Geralt of Rivia

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Geralt of Rivia- The White Wolf

Geralt of Rivia as presented in Witcher 3. So badass that he can make milk ferment just by looking at it, and so manly that every woman wants him.

Geralt of Rivia is the main character and protagonist of 'The Witcher' series of books (imagine a mixture of G.R.R. Martin's ASOIAF and J.R.R. Tolkien's LOTR and you get a pretty clear idea of what's going on) and short stories written by Polish author Andrzej Sapkowski. He's also the player character in the video game trilogy, which is pretty awesome. However, not many people are aware who and what Geralt is so pay attention 'cause it's story time!

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What is a Witcher?

Glad you asked. In the world of the Witcher, an event known as 'the Conjunction of the Spheres' occurred, when the normal world collided with another. The result of this collision was magic and monsters. Monsters such as trolls, vampires, werewolves and a whole manner of nasty arrived and promptly began eating and killing humans. Normal people had no chance against these horrors and so to combat the problem, the mages began to make Witchers. In a fashion similar to 40K, young boys would be taken from their homes, taught how to fight and subjected to magical and alchemical experiments which made them faster, stronger and tougher than ordinary humans. (Don't worry, girls could become Dryads if they fancied. In addition to becoming naked green beauties who protected nature, they became the best archers in the world who could make Legolas piss himself). The experiments, then after known as the Trial of the Grasses, were extremely brutal, with few as 4 out of 10 surviving, but the result was a nigh-unstoppable killing machine who was an expert in killing monsters and even combating dark magic, curses and spells if needed. But don't think that they do this out of the goodness of their hearts. A Witcher is first and foremost, a mercenary. They will only kill a monster or lift a spell so long as they are paid to do so.

Perks of being a Witcher

1) Sterility. As a result of the mutations the Witcher has been through, they cannot have children to pass their alterations on. Don't worry, you're not impotent, you only shoot blanks.

2) Immunity to disease and illness. Witchers can't get sick or catch any diseases. This fact in addition to the latter makes them God's gift to women, all the fun with no risks of catching something or getting pregnant. They are also highly resistant to poisons and toxins, useful when fighting venomous monsters and ingesting otherwise lethal amounts of alcohol.

3) Dramatically increased strength, speed, reflexes, and endurance, far beyond any normal or well-trained human. A Witcher's physical skills are sufficient to defeat most monsters if combined with extensive training and proper weaponry.

4) Increased lifespan. Provided they are not killed, Witchers can live for centuries, none have ever died of old age due to the nature of their work.

5) Accelerated healing that grants quick recovery from injury.

6) Expert swordsmen. Due to the years spent honing their skills, Witchers are amongst the greatest warriors in the world, mostly specializing with one-handed swords, each Witcher carries two swords and has a pretty good reason for this. One sword is meteorite steel and is reserved for killing mundane enemies and another made of silver to combat threats of a magical or monstrous nature. In this world, monsters and magical creatures are sensitive and vulnerable to silver, useful then Witchers have a sword just for them.

7) Magic. Wondered why they focused on one-handed weapons? So they can use the other one to cast spells. Each Witcher has access to simple combat spells known as Signs, that while not as powerful as the spells used by mages are very useful in close quarters.

Aard- A force push that knocks back or down enemies.

Igni- Set your foes on fire with this trick and watch them fumble.

Yrden- Set a magical trap that holds enemies in place. Useful for ones that turn invisible or teleport.

Quen- Surround yourself in a magical shield that acts as extra armor, gets destroyed if it suffers too much damage.

Axii- A Witcher's Jedi mind trick that charms enemies and even brainwashes people to do what you want and fight for you.

8) Alchemy. If magic and sword skills wasn't enough, Witchers have a masterful knowledge of herbalism and alchemy and can craft a variety of potions, oils and even bombs from the right ingredients.

9) Cat eyes. One easy way to spot a Witcher is via his eyes, which resemble a cat or a snake. Besides looking cool this allows Witchers to see in the dark, useful when facing nocturnal or underground monsters.

10) Medallions. The other useful identification mark of a Witcher is his medallion, resembling the animal from which school he trained in (Wolf, Cat, Griffin, Bear, Viper), this little beauty allows Witchers to detect magic easier.

So you would think that being a Witcher would be great and people would be appreciative of you doing a valuable service in the world. Wrong. Due to their status of being mutants, wandering warriors and potential child kidnappers (a process called the law of surprise! Where they force you to pay with your male child in exchange of completing a contract), Witchers are generally hated and feared by most people. They will need you for your help, but never want you to stay. A result of this discrimination was a pogrom which resulted in nearly all the schools being destroyed and the Witchers cast to the four winds. With no more recruits, the Witchers are slowly dying out. Of course less Witchers means more monsters. Yeah, people are idiots. Also for some reason, cats really don't like them. You might wonder, oh who cares it's just a cat. You would be wrong. Cats, alongside dragons, are capable of absorbing magical energy and for this reason, they like to hang around mages and areas with great magical significance. Why they do this, we have no idea and what they do with this magic is an even bigger mystery.

Downsides of Being a Witcher

1)Your emotions are either muted or totally absent, the combination of magic, mutations, brutal training, and the stuff you have to deal with on the job have turned you into a borderline sociopath. You'll probably still have your emotions, but you won't be using them much given your occupation.

2)People treat you like shit. The stupid, uneducated peasants who are paying to get rid of their ghost problem hate you 'cause you're different from them, you'll have to tolerate them because they hate you less than those other peasants who bring out the torches and pitchforks whenever you walk by.

3)The mutations can leave you disfigured, traumatized, and bitter.

4)Chances are, you were given to a Witcher School because no one loved you or you were too much of a burden to care for.

5)You'll probably die unmourned in some godforsaken hole at the hands of some unspeakable monstrosity.

6)You have to deal with all the depressing shit that creates ghosts and curses in the first place.

7)Stupid nobles hire you to do impossible tasks.

8)You're a real convenient fall guy for whenever something vaguely unexplainable happens or when you stumble on some dirty secret.

9)You're always really poor due to the fact that maintaining your gear is expensive and monster contracts barely cover your expenses.