Touhou

Touhou is usually seen in character optimization threads because the major Touhoufags are min-maxers.

The Touhou Project is a series of Japanese "danmaku" ("bullet hell") vertical shooter games made by a skinny Japanese man known as ZUN. ZUN loves beer. The more you know about Touhou, the more obvious it becomes how much ZUN drinks. The series is known for its vast array of lolis and the plethora of fanart they have inspired. In fact, there is so much Touhou fanart that it is commonly held that no matter what the situation, there is at least one Touhou picture that is appropriate. This has also resulted in the creation of the Touhou Power Cards for 4e Dungeons & Dragons. There is a certain irony in this, as in early requests for 4e torrents, /tg/ discovered instead Touhou futa doujins.

Touhou is usually seen in D&D threads, particularly ones involving character optimization. Fa/tg/uys generally don't mind Touhou (except for certain faggots from Alabama who coined the nonsensical epithet "pork eye"), as long as it is kept from taking over the discussion, but instead used to further it or spice it up, or just as eye candy while the discussion continues. For Touhou-centric posts not related to traditional games, we recommend visiting /jp/, considering the now-infamous Touhou Hijack was used as an out to create the board in the first place.

If you want a quick introduction to Touhou, this video is here for you.

Characters

Touhou characters are often referred to as Touhoes or Toehoes (a pun on how the Japanese word is properly pronounced). There are an Imperial fuckton of Touhoes - according to the Touhou wiki, over a hundred of them. A quick rundown of a few of the more prominent Touhoes follows:

• Reimu is an undead zombie a red-white miko a wonderful shrine maiden of paradise. She is one of the two main characters of the series. Her good points are her armpits. Her abilities include flight, utter invincibility invoked when she feels like it (Fantasy Heaven), killing everyone with her balls, and inexplicable overpoweredness, exemplifying the concept of CoDzilla in D&D 3.5. She is a favored soul.
• Marisa is a black-white witch an ordinary magician who has the biggest lesbian harem known to mankind. She is the other main character of the series. She stole Alice's precious thing.
• Sakuya is a maid with a known fondness of Time Stop, Haste spells, and just around five billion knives. Her race, origin, or how she got that many 9th level slots are all unknown. May or may not be a female Dio Brando in an alternate universe. Sakuya gains Time Stop as an At-Will ability in 4.0.
• Alice, when not hopelessly lusting over Marisa, spends all her time stuck in her house crafting and playing with dolls, much like certain fa/tg/uys.
• Patchouli is a pajama-wearing, century-old, Vancian wizzart who spends all her time in a library reading books. Constitution was her dump stat, and hence she is asthmatic, anemic, and generally sickly like Raistlin Majere. Changes her prepared spells list depending on the day of the week.
• Yukari has unfair, extremely vague, and godlike boundary powers. She is the DM of Gensokyo. Rumor has it there is no hole she would not enter.
• Ran is Yukari's 10% furry familiar. (70% if you go by volume, but it's mostly tail-fluff.) When not being molested by Yukari, as is customary for humanoid familiars, she is a hard-working streaker and pedophile.
• Chen is Ran's catgirl familiar. Sometimes Ran touches her in bad places, but Chen is cute, so it's okay.
• Youmu is too soft, but the things that her masterwork bastard sword cannot cut are next to none. Also happens to be half-ghost. No, we have no idea how that happens, but her ghost side is also very soft.
• Yuyuko is a princess of the underworld, and can kill people by thinking at them. Always hungry.
• Reisen is a moon rabbit who deserted her frontline military position and went AWOL as Primarch Neil Armstrong and his SPEHSS MAHREENS were purging xenos filth in the Lunar Capital in the name of the God-President of America. If you look into her red eyes and fail your Will save, you will go batshit insane. May or may not be completely useless except for her sex appeal. Gun-porn of her can be found all over the /a/ parts of /k/, and none of the /k/omrades know who she is or why.
• Tewi is an extremely old earth rabbit of good luck who has achieved quantum immortality through being obscenely lucky. Her alignment is Chaotic Shenanigans.
• Chiquita Dragonforce Tenshi is a dragon celestial gish with a perpetually rotating rock that floats, peaches on her hat that vaguely resemble butts, powers over the earth overlapping with another character's abilities, and a prismatic Holy Avenger with the ability to shoot multilasers.
• Eirin deals in shady drugs of questionable origins, and Japanese dance crazes.
• Cirno is an intellectually-challenged fairy with an ego problem the STRONGEST and SMARTEST of all the Touhoes, and can control ice. She goes by many names, and it is recommended that you memorize all of them before she fucks your shit up.
• Okuu a crow who used to stoke the fires of hell, before there was an argument and a subsequent change of management. Despite the fact that she holds dominion over both nuclear fusion and nuclear fission, and has a right arm that made of nukes and lasers, she somehow is on-par with most of the other Touhoes. No critical thinking skills whatsoever.

ZUN's bizarre fondness for drawing silly hats on his lolis leads to persistent rumours that Touhoes may die if their headwear of choice is removed, though certain bare-headed nudists exceptions such as Kaguya Houraisan, Yuka Kazami, or Byakuren Hijiri cast doubt on this theory. It is also of note that since Zun's official artwork in the games and manuals depicts the entire cast as chubby little girls, doujin artists have generally felt free to decide on their own exactly what physiques the characters have, leading to many conflicting versions of the same character.

See Also

• Touhou Power Cards
• Touhou Danmaku Yuugi Flowers RPG

External Links

• Touhou Wiki, where you can read up on stuff.
• Flash doohickey used to create your own touhou, useful for all touhou parties.
• The Cracked article on Touhou, for those who cannot be bothered to watch the introduction video at the top of this page.
• The Know Your Meme article on Touhou.
• PETTAN PETTAN TSURUPETTAN
  • Alternately, Youtube!
• Why each and every Touhoe is a terrible person and should feel bad
• Touhou RPG: Tale of Phantasmal Land, a Touhou RPG created by some fa/tg/uy.
• Touhou fandom gets shit done
• Say Bad Apple again! I dare you! I double-dare you!
• Touhou even has its own racing themes
• And apparently a giant robo series

Gallery

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  Gensokyo, the setting of Touhou, does not actually look like this Yukkuri head version of Discworld, but it would be awesome if it did.

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  The 40k drawfags do Touhou work on rare occasions.

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  There is a Touhou pic for nearly every situation. Even situations that will never ever be brought up otherwise.

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  Take it easy.

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  Touhou is made of girls and lasers.

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  Bet you'd see this again, huh?