (leaving humanity alone) and generally showed off. Oh yeah, and they are speculated to have been immortal lizards.

The Necrontyr met the Old Ones and quickly grew to resent their neighbors, loathing how long their lifespans were by comparison. Resentment grew into bitter jealousy and finally all-consuming hatred. The Old Ones were indeed much stronger though, and repelled Necrontyr assault after assault until the race was clinging to the edge of the galaxy.

The Necrontyr finally encountered and allied with a force known as the C'tan, beings with immense power over the corporeal world. The realm of the Warp, which the Old Ones used extensively, was anathema to them, and they sought nothing less than the total separation of the real world from the Maelstrom.

The Necrontyr bargained with the C'tan known as the Deceiver (but back then he was known as Mephet'ran, "the messenger". No one in their right mind would actually trust a guy named the Deceiver), for eternal life. The Deceiver promised the living Necron race immortality and fun times if they'd sacrifice their bodies to the gods to be replaced with metallic goodness. The Necrontyr agreed to The Deceiver's terms, and had their souls ripped out of their collective urethrae, replacing the Necrontyr with the skeletal metal bodies of the Necrons.

War breaks out between the Necrons and the Old Ones. The Old Ones get their asses soundly beat over and over again, creating new races (lol, Krork) to defend themselves with. Oh, and by using the Warp as a weapon, they turned it into the fun place we all know and love. At this point the old Necron fluff and new Ward stuff begins to diverge a bit. Old fluff says the Eldar were created by the old Ones directly but new fluff simply says that the Eldar and Old ones were allies in the war against the Necrons; it doesn't specifically say the Eldar were created by the Old Ones although the new background is worded in such a way as to make either interpretation plausible.

Anyway, after the Old Ones strategy of cranking out race after race to be used as cannon fodder backfired when an Enslaver Plague rolled around, the C'tan go on a feast of galactic proportions. It isn't until they realize that the food (see: EVERYTHING!) is dieing out that they decide to go to sleep for 60 million years, 'till the scrumptious morsels known as EVERYTHING regrew (something that actually made the "great sleep" make fucking sense).

In present time, the Necron spend most of their time killing anything with a pulse and generally hating anything living, including bacteria. The rest of their time is spent on sleeping and being Super Secret Pony Princess Unicorn Best Friends Forever with Blood Angels. Because that makes sense. (We don't like it any more than you do - 'Crons) They're the goth craze if you dipped them in liquid hate and injected them with 400% of your daily allotment of cheese.

The New Fluff - Space Egyptians

Dude wut?

There is a dramatic change in the fluff in this codex (5th Ed.) from the previous incarnation of the Necrons.

Beginning

The Necrontyr's empire was massive at one point, but the different Lords in the galaxy wide dominion started to turn against each other in civil war. To prevent this from happening, the overall ruler of the Necrontyr (the Silent King) started the war against the Old Ones specifically to give them a common enemy to fight against to prevent his people from destroying themselves (using the old fluff's reason as the excuse). Of course, the Old Ones ended up kicking their butts, and in desperation, the Silent King allied with the C'Tan (who had been attracted to the pure hate and rage the Necrontyr held for the Old Ones, a common enemy of the C'tan) and agreed to the Deceiver's pact to give them shiny new immortal bodies without realizing what he was doing. The devious Star God had in fact tricked the Necrontyr into giving up their mortal bodies and souls so that he and his God friends could gorge themselves on their tasty ass meats. After consuming THE ENTIRE Necrontyr race, the C'tan were pretty much the equivalent of Superman crossed with a level 9001 Super Sayian Goku, and so were basically able to hand the Old Ones their collective asses. However, after the Necrons helped the C'Tan to kill off the last Old Ones, while the C'tan were recuperating, the Silent King then ordered the Necrons to turn on the C'Tan in vengeance and utterly destroyed the Star Gods, shattering them into tiny shards of their previous power (which they conveniently collected and stored for later use). Because apparently the Necrons were now more powerful than the C'tan who were more powerful than the Old Ones who were more powerful than the Necrontyr because they were made more powerful by the C'tan before those C'tan became more powerful than the Old Ones. This coup against the C'Tan weakened the Necrons so much they decided to go into stasis to avoid the vengeance of the Eldar (the C'Tan had killed the Old Ones, but not all their mutant offspring).

Present warhammer 40k

Now that the Necrons have reawakened in the 41st millennium, their goal is no longer to 'harvest' souls for the C'Tan (the C'Tan shards are now their slaves) as it was in the old book, but rather to reestablish the great Necron empire that spanned the galaxy before the war with the Old Ones began. (Or really, just for the Necron rulers to do whatever they want)

The overall unity of the Necron people is gone for the most part, leaving each individual Dynasties to once again rule for itself. This means each Tomb World (or cluster of Necron worlds) is essentially a separate little empire to itself, with a full backstory and idiosyncrasies. While Necron warriors are pretty much just automatons, and Immortals not too much better, the majority of the upper echelon of Necron society retained some degree of personality.

So there is lots of crazy nuance to Necron culture that was never present before. There are now lots of memorable quotes from Necron Lords. There are some Necron Lords who honor valor in battle, Some Necron Lords are obsessed with finding the perfect flesh bodies to transfer their sentience back into. One Necron Tomb World was damaged during the great sleep and erased all the Necron sentience and has started basically commanding its Necrons like true robots, the Silent King, after leaving the galaxy once defeating the C'Tan (basically exiling himself for the unforgivable crime of allowing the C'tan to remove the soul of his people), encountered the Tyranids in the void between galaxies and has returned to spur the Necrons into action against the Bugs (realizing that if the Tyranids wipe the galaxy clean of biological matter, then the Necrons will never find a form to transfer their minds back into), there are a few Necron Lords who even work or trade with other races. However, such as with all the factions of 40k, this is rare. (Yes Necrons and Blood Angels did end up fighting against a Tyranid Hive Fleet together). Really, every dynasty can be different, so just have fun coming up with your own.

Oh, and there is definitely plenty of reason to have Necron vs. Necron action now (as the old feuds between competing Necron Lords flare back up again).

Summary

This new incarnation, love it or hate it, gives the Necrons a whole wide array of personality and every single empire has different goals and motives (not to mention paint schemes, markings, etc). This new incarnation succeeds in destroying everything that had already been established in the Necron fluff, turning the silent killing machines into a bunch of robots playing Egyptian political chess in space. . While part of the fan base recoils from it, the other part thinks that Necrons as they were had no distinct 'character' that each player could choose to get behind. Yes, the race as a whole had 'character' in how it was organized and functioned, but there was never any really good reason that a player should have his Necron force painted and modeled 'X' way as opposed to another player with his Necron army looking 'Y' way. People certainly painted their Necrons in different (neat) ways, but there was never really any good fluff giving players inspiration to do so. Although the fact that Necrons want fleshy bodies for "bio-transfer" is pretty effing stupid considering that they're basically awesome zombie robots, but whatevs. Basically, the original fluff was raeped in order to suit the whims of artfags everywhere in addition to the vile ambitions of the Bane of 40K Continuity himself, none other than Your Spiritual Liege.

And as for totally destroying the background of the C'Tan, the codex does allude to the fact that there are lots of unaccounted for C'Tan shards (or maybe even yet unshattered C'tan?) still allegedly cast around the galaxy. The Necron are always trying to hunt them down and imprison them (in pocket dimension prisons), but this does still leave the door totally wide open for a shard of 'The Dragon' to be on Mars and for shards of 'The Deceiver' to have done all the crazy things that's been written about him in novels. Essentially, the full power C'Tan were massively, massively powerful, and the 'shard' versions of them are closer to the idea of what we had in the last codex anyway (something that can be killed/banished on a battlefield). And of course, as everyone knows, the Outsider is still on his extra-galactic camping trip, totally whole and crying over WHAAAAAT, HEEES, DOOONNE!!!. As he's likely the last unsharded C'tan, whenever the Outsider gets back, everyone is fucked. Everyone. Even you, the player, especially you, the player. (Well, the Dragon MAY have lived.)

Regarding Fluff Change - Sore butts. Everywhere.

Deceiver I choose you!

The Necron backstory remains largely the same, except now the Necrons were not enslaved, but merely ripped off by the C'tan. Their leader the Silent King was horrified with this, and so fought and enslaved the C'Tan when they had their backs turned. This allowed (most) of the Necrons to be freed from control, restoring some of their personality. They went into stasis now to let the galaxy recover from the war, and now that they have awoken divided and confused, it's a free for all for who can conquer the galaxy in the name of all things robotic. Well, all things zombie robotic but you get the idea...

It is widely conceded that the worst loss was the removal of Pariahs, which were universally agreed to be one of the coolest and scariest aspects of the Necrons, something that really made them stand out (even if they weren't that great on the tabletop). The Pariahs' origins were a great way to show an outsider's perspective of the Necrons without getting told to GTFO their lawn via gauss weaponry, and something that Thomas Macabee in Dark Crusade just made so incredibly badass. It would also fit perfectly into the new fluff, showing the success in combining the Necrons and living to create a new life form.

In any case, the Warhammer galaxy already has a pantheon of four asshole gods, so who gives a shit if the C'tan wannabes got turned into legendary pokemon?

While we're on the subject of the fluff, there's a quick reference to the Blood Angels Codex on the "Necron Timeline" page. It's one sentence long and talks about how the Silent King "reluctantly" teams up with the Blood Angels to fight Tyranids... yeah, Ward deliberately went out of his way to wave his cock in our faces.

Gameplay

A mountain of rape

Pre 5th

Pre-5th edition, the Necrons were virtually an unstoppable Shooty army. Their simple tactic of move-shoot-move-shoot in-tandem with their gauss weaponry capable of vaporizing anything (including heavy tanks) in front of them with impunity, and their Marine-like stats spawned the all famous "March of Doom", which was basically a non-stop forward march of Necron Warriors, Immortals, and Destroyers to flatten the table. And the innate WBB rolls ensured that the march was fuckhard to stop, especially in tandem with Resurrection Orbs, Pylons, Monoliths, and some of the cheesier Necron formations; since the tin-men had a very good chance of getting back up after being downed. But that was then...

The Necron have since been severely nerfed in 5th Edition, due to vehicles being a bit more sturdy. In the previous edition, they could potentially destroy any enemy (including heavy vehicles) with just their default troops choice - Gauss weaponry caused (and still does) glancing hits on a roll of 6 (it used to cause automatic wounds, too, but they've done away with that ridiculousness). Necron Warriors dispatching Land Raiders or Leman Russ Tanks with these glancing hits was not unheard of, causing many veterans of 40K tabletop to rightly declare the Necrons to be Cheese.

Post 5th

5th Edition wrecked their shit.

Post-edition update, due to the new Armour Penetration rules, Necron Warriors can still harass, stun-lock, and annoy vehicles - even heavy ones - but are much less able to gun down a heavy like a Predator Tank or Vindicator with simple massed Warrior fire, to the delight of non-Necron players everywhere. Massed fire from Necron Warriors can still kill a heavy vehicle, but it will take a veritable barrage of shots to do so now, making it a bit less likely that players can spam the shit out of warrior squads and come away triumphant, making this an improvement. A smart NewCron player learns to not over-rely on Warriors now, using backup from a mix of Scarabs, Doomsday Arks, Barge Lords, Wraiths, and Harbingers of Destruction in order to pack quality anti-vehicle options. However due to 6th Edition's change with rapid fire rule and vehicle hull points, Necrons are back again fucking tanks in the junk. Yes, a block of 20 Necron Warriors will wreck a Land Raider in one turn hands down every day of the week.

The Necrons are still a very powerful and dangerous force. With their insanely overpowered fliers, and overall buff to shooting, the Necrons are very high tier in codex power. Necron warriors are fairly reliable troops marine stats and a 4+ save, though they essentially have a 5+ Invulnerable Save with their "Reanimation Protocols" rule (4+ with a Resurrection Orb in the unit). And Immortals, which are pretty much Space Marine equivalents. Now it's all about synergy, with Overlords, Lords and Crypteks strategically placed in shooty units, and melee options like Lychguard and the infuriatingly tough-to-kill Wraiths (Flayed Ones got nerfed bad, and are now the worst unit in the codex... at least until 6th Edition rules change shit up, maybe)(NOPE!). They also have somewhat useful Monstrous Creatures of sorts in the form of Canoptek Spyders and C'tan Shards.

The infamous Monolith is easily the most recognizable unit that the Necrons possess. It has 14 armor on each side (and thus no vulnerable spots), a main weapon that cannot be disabled with a "weapon destroyed" result, the ability to teleport your troops out of harm's way, and, in the previous edition, the only skimmer that would not crash when immobilized. In the current edition, skimmers only crash if they moved flat-out the previous turn - and the Monolith can't actually move fast enough to crash when it gets immobilized. However, the same update to glancing hits made it even harder to destroy. The Monolith is no longer the nigh invulnerable mountain of rape it used to be, thanks to its ability to shrug off Melta weapons being removed, but is still relatively decent... however, several of their new vehicles out strip it in many ways, so the once proud 'Lith has been relegated to Apocalypse battles only, in most cases.

Necron infantry are generally slow moving, hard hitting, much like the Space Marines, if the Space Marines were able to get back up after dying. They back this with annoying deep-strikers and fast-moving units that are designed to support the Necron player's advance. There is nothing - I repeat - NOTHING, scarier than a Necron player with almost-cheating luck.

An Example:

• Player one has just destroyed player two's Necron warrior squad.

• Player two, A.K.A. Kenny, makes his Reanimation Protocol roll.

• Player one, A.K.A. Commander Numb-Nutz, is making odd sounds with his mouth, in mockery of Kenny.

• Kenny, A.K.A. Rob, rolls ten 6's. Commander Numb-Nutz promptly stops making noises with his mouth.

• Kenny A.K.A. Rob puts his Necron Squad back on the board, and promptly smokes Commander Numb-Nutz's ass from here to the golden shithouse.

• screw it, another example is a necron player comes with 9 fliers, and annihilates the enemy

(and is then made to eat the terrain)

Victories n' Whatnot

Necrons, though vicious in certain types of combat, aren't really great at winning, and are generally a hit-or-miss force, either outright flattening the opponent or getting steamrolled themselves. Both in fluff and on the tabletop, your best hope at defeating the Necrons is to move fast and strike as hard as you can to disrupt the Necron commander's strategy. Otherwise you'll drown (evaporate?) in the inevitable deluge of gauss and tesla fire.

If you want to win with Necrons, be prepared to do your fucking homework and learn how the different units in the codex interact with each other. There are now several competitive army list builds, each one utilizing a different borderline cheating tactic. These include:

-Warrior Phalanx: More or less played like the old way, use Warriors by the dozens, and be prepared to back them up with support like Ghost Arks and Lords with Res Orbs. These bricks are fucking hard to kill, and put out a metric shit ton of shots.

-TremorCrons: Use fucking HQ + C'tan combo hax to stop your opponents from moving.

-Wraith Wing: MORE WRAITHS. MORE. (throw in a Destroyer Lord or two and eat Deathstars for breakfast).

-Scarab Farm: Shit tons of Scarabs, and about 9 Spyders to shit even MOAR Scarabs out every turn. Overwhelm EVERYTHING with the little buggers (HOPE YOU WEREN'T PLANNING ON USING THAT LANDRAIDER THIS GAME!)

-Maximum Threat Overload: Too many threats to deal with, opponents have trouble prioritizing which to kill first (Command Barges, Wraiths, Scarabs, Doom Scythes, LanceTeks). Usually ends with tables being flipped in frustration.

-Space Croissant Fleet: Completely an utterly broken. At least until all armies get proper and reliable anti-air. Your opponent would call you dirty cheater the minute he sees half-dozen of Scythes in your army, and he would be right. Just remember to ACTUALLY HAVE SOME UNITS ON THE TABLE and not rely entirely on flyers or you will be auto-tabled at the end of turn 1

Alternately, one can play Apocalypse and use the Monolith Phalanx, which is one of - if not THE - cheesiest bullshit since 2nd edition Tyranid bullshit (eg. Tyranid Apocalypse formation "out of ammo sarge!"), but as that formation has been errata'd, the Cronz now hold the uncontested title of cheesiest formation ever... until IA12 hits, that is, and the circle of nerf is complete.

Air Superiority

Thanks to IA12, Necrons now have the most broken aerial assault units in the fucking game. Enter the Nightshroud Bomber. This bastard can drop a Strength 10 AP 1 pie plate on whatever you don't like, and it's a goddamn bomber. So that shit happens before your opponent even gets a chance to intercept. And with 12/12/12 armour and 4 fucking hull points, it is very unlikely that they will even be able to do that.

Oh, was that your squad of Terminators? Not anymore motherfucker! Send it in with a couple (dozen) Doom Scythes and let the rape begin!

In Battlefleet Gothic

They are still totally fucking overpowered in Battlefleet Gothic though; their cruisers can crush many other race's battleships without much trouble. Moving on!

Pre-release Rumor Mongering: The Lead Up To Butt-hurt

This article or section involves Matthew Ward, Spiritual Liege, who is universally-reviled on /tg/. Because this article or section covers Ward's copious amounts of derp and rage, fans of the 40K series are advised that if they proceed onward, they will see fluff and crunch violation of a level rarely seen.

Even though this image is accurate again, the Necron shouldn't look so worried. Then again the new Tau Codex gave us OP units such as the Riptide, yet for some reason their empire was reduced and a rumour was going on that they have lost their FTL...

The Harbinger

Incidentally, the first sign of the new fluff changes was a Black Library novel called Fall of Damnos. Instead of the usual soulless abominations who just walk forward in silence and shoot you, the Necron PoVs showed off a complex royal hierarchy featuring the Cryptek Ankh's political machinations and various competing and jostling Lords who all have their own ambitions and problems. Most notable is the Necron "afflictions", where Necrons who long for their flesh will go crazy and become Flayed Ones, hunting for new skins. Meanwhile, Necrons who go a bit too far towards the machine-end end up mutilating themselves into Destroyers. It's all very wacky, and the Necrons are actually pretty talkative too, where the Lord Tahek Voidbringer has some momentary banter with Tigurius during their battle. There's also Sahtah the Enfleshed, a "Flayer Lord" who happily gallops across the icy world of Damnos in his quest for a new face, and the Undying, a very old Lord who constantly forgets where he is in time. You also get weird shit where Necron Warriors let out metallic cries when they phase out, an abandoned and empty throne room, complete with ornate mirrors and empty throne underground, and the fact that Necrons can open their mouths, shrug, and laugh.

On the one hand, the new fluff from Damnos feels very "Tomb Kings in Space", however on the other, it does do a decent job of fleshing out the until-this-point C'Tan lackeys a bit (and Tomb Kings fluff is pretty legit, so ripping it off might not be too bad). However, according to the new Codex, the Necrons themselves did away with the C'Tan and now do their own thing, employing their former masters as nothing more than genies in bottles.

A Disturbing Implication

We're already doomed... thank you Matt Ward... thank you...

Oh yes, it could very well be worse alright...

Many years before Matt was the horrifying figure known and loathed the way he is today, he was apparently a Necron player. An old White Dwarf battle report detailed him going up against Ultramarines with his Necrons and getting his ass handed to him. It's easy to see this is where his descent into the blue, white and gold abyss began. However, the truth is likely a far darker one that goes simply beyond the lines of "Hey, what Marines were you using in that game? They were pretty cool..."

His last Space Marine codex had the Blood Angels befriending and fighting alongside Necrons with little to no reason whatsoever. He scarcely ever mentions anything about them otherwise.

Suddenly a little dark voice begins to whisper sinister nothings in your head. Whispers of revelations about absurdities that are uncomfortably plausible given this man-child. Ward spends the last couple years making Space Marines the army faction to go to- the perfect badasses everyone loves. With each codex he makes them more and more ludicrous, more and more powerful till they are all the people know and care for. He lets them sit atop GW's throne of money, basking in their glory.

Then without warning, he pulls the tarp off his final project- the codex Necrons. Insanely and skubtastically blown out of proportion with pants-on-head retarded powers none can match, the Necrons shove the smurfs off their spotlight. Marine players sell out their entire armies just to afford the ridiculous prices on Ward's new bastard creation, pushing the Marines into a dark corner of neglect where ironically the Necrons once hunched imprisoned for nearly a decade.

The other writers will all unite to attempt to thwart Ward's scheme, but it will be far too late. At this point, a statue of a Necron Warrior will stand at the front of the GW HQ on the same pedestal a Space Marine once stood proudly. Ward will be jerking off to Lolicron in his Fortress of Solitude, now located in the middle of the Dead Sea, laughing like a little child who just cheated his way to victory in a game of Candy Land.

TL;DR: Matt Ward spent decades making Space Marines the most played, and noobiest of armies; then made Necrons the most desirable, leaving the Space Marines neglected all in revenge for a defeat he suffered at the hands of an Ultramarines player while he used Necrons. Matt Ward is the fucking Deceiver, and all shall weep as his retardation turns out to be a loathing, evil tactical genius that goes off the charts. Even the Necron players themselves, who realize they've been used after they become the peak of GW standards at the price of ever being remotely likable ever again.

Just. As. Planned.

I, for one, welcome our new Necron Overlords.

POETRY AND SHIT

THE BANSHEE'S CALL SHALL WAKE THE DEAD; WHEN DARK PORTENTS WAX NIGH

HEED THEM AS THE COUNSEL OF A SEER, OR A FATHER

THE YNGIR, WHO HAVE SLEPT SINCE THE BIRTH OF CHAOS

SHALL CRAWL ONCE MORE FROM THEIR TOMBS, THIRSTING FOR WARMTH.

THE WAR IN HEAVEN SHALL BE AS NOTHING TO THEIR VENGEANCE

FOR THE SONS OF ASURYAN, FEW IN NUMBER, CANNOT STAND AGAINST THEM.

AND THE EYE OF ISHA SHALL DIM, CLOSING FOR ETERNITY

SUCH A GENTLE GODDESS CANNOT WITNESS SUCH ATROCITIES AS THEY SHALL WREAK.

THE SOULLESS ONES SHALL BE THE HARBINGERS OF THE DARK FATE

THEN SHALL COME THE LIVING DEAD, THE PROGENY

THEN THE THIRSTING ONES, THE FOREVER DAMNED

AND THE GALAXY SHALL RUN RED AS THE BLOOD OF ELDANESH,

THE VAUL-MOON SHALL BRING FORTH THE DRAGON

THE MASTER OF DEATH WILL DRINK DEEP FROM ISHA'S EYE

THAT WHICH LIES OUTSIDE WILL BE DRAWN TO THE HARVEST

AND THE JACKAL-GOD SHALL TURN BROTHER AGAINST BROTHER.

THE FOUR SHALL TAKE THEIR PLACE AMONGST THE STARS,

THEIR LEGIONS ASCENDANT, UNSTOPPABLE AS THE NIGHT

A DEADLY SHROUD SHALL FALL ACROSS THE SPIRIT

AND THE GALAXY SHALL MOURN.

Reasons to be a Necron

• You never die!
• You have arguably the best dakka in the whole game
• You look completely badass
• You are a Space Egyptian
• Your colour scheme is Black and Green, and we know how awesome those colour schemes are
• Remember how awesome General Grievous was the first time he appeared? That's how Necron Overlords fight in fluff, up to the point they could bring low heavyweights like Captain Cato Sicarius, or 2 CSM Lords in Terminator Armour and their retinue at the same time if "Fall of Damnos" or the Word Bearers novels are any indication.

Reasons to NOT be a Necron

• You will be highly hated due to the amount of cheese in your units
• You are the slowest race
• You cannot differentiate the women and the men, so you will accept the risks
• You will be mock for being "Super Secret Pony Friends" with the Blood Angels
• Your entire backstory and plot has been raped
• The Unholy Beast has handled your race with his touch... No one cares.*BLAM* That was serious fluff change you Heretic! That's the equivalent of turning Darth Vader from a cool looking badass, to a whiney bitch from the Warsie Prequels. (That logic doesn't make sense! You should have use the Force being turned into germs you butthurt ward hater.) *BLAM* Silence you worshipper of the Ward!

See Also

• Assholetep
• lolcron
• False Immortality
• Heavy-chan
• Lolicron
• Lovecron
• Papalith
• Shanako
• Story of Necron Pariah Kyl Sonder Our Spiritual Liege has spoken. What are Pariahs?
• The Tactica.
• Imotekh the Stormlord
• Nemesor Zandrekh, known for being both a total bro and completely senile.
• Trazyn the-- Goddamn it! That link was a fake! Curse you Trollzyn!!!!
• Their theme from Dawn of War.
• Also, Egyptian Death Metal FTW!
• Æonic Orb
• The Eldar Legend of the Nightbringer

Gallery

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  Suddenly, Monoliths just got even more awesome.

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  Angry Marines can really fuck your shit up.

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  Necron players are well-known for their carefully planned tactics of "move-shoot-move-shoot".

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  Thanks to Matt Ward this is now canon. Give thanks to our spiritual liege for Thaszar the Invincible!

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  IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE 41ST MILLENNIUM, THE ARGUMENT STILL RAGES

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  Here we see the humble Lolcron, irritably drawing away.

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  Lolcron and lolicron - know the difference!

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  The funk of 40,000 years.

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  Lolcron is a lazy bum these days.

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  Necron update 2011 in a nutshell.

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  The Necron's ace in the hole.

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  Damn space commies.

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  Goddamnit.

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  This is what we call a xeno double-down.

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  Monoliths are known to inspire great songs.

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  Flayed Ones are adept at finding ways to maintain a nice figure.

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  Phaeron Imotekh in all his egotistic glory.

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• Flayed Ones, the fashion icons of the 40k universe

  Flayed Ones, the fashion icons of the 40k universe

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