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'''Valkia the Bloody''' is a character from [[Warhammer]] who happens to be the single most badass [[Rule 63|female]] [[Viking]] [[Warriors of Chaos|ever]]]. Badass enough that even [[Khorne]]'s got a hard-on for her. And anyone with a muscle fetish. Difference is that the latter people will just have to put up with being plowed by an angry demon-woman with wings in hot, sweaty hatesex. | |||
She also happens to be the closest thing the Warhammer world has to a Valkyrie, which is a big thing in Norse mythology. They're the one ones who pick out who gets to die and join the <s>Allfather</s>Blood God in the halls of the afterlife where they can fight for eternity. And yes, we already know how unsubtle it is about Khorne being Odin. | |||
See, once she was just a badass viking chick. And considering that vikings here are already, like, 40% Testosterone at birth, that's a serious lot of manly. So this accounted, she probably killed a bunch of other chaos champions, which is the closest thing the Norse have to [[Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position|consenting, heterosexual sex in the missionary position for the sole position of procreation]]. Then she fought Locephax, a [[Slaanesh]]i daemon prince who sought to plow dat ass. Her only response to this was to kill him, cut his head off, and mount it on her shield. LIKE A BOSS. Oh, and the head's still alive. | |||
So Valkia decided to go up north to see Khorne and dies in the process because lolchaos. And this made Khorne blow his load (both figuratively AND literally). This load was so explosive that it literally brought her back to life and then turn her into a demonic valkyrie who judges who shall live and who shall die. Oh, and be Khorne's personal stress management resource when Slaanesh starts laughing about Khorne's killhatemurder homosex club. | |||
== Image Gallery == | == Image Gallery == | ||
<center><gallery> | <center><gallery> | ||
Revision as of 18:55, 9 March 2015
Valkia the Bloody is a character from Warhammer who happens to be the single most badass female Viking ever]. Badass enough that even Khorne's got a hard-on for her. And anyone with a muscle fetish. Difference is that the latter people will just have to put up with being plowed by an angry demon-woman with wings in hot, sweaty hatesex.
She also happens to be the closest thing the Warhammer world has to a Valkyrie, which is a big thing in Norse mythology. They're the one ones who pick out who gets to die and join the AllfatherBlood God in the halls of the afterlife where they can fight for eternity. And yes, we already know how unsubtle it is about Khorne being Odin.
See, once she was just a badass viking chick. And considering that vikings here are already, like, 40% Testosterone at birth, that's a serious lot of manly. So this accounted, she probably killed a bunch of other chaos champions, which is the closest thing the Norse have to consenting, heterosexual sex in the missionary position for the sole position of procreation. Then she fought Locephax, a Slaaneshi daemon prince who sought to plow dat ass. Her only response to this was to kill him, cut his head off, and mount it on her shield. LIKE A BOSS. Oh, and the head's still alive.
So Valkia decided to go up north to see Khorne and dies in the process because lolchaos. And this made Khorne blow his load (both figuratively AND literally). This load was so explosive that it literally brought her back to life and then turn her into a demonic valkyrie who judges who shall live and who shall die. Oh, and be Khorne's personal stress management resource when Slaanesh starts laughing about Khorne's killhatemurder homosex club.
Image Gallery
Image:Valkia.jpg Image:Valkya2.png