Muscle Wizard

This article is awesome. Do not fuck it up.

mother of god

Wizards use Intellect. Sorcerers use Charisma. Clerics use Wisdom. What about spellcasting based around other stats, like constitution or dexterity? How might they work?

What a horrible idea. Let's do it.

Psion

With 3rd Edition Psions, you could choose a stat to be your primary attribute. So, pick constitution, and be a metabolism psion. Pick Strength, and be FLEX MENTALLO, MUSCLE MAN OF MYSTERY

Wizard/Monk

D&D 3.5 core, with a few feats from Complete Warrior.

Level 20 (Wizard 5/ Monk 15), Goliath race.

Feats: Improved Natural Attack, ImpTWF, Double Hit, Deft Opportunist, Extend Spell, Combat Reflexes, etc.

Items: ask your DM if you can count Spiked Gauntlets as an Unarmed Attack (like brass knuckles) for Monk abilities

Damage: 5d6 +STR +whatever enhancement the gauntlets have. Increases to 6d6 +1d8 +STR +gauntlets with Enlarge Person. 5 attacks per round, or 7 with Flurry of Blows. Then add a Haste spell... jesus.

Lost Tradition

Probably the simplest solution is a 3rd edition feat from Bastards and Bloodlines:

     Lost Tradition
     You are descended from a group of spellcasters who had very different ways of mastering magic, and you follow in their tradition.
     
     Prerequisite: Must be taken at 1st-level
     Benefits: Choose one spellcasting class. You may change which ability score governs spellcasting with that class. That ability cannot be changed again.
     For example, Elric is a Talrik cleric. He takes the Lost Tradition feat and chooses to base his clerical spellcasting on Charisma instead of Wisdom. He now uses
     his Charisma score to determine his bonus spells, spell save DCs, maximum spell level he may cast, and any other calculation regarding his cleric spells.
     Special: You can take this feat only at 1st level.

Take a level 1 wizard. Take Lost Tradition. Pick Strength as your casting Ability.

You are now Muscle Wizard.

Mic drop.

Cancer Mage

Like many bad ideas, we'll start with the Book of Vile Darkness.

There's a Prestige Class called Cancer Mage. The first level ability allows you to ignore any negative effects of a disease. In the same book there's a disease called Festering Anger, which makes your dick fall off and gives you 'roid rage, but grants a +2 to Strength, with an additional +2 per day.

Druid gets to cast Animal Companion as many times as they want before the game; let the Cancer Mage contract this disease years before the game.

How Do I Do This Without Breaking the Game, Though?

Glad you asked. There's ways.

In 3.0/3.5, focus on a conventional Wizard or Sorcerer, grab a bunch of self-buffs, Tenser's Transformation, and let the hunt begin. Your only ranged offense should be Bigby's Hand Spells. Because fists.

What buff spells are in the arcane lists, though? All I see are Heroism (Wiz 3), Transformation (Wiz 6), Iron Body (Wiz 8) and Shapechange (Wiz 9). Transformation kills your spellcasting, and Iron Body hits you with 50% spell failure, so it's unlikely you can have both of those. The spells in 3.x dropped the names of Gygax's friends, so the Bigby's Hand spells are just named Interposing Hand (Wiz 5), Forceful Hand (Wiz 6), Grasping Hand (Wiz 7), Clenched Fist (Wiz 8), and Crushing Hand (Wiz 9).

In no order: Blur, True Strike, Displacement, Greater Invisibility, Haste, Stoneskin, True Seeing, Fly, Enlarge Person, Bull's Strength, et al. Buffing before a fight is a time-honored wizard practice. You have lots of them, as well as all the best crafting feats so it's not like giving yourself a hilariously overpowered magic dagger or providing yourself with the doses of Kharn Mode Potion will prove difficult. Just be ready with something to ward off the inevitable dispel magic attempt.

Pathfinder

Pathfinder racial archetype "Scarred Witch Doctor" makes for the true muscle wizard- or better, muscle witch, since it is an archetype for that class, and available only to orcs. Basically it solves the problem of orcs having -2 to all of the mental stats by replacing Int with Con for everything that it is casting-related. That's right, you cast with the same stat that gives you hp and fortitude save, and you still have also a racial +4 to strength, so go CAST FIST. It is unclear if this archetype is available to half orcs, since they get everything normal humans get in terms of classes, so logic dictates they should also have their other half's race toys. But now you have a perfectly legit Muscle Wizard, and a freakin' orc with a voodoo feeling at that. 'Nuff said. Unfortunately, the Advanced Class Guide's errata negates this, instead replacing the changed casting stat with a +2 to Int.

Or, of course, you can just take the Alchemist class and have all your build based around strength-enhancing mutagens. However, while being technically a spellcaster who solves problems with your mighty fists, you won't get to cast them since alchemists don't cast at all. Rather, they drink distilled magic in the form of extracts, which otherwise work as wizard's spells, getting even vancian spellcasting- well, vancian brewing, and are mostly augment spells. Take the grenadier archetype, and infuse your fists with bombs. Technically no "cast fist," but still Enlarge Person and then they are already dead.

To literally cast using your fists, play the Esoteric Magus archetype, which essentially takes Monk-style punching and Ki pool and slaps it onto the Magus. Weaker than a regular Magus, true, but you can punch people with Shocking Grasp while your fists are magically on fire for tons of damage and lulz.

Or, play a human Oracle with the Dark Tapestry Mystery and the Black Blood Curse, you'll cast from charisma rather than fist but if you're a human you can take a racial trait that gives you 3 Skill Focus feats(at 1st, 8th, and 16th lvl) in exchange for your first level bonus feat. Take Skill Focus Diplomacy at first level this gives you access to the Eldritch Heritage feat chains for the Pit-touched and Serpentine Sorcerer bloodlines one of which gives you a poisoned bite attack based on constitution and the other gives you an Inherent +6 to constitution. Your Skill Focus Knowledge Planes at 8th level gives you access to the Eldritch Heritage feat chain for the Abyssal Sorcerer Bloodline, giving you two claw attacks and more importantly a +6 Inherent Bonus to strength. Your curse makes you nearly immune to disease, poison, and negative energy and completely immune to cold. Your Mystery gives you Shapechange(all polymorphs up to Form of the Dragon 3 at will for 3 hours), immunity to acid, immunity critical hits and sneak attacks, and DR5/-. And if you take Divine Protection(Cthulhu is my copilot) and Dual Cursed as an archetype you use your charisma bonus for all saves and can reroll any failures on any d20 once a day. Now you have Str 44, a DC 38 poisoned bite, 403dpr from 9 natural attacks with the right spells on you, 324hp, and full caster levels. So go CAST TENTACLE you cheese eating faggot of a munchkin.

Swordmage

4e's Forgotten Realms introduced this fighting wizard who uses Strength, but for true Muscle Wizardry, give him (or her) a set of Spiked Gauntlets, which are classed as Light Blade (and thusly work for swordmage spells, just like khopeshes, scythes, bladed shields and a bunch of other funky stuff) even though they obviously revolve around punching people in the face. Now you too can punch an orc in the face and then detonate the fireball that your punch created inside his head!

How To Use Your Muscle

• The player race Illumian uses their strength bonus for additional spells per day, just as other races use intelligence or wisdom. You can FLEX your way to additional level nine spells.
• Take the "Improved Grappling" feat, for hundreds of lethal and nonlethal damage per round without provoking attacks of opportunity. For bonus grappling, take an Octopus familiar. Either that or any of the other familiars that give +2 to your grapple rolls, just for that extra little fuck you to your opponents.
• There's a feat that lets you intimidate creatures with low-to-no intelligence, and a feat that lets you add your Str bonus to Intimidate. So one might easily wrestle a Tarrasque non-lethally to 0HP, and then punch it until it gives you a piggyback ride.
• There's also a feat (Lost Tradition) in the Green Ronin supplement Bastards and Bloodlines that lets you switch your primary spellcasting stat. Switch it to Str and you're ready to go.

Muscle Wizardry in Last Stand

An entire segment could be written about how to run a Muscle Wizard in Dawn of War 2's Last Stand mode. Almost all of them, fittingly, are for the Chaos Sorcerer, who's quite manly for being a spellcasting wizard-guy. You are urged to check his page out for some ideas on how to do this.

Muscle Wizards in Mage: The Ascension

Put all the points you can in Strength and Stamina. Presence and Intelligence optional. Take Life as a primary sphere. Take proper foci, e.g. "I cast my spells by FLEXING my muscles" or "I cast my spells by punching stuff". You are now ready. Proceed to enhance speed, dexterity, and your MUSCLE and fight enemies by PUNCHING them. Wrestle werewolves. Wrestle dragons. Why are you not playing one yet ?

You can also take Forces for casting fist-shaped forces at a distance, and breathe fire with Life (you know you want to). Prime for enchanting your own body. Entropy for knowing where to punch things. And any other sphere, as long as you use it in a manly way.

You do not need to be all druid-y Verbena for Life... even though there is a Viking house in the Verbena, who does rune-magic. So if you are a verbena, take it. TAKE IT, BY ODIN. Why haven't you taken it yet ?

Alternatively you can go Taftâni, say "FUCK PARADOX", and proceed to immediately go to 20 Paradox and be removed to play in the most outrageous way possible. Though if your ST isn't a dick, he should definitely let you go in a blaze of manly, fiery glory. (Don't forget to tell us your story)

Links

• the /tg/ thread where we get serious
• the Muscle Wizard prestige class
• A homebrew for a Barbarian archetype in D&D 5E, which is comically more technically beating the shit out of people with your "spells" and being tough as nails. Includes a rule for a free Rage for one round if someone questions your magical prowess.
• what do you do when you have frightening grapple damage? Become a luchador!