Kek Moon

Dis page iz about da Orks of da Teegie 'Erasie. Dats wot 'appened wen da boyz got dere 'ands on da 40k!

Kek Moon, also known as the Lunar Lunatic, was one of the most eccentric Ork leaders of the early Imperium and the only one in recorded history to ever loot an entire moon. His crippling phobia of spaceflight prevented him from ever leaving his base of operations on a nameless satellite, so he built titanic propulsion engines on it to bring it wherever the battle was. From his lunar fortress he commanded hordes of green barbarians that had been wrecking havoc on the young Imperium ever since the Great Crusade. After a brief hiatus during the Hektor Heresy, he re-emerged to join WAAAGH!!! The Beast, where he quickly rose up to become one of the undisputed leaders. It was then that the sword of Captain Ho-Sun of the Steel Marshals finally put an end to his sinful life.

Early exploits

Nobody remembers what Kek Moon's original name was and where he came from. One day he just teleported aboard a Space Hulk controlled by the Zugdub tribe of Orks, seemingly from nowhere. Kek Moon would later claim that he was simply testing his new kustom can opener, which unexpectedly teleported him from his home planet across the whole Galaxy onto the Space Hulk. Regardless of his origins, warboss Oglok Zugdub was always eager to welcome one more Mekboy into his tribe.

Unfortunately, Kek Moon's exploits with his new comrades didn't last very long, because mere days after his arrival aboard the Space Hulk, the void leviathan crashed into a nameless moon in sparsely inhabited Acheloian sector. Interestingly, the crash occurred seconds after Kek Moon first turned on his experimental new coffee machine to test it. Later he would claim that this was a mere coincidence and substantiate his claim by bashing anyone who disagreed in the gullet.

The crash was so severe that nearly the entire tribe perished in it. However, "nearly" doesn't count in case of the Orks, for they're notorious for replenishing their numbers with astonishing speed. One group that couldn't be replenished immediately was the Nobs, since Orks take quite a bit of time and fighting experience to grow to a size that would allow them to project an aura of authority. Kek Moon was the only large Ork to survive the landing, but he didn't emerge in one piece (to be exact, he emerged in fourteen pieces). He lost all of his limbs and much his his body in the crash, leaving only the head completely undamaged. But such minor inconveniences as losing 90% of his body mass were nothing to the talented Mekboy: holding a screwdriver in his teeth, he eventually managed to build a new cybernetic body for himself, bigger, shinier and stompier than before.

Looting a moon

As soon as he had fists, he set about punching the other surviving Orks into submission until he established himself as the unchallenged Warboss of his own new tribe. Now that he was in charge, it was only natural for him to start a new WAAAGH!!! and begin a campaign of conquest, but there was a problem with that. Kek Moon was so traumatised by his experience during the crash of the Space Hulk that he developed an extreme phobia of spaceflight. Although this obviously left him unable to personally lead an invasion, his mad genius quickly found an unorthodox solution. If he couldn't leave his planet, he would bring his planet to the warzone!

Under his guidance, his Boyz built several spaceships from the Space Hulk's wreckage and started raiding the Acheloian sector, looking for the fuel and machine parts their Warboss needed for his crazy project. They were especially interested in Rogue Trader ships, which their stripped of their engines and left drifting in the void. After several years of looting, Kek Moon accumulated enough engines to initiate the next stage of his plan. From all the engine parts, he constructed the largest propulsion engines the Galaxy has ever seen, surrounded by fields of surplus engines that served as stabilisers. All of them were powered up by a supposedly thermonuclear reactor Kek Moon built in the moon's core. By all estimates, the mechanical monstrosity he built should have exploded his moon, but instead it worked just as he intended. By turning the planetoid into a fully functional space vessel, he became the first and only Ork in history to loot an entire moon. Although many of his admirers tried to repeat this feat of crazed ingenuity in the later ages, none of them were bonkers enough to successfully pull it off.

The Great Crusade

With his moon able to drift through space, his WAAAGH!!! could finally begin. It was around this point that he finally earned his best known name, Kek Moon. "Moon" was a title he bestowed on himself for looting a satellite, and Kek was apparently just the way he pronounced "Mek" - his traumatic experience during the crash landing of the Space Hulk left him with a terrible speech impediment. That being said, his atrocious enunciation did little to diminish his leadership skills, if only because he preferred to direct his men with fists rather than words. During the first years of his campaign, he put dozens of human worlds on their knees, destroyed several Rogue Trader flotillas and even crushed a couple of rival Ork empires.

At some point during his exploits he also ordered the grot tribes of his WAAAGH!!! to reshape the surface of his moon in the likeness of his face. This task took decades to accomplish, claimed billions of grot lives and untold amounts of explosives, yet the end result was truly daunting to behold. Some of Kek Moon's officers thought that it resembled an old turn more than anything, but this was only because Kek Moon's face had a great natural resemblance to an old turd. To finish off the masterpiece, he installed a gigantic death laser into the crater that served as his right eye. This weapon of doom could evaporate oceans and was really good for writing obscenities on the surfaces of the planets Kek Moon attacked.

His initial luck ran out after his first encounter with the forces of the Great Crusade. (I don't know what Legion I should use to kick his ass, this section will be written after I clarify this. But yeah, the marines kick his ass and reconquer his empire.) Unfortunately, Kek Moon himself managed to escape from justice this time. While the Imperial fleet was bogged down dealing with his vassals, he sneakily left the sector - as sneakily as you can do that when your flagship is the size of a moon.

Mongoid Wars

As Kek Moon was trying to escape the Imperial forces, he was contacted by Little Mork, another prominent Warboss of the Great Crusade era. Reportedly the smallest Warboss in Ork history, barely larger than a grot, he was nevertheless a force to be reckoned with and controlled a large greenskin realm in the Mongoid Sector. Little Mork praised Kek Moon's engineering ingenuity and invited him to work on some unprecedented project that would immortalise his name. Always eager for a challenge, Kek Moon gladly accepted the invitation. His enthusiasm grew even greater when he arrived in Little Mork's domain and learned the true nature of this project. It turned out, Little Mork managed to capture an ancient Eldar Webway Gate. He now intended to invade the Webway, drive the Eldar out and turn it into the Waaaghway - a transdimensional domain of the Orks that would allow them to invade any sector across the Galaxy with impunity. There was just one minor problem with his otherwise brilliant plan - Little Mork had no idea how to use the Webway Gate, so he invited Kek Moon to loot it.

Much to Little Mork's disappointment, the progress on looting the Gate was fairly slow due to the complexity of the Eldar technology. Reverse engineering the Webway Gate proved to be extremely frustrating to Kek Moon due to the abundance of weird looking parts. Some of them he angrily threw away, for they were too small to customise them with a hammer, therefore entirely useless. In their stead, he filled the Gate with Tesla coils, arguing that everything is better with Tesla coils. Miraculously, he did manage to make some progress, and for a time it seemed that Little Mork's Webway WAAAGH!!! is only a matter of time. However, when the looting was almost finished, the Mongoid Sector was invaded by the forces of the Life Bringers. This was the beginning of the Mongoid Wars, one of the largest conflicts between the Imperium and the Orks before Ullanor.

The war was long and gruelling, and many perished on both sides. The Life Bringers lost some of their greatest commanders on its battlefields, and the Mongoid Orks lost their largest Nobs. All the while, Kek Moon kept tinkering on his project, until the Waaaghway Gate was finally finished and ready to accept the first Ork warships. Unfortunately, by this time Little Mork had pretty much lost the war. Unable to beat the Life Bringers, he planned to use the Gate to escape from them into the Webway, but Kek Moon beat him to the punch. Seeing that the war is lost, he activated the Gate, cranked the portal size to the maximum and entered it aboard his war moon. The ancient machine wasn't intended for transporting objects of such tremendous size into the Webway; the passage of the planetoid overloaded the Gate and caused it to explode. The explosion was so powerful that it completely annihilated the remnants of Little Mork's fleet concentrated around the planet as well as several Life Bringer ships that happened to be in its vicinity.

Lost in the Webway

Now Kek Moon was stuck in the Webway, but this bothered him little, for it had a lot of weakling enemies to stomp and a lot of technology to loot. The Eldar, however, were quite bothered indeed, for now they had an aggressive green brute flying around their domain on his private planet, breaking or stealing everything he came across. Their first attempts to get rid of this pest failed spectacularly, so eventually the Eldar decided to try and avoid the Ork instead of confronting him directly. However, this was easier said than done, for in order to avoid Kek Moon, they needed to know where he was heading, and even the Warboss himself didn't really know that.

The Ork spent several centuries in the Webway, hunting and destroying any Eldar ships that he came across. While the Hektor Heresy and the Scouring raged in the realspace, the Webway was shaken by the brutality of Kek Moon's WAAAGH!!!. Eventually, the hot-headed denizens of Craftworld Yaljoha decided to end this madness once and for all and make the Webway safe again. This was, of course, a great mistake. Instead of using his weapons to try and shoot the Craftworld down, the Ork simply rammed his war moon into it, immediately destroying a good half of the Craftworld. Immediately thereafter, his Boyz boarded the remnants of the enemy vessel, made a quick work of its remaining defenders and looted everything that wasn't nailed down. By this point, Kek Moon and his Meks became adept at kustomising the captured Eldar technology. By the time his moon emerged back into the realspace, his tribe was nearly entirely outfitted with looted Eldar armaments, uniquely for an Ork force.

WAAAGH!!! The Beast

The Webway WAAAGH!!! entered rather anticlimactically: Kek Moon's war moon simply fell back into the galaxy from a hole he randomly stumbled into while in the Webway. It almost looked like the ancient structure itself was mortally tired of the greenskin bandit's escapades and tried to get rid of him. The Galaxy he came back to was very different from the one he left: the Great Crusade was over, and the Imperium ruled supreme, although its rule was rather shaky. But there is one thing that always remains a constant in the Galaxy: the Orks.

Kek Moon had barely restarted his rampage when he was contacted by emissaries of a Warboss who called himself the Beast. In contrast to Little Mork, the Beast was perhaps the largest Ork the Galaxy has ever known, as big as an Imperial Knight. His goals were also much more ambitious: whereas Little Mork merely wanted to take over the Webway, the Beast wanted to take over everything in existence. This was certainly a plan Kek Moon could get behind. He decided to throw in his lot with the promising new WAAAGH!!!, where he quickly rose up to become the Beast's chief Mek.

(This is a placeholder for the stuff he does during WAAAGH!!! The Beast)

Death

In a desperate bid to stop Kek Moon's indomitable advance on Mars, his fleet was ambushed by the naval forces of the Steel Marshals under the command of Captain Ho-Sun, the Gold Serpent. While the bulk of his fleet distracted the Orks, Ho-Sun's Strike Cruiser Sword of the Stars made a risky landing on the war moon's surface. Driven forward by their thirst for justice, the Steel Marshals fought their way to Kek Moon's palace near the moon's core. Leaving the rest of his men to deal with the looted Wraithlords that guarded the palace, Ho-Sun advanced forward, eager to execute the one responsible for so much bloodshed. Kek Moon was waiting for him to arrive in his throne room, holding a looted Eldar sword in each hand and several more swords in his numerous mechadendrites. But even with twenty swords he was no match to Ho-Sun with just a single one. After a heated duel, the Astartes threw his opponent to the ground and pierced his skull with his trusty sword. He had no way of knowing that thermonuclear reactor inside the war moon was programmed to self-destruct after the death of its master. The colossal explosion that followed tore the cursed planetoid asunder, together with most of Kek Moon's tribes and the entire First Company of the Steel Marshals. And yet, their sacrifice was not in vain, for they prevented the fall of Mars.

Wargear

As a Cybork, Kek Moon could proudly call himself a self-made man: he personally constructed his highly advanced robotic body with just a screwdriver he held in his teeth. He always carried a lot of weird gadgets with him into battle, only a fraction of which worked the way he intended, but all of which were invariably devastating for the enemy one way or another. After his Webway WAAAGH!!!, he acquired a preference for looted Eldar armaments. He usually carried a kustom Bright Lance in one hand and a Starcannon in the other.

Appearance

Kek Moon's face was one that only a mother would love, if only the Orks had mothers. Therefore, it's safe to say that no living creatures in the Galaxy could love his face, although a couple of Slaaneshi Daemons he encountered in the Webway found him rather cute. As a sign of status, he liked to decorate his Mega Armour with chunks of moonstone and paint it with grinning crescent moons.

Personality

Two main emotions always drove Kek Moon: ambition and curiosity. When those two synergised, the Warboss became an unstoppable machine of destruction, and, sometimes, creation. That led to more spectacular destruction.