Gnomes

He's a monster, rawr.

Gnomes are vicious ornery little fuckers who appear to live in the forests of modern Earth, possibly even America. They are divi ded into clans named after their location such as the Stump clan or the Under the Hill clan, who have nothing but hatred for one another.

In 4th Edition of D&D, they're a monster (rawr) who turn invisible damn near every round.

Appearance

Most stand at a height of 4 inches and have squat heavy bodies with short, heavy limbs and filthy matted beards, completely unlike any other fantasy species. The Gnomes seem to have an extremely primitive level of technology, using knives made of flint or the teeth of larger predators as weapons and wearing clothing of leaves and rodent hides. Despite the differences between the various clans the use of the pointed hat is nonetheless universal among them.

Anything you might've heard about them living in the Swiss Alps of Zurich hording wealth, or having an obsessive/compulsive relationship with machinery, or being taller than 12 inches even with their hat, is completely baseless and false. For the height thing, just look in your neighbour's garden. Those gnomes are life-size, dude.

Female Gnomes are frequently depicted as Loli in the hopes of tricking a drawfag into making a USB cable.

Religion & Festivals

Due to the small size of Gnomes relative to their environment and the various predators that love the taste of gnomeflesh, the Gnomes religion does not revolve so much around worshipping the gods as blaming them. The chief priest of the tribe leads his fellows in cursing the various gods during religious ceremonies for the gnomes' lot in life.

Notable deities in the Gnome pantheon include Vund, God of Making Animals Too Fucking Big; Niralla, that Bitch Who Makes it Cold Every Goddamn Year; and Hronthar, That Asshole Who Makes Poison Mushrooms Grow. Two relatively recent gods to appear in Gnome society are Garack, God of The Fucking Hot Thing in The Fucking Sky; and Magher, The Fucker Who Made Us Fucking Tiny.

Several mentions have been made of gnome festivals, but the only ones named thus far have been the Thank Fuck Winter's Over festival,The Fucking Bears Are Awake Again spring festival and the Where the Fuck is the Water summer celebration.

Famous Gnomes

• Dimkin of the Stump

The only Gnome who has left a written record of his travels is Dimkin of the Stump, whose journal makes reference to a mysterious land with a vast plain of turnips and enormous landmarks that seem almost like constructions.

• High Tinker Geblin Mekkatorque

Informally known as King of the Gnomes (in exile), he is actually an elected leader, holding the position for an indefinite term. He and a substantial fraction of the total gnome population fled from their homes in Gnomeragan after an environm*BLAM* World of Warcraft shit is HERESY!

• Underpants Gnomes

... those little shits stole my boxers.

• David the Gnome

He will slap your shit.

• Jan Jansen

Tinker, tailor, wizard, turnip. He seems stupid, until his army of knife-wielding gibbon commandos invades your house, saves his childhood sweetheart, and assassinates you. Anything is possible with that many heavily-armed apes.

Gnomish Mating Prac--

Get the fuck out of my office.

External links

• gnomeparty.swf