Monopoly

This article is about something that is considered by the overpowering majority of /tg/ to be fail. Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it.

It fucking sucks. While it may suck a bag of dog shit, it is the most popular tabletop game ever made. Go figure.

It was made by Charles Darrow while he was out of work during the Depression Era, scribbling on his tablecloth all angry about being poor. So he picked up "The Landlord's Game," changed the properties to be streets of Atlantic City, and sold it off as his own original creation. Since "The Landlord's Game" was made by a woman, who was also a Quaker, nobody gave a shit. Also, he chopped out half of the game, namely, the second half where everyone loses all their money and an Important Lesson is learned about capitalism. Which is why it sucks. Imagine if 40k didn't have a turn limit, and you just played until the opponent was tabled...

How to play Monopoly

1. Go around for 3 hours
2. Land on Mayfair with someone else's hotel on it (Boardwalk if you're an Americanfag)Jelous much!
3. Flip the board
4. ????
5. Profit!

No, really?

Yah rly. The winning condition is "when everyone is broke except for one player." Aside from how "last man standing" boardgames suck, it's possible to play a game that never ends. Try this: get one of the Monopoly computer games, tell it to play with 4 computer players and 0 human players. Put it on 'fast', and come back in a few hours. All four players will have hundreds of thousands of dollars each, with no signs of anyone "losing."

The only way to win is to convince one of your fellow players to do something stupid, like sell you a property you need to complete a set.

This game takes forever. No, I am not kidding you. You, the person who wanted to play the game, will be the only one left after 5 hours of straight gameplay who still wants to play. Everyone else will have lost patience, fallen asleep, run out of snacks, died of old age, or some unholy combination of any or all of the previous four. I seriously played one game of Monopoly for THREE MONTHS with my grandmother. My grandfather left after the first three weeks. I have no idea who won. In that time, I probably could have made a pretty awesome character in ANY RPG SYSTEM (yes, even Rolemaster), and have had four or more truly memorable moments in a campaign.

Monopoly license everything...

It is no small joke that Monopoly have made a version of itself to cover just about everything under the sun. You're into normal vanilla monopoly? Get lost, there is way too many weird and wacky flavours to take, although you may get sick after having them.

Here is a concise list of some of the different kinds of monopoly avaialble: Simpsons; Beatles; Disney; Toy Story; Lego; Northampton (the city, seriously); Royal Family; Harry Potter; Batman and Robin; Powerpuff Girls; Pokemon; Doctor Who; Gay; The Walking Dead; Spongebob Squarepants; Street Fighter; and 2010 Fifa World Cup South African edition.

You think the above list is a joke? Then my dear friends you will truly weep, when you discover each one is very, very real...

P.S. Just in case you weren't depressed enough; every single version of Monopoly is literally exactly the same from a rules perspective. Every property and card gets renamed, but the functional rules of the game don't change at all.

/tg/-Approved House Rules

Not to be set back by the monotony of Monopoly, /tg/ has, after a period of discussion, decided that the following rules can potentially make a game of Monopoly strategic and more fun.

1. Landing on an unowned property incurs an Auction, not a sale. (See below.)
   1. Bidding can start either at $1 or the value of the property, with the former allowing cheap purchases and the latter ensuring that all properties will sell at or above their face value.
2. A completed color group is not required to purchase improvements on a property, with the exception of Hotels.
   1. Properties don't collect rent until there is a house on it. Not only does this remove the insanity of paying rent for an empty lot, it makes the utility actual useful, at least in the early game, as those will always be able to collect money.

The Rule Nobody Uses

BREAKING NEWS This speeds up the game, and makes it possible to complete sets without some player doing something self-destructively stupid, and it's already in the rules but nobody uses it!

If you do not wish to buy the property, the Banker sells it at auction to the highest bidder. The buyer pays the Bank the amount of the bid in cash and receives the Title Deed card for that property. Any player, including the one who declined the option to buy it at the printed price, may bid. Bidding may start at any price.

It's right there in black and white. Hasbro Official Rules

Special Rules to Make It Fun

Illuminopoly

You're acquiring property... so you can modulate the house wiring and put fluoride in the water and control people's MINDS.

Solarquest

This improves the game by replacing it entirely with a different roll-and-move real estate game.

• Solarquest at BoardGameGeek

#OccupyBoardwalk

For the anti-American commies who are protesting on WallStreet, you can play the game as the 1%.

Powers for each of the pieces

• Wheelbarrow: Move an additional spaces equal to your lowest die; gain an additional 25 dollars when passing Go
• Battleship: You may fire at any piece directly opposite the Battleship, sending them back to Go. They do not gain money from passing Go.
• Money Bag: Gain $300 when passing Go.
• Horseman: Move an additional spaces equal to your lowest die; when the Horseman lands on an occupied space, the Horseman can choose to send all other pieces back five squares or to the Horseman's nearest property, whichever is closer; when sending a piece back to his property, the Horseman must accompany them
• Automobile: Move twice the number of spaces shown on the die.
• Train Engine: All railroads cost half as much; when rolling a double and not in jail, the Train Engine can move to any owned railroads instead
• Thimble: Wow, what are you, a faggot? Start with half money. Jeez.
• Loom: Pay half as much when renting; mortgages pay 20% more
• Shoe: Same as Horseman
• Dog: The Dog may take the roll of the previous player instead of rolling their own die.
• Iron: Same as Thimble, Queer Eye.
• Hat: Same as Money Bag; Hats are classy.

Metanopoly

AKA how many ways can you get your opponents to derp. Use underhanded meta-game tactics to win, and none of it is "technically" illegal. Haggle, brown-nose, backstab, and generally play pre-WW1 European politics. Barter for everything, trick people with word games, do whatever you can to be the nastiest SPAH in a game full of SPAHS. Works well with 7+ players, and is great fun against that one crafty uncle who shows up at family reunions. You know, for a game of Monopoly. Goes shorter than most games because everyone either gets curb-stomped by one guy, calls everyone else a cheater, or gets so enraged that the game turns into a bar fight and you must use your Weeaboo Fightan Magic to escape unscathed.

Waropoly 40,000

In the grim darkness of the future, there is only passing Go...

Board Games
Classics:	Backgammon - Chess - Go - Tafl - Tic-Tac-Toe
Ameritrash:	Arkham Horror - Axis & Allies - Battleship - Betrayal at House on the Hill - Car Wars Clue/Cluedo - Cosmic Encounter - Descent: Journeys in the Dark - Dungeon! Firefly: The Game - HeroQuest - Monopoly - Mousetrap - Snakes and Ladders - Risk Talisman - Trivial Pursuit
Eurogames:	Agricola - Carcassonne - The Duke - Settlers of Catan - Small World - Stratego - Ticket to Ride
Pure Evil:	Diplomacy - Dune (aka Rex: Final Days of an Empire) - Monopoly - The Duke
Others:	Icehouse - Shadow Hunters - Twilight Imperium - Wingspan