Nurgle Plague Tower

This article is about something that is considered by the overpowering majority of /tg/ to be fail. Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it.

This article contains something which makes absolutely no logical sense, such as Nazi Zombie Mercenaries, Fucking Space Orangutans, anything written by a certain Irish leper or Robin Crud-ace, or Wizards of the Coast hiring the fucking Pinkertons over a children’s card game. If you proceed, consider yourself warned.

Even with a modern up-to-date rendition. It still looks like ass.

The Plague Tower of Nurgle is a Daemon Engine from the Days of Epic... bet that already started the bells ringing, huh? It is a serious contender for the title of "Absolute Stupidest Chaos War Machine Of All", and considering some of the other Daemon Engines, that's saying something. It would have been taken more seriously if it was not for the two stupid looking faces stacked on top of each other re-enacting some kind of bizarre vomit porn.

Interestingly, these things take a starring role in Guy Haley’s Dark Imperium: Plague War, where they are called Blight towers and are notable for being literally unstoppable - one wipes out two thousand imperial guardsmen with a single shot from its mortar and proceeds to eat three reaver titans for breakfast (apparently the derpy mouth things spit some kinda substance that can eat through void shields and adamantium) before a reaver punches it several times with a Chainfist, dying as a result, but it still didn’t die so a group of Vassal Knights kill the thing by pouring several minutes’ worth of dakka into the hole the reaver made. The other six had to be destroyed by the Star-fort Galatan’s primary weapons (the things that can vaporise starships). So, while they look like utter garbage, turns out they’re actually quite deadly.

Overview or Why These Things Suck Nurgle's Rotting Gonads

Yes. It is as stupid as it looks.

Even with a more modern illustration (See pic on the right), the Plague Tower still looks stupid. I mean for Nurgle's sake you would think that they would do away with the idiotic derp faces with something more disgusting like the Plaguereaper, but nooooo...they just have to give the new Plague Towers the faces of surprised emojis...fucking bullshit! The stupidity and impracticality of this Daemon Engine are further compounded by how ECKS BAWKS HUEG it is. Seriously it is as tall as a Warhound Scout Titan for crying out loud! A blind Guardsmen in command of a Shadowsword has more chance of hitting the damned thing than walking up a flight of stairs without a walking stick.

As the title suggests, it is, at heart, a glorified siege tower. Yes, the big towers on wheels that besieging forces would push forward to try and act as a ramp into the castle in medieval times. The sort of thing that even Feral Orks consider kind of primitive. Hell, even as a siege tower, its an absolute shit cake. I mean, where in the mother of absolute fuck are the troops meant to go anywhere to siege the fortress walls? Are you able to see an entrance or a siege ramp somewhere? Because we sure as hell can't! The goddamned Plague Mortar is in the fucking way and the two cannons blocks any form of entrance due to the mechanics of the weapons. So we have a siege tower that can't in fact, actually siege, due to GW 'accidentally' forgetting to place an opening for troops to barge into enemy walls.

Armaments

Like its fellow Nurglite Engine, the Contagion, the Plague Tower is mostly made of rotting wood and rusting metal, held together more by Nurglite magic than anything. Unlike a primitive siege tower, though, it mounts two demolisher cannons, a "Pus Cannon" that spews diseased, corrosive slime at anything close by, and a disease-vomiting Plague Mortar on its top. The whole ramshackle contraption is also infested with Nurglings, which rally to defend it against invaders. It additionally has a giant bell on top whose main function is to ring the sound of the Plague Lord, but in all honesty, this contraption looks like weapons being piled up with more weapons, making it both impractical and vulnerable to gravity as any slight breeze can knock that tower down.

Similar to the Plaguereaper, once the Plague Tower uses up all of its juice, it then collect the corpses of the dead as new ammunition for its Pus Cannon. Furthermore, like the Plaguereaper, if the Plague Tower itself takes enough damage in combat, its corrupted form may explode in a catastrophic explosion, spreading its toxic and infectious gifts of Nurgle even further into the enemy forces.