Female Space Marines

This article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you.

Guaranteed to garner at least 100 replies.

There is no tactic more effective for enraging a die-hard SPESS MEHREENS fanboy than discussing/drawing their Rule 63 companion, Female Space Marines. According to Games Workshop canon, the procedures that are used to create a Space Marine only work properly on male subjects, rendering female Marines impossible; however, many on the internet have not allowed this to deter them. Sometimes it is pointed out that back in the Rogue Trader days, Games Workshop did briefly produce two power-armoured female models, but they were changed to "Female Adventurers in Power Armour" and were never meant to represent female Marines.

Games Workshop, on the other hand, officially don't give a damn what anyone does, as long as they keep buying overpriced models.

The canon part

According to fluff, the Space Marine process only works on males because "the zygotes are keyed to male hormones and tissue types" even though that makes no sense at all. If that's a quote from GW, we need to Exterminatus the entire Magis Biologis for not knowing basic high school biology. (and presumably also Big Boss' superior dominant genes). This essentially just means the process was designed with males in mind, and won't work on females because actually figuring out how technology works and using it to make other kinds of technology isn't how the Imperium rolls anymore.

In canon terms, the Female version of the Spehss mahreens would be the Sisters of Battle, although they're not exactly as powerful as a marine and they're basically a -4str, Rule 63 version.

But if we're being pedantic...

There is a certain intersex condition that allows a genetically male individual to be born as a hormonal female. It is called "Complete Androgene Insensitivity Syndrome" (CAIS). A person that is born with CAIS has XY Chromosomes, therefore they are genetically males. But since their cells are insensitive to androgenes they are born with female features, and develop as females. Such girls have testes in place of ovaries, therefore they produce testosterone instead of estrogen.

So according to above statements it is theoretically possible to have -4 str Marines, if not in a way that would actually happen in-universe, and in a way that technically means they're male anyway.

What would a female Space Marine look like?

Tina likes long walks on the beach and slaying the Emperor's foes.

Obviously, in the land of Rule 63 they are amazingly hot (and would totally do you), but in dark and gritty fluff-land where they would be optimised for combat rather than jacking off, they would probably have almost no recognisably female features left following surgery and genetic fuckery; they'd have the same big, bulky figures as males, further made unrecognisable by thick plate armour. A female Space Marine with her helmet on would look like a regular Space Marine. Somewhat like Super Mutants in Fallout (Although to a lesser extent), it is likely that any and all sexual features would regress, even vanish entirely, from a Space Marine, leaving only a physical body completely optimised for combat - yes, this means that it's likely that Space Marines have no penises (Except for the Grey Knights, as their Primarch was Da Emprah and he was basically 100% penis, on account of how brainless and dickish he was. This doesn't mean that they have penises, per say, just that they are definitely made from some amount of penis. I'm thinking maybe 70%).

This means all Space Marines with their helmets on might be female right now and you wouldn't even know.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUU-

SSSSSIIIIIINNNNNNDDDDRRRRRRIIIII!!

Unexpected salvation - there are indeed (99.46% possible) Female Space Marines!...in The Eye Of Terror. Well out of it too - see, due to the nature of Chaos, mutations are often a fact of life. Some desired, some not. What if one hulked out, burning, warped Chaos Space Marine secretly wishes he was the cute little girl who got flowers? Who smiled with joy? Who was so sweet?

What if his gods are listening? If the nature of Chaos is what it is to any extent, there is a chance his deity will bestow him with what he has always wanted. Though of course, he could just as easily get an extra tentacle arm, or get mutated into spawn - such is the nature of Chaos. Slaanesh especially grants this as a matter of routine, and its a safe bet to make that quite a lot of the Emperor's Children men are actually now women, or rather hermaphs. Such is the will of Slaanesh.

There's also the possibility that a sweet, joyful little member of the Lost and Damned (non-Space Marine followers of Chaos) garners enough favour with her patron(s) that they make her into what she always wanted, transforming a tiny -4 Str girlchild into a warrior to put Wonder Woman to shame. With more physical prowess than a Chaos Marine but still recognisably female, this Chaos Chamr pion could easily acquire (if it is not gifted to her) a suit of Power Armour, or even Terminator armour (no, I'm not calling it Call of Duty Warjack Armour). And hey, we only have a handful of Daemon Prince models, and they can look like anything...

In other words, Chaos is an equal-opportunities employer, while the Imperium, once again, fails to meet even the most basic equality standards.

Honsou, You Sick Fuck

We know that you among the fans, despite all our attempts to dissaude you, want cute FEMALE SPHESS MAHREENS! And there is good news - technically, there ARE Female Space Marines IN OFFICIAL LORE. The catch? Yes there is a catch. And this one is the worst.

Your FSM is a bloated, twisted, undying, insane, mutated pregnant mother-slave only alive because she's in the Eye of Terror.

You see, Honsou of the Iron Warriors, in an effort to squeeze new MAHREENS into the ranks without having to pay that other sick fuck Fabius Bile for clones, created a system of hideousness and sadness that pushes grimdark to a whole new level. He invented the Daemonculaba, a system whereby a woman is chained and fed stuff which will morph her and her womb into something that was never meant to be. A boy is then (yes, a child), jammed, shoved or cut INTO the vagina and stays there for a while. When his time is ready, he, now XBAWKS HUEG and STRONG, will have to rip, tear, or otherwise push his way out of his adoptive mother's womb/vagina. When he emerges, he will either be a fleshless mutant abomination, or will emerge as a fleshless, fully functional Chaos Space Marine in a fraction of the time, with all his growth stages and bionics and gene-seed already taken care of. How?

This goes back to our Female Space Marine - you see, while she was being morphed and changed, Dark Mechanicus Biologos hereteks worked on her body, implanting gene-seed and making her physically a Female Space Marine, even if the form is rather off. Thus, her womb can turn children as well into Space Marines by having her womb 'grow' the required orgrans and stages directly into their bodies in a fraction of the time, days and weeks instead of years. Thankfully for the entire universe, this horror was destroyed before Honsou realized he could stick girls in there as well, and get double the recruits, and stumble upon the secret to true Female Space Marines.

RAEG

RAGE is generated by the tactic in two distinct ways; either the neckbeard(s) assume that the creator of the work in question is unaware of the Space Marine fluff, and rage about his or her ignorance; failing that, it becomes clear that they are well aware of the fluff regarding these matters and willingly chose to disregard it, sending the poor neckbeards into fits of spastic rage that anyone would dare deliberately defile the sacrosanct canon of Games Workshop's masterpiece with the foul taint of cooties.

Summary

For the most part, the neckbeards on /tg/ fear anything with two X chromosomes. For the most part, anyone who actually makes an army of female Space Marines does it to garner the most ire from the most diehard fans. Like playing a Tau army, it's all about drinking the rage-induced tears of sexually stunted men.

See Also

• Golden Aquilas: /tg/ homebrew chapter, designed to cause as much RAEG and accusations of derp as possible.
• Space Marines: Rule 63 equivalent of female space...Wait.
• Sisters of Battle: the warrior nuns of the Imperium that typically are actually armed with bolters and chainswords and whom might be construed to some reasonable extent as being the 'female space marines' of Warhammer 40,000

Gallery

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  And if you think this is bad, once a month they all gain Frenzy.

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  Lol. Why u mad though?

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  Brother-sister Igpay Atinlay boldly distracts the Tyranid foe.

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  Not in fact Horo.

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  She'd be even scarier if she took off that mask

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  DYKE OUTTA FUCKING NOWHERE!

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  Your eyes should start bleeding right about now.

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  PMS BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

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  Not as planned.

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  The Emperor made the Primarchs to be the greatest human warriors of all time, but even they were not immune to Rule 63.

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  She was not amused by this development.