Space Wolves

Typical Space Wolf

The Space Wolves are a Chapter of werewolf Viking Space Marines, and are as manly as the Angry Marines are angry. Also, they like wolves, in case you couldn't figure it out from the fucking name. Extremely Nordic, very melee oriented, and perpetually drunk/feasting/chasing bitches and of course beating the living hell out of anything that they don't like, real or otherwise. They would probably get along with Khârn, who really is a nice guy, but they're still pissed off over the whole betrayal thing, and they'd probably get along pretty well with World Eaters and followers of Khorne in general, were it not for the whole betrayal thing again keeping them from what would likely be a successful relationship. Probably more amiable towards the Angry Marines, whom the Space Wolves get many good ideas for insults from. Presently, they refuse to acknowledge the Pretty Marines as an actual chapter for undisclosed reasons.

Relationship with the Thousand Sons

Space Wolves have a talent for rage, and it is thought by some that they pride themselves with the sheer number of enemies they have. But the Thousand Sons Chaos Legion is by and large their greatest enemy, at least that's what they think. The fact is that the rivalry began when the Space Wolves kicked the living shit out of the Thousand Sons on their home planet, which is like having your country host the Olympics and then getting last place in every event. Before that Leman Russ, Primarch of the Space Wolves, broke the back of Magnus the Red, who is Primarch of the Thousand Sons.

Considering the Emprah basically just asked for Leman Russ to give Magnus a ride to Earth, this is more like your parents asking you to tell your younger sibling to come out of their room and clean up the mess they made, only for you to go in there, shoot off both their legs, take a dump on the floor and set the room on fire, chase them out into the streets and then tell your parents that the brat suffered for not taking responsibility for the five or so school books on the couch. Of course, Horus helped that all along. Just as planned.

. . . Yeah, Horus or no, Leman probably would have done it anyway for the lulz.

This set the tone for the rest of their unhealthy relationship. The Thousand Sons do something to piss off the Space Wolves, usually some brilliant, convoluted plan, and the Space Wolves just charge and beat the living shit out of them and laugh in their faces when they find out how much work those Tzeentchies put into their plots.

Ragnar Blackmane

Perhaps the best example can be found in The Space Wolf Omnibus, in which Ragnar Blackmane, who is basically a young Space Wolf, not only fucks over a Sorcerer, but Magnus the Red himself. The Sorcerer, Madox, is so pissed at being foiled by Ragnar that he bitches about it to other Thousand Sons, who find this hilarious, and goes around making plots, which Ragnar manages to fuck up nicely, thereby saving the galaxy. Ragnar even took the spear of his Primarch and hurled it into the eye of Magnus the Red. Do note that this is as much canon as other BL anti-fluff shit.

Because of this, the Blood Ravens forge a weapon named after Ragnar, who tells them to keep their toys because he doesn't need it.

The fate of Leman Russ

Of Leman Himself, you ask? Legends state that after a great feast, He said unto his warriors:

"Listen closely Brothers, for my life's breath is all but spent. There shall come a time far from now when our Chapter itself is dying, even as I am now dying, and our foes shall gather to destroy us. Then my children, I shall listen for your call in whatever realm of death holds me, and come I shall, no matter what the laws of life and death forbid. At the end I will be there. For the final battle. For the Wolftime."

And so, Leman departed... Some say he searches for a means to revive His God-Emperor.. But despite the efforts of the Great Hunt, Leman remains beyond the reach of Man... Who knows what great feats of Heroism he undertakes....

. . . Oh, who the fuck are we kidding? Leman got lost in the Warp and became a Daemon Primarch of Khorne (although some might suggest he was, in fact, turned into a small girl). Right before he went to Warhammer Fantasy and made the Norscans.

Combat doctrine

"Wolf wolf wolf wolf wolfity wolf. Wolf wolf, wolfo wolfy wolf wolf wolf. Wolf? Wolf!"
—Attributed to Wolf Lord Egil Ironwolf, On the Intricacies of Tactical Warfare.

"The best way to defeat a Space Wolf is to wolf his wolf. You must be careful, though, because if the Space Wolf wolfs your wolf first, then your wolf is wolfed."
—Attributed to Wolf Rider Volk Wolfclaw, On the Weaknesses of the Space Wolf Doctrine.

Daily rituals of a Space Wolf

1300 - Wake Up from Hangover - The Space Wolves awaken from their booze/drug-induced comas and begin the day.
1310 - Morning Piss - The Space Wolves empty the alcohol from their bladders.
1315 - Morning Piss Ends - The Space Wolves have finally finished urinating. Five minutes later.
1330 - Ritual Intake of Alcoholic Beverages - The Space Wolf now cracks open his first cold one of the day. The first of many. Cheerios may be consumed as well.
1345 - Firing Drills - Each Space Wolf consumes another liter of alcohol before going out back and shooting empty beer bottles with his bolter.
2000 - End of Firing Drills - Much to the Techpriests' Iron Wolves' dismay, the Space Wolf has used the entire Chapter's stock of ammunition.
2100 - Ritual Intake of Narcotics and Purging of Testicles - Bitches and blow.
0500 - Daily Rest - The Space Wolf passes out.

Space Wolves in the 5th edition

These days Space Wolves have developed a slight wolf obsession. Whether they're riding wolves, naming their armor and weapons "wolf" gear, discussing wolf husbandry with the wolf priest, or removing Nurgle from play with their mighty Wolf of the Wolf Wolf power, it's clear that a geneseed mutation has caused many of the Chapter's members to turn into closet furries. As a result, any post in /tg/ about Space Wolves instantly illicits a dump of Space Wolf furry porn and cries of "yiff," and "wolf!"

However, all the same they remain quite popular as an army. Many play them because they still enjoy the idea of space Vikings, but others play because every unit in their codex comes cheaper than standard Spess Mehreenes. Long Fangs, for example, come so much cheaper that each squad saves around forty to fifty points or so over their Devastator equivalents, which is pretty fucking sweet for them but leads to crankiness in players of the vanilla Space Marine codex. In all reality, the Long Fangs and Devastators are made equal; given the fact that Long Fangs only have six men in a pack, and Space Marine Devastators have four heavy weapons in a squad of ten, making it harder to kill off the heavy weapon carriers.

Naturally, some Space Wolf players would want to insist that Space Wolves have nothing to do with furries, just as fans of Renamon might want to insist that Renamon isn't responsible for untold mountains of furry porn. However, facts are facts, and granted all the wolves fucking Marines this wikifag has seen posted on /tg/ so far, one would point out that it is pretty much /tg/ canon that the Space Wolves have kind of a problem. Nobody has to like it, but we do all have to understand that the Space Wolves have a disease which denial will not make disappear. But, on the bright side, their fixation remains solely on wolves, so at least we know there's kind of an epicenter for the illness.

Gallery

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  Tis only a matter of time until Steve Blum voices 'em

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  Totally not overcompensating...

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  Hey look, an actual pic of Leman Russ sans HORO PORN, LOLZ.

See also

• Bjorn the Fell Handed